Lonely, yet friends never seem to notice. Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 10 years ago
#1
please keep anon.

I know thsi type of thing ahs probably been posted millions of time before, but it's just so furstrating and upsetting!

I've never had a boyfriend, but all my close friends are either in relationships or have has several before, and when they break up with whoever they come to me and tell me all their problems, but never seem to realise how upsetting it is for me to always have to comfort them, without any of them realising that they're more or less constantly rubbing it in my face.
Someone breaks up with their boyfriend and instantly they're all looking to set them up with someone new, but I get forgotten, as though I'm a lost cause.

I know this sounds whiny and everything, but I feel seriously left out. when they talk about sex and stuff it's me sitting at the side, out of the conversation, with no one realising that actually, this is a pretty exclusive conversation, and just assume I'm having just as much fun listening as they are chatting.

I'm not bitter, I'm glad that they're happy, but they just seem to completely overlook that fact that I'm not.
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Kelly^2
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#2
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Have you talked about it to them? If no then they are just going to think you're sitting there feeling sorry for yourself.
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PoisonDonna
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#3
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Talk to them!

They're not going to know it gets you down unless you do. You don't even have to say "It gets me down when you guys talk about your bfs and sex" just say "Aahh I want a boyfriend..." and they should get the message that you are lonely (and hopefully fix you up with a boyfriend's fit mate ).
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sad sad core
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#4
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maybe u just need love to solve ur prob. go get a BF so u can demand them to comfort u whenever u break up. lolz..... maybe u should feel happy that they actually find u. Maybe u r the nicest fren that they rather find u instead or others
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Aemiliana
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#5
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You sound pretty much the same as me lol - try telling them about it, they might try to help you, rather than expecting you to sort out their problems all the time...
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Anonymous #1
#6
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I have sort of talked to one of them, but it's kinda hard when you're meant to be comforting them to more or less tell them you have your own problems lol

If only it was as easy as just getting a boyfriend, but boys never like me in that way.
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Aemiliana
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#7
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They never do with me either, but try talking to your friends about it, say pretty much what you posted and they should understand. (When they're not upset obviously)
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theredsox
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#8
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It's all about the communication.
Try telling them when they haven't just broke up with a boyfriend.
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SuffocatedAnxiety
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#9
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If they start complaining about their bfs, say "Well at least you have one". They should get the hint.

However, sometimes friends are still oblivious. I know when I had loads of problems, people kept dumping theirs on me. After saying (several times) "God, I'm just an agony aunt aren't I?", constantly mentioning how everyone seems to think I can solve all their problems and then trying to talk about my own problems, they still didn't realise.

Just take comfort in the fact it means you're a great friend, so finding someone shouldn't be too hard. Your turn will come.. Just enjoy yourself until that special someone arrives? [/ultimate cheese]
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stoney
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#10
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#10
And I'm lonely, there, I said it, I'm lonely but its hard to admit it when everyone thinks that you're fine all the time and you're not.

Erm yeah I'll stop quoting song lyrics now....

Agree with the above. Enjoy being single, are you ever around when they moan about thier bfs? If so that must make you feel better right?
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princess_sue
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#11
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#11
(Original post by sad sad core)
maybe u just need love to solve ur prob. go get a BF so u can demand them to comfort u whenever u break up. lolz..... maybe u should feel happy that they actually find u. Maybe u r the nicest fren that they rather find u instead or others
Would you like to write that again in English please?


OP, just tell them what you have said to us in your post, that you don't particularly like it when they come running to you and don't take your feelings into account as they only seem to be thinking about themselves?

I agree with what someone else said as well, maybe just drop a hint like "I wish I had a boyfriend" something like that, that may get them thinking.

Feel better
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xxxadelexxx
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#12
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#12
I am currently in the same boat as you, i have friends, but most of them only come to me when they've fallen out with their man. It hurt one hell of a lot i know. You feel like your being used and that they don't care, but i bet they do. I bet they sometimes sit ther thinking about you and how your life is panning out but as everyone here has said so far, you need to talk to them bbe. Unless you do the problem is gonna get worse and worse. I know this from experience.

This all started in my first year of comp, im now 18 and still suffering so for your own sake, get it sorted. If they still dont do anything once you've told them, then maybe they arn't yopu proper mates (sorry to sound harsh)
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Mrgd291190
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#13
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#13
Pretty much my story with genders reversed. Went through the lowest part of my life from around the beginning of Yr11 till...well, now recently but I've been to school-stressed to be depressed, ending Yr12 now.

I have a fair amount of friends, close and not-so-close. One of them has been supportive, I've been the same for her. 5 other people have asked me how I'm doing in almost 2 years. Half of them I haven't been able to talk to as they cause the problems. The others don't care. 2/3 of the 5 are...shall we say...emotionally underdeveloped, they'd never get it. The others are usually in relationships anyway so they CAN'T understand 17 years of loneliness!

They've started to stop complaining all the time. I made a couple of scenes, deliberately, and let them do their traditional muttering. My advice would be to, next time they moan (not in a weepy, just broken up way, doing it then is insensitive), then get agitated and walk off, preferably with an excuse.

I'm sure they never mean it...they're just total idiots.

Although...admittedly, my actual scene came when they were all moaning about a mutual friend, one of my best, and I told them to **** off etc.


Hope it all works out well for you ;console;

I hate my friends surprisingly often
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Anonymous #1
#14
Report Thread starter 10 years ago
#14
ah, thanks for all the kind and supportive comments.
I will try and talk to them, but It's hard to know when, and how to sort of start it. I have one friend, who like i said i've sort of talked to cause she's the one i probablky trust the most but she basically reckons I'll be one of those people that may not go out with many people but will find someone for life when I do, but that's not really much comfort at the moment :P

sounds weird, but when they compain about them it doesnt make me happy to be single, it makes me wish I had someone of my own to find annoying :P that sounds weird, but hopefully you understand what I mean :P
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cadaeibfeceh
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#15
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#15
I'm in exactly the same situation as the OP but I'm a boy...if nothing else, I feel your pain and understand exactly what you mean just above this...good luck
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Hev456
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#16
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#16
You seem familiar to my situation when i'm with one of my friends, i've had a few rather pathetic attempts at a relationship. None of which have lasted more than even a week. My friend always got on 'oh you'll find someone' then progresses to tell me how loved up she is with her boyfriend and how happy it makes her. It's like 'err thanks!'.
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Saffie
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#17
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#17
I don't think talking to friends about it helps that much. My friends will be relatively sympathetic and say they can see how I feel, it's understandable, and I'm kinda single out of choice, but it doesn't really change anything!

The only way to sort this out is to get out and get a bf. You could just get with anyone... I know a lot of people who've had relationships just for the sake of having one. Or you could distract yourself so much so that you don't notice you're lonely. I know your friends are busy but invite them out and arrange to do stuff anyway. And then when you least expect it
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