Depression Society MkII

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blackfish

I bought some Fish for my fish tank on Saturday. I bought a Black Male Molly and a Dalmation Female Molly, also I bought a Silver Shark because I used to have one and I really liked him, but he died :cries:

My tank's quite small, so I can't have many fish. So far I have two sucking loaches and my gouramis, then I'll get a few guppies and that'll be it. I really want a Siamese fighting fish but it would kill my gouramis.

Reply 6941

hbandtr4eva

I've just told a friend about Matt and I and his first question was "What happened??? That's the part I don't get, he says he loves you and will be proud of you.......?" Why is everyone saying this?!?! Why is he doing this?!?! No-one can understand it!

Reply 6942

Laus

Saw my doctor this morning, he suggested leave of absence. I think he might be right. I feel mentally and physically drained almost constantly.

Reply 6943

hbandtr4eva

Laus

Saw my doctor this morning, he suggested leave of absence. I think he might be right. I feel mentally and physically drained almost constantly.

It could be for the best. I know I couldn't cope with going back to Uni at the moment. :hugs:

Just make sure that if you do take a leave of absence that you aren't stuck doing nothing day after day as it will just make things worse. You need to get the right mixture of chilling out so you don't stress, but also having enough to keep your mind occupied :hugs:

Reply 6944

vapid slut magician

Laus

Saw my doctor this morning, he suggested leave of absence. I think he might be right. I feel mentally and physically drained almost constantly.

Are you sure? It's not *that* long until the summer and it's only your first year. Do you really want to have to start over again in October instead of going on to your second year? What makes you think next year will be any easier? You need to give this a lot of thought.

Reply 6945

Laus

hbandtr4eva

It could be for the best. I know I couldn't cope with going back to Uni at the moment. :hugs:

You're right. I couldn't cope with that. I know many people reading this will see it as giving-up; and it is, in a sense. But I honestly don't know if I can cope another term and a half. I missed the essentials in the first term, which means I will probably find next term more difficult. I no nothing about criticism and theory and I haven't had any feedback for some of my essays. My concentration is atrocious and my social life is screwed. If I did start again, I would make sure I don't make the same drunken mistakes that I have done this year. It may be a good thing, but I'm still not sure. I really want to feel well again, but I have no idea what it's going to take. I feel mentally and physically drained; like I've had all of the life sucked out of me. I think about taking my own life every day. It's a sort of comfort blanket. On the one hand, I know it's there if things get too much but, on the other, I don't know if I'd ever have the 'guts' to go through with it. I don't want to waste my life away. I don't want to look back when I'm old and grey and think ****, what the hell did I do with my life? Why did I waste so much time? I really, really want to get better. I know people will judge me. My housemates will probably think I'm going to fail in all aspects of life, as that's all they've seen from me so far... but I guess I've got to forget about what other people think and do what's right for me. It seems like such a huge decision but perhaps it's the next logical step. I know I could probably pass this year but I haven't got much out of it - I haven't made friends I can live with next year and I haven't taken advantage of the opportunities that are available. All because I've felt too depressed to do anything worthwhile. I can't come back if I feel like this in October... but I'm hoping against hope that, if I do take a leave of absence, I won't feel like this. My doctor said there may well be more support available if I come back next academic year as they are looking for a new mental health worker to hire at the surgery. If I get put on the list now I may be able to get help as soon as I come back. If I stay, however, I wont get any help until mid next term, at the earliest. I fear that might be too late. I just can’t help feeling like a big fat failure, though. Thoughts, anyone? /Ramble.

Reply 6946

becki08

Hi Laus

I just wanted to say that I'll support your decision whatever you choose and if you did choose to take a leave of absence, I wouldn't see that as giving up or failing at all. Your health is more important than your degree - there's no point having qualifications but no quality of life because of depression. By taking a leave of absence, you can still come back to uni but you can take the time out so that you can work on getting yourself better. Maybe you could get a part-time voluntary job so that you have something to do so that you don't spend the time just sitting at home doing nothing and maybe try to start a hobby and do a project on that - like knitting a jumper or something. Just something to work on to fill the days but not something that's too strenuous so that you can still relax and not put yourself under pressure.

Also, do you have any counselling? If you don't it would be a good idea to look into that whilst you're having time off.

lots of hugs to all :hugs:

Reply 6947

vapid slut magician

Laus

. but I'm hoping against hope that, if I do take a leave of absence, I won't feel like this.

Why on earth would you assume that? You didn't feel good before you went to uni did you? Do you actually feel any worse or does it just seem highlighted because you're alone in a strange place and don't feel you've gotten the most out of uni academically or socially? You have a very long summer to catch up on any basics you feel you've missed out, lengthening your time away from uni is unlikely to be productive in any way. I don't see how it will help you get better or make friends, or earn money, or take advantage of any 'opportunities' or get better at your subject, or any of the other things you claim you're not getting at uni.

Just make a change right now and carry on afresh. Stop drinking so much, work harder, get your sleep patterns sorted, make amends with your friends and housemates, meet new people, take up some sports/societies/volunteering and do well in your exams. It's not too late to turn this year around and get lots out of it. I really fail to see the benefit of you leaving and restarting (especially financially speaking); to me it just seems like the middle road between sorting your life out and committing suicide.

Reply 6948

becki08

vapid slut magician

feel pretty good today, was up at 6am to go to nottingham for trampolining BUCS midlands regionals. I think I did pretty well in my category. And I did it without valium or anything- was really surprised and pleased with myself. Should get the results this evening. I think I was in the lead when I left but there were still loads of people in my category left to go.

Well done! That's fantastic! Which category were you in? Did you get into nationals? I went to watch BUCS south and was supposed to compete but found out on Wednesday that I hadn't actually been entered.

Reply 6949

vapid slut magician

becki08

Your health is more important than your degree

Is it though? It's easy to say that but you can have both at the same time and you can also have neither. I think it's possible for Laus to have both and I think she should pursue that with as much vigour as possible before choosing one over the other. Especially if she ultimately feels no better during her time off which she may well not. I can't predict the future but I don't see the correlation between good mental health and sitting at home on your arse; in fact I've witnessed quite the opposite in many cases.

Reply 6950

vapid slut magician

becki08

Maybe you could get a part-time voluntary job so that you have something to do so that you don't spend the time just sitting at home doing nothing and maybe try to start a hobby and do a project on that - like knitting a jumper or something. :

she can do those things at uni

Reply 6951

vapid slut magician

becki08

Only did BUCS 5 so couldn't qualify for nationals anyway. I'm going to learn the BUCS 4 routine in the next 2 weeks though so I can do it at Varsity- otherwise I'll be a non scoring reserve and that's not good enough for me.

Reply 6952

becki08

vapid slut magician

I wasn't saying that she should take time out - that decision is up to her. But equally, being at university can be very stressful if you're finding it hard enough to just get through the day anyway. Yes she may well be able to have both good health and be at uni but if she's struggling then it's quite right to look at other options. I used to believe that my work was the most important thing. It had been suggested to me to take time out of sixth form/ drop subjects but I really didn't want that. I then got so depressed that I had to go into hospital for 10 months and nearly ended up dead. Maybe I should've listened and taken the time out like suggested.

Reply 6953

Laus

vapid slut magician

I'm not expecting everything to fall into place. I know I'll have to do stuff to help myself if I do choose to drop-out. The reason I'm seriously considering it now is because I don't think I can carry on at uni the way things are. It's easy enough to say "make amends with your friends and housemates", but it isn't quite so easy to do - I have tried to make amends, but things are still the same. I wouldn't go home unless I had something to go home to - a job or some voluntary work. I wouldn't sit on my arse all day because, as you said, that won't help. I kind of knew you'd be averse to me dropping out 'cause I've read in the past that you never would, and that you don't think it's a good idea. I do think it's too late because the work I've missed will help in the third term. But I can't catch-up with everything in the Easter holiday as I will have more reading and stuff to do for the next term. If I can go home and get help immediately then perhaps I will be in a better position to come back in October. The housing situation is an issue for me and I can't pretend I like being at uni when I know my mum isn't well.

I can't think straight, and it's never easy to do anything when you can't think. I have been working hard, but my concentration is worse than ever and I can't seem to focus. I don't know what I need but I know that being here at the moment isn't helping me one iota. The doctor I saw today is not the only person who has recommended I do this.

I don't know. I need to give it a lot of thought. But I see what you're saying. I do think health is more of a priority than a degree, particularly if staying here is exacerbating my problems. I feel better for the independence but I feel worse in other respects.

Thanks for your advice though. I will take it on board.
:confused:

Reply 6954

jonathan122

Laus, are you still positive you want to do this specific course at this specific uni? If you are, then I think I probably agree with vsm - it would be different if uni was actually making you ill, or if it was your final year and you weren't well enough to do the exams, but you were very unhappy before you went away to uni, and there's no guarantee that you'd feel better if you took the rest of the year out. Everyone hopes that their first year at uni will be fantastic, but for a lot of people its not like that, and it may just be a case of scraping through with a pass and hoping that things improve in your next two years. I know you feel that if you re-took this year you wouldn't make the same mistakes again, but there's no way of knowing that - certainly, when I went back after my year out, it just reinforced how much of a failure I felt, and all my problems started up again.

Do you have a personal tutor at all? If so, you really need to speak to them about whether they think it's the work side of things which is the problem or not. If you think you'd prefer a different course at a different uni, then yes, it might be best to take some time off before next October, but as far as I can tell the problem isn't really with the course or the uni (correct me if I'm wrong).

Whatever you decide, we'll all support you, but please don't rush into anything.

:hugs:

Reply 6955

Laus

jonathan122

Thank you. :hugs:

I don't think I am capable of applying to another uni. If I do drop out, I think I will stick with York. I won't get in anywhere any better, to be sure. True, I was very unhappy before uni; but I think that has a lot to do with the fact that I wasn't getting proper help and because I didn't really do anything. If I go back and do something constructive, things may be different. I certainly didn't feel this poorly when I was at home. I would get up every day and I didn't drink on my own. I don't expect uni to be fantastic. But I know that I wouldn't make the same mistakes again because I wouldn't want to jeopardise any potential friendships. But I see where you're coming from. Perhaps if I can get REAL help when I go home, things will be different. The head of the English Department has recommended the same course of action as I missed more than half of the first term, which may prove a problem as it's a key introductory module to the entire course. I still don't know.

Reply 6956

Laus

If I could somehow express how ill and exhausted I feel in the space of this box, then perhaps you would understand why I am finding things so difficult. I do feel like a failure but I don't know what else to do. Why do something - anything, even - when you feel this bad?

Reply 6957

vapid slut magician

actually jonathan makes a good point- have you actually spoken to someone about your work? it's pointless trying to gauge your own progress, you may think your situation is more dire than it actually is. You should get some feedback from tutors or lecturers and see what they think.