Why does noone ask to meet up with me at uni? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
#1
I've become friendly with lots of people around uni, from my course and societies, but no-one I meet has ever asked to meet up with me to do something outside of uni. I've asked to meet up with people multiple times, and they've always been up for it, but I'm always the one asking, which makes me feel like I'm better friends with them than they are with me (if that makes sense lol). It makes me feel a bit desperate to be the only one asking, but it's confusing because they never say no or come up with excuses or anything which I guess is a good sign?

My housemates aren't really 'my people', so I've been making an effort with my coursemates, but this effort just feels a bit unreciprocated. Maybe my coursemates just assume I have mates of my own (and they have flatmates of their own anyway) so don't feel a need to ask me to meet up.

I don't want to be the one asking all the time, but I want to take any opportunity to become better friends with these people and I'm worried that if I dont ask, they'll form groups without me.

Any advice? Am I thinking irrationally?
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Sammylou40
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#2
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#2
Carry on making arrangements.
It’s not a problem for you to do the asking.
As long as they are happy to do things with you that’s what counts. As time goes on and friendships become stronger it may change. But I wouldn’t worry about it too much
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brooklyn6
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#3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've become friendly with lots of people around uni, from my course and societies, but no-one I meet has ever asked to meet up with me to do something outside of uni. I've asked to meet up with people multiple times, and they've always been up for it, but I'm always the one asking, which makes me feel like I'm better friends with them than they are with me (if that makes sense lol). It makes me feel a bit desperate to be the only one asking, but it's confusing because they never say no or come up with excuses or anything which I guess is a good sign?

My housemates aren't really 'my people', so I've been making an effort with my coursemates, but this effort just feels a bit unreciprocated. Maybe my coursemates just assume I have mates of my own (and they have flatmates of their own anyway) so don't feel a need to ask me to meet up.

I don't want to be the one asking all the time, but I want to take any opportunity to become better friends with these people and I'm worried that if I dont ask, they'll form groups without me.

Any advice? Am I thinking irrationally?
Try and get involved as much as possible. Also, put yourself in their shoes, just like yourself they are trying to fit in, make new friends and make sense of it all. The fact that they are wanting to meet up and dont come up with excuses just proves the fact that they are interested in becoming friends but just might be shy or have other things such as work to deal with and dont really get up to much outside of uni.

Give it some time, everyone is still settling in and getting to grips with stuff. Next time you meet, maybe ask them what other things they like to get up to, and maybe suggest tagging along whenever possible.
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cheerIeader
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#4
Report 6 days ago
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Ask to meet up with them instead.
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Anonymous #2
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Report 6 days ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've become friendly with lots of people around uni, from my course and societies, but no-one I meet has ever asked to meet up with me to do something outside of uni. I've asked to meet up with people multiple times, and they've always been up for it, but I'm always the one asking, which makes me feel like I'm better friends with them than they are with me (if that makes sense lol). It makes me feel a bit desperate to be the only one asking, but it's confusing because they never say no or come up with excuses or anything which I guess is a good sign?

My housemates aren't really 'my people', so I've been making an effort with my coursemates, but this effort just feels a bit unreciprocated. Maybe my coursemates just assume I have mates of my own (and they have flatmates of their own anyway) so don't feel a need to ask me to meet up.

I don't want to be the one asking all the time, but I want to take any opportunity to become better friends with these people and I'm worried that if I dont ask, they'll form groups without me.

Any advice? Am I thinking irrationally?
I’m in the exact same situation! I hate it can’t seem to meet people, and I’m quite sociable so finding it extra hard.
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