abdullahAK
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#1
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Hello folks.
I need your help in checking my letter writing.
I don't know anyone who can mark it.
It would be a great act of kindness.
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wildsycamore
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I'm not qualified to mark exams or anything like that, but if you just need somebody to check that it's all correct English (and well worded and fluently written), I'd be happy to help.
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abdullahAK
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Thanks, even the slightest of help means a lot to me.
My word document is attached below . It contains the question and letter.
And please if you could rate it on a scale of 1-10.
Thanks again.
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wildsycamore
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(Original post by abdullahAK)
Thanks, even the slightest of help means a lot to me.
My word document is attached below . It contains the question and letter.
And please if you could rate it on a scale of 1-10.
Thanks again.
It's very good, especially as English is your second language! I'm not familiar with ESL exams, as I took first language English, so without the mark scheme I can't give an accurate mark. However, I can point out a few mistakes/things I would have done differently.

1. The meaning of the first paragraph is a little unclear. It seems like you are telling your friend that even though you've known your new friends for some time, you don't really get along with them. But the meaning is a little unclear and doesn't seem to bear much relvance to the rest of the letter. You could possibly cut it, as you still meet the word count requirements without it, or just tweak it a little.
2. "my new friends during which you clearly saw during your visit": this doesn't make a lot of sense, and I would rephrase it as "my new friens, whom you met during your visit."
3. "Few days earlier": earlier than what? the visit? I would recommend you change it to "A few days ago", if you're trying to say it was a few days prior to the time of writing.
4. "until": I would personally replace this with "before". I'm not sure exactly why, it just seems more natural to me.
5. "a blast to the past": the phrase we use in English is "a blast from the past".
6. "things do not stay the same always": a more fluent-sounding word order would be "things do not always stay the same".
7. "alike": this isn't necarssarily wrong, but it isn't the way the word would normally be used, although it does make sense. I actually quite like it -- it sounds rather quaint -- but it might be safer to use "the same" instead.
8. "did not waffle as he would": it probably sounds better to say "waffle on" instead of just "waffle". And instead of "as he would", maybe say "as he used to" or, if you really want to use would, "as he would before".
9. Maybe a comma after "donuts" might be good. Also, this is an American spelling -- in England we spell it "doughnuts" -- but if it's what you've been taught just stick to it.
10. "the strangest of quirk": this phrase doesn't make much sense. Maybe "stroke of luck" or "turn of Fate" might replace "quirk"?
11. "Fate has a lot for you than you can even imagine, isn’t it?": More grammatically correct would be "Fate has a lot more for you than you can even imagine, doesn't it?"
12. Put a comma after "Take care" instead of a full stop. We were always taught in English to sign informal letters like this one "Yours faithfully" (and formal letters with "Yours sincerely"). But I honestly don't think it should matter for informal letters, so unless your teacher has told you to it really shouldn't matter.

I really hope this helps you somewhat. If you need any clarifications, just ask. Also, your writing style in the last three paragraphs is genuinely quite lovely. What is your first language?
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abdullahAK
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Thank you very much for such a detailed analysis and for pinpointing the mistakes.
My first language is Urdu.
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abdullahAK
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#6
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Hello Wildsycamore,
I hope you're doing well.
I have my ESL exam(send up) on Tuesday, so please could you spare some time to read my article.
It would be another great favor.
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