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Please rate my poem
Somewhere in a forgotten town
a fragile girl in her sorrow drown.
No-one known 'bout what she missed,
the fact that she was never kissed.
She did have friends,
that's not the thing.
For them she would do anything.
But her life was never fully done
because she was never number one.
The words that she was living with
that love was only stupid myth.
*
So every night with tear filled jars,
she sat under the bright shinning stars
and asked The One that is above:
"What is it? What is that love?"
But the answer never came,
not in night, nor did in day.
On her birthday she had only wish,
she did not need a golden fish.
She wanted to know how feels bliss,
in a way of simple pure love kiss.
She waited 'till the day came.
She didn't think it's anyone's blame
that no-one kissed her 'till today.
Clock ticked but nothing happened.
The day ended once again.
She sat
under the bright shinning stars
with her hands holding the tear filled jars,
once again.
A lonely tear fell down her cheek,
she didn't deny that she was weak.
But before she could do something,
there was still*one more thing.
So she went and asked The One above:
"Would have I ever been in love?"
a fragile girl in her sorrow drown.
No-one known 'bout what she missed,
the fact that she was never kissed.
She did have friends,
that's not the thing.
For them she would do anything.
But her life was never fully done
because she was never number one.
The words that she was living with
that love was only stupid myth.
*
So every night with tear filled jars,
she sat under the bright shinning stars
and asked The One that is above:
"What is it? What is that love?"
But the answer never came,
not in night, nor did in day.
On her birthday she had only wish,
she did not need a golden fish.
She wanted to know how feels bliss,
in a way of simple pure love kiss.
She waited 'till the day came.
She didn't think it's anyone's blame
that no-one kissed her 'till today.
Clock ticked but nothing happened.
The day ended once again.
She sat
under the bright shinning stars
with her hands holding the tear filled jars,
once again.
A lonely tear fell down her cheek,
she didn't deny that she was weak.
But before she could do something,
there was still*one more thing.
So she went and asked The One above:
"Would have I ever been in love?"
Scroll to see replies
some nice images there, I like the tear-filled jars. it's kind of like a children's fairytale. would be good with pictures too, if you illustrate.
It's a bit depressing... Couldn't you do a nice one?
Original post by Reality Check
It's a bit depressing... Couldn't you do a nice one?
Tut
You sound sad
Original post by frogglet
some nice images there, I like the tear-filled jars. it's kind of like a children's fairytale. would be good with pictures too, if you illustrate.
Thanks for your opinion! I really appreciate it! I'll try !😁💛
Original post by Reality Check
It's a bit depressing... Couldn't you do a nice one?
Thanks for your opinion! About that, it's supposed to be a little depressing, so I'm glad u could see it😁 maybe I will try something more happy but when I write, I find myself somehow "connected" to depression and it kind of shows in my poems 😀 but still thank u!💛
Original post by RealBunny
it's supposed to be a little depressing
and there's nothing wrong with that. sadness is often more moving to read about and artists usually feels a stronger need to express the melancholic and bittersweet experiences in life. most great novels and poems are not "happy," they are tragic, sad, mysterious, thought-provoking, melancholic but not usually "happy." please don't let people's bland ideas influence you - just go with what feels right for you.
Original post by RealBunny
That's because I find myself writing poems mostly when I'm sad or depressed. Its my way of dealing with depression💛😀 but thanks!
That’s a good thing to do. Be careful it doesn’t drag you down though.
In that sense, Reality is right. If you’re feeling down then writing something happier can lift your mood
thats really good!
It's really good!
Original post by Reality Check
It's a bit depressing... Couldn't you do a nice one?
Lmao if you think THAT'S depressing you wouldn't like to read the things I write.
Nice poem OP.
Original post by Precious Illusions
Lmao if you think THAT'S depressing you wouldn't like to read the things I write.
Nice poem OP.
Nice poem OP.
Oh dear - I misread the title as ”please rate my porn” and was a bit baffled.
Original post by RealBunny
Somewhere in a forgotten town
a fragile girl in her sorrow drown.
No-one known 'bout what she missed,
the fact that she was never kissed.
She did have friends,
that's not the thing.
For them she would do anything.
But her life was never fully done
because she was never number one.
The words that she was living with
that love was only stupid myth.
*
So every night with tear filled jars,
she sat under the bright shinning stars
and asked The One that is above:
"What is it? What is that love?"
But the answer never came,
not in night, nor did in day.
On her birthday she had only wish,
she did not need a golden fish.
She wanted to know how feels bliss,
in a way of simple pure love kiss.
She waited 'till the day came.
She didn't think it's anyone's blame
that no-one kissed her 'till today.
Clock ticked but nothing happened.
The day ended once again.
She sat
under the bright shinning stars
with her hands holding the tear filled jars,
once again.
A lonely tear fell down her cheek,
she didn't deny that she was weak.
But before she could do something,
there was still*one more thing.
So she went and asked The One above:
"Would have I ever been in love?"
a fragile girl in her sorrow drown.
No-one known 'bout what she missed,
the fact that she was never kissed.
She did have friends,
that's not the thing.
For them she would do anything.
But her life was never fully done
because she was never number one.
The words that she was living with
that love was only stupid myth.
*
So every night with tear filled jars,
she sat under the bright shinning stars
and asked The One that is above:
"What is it? What is that love?"
But the answer never came,
not in night, nor did in day.
On her birthday she had only wish,
she did not need a golden fish.
She wanted to know how feels bliss,
in a way of simple pure love kiss.
She waited 'till the day came.
She didn't think it's anyone's blame
that no-one kissed her 'till today.
Clock ticked but nothing happened.
The day ended once again.
She sat
under the bright shinning stars
with her hands holding the tear filled jars,
once again.
A lonely tear fell down her cheek,
she didn't deny that she was weak.
But before she could do something,
there was still*one more thing.
So she went and asked The One above:
"Would have I ever been in love?"
I know this thread is old, but I like your poem. It is clear and the rhyme works nicely. I like how it sounds like a fairytale
Original post by RealBunny
Somewhere in a forgotten town
a fragile girl in her sorrow drown.
No-one known 'bout what she missed,
the fact that she was never kissed.
She did have friends,
that's not the thing.
For them she would do anything.
But her life was never fully done
because she was never number one.
The words that she was living with
that love was only stupid myth.
*
So every night with tear filled jars,
she sat under the bright shinning stars
and asked The One that is above:
"What is it? What is that love?"
But the answer never came,
not in night, nor did in day.
On her birthday she had only wish,
she did not need a golden fish.
She wanted to know how feels bliss,
in a way of simple pure love kiss.
She waited 'till the day came.
She didn't think it's anyone's blame
that no-one kissed her 'till today.
Clock ticked but nothing happened.
The day ended once again.
She sat
under the bright shinning stars
with her hands holding the tear filled jars,
once again.
A lonely tear fell down her cheek,
she didn't deny that she was weak.
But before she could do something,
there was still*one more thing.
So she went and asked The One above:
"Would have I ever been in love?"
a fragile girl in her sorrow drown.
No-one known 'bout what she missed,
the fact that she was never kissed.
She did have friends,
that's not the thing.
For them she would do anything.
But her life was never fully done
because she was never number one.
The words that she was living with
that love was only stupid myth.
*
So every night with tear filled jars,
she sat under the bright shinning stars
and asked The One that is above:
"What is it? What is that love?"
But the answer never came,
not in night, nor did in day.
On her birthday she had only wish,
she did not need a golden fish.
She wanted to know how feels bliss,
in a way of simple pure love kiss.
She waited 'till the day came.
She didn't think it's anyone's blame
that no-one kissed her 'till today.
Clock ticked but nothing happened.
The day ended once again.
She sat
under the bright shinning stars
with her hands holding the tear filled jars,
once again.
A lonely tear fell down her cheek,
she didn't deny that she was weak.
But before she could do something,
there was still*one more thing.
So she went and asked The One above:
"Would have I ever been in love?"
I wrote a similar poem once. Of course, I am much older and the language will be different, the images too. But the feeling is pretty much the same
https://historyradio.org/2017/12/14/the-salesman/
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