depression driving me round the bend Watch

Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 10 years ago
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sorry another thread about depression.
but please keep anon, i don't want people i no to no my true feelings/thoughts at the moment.

Wel basically the summer holidays have started for me. Yes i should be happy but i'm realy not. Ever since Novemeber I have been dreading half terms/holdidays of any sort and even the weekends have been a struggle for me. I only get through them because i no i can talk to my tutor at school about them soon. The thing is shes gone and left and even though she says keep in touch i have to ask other teachers for her address etc.

But i'm just really panicky, i don't no who i can talk to. I've tried with the help of my tutor to build up a relationship with my parents but its really hard to talk about everything i feel with them. For exampole self harm, and the sucicdal thoughts i have had sometimes. Its only been a few days since i broke up and i'm already scared and feel so lonely. I have a good group of friends but i get upset alot at the moment i can see them getting annoyed with me so i dont like to be around them so i refuse to go out with them as i no i will just go and get upset and spoil their day.

And my appetite problem has returned. I'm not eating as much as i should and i feel sick after i do eat something. Its really horrible i don't no what to do. I have seen two counsellers and they are just crap. I can't get along with them. I just feel so awkward talking to a stranger who doesn't know me. And i don't feel comfortable with all the questions esp as i can't answer them as i really don't konw why i'm feeling like this. I've also been on antidepressants before and they to didn't help.

I'm just dreading summer and results day. I feel i've messed up my AS levels due to my depression and lack of motivation and the whole 'whats the point' attitude that i can't get myself out of. I'm also scard that i'll slip back into the self harm and suicidal thoughts and this time if i do i dont no how i'll get out of them. I don't have anyone close to me i can talk to anymore. I really don't see the point in it all at the moment.

Sorry for the rant, I just really did need to get that off my chest.
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Malsy
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#2
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Don't worry so much.

You're not alone in being lonely during the holidays, most studens experience this I know I do.

It's sad to know people that could help you you find them 'crap'[I mean your councellors] as I feel talking to one may help a lot if you just give them a chance.

If you feel your depression is affecting everything in your life I would suggest seeing your GP maybe they will diagnose you with it and help you towards recovery better than anyone else can!

PM me anytime if you feel you don't have anyone to talk to as noone wants you to go back to suicidal thoughts whatsoever!

Don't worry its best to get things of your chest and if you ever need to talk liek I said PM me anytime
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hannah_dru
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You need to find that link with someone for the summer holidays. Sitting around on your own can make things worse and I can see why you'd end up hating holidays. I wasn't a fan but I found that being around people helps. I don't think your friends would be annoyed at you- if they're real friends then they'd support you.

Try and get her address if you can. I emailed my Drama tutor last year after I left cos I was suffering from depression and it helped that I had someone there for support.

How many sessions have you done with these counsellors? I felt like you at first but once you get talking they don't become a stranger anymore and they become someone you can tell everything to. It's possible that you haven't found the right one for you yet.

AS Levels aren't the end of the world cos you do have the option to re-take them. Did you have special consideration for them?
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 10 years ago
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(Original post by malsi101)
If you feel your depression is affecting everything in your life I would suggest seeing your GP maybe they will diagnose you with it and help you towards recovery better than anyone else can!
Yer i first went to the doctors when i was first feeling like this and they put me on the meds then put me on a counsellers.. and then the doctors messed me around a bit and i really don't want to go back.


(Original post by hannah_dru)

Try and get her address if you can. I emailed my Drama tutor last year after I left cos I was suffering from depression and it helped that I had someone there for support.

How many sessions have you done with these counsellors? I felt like you at first but once you get talking they don't become a stranger anymore and they become someone you can tell everything to. It's possible that you haven't found the right one for you yet.

AS Levels aren't the end of the world cos you do have the option to re-take them. Did you have special consideration for them?
The only problem with getting her add is that she doesn't have any internet so has no email which is a bit of a bummer. I hope shes at results day cuz i might try and see if i can get some type of contact but hey ho. People move on i suppose.

Erm. with the first counseller i had about 5 seesions then with the second i have 6. I just find it hard to talk to people generaly about my feelings so i suppose it will take time with me i just dont have that patience.. so its kinda my fault in a way.

and No dont have any special consideration for me as levels.
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tulip19
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So sorry you're feeling like this. In a similar situation myself.
Of course, it's up to you but I would keep going to the GP. Also, not all counsellors are the same and there are different types of counselling too. The kind where you tell them how you feel and why is psychotherapy/counselling. Another type is cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) which focusses on negative thought patterns. It might be worth investigating.
On the subject of being alone in the holidays. For me, my folks are taking care of me cos they're aware of the situation but this is not necessarily appropriate for you. I've also been listening to kids read at my old primary school to keep busy. This is the time friends come in useful too, if you have any handy.
And about AS-levels. Do they really matter? Maybe you feel totally different to me about this but for me, recovering from depression is the most important thing and everything else has paled into insignificance, including results. And remember that it's not you, it's the depression that has caused any bad results. When you feel better, one day, all that stuff will get easier.
Hope some of that was helpful and you know that there are lots of us in similar positions.
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