Is there something wrong with me really?

Ive not a clue whether I have some kind of mental/physical illness or if its just pure laziness and my personality at fault. Im 23 and ever since being 18 have found it hard to have a normal sleeping pattern, in summer its easier but in winter I just wreck my health by staying in bed until 5/6pm and being up all night, most of the time (like most people) I hate mornings. I was ok at school until I was 16 and started college, I got a factory job and after 20 minutes on my first day got really anxious, felt sick and fainted on the floor. After that I was anxious most of the time and had panic attacks and was a bit scared of eating for some reason. Anyway I kept up college and did my A levels but collapsed again in the classroom due to peiod pain.

After this I got really scared on the way to college and would turn round and go back home a lot of the time. This was when my parents started screaming at me most nights calling me pathetic and saying that they don't feel like going in work everyday but they have to. Anyway I finished with 3 rubbish A level grades and got into uni (while living at home as it was in the same town) I was ok when I first started and made a few friends etc but was still a bit anxious sometimes I would go all the way there on the bus and then turn round and come home just litening to my mp3 player. I used to go in on 2 - 5 hours sleep because Id been up all night messing on the pc. Anyway I decided to change course because I though it would make me happier so I did but started missing lessosn again, then I fainted again due to period pain on the way home and the anxiety got worse so I quit, tbh I didn't think the degree would get me anywhere anyway.

From here basically my sleeping pattern has been nocturnal, Ive had a weekend job and got sacked for not being fast enough, done a bit of voluntary work and am now a healthcare support worker so only go in when they have shifts. Im also doing the open university while I decide what to do. I get anxious at work but just cope with it. Anyway basically though for the past 5/6 years Ive been nocturnal and done nothing apart from be in the house on my own and have tried to change this countless times but always drift back into the old routine. I started college last year but quit again. My parents undertsandably have yelled at me for years and my dad is convinced I'l end up in a mental home. I feel unhealthy all the time and always have bags under my eyes probably due to the sleeping habits. Ive not had any friends for years nor been out at clubbing etc. Im wondering why Im like this, where did I go wrong etc :confused:

Is it just my personality? Ive always been quiet and liked my own company, the only thing Ive done continuously is netball twice a week but always feel tired and lightheaded and lie to the team about what Im doing with my life. I was fine at high school, so where did I go wrong??? I have no ambition for anything.

Reply 1

beach surf babe

It sounds like you should go and see your doctor. Clearly the anxiety issue is impacting on your life a great deal and that really shouldn't be happening. Also if you get severe period pain then mention that, and they may be able to give you something stronger than paracetamol etc.

However, no one can operate on very little sleep over a long period of time so that needs to be addressed as well. Its very easy to just stay in bed and do nothing if you haven't got any plans so make plans! The more you do the more energy you have, if you spend even just a fews days lazing around, it can make you feel quite lethargic. Work on going to bed at night and getting up in the morning, rather than vice versa :smile:

Hope you manage to get things sorted!

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Thanks Ive been to the gp several times, have had councilling theres only me who can change myself and Ive known this for years yet have still not changed, I just drift back into this pattern again. Like you say doing nothing is more tiring than doing something.

Reply 3

alio~

You might just be a late maturer, you know how some 17 year olds go through a confusing phase and get up late well it doesn't sound like you have an identity or discovered who you are yet.

Is there something wrong with me really?

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