What do I do in this situation?! Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 10 years ago
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Anon please, I'm not sure if my friends come on here :-)

Hi, I'm in a bit of a dilemma at the moment with my two friends. I have been best friends with Michelle for seven years, since the summer before Year 7, and we've been really close ever since. However, for the past year another girl, Frances, has got quite close to her. They both have never had any experience with guys, and ever since I went out with my boyfriend (since April) they have become closer as they have this thing against getting close to guys - they'll flirt but never commit, and even though going out with someone has never affected the time I spend with them (he's living abroad at the moment anyway) they still seem to spend more time together now and it's like they talk about me behind my back about my relationship.

Anyway, I've tried to ignore it. It's all come to a bit of a head lately though as we're all going to Kavos together (8 of us) and me and Michelle were planning to share a room together, as like a nice ending to our 7 years of friendship. However, they've suddenly turned around and said 'sorry, we're actually going to share together now seeing as you have more freedom than us and we might get raped' (a rubbish excuse if you ask me, and they were basically calling me a **** even though I have a boyfriend and would never dream of doing anything in Kavos). Michelle has really let me down, but I made out that I didn't care and was happy to share with another friend - I didn't want to make Michelle feel important like me and Frances are fighting over her, I didn't want to look pathetic and I didn't want Frances to think that she's 'won'. Besides, if I said I was unhappy with the arrangement they'd say 'oh it's only a room, you're being over sensitive'. It's not like the plans are going to change so I just put on a brave face and said 'Fine'.

However, since talking to my boyfriend about it (he's really mad at them for treating me this way) he thinks I should tell Michelle about it before I go away on holiday. Part of me really wants to tell her how I feel, but I don't want to muck things up for the holiday and I'm good at pretending I'm fine. I can't change the plans and I'll just look a bit pathetic and whiney. My mum thinks I should tell her after the holiday about how she's hurt my feelings, but my boyfriend thinks I should tell her before and clear the air.

I have no idea what to do as I want to play out both situations to see the outcome! What would any of you do in this situation? Sorry for the long post.
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balloon_parade
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Anon please, I'm not sure if my friends come on here :-)

Hi, I'm in a bit of a dilemma at the moment with my two friends. I have been best friends with Michelle for seven years, since the summer before Year 7, and we've been really close ever since. However, for the past year another girl, Frances, has got quite close to her. They both have never had any experience with guys, and ever since I went out with my boyfriend (since April) they have become closer as they have this thing against getting close to guys - they'll flirt but never commit, and even though going out with someone has never affected the time I spend with them (he's living abroad at the moment anyway) they still seem to spend more time together now and it's like they talk about me behind my back about my relationship.

Anyway, I've tried to ignore it. It's all come to a bit of a head lately though as we're all going to Kavos together (8 of us) and me and Michelle were planning to share a room together, as like a nice ending to our 7 years of friendship. However, they've suddenly turned around and said 'sorry, we're actually going to share together now seeing as you have more freedom than us and we might get raped' (a rubbish excuse if you ask me, and they were basically calling me a **** even though I have a boyfriend and would never dream of doing anything in Kavos). Michelle has really let me down, but I made out that I didn't care and was happy to share with another friend - I didn't want to make Michelle feel important like me and Frances are fighting over her, I didn't want to look pathetic and I didn't want Frances to think that she's 'won'. Besides, if I said I was unhappy with the arrangement they'd say 'oh it's only a room, you're being over sensitive'. It's not like the plans are going to change so I just put on a brave face and said 'Fine'.

However, since talking to my boyfriend about it (he's really mad at them for treating me this way) he thinks I should tell Michelle about it before I go away on holiday. Part of me really wants to tell her how I feel, but I don't want to muck things up for the holiday and I'm good at pretending I'm fine. I can't change the plans and I'll just look a bit pathetic and whiney. My mum thinks I should tell her after the holiday about how she's hurt my feelings, but my boyfriend thinks I should tell her before and clear the air.

I have no idea what to do as I want to play out both situations to see the outcome! What would any of you do in this situation? Sorry for the long post.

Why do you have more freedom than them? You're the one in the relationship aren't you? And since when does having a boyfriend stop a person from getting raped :confused:

They are probably both jealous of your relationship with your boyfriend and want something similar for themselves. If I were you I would just go on holiday and see what happens. Remember that just because you're not sharing a room doesn't mean you're not spending time with each other. You might even be grateful in the end.-Just in case you do fall out away, at least you can get away from each other!
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Shadow!
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Does wanting anon to be kept a secret from friends, lose all meaning when mentioning their names?

Yes.
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xSplashx
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If you tell her before the holiday it could cause problems during the holiday. However this is probably going to eat at you throughout the hol and cause uneasiness between you anyway. It might be better that you don't share a room, you'll be able to spend most of your time with them but if problems arise you'll be able to get away. Go have fun on your holiday and talk to her when you get back. But thats just my opinion.

Do what you think would result in the best outcome because you know your friend to know what sort of reaction she could have in each case.
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Jelkin
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She probably changed the names. Duh.

I think you should talk about it before the holiday, and I really don't think you're being petty. Yes, a room is a small consideration, but it's the meaning behind how they're acting that really matters. And of course you don't have more freedom than them and of course you're not less likely to be raped. How insulting. Stand up for yourself and if they become *****y, drop it, try to have a nice holiday (maybe make some other friends there), then drop them when you get home. It's sad, but friends like that often aren't worth keeping.
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Anonymous #1
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Hehe yes I did change the names, just for clarity. And the destination.

I know, it doesn't make sense does it!! Thanks for all your advice. I think I'll just leave it for now, have fun with other friend I'm sharing with and don't let it get me down. I'll just make it clear to Michelle that she aint my best friend anymore seeing as I'm obviously not hers! Lol
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*Lou*
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I was in similar situation once. I think you should tell before the holiday, maybe the situation will feel a bit awkward at the begining, but you will feel better because you will know you have nothing more to say and it's up to her how she will act.
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Anonymous #1
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By the way, what they meant with the whole 'freedom' thing is that my mum trusts me, lets me go out and do what I want, whereas their parents are still trying to wrap them up in cotton wool. so I think you're right, they might be just jealous they can't have a lovely boyfriend like mine and want to stick together as the two 'pure' people in our friendship group (everyone else has dated and stuff too).
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inksplodge
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Tell the girl before the holiday... To be honest, I think it's a bit of a jealousy thing going on here and they have no right to treat you like that :/ I'm surprised you can still call the first girl your friend!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by *Lou*)
I was in similar situation once. I think you should tell before the holiday, maybe the situation will feel a bit awkward at the begining, but you will feel better because you will know you have nothing more to say and it's up to her how she will act.
What happened in the end with your friend, Lou?
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inksplodge
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(Original post by Anonymous)
and want to stick together as the two 'pure' people in our friendship group (everyone else has dated and stuff too).
Well that's fair enough - nothing to stop them being like that, but that doesn't give them an excuse to be rude about your relationship etc.
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Anonymous #1
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Well, judging by your opinions, inksplodge, lou and jelkin...do you think this sorta thing would work? It's her birthday thing on Monday (we're leaving on holiday on Tuesday) and I'm giving her a present I spent quite a while on, documenting our friendship with pictures and comments in a photo album - I did it before they did this to me so I don't want to not give it to her after all that effort. If I said that evening after her party: 'Look, it's fine that you share with Frances but just know that this has hurt me, shown me that you disregard my feelings and don't care about me, and that birthday present I put so much effort into means nothing to you either - just know that I don't regard you as a best friend anymore as best friends don't treat each other like that, so don't expect me to back your corner, stick up for you, or anything like that because you've done none of those things for me.'
???
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*Lou*
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What happened in the end with your friend, Lou?
I don't consider them friends anymore,, just people who I used to know. We kinda drifted apart then (not that I regret it - at first it was kinda difficult to admit that those aren't real friends, but as time goes by you realize that you are better off without them).
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Somebody
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I'd give Michelle the book, but I wouldn't go into a long speech on her birthday after her party...

Perhaps hand her the book at the end of the night before you leave (wrapped up or whatever), and say "You know, it's a shame we're not sharing a room on holiday after everything we've been through. We've had some good times and I'm going to miss you at uni" or something. Make it a positive statement, and do not refer directly to the room thing (apart from the "shame we're not sharing" phrase).

That way, you don't say anything negative to your friend, you give her the present, nd it may make her think about the whole room thing.

Unfortunately though, friends do drift apart. And this time it seems to have started happening earlier than you may have liked.... Not saying there's an "ideal" time to drift apart, but drifting apart after the holidays would be better than before (if that makes sense?).

*hugs*

Don't let it get to you too much. Enjoy yourself is the main thing!
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