Black and worried Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
Please keep anon or delete.

I've made this anon becuase lots of people on here know me in real life and I would be completely mortified if they knew (don't ask why) but here goes.

I'm really worried that when I go to uni noone will fancy me. You see I'm a black girl and I'm going to Oxford where the student population is predominantly white. I saw a thread in the Oxbridge forum (still there if you wanna looks its calle hook ups or soemthing) that said the general standard of attractiveness for girls/ those girls who are considered 'fit' tend to be blonde - and by default white.

I think I'm quite attractive - I'm slim nice smile, I think good personality - not being vain just saying - I have a lot of friends and would probably be labelled popular , though my school really isn;t cliquey.

I'm just worried that because I'm black noone will even consider me as 'pulleable' if you understand me - in the way you might look at someone and think 'yes she's fit, but I just wouldn't - don't ask me why'

Another thing that makes me think this is becuase most of the guys are white, middle class and will have been brought up surrounded by white girls and I will be something of an oddity.

Help! Responses much appreciated especailly from people who go to Oxbrdge, or unis that have that really middle class white demographic - I think you know what I mean.

Thanks
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randomgirl
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#2
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I don't think you should worry about this. Yes there might be a lot of white students, but that doesn't make you any less attractive. I'm sure plenty of guys would consider you "pulleable". The fact that you are perhaps a minority at the uni might make you more attractive than the hoardes of blondes :p:

Anybody who judges you negatively because of your skin colour isn't worth knowing in the first place.
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PeeWeeDan
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#3
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Ever liked a white guy? Yeah I thought so. Why would the converse be any different?
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Not Invented Yet
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I can see why you're worrying, but I really don't think you need to be! Everyone is attracted to different people, and not every single boy at Oxford is going to be solely attracted to white girls. Perhaps being black and therefore different may even work to your advantage; I've grown up in a 98% white community and I tend to find black boys more attractive - I don't know if this is just a natural preference or if it stems from the fact that I don't know many black boys so it's something different and interesting, but if the latter does have an effect then you could be at an advantage!

Congratulations on getting into Oxford, and don't worry! There are bound to be people there who like you for who you are and other equally cheesy things...
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Anonymous #1
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Yes I mostly fancy white guys.
But to be honest this is because ( I think ) I 've been brought up in a mostly white community. I don't know that many black guys to be honest.
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Howells
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Even if you think that people won't find you attractive, surely you must know that people go on more than looks anyway? I think if you're remotely attractive and are a fun person to be with, then you'll have no problem finding someone
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generalebriety
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(Original post by Not Invented Yet)
I can see why you're worrying, but I really don't think you need to be! Everyone is attracted to different people, and not every single boy at Oxford is going to be solely attracted to white girls. Perhaps being black and therefore different may even work to your advantage; I've grown up in a 98% white community and I tend to find black boys more attractive - I don't know if this is just a natural preference or if it stems from the fact that I don't know many black boys so it's something different and interesting, but if the latter does have an effect then you could be at an advantage!

Congratulations on getting into Oxford, and don't worry! There are bound to be people there who like you for who you are and other equally cheesy things...
Only worthwhile post in this thread.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Howells)
Even if you think that people won't find you attractive, surely you must know that people go on more than looks anyway? I think if you're remotely attractive and are a fun person to be with, then you'll have no problem finding someone
Yes you're right - but what I;m worried about is that people won't find me attractive - y'know first impressions, human nature and all that. There are plenty of guys I don't find attractive and am great friends with, but I wouldn't want to get with.

I'm worried the same wll happen to me - but because I'm black. I don't think these people will be raicsts or anything...
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rkd
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(Original post by Anonymous)
There are plenty of guys I don't find attractive and am great friends with, but I wouldn't want to get with.
Guys don't work like that. 'Just good friends' is a purely female invention :p:
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by rkd)
Guys don't work like that. 'Just good friends' is a purely female invention :p:
I don't get it - what are you saying?:confused:
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cheese_fondue
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look, you said you're cute and slim. so why worry? why do you think a white guy would prefer a fat ugly white girl over a slim cute black girl?

there's going to be plenty ugly (fat/thin) white girls at uni. if you're REALLY worried then get a little makeover (if necessary).
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Anonymous #2
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i cnt believe no one has yet pointed out that if ur attracted to someone, race rarely if ever comes into it! Guys should love/fancy u for u and i doubt most ppl would pay much attention to whether ur black or white. I'm sure when u get there u'l see that it really makes no difference what colour you are.
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rkd
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't get it - what are you saying?:confused:
That you're probably not going to find too many guys who'll turn down being anything more than friends - if we like you that much, we'll be willing to give a relationship a shot too (or maybe I'm just a man****). Like everyone else has said, relax - there are thousands of people at Oxford and hundreds in your college, you'll find someone.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by cheese_fondue)
look, you said you're cute and slim. so why worry? why do you think a white guy would prefer a fat ugly white girl over a slim cute black girl?
there's going to be plenty ugly (fat/thin) white girls at uni. if you're REALLY worried then get a little makeover (if necessary).
Because it has happened to me soooo many times before.
This is going to sound arrogant and racist and please understand that I'm really not.
But I have several friends who I think (and others too have said) are far less attractive than me, and one in particular is a complete ***** and has a terrible personality - insecure and arrogant at the same time. Tbh we're not friends anyomore (but thats another story).

There have been times when we have liked the same guy and they almost always go for her, which I and many others fail to understand - to quote a firend, I am 'hotter nicer and all round better' than her.
The only conclusion I can find is that guys (especially white ones) are predisposed to go for girls of the same race...
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EskimoJo
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(Original post by Not Invented Yet)
I can see why you're worrying, but I really don't think you need to be! Everyone is attracted to different people, and not every single boy at Oxford is going to be solely attracted to white girls. Perhaps being black and therefore different may even work to your advantage; I've grown up in a 98% white community and I tend to find black boys more attractive - I don't know if this is just a natural preference or if it stems from the fact that I don't know many black boys so it's something different and interesting, but if the latter does have an effect then you could be at an advantage!
I think it's far more common for white girls to like black boys than it is for white boys to like black girls though. Official statistics would confirm that and there have been 'race-attractiveness' threads on this forum too where Black girls have consistently come out bottom.

I don't really know what to suggest. I'm kinda having the same problem in that most of the people I hang around with at Uni are white, even though there are plenty of black people in the Uni and city. There are only two other black girls on my course and the places I go and the clubs I've joined seem to be populated with white people. I've never gotten any attention, but then I'm not good-looking so can't really blame race! It seems I'd have to go out of my way and go to places I don't really want to go to or even make friends with false intentions (:ninja:) just to meet people who might fancy me. And to make it worse, I, like you, prefer white boys anyway and the one boy I really like said that he prefers blondes (which made my heart sink ).

I think it's all about compromise. You'll have to give up something to get what you want. It may take a lot of time and patience, it may need you to spread your friend-base and the places you go in order to meet different types of people, you may not find someone at Uni and have to travel, you'll definitely have to not take it to heart and/or be bitter about it - people can't help the way they are and preference isn't the same as racism.
I can't be bothered to chnage my ways at the moment, I like my friends and what we do and for now that's more important to me.
I'm sure you'll be fine, because like you say you're good-looking and popular (I was none of these things!). And just think, any black boys there will be breaking their necks to get to you! :p:

Good luck with it and your studies!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by EskimoJo)
I think it's far more common for white girls to like black boys than it is for white boys to like black girls though. Official statistics would confirm that and there have been 'race-attractiveness' threads on this forum too where Black girls have consistently come out bottom.


I know. I just feel really sad because I feel like I'm gonna haveto try harder to get guys to like me for no other reason than I'm black.
While girls who perhaps aren't as desirable (like my aforementioned friend) won't, simply because they're white. How sad.
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EskimoJo
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#17
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i cnt believe no one has yet pointed out that if ur attracted to someone, race rarely if ever comes into it! Guys should love/fancy u for u and i doubt most ppl would pay much attention to whether ur black or white. I'm sure when u get there u'l see that it really makes no difference what colour you are.
That's true, but kinda not the point. The point is that many white boys simply don't see the attractiveness in black girls, so won't be attracted to them, not that they would be attracted to them but not go for it because they are black. If that makes any sense!

Some threads to demonstrate the OP's worries; this, and this, also this, finally here.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I know. I just feel really sad because I feel like I'm gonna haveto try harder to get guys to like me for no other reason than I'm black.
While girls who perhaps aren't as desirable (like my aforementioned friend) won't, simply because they're white. How sad.
To be honest, I don't think you'll have to try harder. I'm mixed race white/black and go to Cambridge. I haven't had a problem here at all. I've been going out with a white, posh, public school boy (who I met at Cambridge) for the last 1.5 years, and have had plenty of male interest outside that. All white guys.

There aren't many black girls around, but I am friends with one fully black girl and she is going out with a posh private-school guy.

My boyfriend found me more attractive because I am 'exotic' and he'd never gone out with a black girl before or even had black friends. So it could be to your advantage. As long as you're intelligent, fun and vaguely attractive, you'll do well.
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jakeee
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#19
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Please keep anon or delete.

I've made this anon becuase lots of people on here know me in real life and I would be completely mortified if they knew (don't ask why) but here goes.

I'm really worried that when I go to uni noone will fancy me. You see I'm a black girl and I'm going to Oxford where the student population is predominantly white. I saw a thread in the Oxbridge forum (still there if you wanna looks its calle hook ups or soemthing) that said the general standard of attractiveness for girls/ those girls who are considered 'fit' tend to be blonde - and by default white.

I think I'm quite attractive - I'm slim nice smile, I think good personality - not being vain just saying - I have a lot of friends and would probably be labelled popular , though my school really isn;t cliquey.

I'm just worried that because I'm black noone will even consider me as 'pulleable' if you understand me - in the way you might look at someone and think 'yes she's fit, but I just wouldn't - don't ask me why'

Another thing that makes me think this is becuase most of the guys are white, middle class and will have been brought up surrounded by white girls and I will be something of an oddity.

Help! Responses much appreciated especailly from people who go to Oxbrdge, or unis that have that really middle class white demographic - I think you know what I mean.

Thanks
Dont worry theres plenty of homies at Oxford, Ive been there for a night out (wouldn't recommend it)
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cheese_fondue
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a lot of white guys like "exotic" girls (asian, black, you name it).
and, not every white girly is blond. i'm very dark-haired and that's never been a problem, even though i don't fit the blond white girl stereotype.

i think that a lot depends on how you think about yourself when looking for a partner/boyfriend. if YOU think you're attractive and have a nice personality to offer as well, then so will the boys. the more insecure you feel, the harder it will be to convince anyone that you're worth a second look...
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