Help with English language question 5 paper 1

Watch
alrif002
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#1
Please please can your mark for me this question and give me a feedback how to improve it.

Question 5) Your school is making a creative writing anthology that will be sold to other pupils. You have decided to submit a piece of writing.

Write the opening part of story about a trip to the beach. [40 marks]

Everything was silent and you can just hear the birds sound. At that time I was just relaxing on the beach having a peaceful nap. Just for a moment the weather totally changed and the waves of the air were slamming my face hardly. It was very potent that I couldn’t open my bewitching eyes. I was chaos from the weather, how it is changed from spectacular to gloomy weather.

Suddenly, someone gave me his hand to stand up, at that time I had a exalted and strange feeling, I couldn’t explain it. I was staring at him, he had an angelic face exactly like an angel, who came and saved my life. He had black hair, delicate skin and china-blue eyes with a lot of light in them. Come on, let’s go quickly he screamed, so I woke up from what I was thinking and I was running to avoid the sea wave from hitting me. I turned back to see the boy, he had disappear, I don’t have any idea where did he go. I left the deserted beach, searching for any sign of my angelic boy.

I was walking toward insular place that everything where silent and the darkness encapsulated the light, blanketing any sense of hope. I was overwhelmed with anxiety and terrifying thoughts of what I will find there, and I could feel my hands begin to tremble. There were an alluring rocks and behind those rocks I saw something like a human hand but I wasn’t sure until I reached closer to the rocks, shocking shocking I saw something unbelievable that the angelic boy dead. I started to hear voices calling by name telling me wake up it time to go back home.
0
reply
casabonita
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#2
Report 1 year ago
#2
hey, what exam board are you on? i was one eduqas and for our 40 marker creative story, we needed to write 400-600 words, so i think this would be too short!
0
reply
alrif002
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#3
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#3
Aqa board
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Do you have the space and resources you need to succeed in home learning?

Yes I have everything I need (256)
56.89%
I don't have everything I need (194)
43.11%

Watched Threads

View All