Feel like a lot of people who claim to have bad mental health don’t understand me Watch

Anonymous #1
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I suffer with quite bad anxiety and depression and i find it very frustrating when people who go out all the time get good grades at school or uni or have a taxing apprenticeship or job claim to have it just as bad or worse than me and others i know who suffer badly. It seems to be a trend to have bad mental health but the reality of it is that i’m at my 3rd college/sixth form because i’ve dropped out of 2 others because i couldn’t handle the stress and it’s a specialist non mainstream one where most people have other problems. I still have no motivation for my studies and procrastinate like hell because my low confidence tells me i won’t get good grades even if i actually try and it’s hard to find the drive as my depression makes me lazy and i feel like dropping out of this one too. I only go out once a month or less as my anxiety makes me way too nervous to approach people first and ask them if i want to hang out and i’m bad at replying to my messages as i forgot and i can’t be bothered to put in the effort doing my hair and makeup id rather just sit around all day in my pajamas/comfy clothes watching netflix or scrolling through social media’s and hide from the world because it’s what my brain tells me i can handle. I only have 3 or 4 friends as many people (including those who claim suffer bad mental health) can’t accept that sometimes i will take a while to reply or that i have trouble initiating conversations and making plans - they think it’s all about them but don’t stop to think i have other things going on but i’m lucky to have my remaining ones who are loyal regardless even though they have lots of other friends and stuff going on .Having a job is hard as i get scared to hand in my CV to places and about going to interviews because i’m very awkward and often employers don’t think i’m enthusiastic or peppy enough because obviously i’m not due to mental health issues. I’ve lost 2 jobs in the past for not turning up as anyone with anxiety will know it’s very hard to cancel a shift or get someone to cover you at the last minute especially if it’s because you’re explanation is a bad mental health day. I won’t leave the house unless necessary for weeks at a time sometime and will jay lie around which causes me to get acne/put on some weight. I’m not trying to feel sorry for myself as some people i know have had it a lot worse than me with mental health (having to live at hospital or a girl had to live at a hostel cause her mum couldn’t handle her) but if you are successful at academia/career have lots of friends and a vibrant social life, go to the gym etc but maybe get anxious sometimes (on public transport etc) or feel down and insecure sometimes you genuinely are very highly functioning and stable and should be proud of yourself as taking a shower can be difficult for others. Again i’m not trying to feel sorry for myself as i know others have it worse i’m just trying to explain what bad mental health can really be like also compared to my life 18-24 months ago when i went out a lot and kept a good job tried a bit more in school when my mental health wasn’t 100% but was a lot better than it is now i miss how i used to be and how my life was so much. trust me having bad mental health is not a quirky trait and not something you want to have
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ellaswords
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i really hope things get better for you!
i don’t know whether i have anxiety myself, i‘ve taken online tests & they’re suggesting at it but idk whether to trust them or not. do you have any advice on how to tell if i have anxiety myself from personal experiences? if so, thank you!
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Failing my maths
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I suffer with quite bad anxiety and depression and i find it very frustrating when people who go out all the time get good grades at school or uni or have a taxing apprenticeship or job claim to have it just as bad or worse than me and others i know who suffer badly. It seems to be a trend to have bad mental health but the reality of it is that i’m at my 3rd college/sixth form because i’ve dropped out of 2 others because i couldn’t handle the stress and it’s a specialist non mainstream one where most people have other problems. I still have no motivation for my studies and procrastinate like hell because my low confidence tells me i won’t get good grades even if i actually try and it’s hard to find the drive as my depression makes me lazy and i feel like dropping out of this one too. I only go out once a month or less as my anxiety makes me way too nervous to approach people first and ask them if i want to hang out and i’m bad at replying to my messages as i forgot and i can’t be bothered to put in the effort doing my hair and makeup id rather just sit around all day in my pajamas/comfy clothes watching netflix or scrolling through social media’s and hide from the world because it’s what my brain tells me i can handle. I only have 3 or 4 friends as many people (including those who claim suffer bad mental health) can’t accept that sometimes i will take a while to reply or that i have trouble initiating conversations and making plans - they think it’s all about them but don’t stop to think i have other things going on but i’m lucky to have my remaining ones who are loyal regardless even though they have lots of other friends and stuff going on .Having a job is hard as i get scared to hand in my CV to places and about going to interviews because i’m very awkward and often employers don’t think i’m enthusiastic or peppy enough because obviously i’m not due to mental health issues. I’ve lost 2 jobs in the past for not turning up as anyone with anxiety will know it’s very hard to cancel a shift or get someone to cover you at the last minute especially if it’s because you’re explanation is a bad mental health day. I won’t leave the house unless necessary for weeks at a time sometime and will jay lie around which causes me to get acne/put on some weight. I’m not trying to feel sorry for myself as some people i know have had it a lot worse than me with mental health (having to live at hospital or a girl had to live at a hostel cause her mum couldn’t handle her) but if you are successful at academia/career have lots of friends and a vibrant social life, go to the gym etc but maybe get anxious sometimes (on public transport etc) or feel down and insecure sometimes you genuinely are very highly functioning and stable and should be proud of yourself as taking a shower can be difficult for others. Again i’m not trying to feel sorry for myself as i know others have it worse i’m just trying to explain what bad mental health can really be like also compared to my life 18-24 months ago when i went out a lot and kept a good job tried a bit more in school when my mental health wasn’t 100% but was a lot better than it is now i miss how i used to be and how my life was so much. trust me having bad mental health is not a quirky trait and not something you want to have
I've got a friend who had anxiety too, she told me that it feels like millions of voices and they are not pleasant at all... I had also suffered from depression before, the process of getting through it is hard but I'm sure you can do it!! All you need is time and you got plenty of it so believe in yourself and chill

I understand it would be hard to tell people how you feel, but if you really need someone to talk too, you can always find me. I may not be a good friend but I could be a good listener for you

Hope you feel better and sorry for my bad language skills.
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2014taderinto
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I suffer with quite bad anxiety and depression and i find it very frustrating when people who go out all the time get good grades at school or uni or have a taxing apprenticeship or job claim to have it just as bad or worse than me and others i know who suffer badly. It seems to be a trend to have bad mental health but the reality of it is that i’m at my 3rd college/sixth form because i’ve dropped out of 2 others because i couldn’t handle the stress and it’s a specialist non mainstream one where most people have other problems. I still have no motivation for my studies and procrastinate like hell because my low confidence tells me i won’t get good grades even if i actually try and it’s hard to find the drive as my depression makes me lazy and i feel like dropping out of this one too. I only go out once a month or less as my anxiety makes me way too nervous to approach people first and ask them if i want to hang out and i’m bad at replying to my messages as i forgot and i can’t be bothered to put in the effort doing my hair and makeup id rather just sit around all day in my pajamas/comfy clothes watching netflix or scrolling through social media’s and hide from the world because it’s what my brain tells me i can handle. I only have 3 or 4 friends as many people (including those who claim suffer bad mental health) can’t accept that sometimes i will take a while to reply or that i have trouble initiating conversations and making plans - they think it’s all about them but don’t stop to think i have other things going on but i’m lucky to have my remaining ones who are loyal regardless even though they have lots of other friends and stuff going on .Having a job is hard as i get scared to hand in my CV to places and about going to interviews because i’m very awkward and often employers don’t think i’m enthusiastic or peppy enough because obviously i’m not due to mental health issues. I’ve lost 2 jobs in the past for not turning up as anyone with anxiety will know it’s very hard to cancel a shift or get someone to cover you at the last minute especially if it’s because you’re explanation is a bad mental health day. I won’t leave the house unless necessary for weeks at a time sometime and will jay lie around which causes me to get acne/put on some weight. I’m not trying to feel sorry for myself as some people i know have had it a lot worse than me with mental health (having to live at hospital or a girl had to live at a hostel cause her mum couldn’t handle her) but if you are successful at academia/career have lots of friends and a vibrant social life, go to the gym etc but maybe get anxious sometimes (on public transport etc) or feel down and insecure sometimes you genuinely are very highly functioning and stable and should be proud of yourself as taking a shower can be difficult for others. Again i’m not trying to feel sorry for myself as i know others have it worse i’m just trying to explain what bad mental health can really be like also compared to my life 18-24 months ago when i went out a lot and kept a good job tried a bit more in school when my mental health wasn’t 100% but was a lot better than it is now i miss how i used to be and how my life was so much. trust me having bad mental health is not a quirky trait and not something you want to have
I dont know yo and you dont know me so this may seem a little far fetched but when i saw i feel u i really feel you i got 2A* and 5As and bs and cs at gcse and eel like a complete failure I hope you find that perosn thats ready to invest every inch of themselves in you without u ever having to ask...
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Sabertooth
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It sounds like you don't really understand other people all that well yourself. Grades can tell very little about the state of someone's mental health. Sure, it can be indicative but some people have little else in their lives so throw all they can into scoring well - basically using school/uni work as a distraction from all the **** they have going on. And another thing: you don't seem to realize how hard it is for some people to get out of bed, shower and get to their apprenticeship or job. Day after day pushing themselves to be there when they want to lie in bed and cry because they hate themselves and their life so bad. But here you are judging them and making out things can't possibly be that bad if they are getting to work.
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Pathway
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I mean...I was completely dysfunctional at university and made myself very ill (particularly in my final year) and I still graduated with a first. Grades or being able to work don't necessarily mean you're doing well or are high functioning.

For context I now can't work or look after myself due in part to my awful mental health (I get PIP and ESA for mental and physical health reasons). I wouldn't say you're suddenly more functional than I am because you are enrolled in a course. That wouldn't make much sense.

Different people cope differently. For more examples, one of my best friends got an A in her English language A Level that she sat whilst inpatient in an acute psychiatric ward. She has since died from suicide. She always put so much effort into her studies. Still was incredibly ill. Still died.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Sabertooth)
It sounds like you don't really understand other people all that well yourself. Grades can tell very little about the state of someone's mental health. Sure, it can be indicative but some people have little else in their lives so throw all they can into scoring well - basically using school/uni work as a distraction from all the **** they have going on. And another thing: you don't seem to realize how hard it is for some people to get out of bed, shower and get to their apprenticeship or job. Day after day pushing themselves to be there when they want to lie in bed and cry because they hate themselves and their life so bad. But here you are judging them and making out things can't possibly be that bad if they are getting to work.
I’m sorry but like i said in my post i was better but still mentally ill 24 months ago and i would find it hard to get up for my job or school but i was still able to do it?? not having panic attacks at an apprenticeship or work is a big achievement. and i never said you couldn’t get good grades with bad mental health but it definitely effects motivation and ability to revise you are doing very well if you can actually do it. I know personally if i was able to achieve good grades at college i would feel a lot better about myself in terms of self esteem and self worth
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Pathway)
I mean...I was completely dysfunctional at university and made myself very ill (particularly in my final year) and I still graduated with a first. Grades or being able to work don't necessarily mean you're doing well or are high functioning.

For context I now can't work or look after myself due in part to my awful mental health (I get PIP and ESA for mental and physical health reasons). I wouldn't say you're suddenly more functional than I am because you are enrolled in a course. That wouldn't make much sense.

Different people cope differently. For more examples, one of my best friends got an A in her English language A Level that she sat whilst inpatient in an acute psychiatric ward. She has since died from suicide. She always put so much effort into her studies. Still was incredibly ill. Still died.
I’m sorry about your friend. The grades were only one aspect (quite a small one) of my post so i don’t know why i’ve had two very firm replies only focusing on that . I agree it doesn’t represent your mental state on its own but paired with all the other things i mentioned it does give a good indication that someone is coping well. I also know people who got good grades even though they were suffering it’s mainly the social atmosphere of college and the pressure+awful pastoral care that made me need to drop out of my previous two not because i was thick but bare in mind that just because you still found the motivation to get a first doesn’t mean everyone can, even very few completely healthy get firsts, you must be very smart/talented and i’m sorry you’re physical health is also stopping you working
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Pathway
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m sorry about your friend. The grades were only one aspect (quite a small one) of my post so i don’t know why i’ve had two very firm replies only focusing on that . I agree it doesn’t represent your mental state on its own but paired with all the other things i mentioned it does give a good indication that someone is coping well. I also know people who got good grades even though they were suffering it’s mainly the social atmosphere of college and the pressure+awful pastoral care that made me need to drop out of my previous two not because i was thick but bare in mind that just because you still found the motivation to get a first doesn’t mean everyone can, even very few completely healthy get firsts, you must be very smart/talented and i’m sorry you’re physical health is also stopping you working
Technically, I'm on ESA for my mental health if you wanna get pedantic, ironically it literally says on the report that I am entitled to ESA due to severe functional restriction because of my mental health issues (CPTSD/AN/GAD/Depression/EPCACE). She didn't want to assess my physical health issues as she had enough information from the mental health side of things although she was aware of my issues with my physical health, she didn't see the point in making the assessment unnecessarily long. PIP was awarded as a mix of mental and physical health stuff.

I'm not saying that everyone can get a first, I am merely saying that just because I got a good grade in my degree doesn't mean I was functional - I really wasn't. I spent most of my final year slaving over degree related stuff, in my room, on my own. I'd have panic attacks about having to carry out controlled experiments for my dissertation as I had to speak to people. I'd get worked up if my routine was changed, if friends turned up out of the blue, etc. I couldn't get myself to leave my room often which meant my support worker had to check on me often. I had a lot of welfare checks. The list goes on. My eating disorder and the grief of losing my best friend, and later on in my final year losing another friend, these were the main things that took up my time. I also had to juggle dealing with my mum's cancer diagnosis and the treatments she was having. I struggled a lot and just because I was doing well in my grades doesn't mean I was fine. I'd gladly have a third if I didn't have to go through all that ****ery. There were concerns from my SMHT (the specialist CMHT I was under whilst I was at university), my support worker and my specialist mental health mentor from DSA, as well as my tutors and the disability support officer. They suggested I take a year out, but I was terrified of going home in the state I was in, this just made me isolate myself even more.

Anyway, there are sliding scales for functionality, but everyone is unique in how their mental health issues affect them. And really it doesn't matter to you as an individual, work on yourself. Being judgemental doesn't help you or the person you're judging. Being kind and compassionate to people is important, including yourself. I focused on the grades thing mainly because I know a lot of people are ignored in school (like I was) because they had good grades. It caused so many issues for me in school. Same for how my parents being well off meant that the abuse in the home was covered up.

Take care. If you need to talk, let me know. Just drop me a message.
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doodle_333
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Try and remember two things.

1. mental health is on a continuum. And People can only really know their own experience. Their experience feels horrible to them, that is genuine. You wouldn't like someone to say to you 'but there's starving kids in Africa suffering more' so don't tell others their problems don't count.

2. Outside appearances don't tell you the pain someone is in. I've always been high functioning which means I've always got good grades even when facing hospitalization or having a fixed plan to kill myself. Workaholism is partly how my anxiety presents itself, I become totally fixed on making every appointment/plan/idea I have work perfectly. It's hellish and makes me feel terrible. I nearly finished school in a specialist unit as well but my perfectionism meant I fought it with everything I had and was 100% prepared to die if I was forced to go. I'm sure you'll just think I'm not really mentally ill but honestly people cope in different ways, some have specific fears, others present well and collapse privately.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by doodle_333)
Try and remember two things.

1. mental health is on a continuum. And People can only really know their own experience. Their experience feels horrible to them, that is genuine. You wouldn't like someone to say to you 'but there's starving kids in Africa suffering more' so don't tell others their problems don't count.

2. Outside appearances don't tell you the pain someone is in. I've always been high functioning which means I've always got good grades even when facing hospitalization or having a fixed plan to kill myself. Workaholism is partly how my anxiety presents itself, I become totally fixed on making every appointment/plan/idea I have work perfectly. It's hellish and makes me feel terrible. I nearly finished school in a specialist unit as well but my perfectionism meant I fought it with everything I had and was 100% prepared to die if I was forced to go. I'm sure you'll just think I'm not really mentally ill but honestly people cope in different ways, some have specific fears, others present well and collapse privately.
Nearly being sent to a specialist unit is the opposite of what i meant that means you’re really bad? I wasn’t saying mental health issues dont manifest themselves in different ways i’m saying lots of people want to have anxiety/depression because it’s trendy or quirky but in reality they are high performing or doing fine in school/work/social life/self-care/family and all extra curricular pretty much everything which their mental health would prohibit them from doing if they were bad. Also i wasn’t talking about outside appearances at all as i act happier around people i don’t know that well so do other people i know who suffer from mental illness. Being a workaholic and a perfectionist is the furthest away thing from me (i use avoidance and withdrawal as a response to my fear of failure) but they sound horrible to deal with so no i wouldn’t judge you at all
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Sabertooth)
It sounds like you don't really understand other people all that well yourself. Grades can tell very little about the state of someone's mental health. Sure, it can be indicative but some people have little else in their lives so throw all they can into scoring well - basically using school/uni work as a distraction from all the **** they have going on. And another thing: you don't seem to realize how hard it is for some people to get out of bed, shower and get to their apprenticeship or job. Day after day pushing themselves to be there when they want to lie in bed and cry because they hate themselves and their life so bad. But here you are judging them and making out things can't possibly be that bad if they are getting to work.
You just made me cry, I could relate to this too much😂
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Anonymous #3
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I relate to this so much.
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Anonymous #4
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I’m a guy in year 1 uni. From age 14-16 I got social anxiety. It got so bad that I couldn’t open my mouth to speak sometimes. It’s different for everyone , but you’ve got 2 choices , A the anxiety defeats you or B you defeat it. I chose the second one . I got counselling, I made myself go out and meet people , I worked hard for my GCSE’s , I aced them. Then I joined the gym and went everyday no matter how anxious I got . Sport will cure it. Learn to accept who you are , you might just be an introvert , not everyone has to be party type , loud and confident . Be yourself and focus on yourself , u will attract people along the way, you just have to face up to your biggest fear, anxiety. Go crush it.
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Sabertooth
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Nearly being sent to a specialist unit is the opposite of what i meant that means you’re really bad? I wasn’t saying mental health issues dont manifest themselves in different ways i’m saying lots of people want to have anxiety/depression because it’s trendy or quirky but in reality they are high performing or doing fine in school/work/social life/self-care/family and all extra curricular pretty much everything which their mental health would prohibit them from doing if they were bad. Also i wasn’t talking about outside appearances at all as i act happier around people i don’t know that well so do other people i know who suffer from mental illness. Being a workaholic and a perfectionist is the furthest away thing from me (i use avoidance and withdrawal as a response to my fear of failure) but they sound horrible to deal with so no i wouldn’t judge you at all
Here we go again.
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Sabertooth
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You just made me cry, I could relate to this too much😂
:hugs: I'm sorry you feel the same way.
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nathan_nacu
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(Original post by Sabertooth)
It sounds like you don't really understand other people all that well yourself. Grades can tell very little about the state of someone's mental health. Sure, it can be indicative but some people have little else in their lives so throw all they can into scoring well - basically using school/uni work as a distraction from all the **** they have going on. And another thing: you don't seem to realize how hard it is for some people to get out of bed, shower and get to their apprenticeship or job. Day after day pushing themselves to be there when they want to lie in bed and cry because they hate themselves and their life so bad. But here you are judging them and making out things can't possibly be that bad if they are getting to work.
Lol this is me in school, everyone thinks I have my **** together but for the last 2 weeks getting out of bed has been my biggest accomplishment (although unsuccessfully as i was too down to go to school last Tuesday and Thursday)
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Nikki0333
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At the end of the day you really don't know whats going on in other peoples lives. Most people aren't so open about their feelings, whilst others are so open that they exaggerate for attention (not saying either of these are you just saying the two ends of the spectrum). Having a bad mental health isn't a trend, but mental health awareness is. I think you might be confusing a bad mental health being a trend with people being competitive over who's got it worse. I don't know why its a thing, but almost everyone does it, its like its innate in group discussions, certain types of people will always have it out - and thats when the exaggerations start. Then again, if you are now at a special school that caters to your needs, everyone else will be there for the same reasons. Some will have it worse than you, and thats a bad thing for them but not for you. Do make sure however that you're only surrounding yourself with supportive friends (-and that you support them when they need it too!). Cut out toxic people man they're a waste of your precious time and they don't deserve you.
Have you spoken to your parents about the job situation? You shouldn't be looking for employment if you're not in the mental space to actually go to work - partly because its not fair on you but is equally not fair on your employer, colleagues or customers.
I don't think anyone thinks bad mental health is quirky. I know people who were sex trafficked as children, physically abused by alcoholic parents, kicked out of their houses and sleeping rough on the streets, the list is disgustingly endless. But if you met any of these people wou wouldn't know. I'm not saying its a bad thing to talk about your mental health, but it is a bad thing to talk about your mental health and assume that you're in the bottom 1%, especially if you live in a priviledged country with lots of mental health support and awareness. You have to be socially aware.
I'm no psychologist, but I think it just sounds like you just need to take back control. You're letting your diagnosis get in the way of who you really want to be! You can do anything you want in this life, you only get 1, so live it how you want to live it! Some people are just natural introverts and find a quiet night in better than a wild night out and thats absolutely fine! It just takes lots of time when you're in a mental state like yours, to get where you want to be, but its never impossible 🙂
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doodle_333
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Nearly being sent to a specialist unit is the opposite of what i meant that means you’re really bad? I wasn’t saying mental health issues dont manifest themselves in different ways i’m saying lots of people want to have anxiety/depression because it’s trendy or quirky but in reality they are high performing or doing fine in school/work/social life/self-care/family and all extra curricular pretty much everything which their mental health would prohibit them from doing if they were bad. Also i wasn’t talking about outside appearances at all as i act happier around people i don’t know that well so do other people i know who suffer from mental illness. Being a workaholic and a perfectionist is the furthest away thing from me (i use avoidance and withdrawal as a response to my fear of failure) but they sound horrible to deal with so no i wouldn’t judge you at all
my point is you shouldn't judge anyone, you said my mental health sounds bad but no one in my life would ever guess I was struggling, everything on the surface looks perfect... any of these people you're dismissing could be me, with serious mental health hiding under the surface

I know it feels frustrating that people seem to talk about their anxiety when it looks like nothing but you don't know it's nothing, I can guarantee it doesn't feel like nothing to them and at the end of the day anything which opens the conversation on mental health is good imo
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