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Guys not approaching

Pls keep anon, as I don't want to be seen as insecure/easy by people that might be going to the same uni next year..

I'm about to head off to uni in October, and I'm really scared that I wont ever have a guy approach me at bars and clubs. It's been this way for a while and it doesn't help that I'm in a country where people are stick skinny (and therefore the guys' standards?), but I (for some odd reasons, maybe I'm adopted :p:

) am relatively tall, very curvy and I'm also chubby. I've been told I'm pretty by some of my girl friends, but from guys only when they're drunk, and still only a countable amount of times (random old guys don't count). I've never had a guy come up and start talking to me, and I want this to change, but I'm not quite sure how.. This isn't really limited to guys, even the thought of going to uni and having to approach people first all the time scares me..

Any.. thoughts? I don't really know what other information about me I should give..

Reply 1

dh00001

16

why dont you make the effort and speak to them?

Reply 2

Mr Otter

Agreed.

Men are just as reluctant to approach as girls it seems.

Sometimes you just have to throw caution to the wind and get yo flirt on. ;D

You will die alone.

girls don't approach me neither lol.

Reply 5

*pink_sapphires*

1

OP, ignore all these posts! Listen to moi!

I know how you feel. I'm not a stick insect and I am also worried about uni. The best piece of advice I've been told which is totally true, is that to be loved, you have to love yourself. If you are happy in your skin, then that will shine through and people will approach you as they'll think you're confident and bubbly. I know, it's not easy and I really should practice what I preach, but trust me, there will be people who like you. The world takes all sorts. Everyone is unique. I'd rather be me than be a clone of some girl who gets all the guys but who is unhappy.

:hugs:

Reply 6

chaseside

guys will check me out, i'll return a look or two but nothing will happen. So guys can like you.. sometimes a lot. But most won't approach unless drunk. You have to make the first move, and i'd suggest doing it in a friendly way to get more comfortable with your sexuality at first.

Reply 7

Wyl

chaseside

guys will check me out, i'll return a look or two but nothing will happen. So guys can like you.. sometimes a lot. But most won't approach unless drunk.

Haha, this happed to me today in Tesco's :cool:

a girl kept looking at me. She didn't start a conversation (bit of an odd place to start randomly talking to someone I guess) Hopefully though it was that she liked me and not that I had something stuck in my hair. Or maybe she just recognised me from somewhere.

Anyway, the point is OP that although guys usually make the first move there's nothing to lose by making it yourself. Have fun with it, it's not meant to be scary.

Reply 8

villaboy

1

im not attempting to be rude here when i write this, but if getting men chatting you up is what you want then you will have to work for that privelage (sp?) it all comes down to how much you really want it. if you really want it, then you will make the effort to eat healthily and exercise to lose the weight.

Reply 9

MakingMoves

Haha. That means you're either really pretty, so much so it intimidates guys. Or really ugly, meaning guys don't bother.

But getting back on track. Pfft who cares whether or not guys approaches you. From my perspective its too much hassle for some beasty person trying to chat you up. Its more flexible when you can go and decide when you want 'some' or not. :smile:

Reply 10

Tyrannosaurus Cal

15

I don't tend to approach anyone in clubs... not the girls' fault though!

Reply 11

wanderlust.xx

18

*pink_sapphires*

OP, ignore all these posts! Listen to moi!

I know how you feel. I'm not a stick insect and I am also worried about uni. The best piece of advice I've been told which is totally true, is that to be loved, you have to love yourself. If you are happy in your skin, then that will shine through and people will approach you as they'll think you're confident and bubbly. I know, it's not easy and I really should practice what I preach, but trust me, there will be people who like you. The world takes all sorts. Everyone is unique. I'd rather be me than be a clone of some girl who gets all the guys but who is unhappy.

:hugs:

Meh. If someone loves you, they'll love you for the way you are. :smile:

It's so friggin' cliché, but be yourself... don't go drastic stuff to change yourself, just be a bit more outgoing and get the guys before they get you. :biggrin:

Reply 12

bean87

15

i dont really approach either. get drinkin. get dancin. get kissin. get sexin.

sorted

Reply 13

lolimemma

15

I have this problem too! Its so annoying! People only really seem to try to have a go when they're drunk :P I have plenty of guy mates, infact most of my friends are guys but no one makes a move ever! All I can suggest really is that you talk to everyone that you can at uni. Never be scared to make a conversation coz everyone is in the same boat and wants to make friends! :smile:

And being chubby won't have any impact on what friends you end up making coz no one really cares! Also- I always see fairly chubby girls with really hot guys so obviously not all guys care about weight!

Reply 14

9mm

12

If you don't mind me asking, where do you come from OP?

I'm not British, and I don't wish to sound rude, but a lot of women in England are chubby (hence the high obesity rate), so I really doubt guys here are looking for 'stick insects' (in fact, I don't think any guy anywhere in the world is looking for stick insects, unless they have some strange fetish for it, most guys are just looking for a woman in good physical shape), and they are more likely to be found with someone chubby.

If you're self-conscious (sp?) about yourself then see if you can find a gym and go there regularly whilst at uni, where you might not only loose a bit of body fat, but also, possibly, meet some sensible guys going to the gym for the same reason? You also have to make yourself more approachable, think about your good attributes...and also socialise more with a lot of people boys and girls.

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks for the replies! They're making me think a lot more.. lol *pink_sapphires*: you're so sweet! :p:

Well I don't approach mainly because, like a lot of people, I'm scared of rejection, and maybe because I'm really unclear about the boundaries of bubbly/friendly and flirty. I feel like if I'm even a BIT flirty I'm throwing myself out there, or well I just don't understand the.. the, magnitude? :p:

It's not that I've been deprived of dancing/kissing, but it just always happens with the same guys (yay for friends with benefits?).

And I'm Japanese. And I'm not FAT, lol I just think I'm chubby (chubby as in sometimes there's no size for me in Japan, but chubby as in I can find clothes anywhere else in the world) and now that it's summer, I have been running/jumproping bit by bit.. a bit :p:

Reply 16

natasha02

1

im sure its nothign to worry...
in uni you'll find loadsssssssss of guys for sure..
i mean in such a big place...theres bound to be a guy who'll like you as you are

Reply 17

9mm

12

Anonymous

Thanks for the replies! They're making me think a lot more.. lol *pink_sapphires*: you're so sweet! :p:

Well I don't approach mainly because, like a lot of people, I'm scared of rejection, and maybe because I'm really unclear about the boundaries of bubbly/friendly and flirty. I feel like if I'm even a BIT flirty I'm throwing myself out there, or well I just don't understand the.. the, magnitude? :p:

It's not that I've been deprived of dancing/kissing, but it just always happens with the same guys (yay for friends with benefits?).

And I'm Japanese. And I'm not FAT, lol I just think I'm chubby (chubby as in sometimes there's no size for me in Japan, but chubby as in I can find clothes anywhere else in the world) and now that it's summer, I have been running/jumproping bit by bit.. a bit :p:

lol so sorry, I didn't mean to accuse you of being fat, just meant it would allow you to loose some body fat i.e. tone down.

Btw, I love Japan, everything about it. The food, people, styles, brands, architecture, trees, parks. I'm hoping to visit Osaka, Tokyo and Kyoto some time next year. :tongue:

Reply 18

pikaboo

13

It's going to be pretty rare for (decent) guys to approach you unless you encourage them to do it. Throw a few smiles, get practising your best drunken alluring 'come hither' looks and if all else fails then go up to a guy you like the look of and ask to dance with him or start making small talk. You have nothing to lose if it's a stranger after all - you'll probably never see them again if it doesn't work out! Just go out there and be a bit more daring - there's loads of guys who'd love to see girls make a bit more of an effort.

Reply 19

Anonymous #1

OP

9mm

lol so sorry, I didn't mean to accuse you of being fat, just meant it would allow you to loose some body fat i.e. tone down.

Btw, I love Japan, everything about it. The food, people, styles, brands, architecture, trees, parks. I'm hoping to visit Osaka, Tokyo and Kyoto some time next year. :tongue:

Hahaha I didn't mean you when I said fat, I think someone else said something about fat.. hahaha but yeah I do need to lose some :p:

People seem to be interested in Japan.. I tend to like the traditional artworks/architechture of it more than the current stuff.. hehe.

And I'll definitely work on my come hither looks hahaha :biggrin:

Thanks for all the advice!

Guys not approaching

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