Why am I doing this to myself?Watch
(The error is, me being gay and liking girls!)
I'm falling for a girl, firstly I cant because she is in her 30s and I'm 20. And my religion does not accept homosexuality.
I've had feelings for her but, I can't do anything about it.
And I think to myself 'why am.i doing this to myself!'
It's good that you've acknowledged that the age gap isn't ideal. The next step is to establish sufficient self control such that the feelings eventually fade. A 15 year age gap is not ideal at all.