23 year old first year should i mention my age upfront Watch

Christian Miller
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#21
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#21
(Original post by Jehaan)
Don't worry about it! Once you start you will realise there are lots of mature students in your year (ie 21 is the official definition). I wouldn't say to every person you have met the second you meet them that you are 23 but just mention it if it comes up in conversation. I took a gap year so I was a year older when I started than lots of people but tbh most of them forget until they start talking about 21st birthdays or how A Levels changed and you did the old one and they did the new one. At that point you will have loads of the grandma memes sent to you but its honestly fine!!
imagine looking back when your old and thinking i was made to feel old in my twenties its certainly a waste of youth!
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Tribulogic
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#22
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#22
(Original post by Christian Miller)
Im 23 and i feel awkward i don't want to seem like a creep but i would ike make friends and im scared most people will be like wooo ur 23 and then convo just turns awkard and no change of being real friends... what to do? Drop out of uni?
Surely this has to be a joke... There are always 25+ year olds starting in first year, it's completely normal. I was friends with a 26 year old when I was 20.
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Christian Miller
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#23
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#23
(Original post by Tribulogic)
Surely this has to be a joke... There are always 25+ year olds starting in first year, it's completely normal. I was friends with a 26 year old when I was 20.
It's a different experience when your about 20 you wouldn't notice etc i did first study when i was 20 and i didn't care personally like you if someone was older. But not everyone is like us im afraid. Im also at a russel group uni that is quite elite so you can imagine all the 18 year old grammar students etc
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Tribulogic
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#24
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#24
(Original post by Christian Miller)
It's a different experience when your about 20 you wouldn't notice etc i did first study when i was 20 and i didn't care personally like you if someone was older. But not everyone is like us im afraid. Im also at a russel group uni that is quite elite so you can imagine all the 18 year old grammar students etc
It's all in your head, they honestly don't care, if anything they will think it's cool to have an older friend - I prefer having older friends since they tend to be more mature and smarter in general.
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MidgetFever
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#25
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#25
(Original post by Christian Miller)
Have you just started this year?
No, I started my second year this year.
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Christian Miller
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#26
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#26
(Original post by Tribulogic)
It's all in your head, they honestly don't care, if anything they will think it's cool to have an older friend - I prefer having older friends since they tend to be more mature and smarter in general.
Hmm im not sure about that , i literally looked through my course facebook group in the hope of finding someone near my age and everyone literally s 18 or 19. 20 at the most. So Depressing . Most unis have a mix but im at exeter and i had no idea it would be like this . Really don;t know what to do.
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The Empire Odyssey
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#27
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#27
(Original post by Christian Miller)
I personally find that quite stressful tho 101 questions aobut what ive been up to. I just want to get to get to know people normally
Asking questions and being asked questions is the normal way of getting to know people, I would of assumed....

What A-levels did you do?

What do you study?

Where's your home town?

What are you plans for the Xmas holidays?

Etc, etc. Are all standard "get to know you" questions.

Stop playing hard to get, OP.
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Blackstarr
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#28
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#28
I am 21 and in my first year of uni and i totally relate.
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threeportdrift
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#29
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#29
(Original post by Christian Miller)
Hmm im not sure about that , i literally looked through my course facebook group in the hope of finding someone near my age and everyone literally s 18 or 19. 20 at the most. So Depressing . Most unis have a mix but im at exeter and i had no idea it would be like this . Really don;t know what to do.
You need to grow up. For goodness sake, what adults do you know who worry about what the exact ages of their friends are? Do your parents moan that it's ridiculous that no-one else in the street is the same age as them? Do they have no friends that aren't within two years of the same age as them. Do you hear that a lot where you are from?

- Hi Dave, Kate do meet Tony and Jane who've just moved in to number 24.

- Hi Tony and Jane, lovely to meet you, but how old are you, because obviously we can't be friends if you are under 36. We are 39 and 40, so we'd never be able to get on with you.

This is completely your problem, created by you, no-one else gives a fig, even those 18 year olds you are so keen to avoid.
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Christian Miller
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#30
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#30
(Original post by threeportdrift)
You need to grow up. For goodness sake, what adults do you know who worry about what the exact ages of their friends are? Do your parents moan that it's ridiculous that no-one else in the street is the same age as them? Do they have no friends that aren't within two years of the same age as them. Do you hear that a lot where you are from?

- Hi Dave, Kate do meet Tony and Jane who've just moved in to number 24.

- Hi Tony and Jane, lovely to meet you, but how old are you, because obviously we can't be friends if you are under 36. We are 39 and 40, so we'd never be able to get on with you.

This is completely your problem, created by you, no-one else gives a fig, even those 18 year olds you are so keen to av
(Original post by Blackstarr)
I am 21 and in my first year of uni and i totally relate.
Yeah...you'll be okay... their are medicine students etc who are the same age and even older. 23 is so hard as a first year
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Christian Miller
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#31
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#31
(Original post by threeportdrift)
You need to grow up. For goodness sake, what adults do you know who worry about what the exact ages of their friends are? Do your parents moan that it's ridiculous that no-one else in the street is the same age as them? Do they have no friends that aren't within two years of the same age as them. Do you hear that a lot where you are from?

- Hi Dave, Kate do meet Tony and Jane who've just moved in to number 24.

- Hi Tony and Jane, lovely to meet you, but how old are you, because obviously we can't be friends if you are under 36. We are 39 and 40, so we'd never be able to get on with you.

This is completely your problem, created by you, no-one else gives a fig, even those 18 year olds you are so keen to avoid.
fair play i just know that this is how i feel about the situation even on serious reflection and after prayer i still feel really uncomfortable about the experience. University is completly different to other situations especiall elite universities.
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threeportdrift
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#32
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#32
(Original post by Christian Miller)
fair play i just know that this is how i feel about the situation even on serious reflection and after prayer i still feel really uncomfortable about the experience. University is completly different to other situations especiall elite universities.
Nonsense, you need to do some more self-reflection, because you are creating this whole issue entirely internally, for yourself. Why are you doing that?

University isn't different to other situations, and elite universities aren't any different. It's the same as joining an office in a new job - who cares what the ages of your colleagues are - indeed, it's illegal to discriminate on the basis of age and you'd get yourself into serious trouble if you had this sort of conversation in the workplace, so you really need to get yourself sorted.
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Christian Miller
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#33
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#33
(Original post by threeportdrift)
Nonsense, you need to do some more self-reflection, because you are creating this whole issue entirely internally, for yourself. Why are you doing that?

University isn't different to other situations, and elite universities aren't any different. It's the same as joining an office in a new job - who cares what the ages of your colleagues are - indeed, it's illegal to discriminate on the basis of age and you'd get yourself into serious trouble if you had this sort of conversation in the workplace, so you really need to get yourself sorted.
you can't force someone to not discriminate through making them be PC it's a choice. What matters is if you get on with people and make real connections not if they put up with you because of law that passed. That infact is lifeless compliance not friendship. We as humans require real fellowship... most people think i am 18 when they see me. Which is annoying because we get on then i have to brake it to them and it's a drag. For example today having a great convo with about 6 or 7 people getting to know me . They ask oh so are your friends on reading week to? I am supposed to say no im 23 . It would just be so awkward
Last edited by Christian Miller; 1 week ago
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threeportdrift
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#34
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#34
(Original post by Christian Miller)
you can't force someone to not discriminate through making them be PC it's a choice. What matters is if you get on with people and make real connections not if they put up with you because of law that passed. most people think i am 18 when they see me. Which is annoying because we get on then i have to brake it to them and it's a drag. For example today having a great convo with about 6 or 7 people getting to know me . They ask oh so are your friends on reading week to? I am supposed to say no im 23 . It would just be so awkward
Nope, that's entirely your mindset. Nothing is externally a drag or awkward - it is entirely your creation. I'm a mature student, I went back to do a degree at the start of October, and I'm probably about 30 years older than most other people on the course. First lecture, I got to the room first and waited outside, 3 students turned up and asked me if I was the lecturer! I didn't take offence or think it was an issue, it's an obvious thing to assume, I said no, I'm a student hoping that you are here to do X subject and I'm in the right place. I've never mentioned my age, and neither has anyone else, because it's not an issue.

It's a mindset, it's about your on internal attitude, and you control it. I've decided to enjoy being around younger people, and while I dislike some things that go on, and I am surprised by their priorities, and attitudes, and style etc my mindset is to think about why that is and appreciate our differences, not to set them up as a problem for them or for me.

You are finding similar issues, and you are framing them as a problem. You can't change the external world, but you can change your mindset. If you don't, you'll continue to be miserable, and the external word will continue to fail to adapt to your wishes.
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Christian Miller
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#35
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#35
(Original post by threeportdrift)
Nope, that's entirely your mindset. Nothing is externally a drag or awkward - it is entirely your creation. I'm a mature student, I went back to do a degree at the start of October, and I'm probably about 30 years older than most other people on the course. First lecture, I got to the room first and waited outside, 3 students turned up and asked me if I was the lecturer! I didn't take offence or think it was an issue, it's an obvious thing to assume, I said no, I'm a student hoping that you are here to do X subject and I'm in the right place. I've never mentioned my age, and neither has anyone else, because it's not an issue.

It's a mindset, it's about your on internal attitude, and you control it. I've decided to enjoy being around younger people, and while I dislike some things that go on, and I am surprised by their priorities, and attitudes, and style etc my mindset is to think about why that is and appreciate our differences, not to set them up as a problem for them or for me.

You are finding similar issues, and you are framing them as a problem. You can't change the external world, but you can change your mindset. If you don't, you'll continue to be miserable, and the external word will continue to fail to adapt to your wishes.
your right that it may be all in my head but i feel truly misreable about it and every day i feel like an imposter
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threeportdrift
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#36
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#36
(Original post by Christian Miller)
your right that it may be all in my head but i feel truly misreable about it and every day i feel like an imposter
Well I can't help much with what's going on in your head, but if you are at an 'elite university' then they will have welfare/counselling services that can help. I've worked in a number of 'elite university' admissions processes and I can assure you that a) they don't give away places and many people assess every application and b) many people have a an element of imposter feeling if they've achieved something they've worked hard for, it's human nature, but it's not true.
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Uni of Exeter
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#37
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#37
(Original post by Christian Miller)
Im 23 and i feel awkward i don't want to seem like a creep but i would ike make friends and im scared most people will be like wooo ur 23 and then convo just turns awkard and no change of being real friends... what to do? Drop out of uni?
Hi Christian Miller,

I came across this conversation and thought it might be worth saying hello. I appreciate it must be a bit of a strange time for you at the moment and sorry to hear that you do not feel you are having much success in meeting people. As others have said there will definitely be other first year students who won't worry about what age you are but I can appreciate that you are very worried about this so here are a few things that you might not have tried yet (sorry if I am repeating what others have said or if you have already given this a go).

The first thing to highlight is that you are not alone. We do not have huge numbers of mature students at Exeter compared to some other institutions. However, the majority of mature students at Exeter are aged between 21 and 25 so a similar age to you. Our mature student society is run by current students and could be a great way to meet some likeminded people. I am sure they would be very happy to share their experiences with you and signpost you to what they did to help them settle and make friends. You can find out more information about the society here.

I was also wondering if you had been able to join any societies. These are a great way to meet like-minded people and include students from all years of study. You may find joining a society and linking up with students in a range of different years of study and of a range of different ages. What kind of interests do you have? We have over 200 different societies so hopefully you could find something that suits you. You can find a full list here.

I hope that you start to meet some like-minded people soon. Do let me now if you have any questions I can help with.

Melody
Last edited by Uni of Exeter; 2 days ago
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Manazoid4
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#38
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(Original post by Aashamohamed)
hmm I'd say don't mention it simply because ppl are just asses and may treat you differently but if they ask go ahead cos there's nothing wrong and no you wont come across as a creep and God no don't drop out. there's ppl much older than you so 23 is fineeee. I'll be 20 when I start so I get you
LITERALLY same, starting uni when im going to be 20, was kind of worried but not at all anymore.
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RandomTennisfan
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#39
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My good mates at university are a little older, 24 and 28 respectively. No one really cares tbh, as you’re essentially there to get an enhanced education so age doesn’t matter.
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