Low Self-esteem Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 10 years ago
#1
Keep anon.

I'm going into my mid twenties now, and I have not been in a relationship yet. My self-esteem as a result has been affected, especially when I see all of my friends hooking up, and are going into their second, third, forth relationships by now; it makes me feel terrible.

I have tried to put myself out there and socialise by meeting girls etc, but often I find that I have very little luck. They are always interested in my friend(s) (who are better looking), as opposed to me. So they'd pay him/them more attention then me and just getting her attention is difficult. Sometimes the girl I like does talk to me, but I always end up being the gay-best 'friend' and nothing else.

I dress well, hit the gym and do take care of myself. (Which actually makes this a worse situation to deal with as despite making an effort it is still tough!) Now, I am basically trying to find explanations for why have such bad luck. The first is probably my looks. I have an asymmetrical face due to a defect, I need to get my jawline fixed, my chin needs to be centred (it is slanted to the left at the moment), and my jaw will be pushed up giving my jawline more definition (and probably a more squarer one at the end of it); I will be starting treatment soon.
I am hoping that this is not a variable, I know it is an imperfection and just hoped that girls around my age will overlook it. But then given how things have turned out for me, it looks as though it could be it, which dampens my self-esteem immensely. All of this affects my smile too, can't show teeth.
On top of this, I have a big nose, from the side there is a massive noticable hump, and I do get taken the piss out for it. In short I am not perfect.

Aside from that, I am physically fit (slim but very toned), have height (6ft+) and a popular person socially. Still I am pretty insecure about my image due to my current circumstances. Anyway, going into my mid twenties (24-25) and not being with someone whilst all of my mates has, has really affected my self-esteem. What should I do to improve it? thanks
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randomgirl
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#2
Report 10 years ago
#2
Have you thought about internet dating? Or asking your friends to set you up with their female friends who they think you'd get on well with?

Where have you been trying to meet girls? In clubs/bars or elsewhere? Meeting people in clubs and bars is traditionally hard to do and obviously talking to them is difficult in a noisy environment.

I think you have just been unlucky so far, don't feel that you are the only one in this situation. If you search the forum you'll see plenty of people saying that they've had no luck with relationships. Whilst you are 24/25 you are by no means old and you have years ahead of you and to meet the right woman.

Increasing your actual self-esteem is hard to do but all I will say is try and surround yourself with people who make you feel good, not those that make you feel low.

:hugs: Good luck finding that special someone, I'm sure you will have your chance soon enough.
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 10 years ago
#3
(Original post by randomgirl)
Have you thought about internet dating? Or asking your friends to set you up with their female friends who they think you'd get on well with?

Where have you been trying to meet girls? In clubs/bars or elsewhere? Meeting people in clubs and bars is traditionally hard to do and obviously talking to them is difficult in a noisy environment.

I think you have just been unlucky so far, don't feel that you are the only one in this situation. If you search the forum you'll see plenty of people saying that they've had no luck with relationships. Whilst you are 24/25 you are by no means old and you have years ahead of you and to meet the right woman.

Increasing your actual self-esteem is hard to do but all I will say is try and surround yourself with people who make you feel good, not those that make you feel low.

:hugs: Good luck finding that special someone, I'm sure you will have your chance soon enough.
Internet dating did cross my mind, but then what put me off is that even if I meet someone off the net, they won't be into me if they met up with me in real life. Plus yeah I am embarassed to stick my photos up on some site in case some of my friends stumble onto them by chance.

At university, I met girls in all sorts of way i.e. societies, through friends, bars and clubs (though to a lesser extent). I gave up clubbing when I realised that there was no point as it is all looks based. Same thing just ended up happening at each venue, often I would become friends with girls, but past friendship none seemed to be pysically attracted to me...and if I do end up flirting trying to chuck in a hint that I am into them, they'll become uneasy. They would be all over my friend instead. It is pretty depressing.

Yeah I try to surround myself with people that respect me - it helps. Academically, and career wise I have excelled, so I have a lot of self pride in that respect. Only on this matter, I am just completely hopeless and is somewhat worrying.
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Anonymous #2
#4
Report 9 years ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
Keep anon.

I'm going into my mid twenties now, and I have not been in a relationship yet. My self-esteem as a result has been affected, especially when I see all of my friends hooking up, and are going into their second, third, forth relationships by now; it makes me feel terrible.

I have tried to put myself out there and socialise by meeting girls etc, but often I find that I have very little luck. They are always interested in my friend(s) (who are better looking), as opposed to me. So they'd pay him/them more attention then me and just getting her attention is difficult. Sometimes the girl I like does talk to me, but I always end up being the gay-best 'friend' and nothing else.

I dress well, hit the gym and do take care of myself. (Which actually makes this a worse situation to deal with as despite making an effort it is still tough!) Now, I am basically trying to find explanations for why have such bad luck. The first is probably my looks. I have an asymmetrical face due to a defect, I need to get my jawline fixed, my chin needs to be centred (it is slanted to the left at the moment), and my jaw will be pushed up giving my jawline more definition (and probably a more squarer one at the end of it); I will be starting treatment soon.
I am hoping that this is not a variable, I know it is an imperfection and just hoped that girls around my age will overlook it. But then given how things have turned out for me, it looks as though it could be it, which dampens my self-esteem immensely. All of this affects my smile too, can't show teeth.
On top of this, I have a big nose, from the side there is a massive noticable hump, and I do get taken the piss out for it. In short I am not perfect.

Aside from that, I am physically fit (slim but very toned), have height (6ft+) and a popular person socially. Still I am pretty insecure about my image due to my current circumstances. Anyway, going into my mid twenties (24-25) and not being with someone whilst all of my mates has, has really affected my self-esteem. What should I do to improve it? thanks
Hello. I know this is rather 'late' considered you posted in July 08. Out of interest, where are you having your surgery? I am having surgery to correct an asymmetric jaw also. I have lived with it for so long (well seems so), and now finally decided to do something about it. Before I noticed it, I was fine...confidence was high everything. But when I started noticing the asymmetry becoming worser and worser...my world was just being turned upside down I could basically just see it deteriorating in the mirror year on year. I found out when I was 17 (Picture taken from right side was HORRIFIC!) I had no idea what was wrong with me??? I didn't even know I looked like that. Then I noticed students sitting on my right side used to take a longgg (and I mean long!) good inspection of my right side. At the time, I just thought, 'What exactly are you looking at?'. Well, now I know...they actually thought my head shape was strange! I have personally actually suffered a break-down from all this. It just got too much to handle and I just could not ever see myself being in relationships/getting married and having the normal future most people have.
For myself, it is a big deal as I want a surgeon who is confident with this procedure. As frequently, most people seem to have the common over-bite or under-bite. I do feel unlucky, and feel that this problem has ruined my life. I never had the younger years most people enjoyed/experienced. My confidence was just at an all time low. The only thing that kept me going was I just thought some people have it harder than us i.e. burns victims etc. Also, I have a good side and a bad side to my face...I just use hair to cover the bad side (not that it helps?...I find it makes it worse as I tilt my head more...but there's no other option)
I'm 22 now. You have stated that you have excelled academically/work...Do you ever consider meeting some and developing more than friendship with people at work? For myself, I haven't bothered with the 'hunting for relationship' in uni. I just don't have the confidence and know that even though people say 'Beauty is skin-deep'...the reality is, this isn't so and many people judge on looks before personality...particularly the face rather than the body. Your age 24/25 isn't too late...I know people at this age who seem to be stuck in a rut, and don't look as though they're ever going to get married etc. but that's not true. I'm sure after when you have this surgery, your confidence will rise and you will meet someone. A lot of people settle down way later than 25 nowadays anyway. It's horrible how society is the way that it is...sometimes I feel why should I even contemplate correcting this? However, I feel I've missed out on a lot and life is too short, so why not correct it and enjoy life. I already know that relationships/life on the whole won't begin for me till after 25 because of all this. Being on a waiting list/recovery/healing/self-esteem will take time to build up.
Anyway, I started a thread myself if you'd like to read or comment on it. Would be much appreciated if you could share your case.
http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show... #post18828680
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Anonymous #2
#5
Report 9 years ago
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http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...w#post18828680
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470dwndow54
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#6
Report 9 years ago
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I'm like that but a girl. Let's go out
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