Opinion on loneliness in university

What's your opinion on loneliness in uni?
From personal experience it is the absolute worst.
I have no friends whatsoever so it contributes to the feelings of being lonely. I have no one around to talk to and hang around. I'm practically alone every day minus the fact that I'm with people in classes, it's not like we are friends or anything they're just classmates to me.
it makes me feel so miserable and depressed. My university experience is awful and I can't wait to finish.

Reply 1

Lippieart

Original post by Anonymous

Honestly, I feel your pain. Trust me, I did not enjoy uni at all because of that and I always felt like I didn’t have friends but classmates and schoolmates. I just didn’t connect with anyone on that level and it made me feel anxious. You’re definitely not alone in this. I would suggest you try putting yourself out there. Start introducing yourself to people instead of waiting for them to come talk to you first. I tried that during my postgraduate study and it really helped me. I started walking up to people who were alone and starting small talk with them and from there I introduced myself. I didn’t have to exchange numbers with them the first time, but just being able to walk up to people and chat with them felt really good. I started signing up for events, some of which I didn’t attend but the ones I attended, I tried to make the most of by starting conversations with people and going over to talk to them. Just relax your mind and be open to getting to know people. I’m still working on it but I’m so much better now than before.

Reply 2

Doits

Original post by Anonymous

Lippieart made some solid suggestions.

Put yourself out of your comfort zone. No one owes it to you to be your friend. If you don't make friends, chances are you won't have friends.

Go out and talk to people, it would be uncomfortable, most probably you won't meet a lot of like minded people, more often than not you would think it is a waste of time. But one day suddenly you will find that making friends is easy, and it becomes choosing the friends you want to keep. You will find that you have grown and matured. And you are alone because you want time to yourself, and not because you don’t have friends.

Reply 3

MajorFader

I really like how loneliness at uni is now a bigger topic of conversation than it used to be. It’s really a subject where more emphasis needs to be placed on.

The most “popular” people at uni can feel lonely.

Reply 4

JT_888

Original post by Anonymous

I think loneliness at uni is starting to emerge as a big problem and most students will experience it at some point during their time at uni studying for a degree, MA or PhD etc. Personally, I've been experiencing a bit of loneliness and a few things have really affected my mental health lately which meant that I had to see my supervisor and take a step back with the academic workload to give myself some head-space to recover. I guess with loneliness at uni, especially being new, it can feel very intimidating and the change to the environment can definitely be a massive shock to the system. I would recommend trying to get involved in different societies, meet people through your course and accommodation and avoid trying to put so much pressure socially (I did that and I'm slowly feeling better mentally). Please do consider speaking to your academic supervisor (if you have one) or seek confidential support at uni as I'm sure they'll be able to help you out and make you feel better. :smile:

Original post by MajorFader

Yeah I totally agree that loneliness at uni is becoming a bigger topic of conversation than in the past and so is the whole topic of mental health - it's okay to not be okay sometimes but I do think that seeking support for it is very important. :smile:

I know that our uni, we have a big emphasise on transforming mental health via our newly launched Mentally Fit York fund and I'm very excited to see how the money raised from The Great York Walk (which I took part in) and other events will transform mental health in York and beyond. I'm also aware that this is something that the uni and the VC takes very seriously so won't be surprised to hear more about what they'll do on this issue.

Reply 5

The Empire Odyssey

"they're just classmates to me".

There's your problem. If you're going into your lecturers just thinking that, without the possibility of "even though we're classmates, there's a chance we can get on outside of class" then that's your own problem.

You have this preconceived notion that just because they're classmates, they can't be friends too?

Coursemates are a great way to start making friends at uni. Messaging someone before a lecture saying "hey where r u now/" or "wanna go to XX lecture together?" or "wanna grab a coffee before this lecturer starts?" are easy ice breakers to get the ball rolling. Asking or forming a study group is simple enough.

If you're against these ideas then you can't sit here and type how lonely you are if you're not willing to help yourself.

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

having friends can make you feel alone too. they are totally overated. a relationship, family, religion and your studies are far more important.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by The Empire Odyssey

Yes, they're classmates to me but that's how I see it and I think that's how they see me. It's very clear we aren't friends and just hang around together because we are on the same course. It's to the point where it's completely awkward in suggesting those kind of things, because clearly their reaction will say it all. And we aren't close like that and I don't want to go and embarrass myself.
I'm not against the idea at all, it would love to make the effort with them but it's been over a year and no progress has been made. I'm in second year, friendship circles/groups on the course have been formed, everyone knows whose friends with who and who is close with who. Inserting myself into their circle is just awkward because clearly they see me as a classmate whereas I see them as a future or possible friend?
And to add, I am lonely and I have tried to put myself out there with people but no one is genuine and no connections have been formed.

Reply 8

Anonymous #3

I’m starting uni next year, and right now I have no friends. I leave at lunchtime because I have nobody to talk to. I did have friends at the beginning of secondary school, and most of primary school, but due to being extremely introverted and socially awkward I ended up isolating myself from them, though this was partly becuase I saw them more as acquaintances as we didn’t have much in common. I hope I will be okay at uni, but I said the same thing when I left primary school.

Reply 9

The Empire Odyssey

Original post by Anonymous

Well you've made up your mind way before you posted this so what's the point?

Cant help anyone who doesnt want to help themself.

Reply 10

Anonymous #4

I suprised myself and was actually able to make quite a few friends on my course. I was suprised because I am literally the most introverted and shy, anxious person ever. The key is to just fake confidence, sit next to people in lectures, even if you don’t know them, smile at people whenever they look at you etc.

But even though I have friends, I still feel extremely lonely. We would go out and go shopping, eat food, all that stuff and I’d be laughing, with a big smile on my face. When I’d get back to my flat, I would have a complete breakdown in my room and just start crying my eyes out. It’s still possible to feel lonely even though you have friends. First year can be comple **** for a lot of people. My brother didn’t make friends at all until second year, when he was paired with people for a group project, he’s now still best friends with them 4 years later.

Reply 11

username4591444

Original post by Anonymous

I was at uni for 4 years with literally no friends. I was v depressed and anxious, when i made the effort the people turned out to be not very nice, didnt care about me and even plagiarised my work. Truth is my peers and I were not in the same zone/world at all, sometimes it can happen. Make sure that IS the case though before you give up. What helped was getting involved with stuff outside of uni, i volunteered at an art gallery, went to workshops and clubs to surround myself with people with more in common.