Feeling very lonely at uni - 2nd year Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
#1
I was very excited about coming to uni. I'm a fairly social person, and I like going out, so the uni life really appealed to me. However, I'm not really enjoying myself at the moment.

In 1st year, I basically didnt click with anyone in my halls. I had a few people who I did most things with, but I never really considered them good friends. I kept myself busy with a sport, and the people there were all really nice but I never really became that good friends with them for some reason, like we would never meet outside of the society. My course was small so I basically had no coursemates. I ended up agreeing to live with some people from my halls in 2nd year, who were basically just friendly acquaintances to me (still are now), because I didn't have much choice. 1st year was a big disappointment for me, I didn't go out much and I felt pretty lonely as everyone else seemed to be having a great time.

I started a new course this year, which so far has been going well, and there are lots of decent people on my course who I'd like to become better friends with. However, I'm feeling lonelier than ever. I haven't gone out at all so far this year, and I feel like I'm not getting anywhere with my coursemates - they all seem to just naturally fall into friendship groups whilst I float around between individuals. I feel like no matter how hard I try to meet new people I just don't get anywhere beyond being acquaintances or meeting up every other week. And I'm always the one asking to meet up, never being asked.

People always say don't worry it gets better, but I'm in 2nd year now and I just feel lonelier. I even feel awkward going to lectures and stuff because, whilst I'm friendly with a lot of my coursemates, everyone is in little groups and I hate trying to like scrape in.

People are starting to think about housing for next year now, and this makes me feel awful - I have basically noone to ask/be asked by about sharing a house with.

tbh I'm worried that this all might start to affect my mental wellbeing, I've never had issues making friends/forming friendship groups in the past. It's exhausting trying to be optimistic and telling friends/family that uni is going great, because thats just not true. I feel like I could be having a great time, I just havent found the right people yet.
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NoEaze
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I was very excited about coming to uni. I'm a fairly social person, and I like going out, so the uni life really appealed to me. However, I'm not really enjoying myself at the moment.

In 1st year, I basically didnt click with anyone in my halls. I had a few people who I did most things with, but I never really considered them good friends. I kept myself busy with a sport, and the people there were all really nice but I never really became that good friends with them for some reason, like we would never meet outside of the society. My course was small so I basically had no coursemates. I ended up agreeing to live with some people from my halls in 2nd year, who were basically just friendly acquaintances to me (still are now), because I didn't have much choice. 1st year was a big disappointment for me, I didn't go out much and I felt pretty lonely as everyone else seemed to be having a great time.

I started a new course this year, which so far has been going well, and there are lots of decent people on my course who I'd like to become better friends with. However, I'm feeling lonelier than ever. I haven't gone out at all so far this year, and I feel like I'm not getting anywhere with my coursemates - they all seem to just naturally fall into friendship groups whilst I float around between individuals. I feel like no matter how hard I try to meet new people I just don't get anywhere beyond being acquaintances or meeting up every other week. And I'm always the one asking to meet up, never being asked.

People always say don't worry it gets better, but I'm in 2nd year now and I just feel lonelier. I even feel awkward going to lectures and stuff because, whilst I'm friendly with a lot of my coursemates, everyone is in little groups and I hate trying to like scrape in.

People are starting to think about housing for next year now, and this makes me feel awful - I have basically noone to ask/be asked by about sharing a house with.

tbh I'm worried that this all might start to affect my mental wellbeing, I've never had issues making friends/forming friendship groups in the past. It's exhausting trying to be optimistic and telling friends/family that uni is going great, because thats just not true. I feel like I could be having a great time, I just havent found the right people yet.
Maybe pick up a skateboard and learn how to skate, go to skate parks try and make friends or whatever
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RiceCakes
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#3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I was very excited about coming to uni. I'm a fairly social person, and I like going out, so the uni life really appealed to me. However, I'm not really enjoying myself at the moment.

In 1st year, I basically didnt click with anyone in my halls. I had a few people who I did most things with, but I never really considered them good friends. I kept myself busy with a sport, and the people there were all really nice but I never really became that good friends with them for some reason, like we would never meet outside of the society. My course was small so I basically had no coursemates. I ended up agreeing to live with some people from my halls in 2nd year, who were basically just friendly acquaintances to me (still are now), because I didn't have much choice. 1st year was a big disappointment for me, I didn't go out much and I felt pretty lonely as everyone else seemed to be having a great time.

I started a new course this year, which so far has been going well, and there are lots of decent people on my course who I'd like to become better friends with. However, I'm feeling lonelier than ever. I haven't gone out at all so far this year, and I feel like I'm not getting anywhere with my coursemates - they all seem to just naturally fall into friendship groups whilst I float around between individuals. I feel like no matter how hard I try to meet new people I just don't get anywhere beyond being acquaintances or meeting up every other week. And I'm always the one asking to meet up, never being asked.

People always say don't worry it gets better, but I'm in 2nd year now and I just feel lonelier. I even feel awkward going to lectures and stuff because, whilst I'm friendly with a lot of my coursemates, everyone is in little groups and I hate trying to like scrape in.

People are starting to think about housing for next year now, and this makes me feel awful - I have basically noone to ask/be asked by about sharing a house with.

tbh I'm worried that this all might start to affect my mental wellbeing, I've never had issues making friends/forming friendship groups in the past. It's exhausting trying to be optimistic and telling friends/family that uni is going great, because thats just not true. I feel like I could be having a great time, I just havent found the right people yet.
I relate to this so much! Its so hard going from being used to having a large group of friends at home to suddenly feeling like you're an outsider! I've found that the only thing you can do is keep going: go to your lectures, join (and stick at!) societies/sports, go to events. Go to socials hosted by your societies/sports - nights out always bring people closer together!

Re the living situation: at my uni there are events and facebook pages dedicated to sourcing new flatmates for next year - I'd be pretty surprised if yours didn't to!

Please don't beat yourself up about feeling lonely or not having a 'great' time at uni. So many people, especially in the first few years, put on this big show about how great a time they're having. I know loads of people who used to project the image of having the 'best time ever' but it later turned out they were feeling just as out of place as I was. There are definitely other people feeling the same as you.

If you feel its affecting your mental well-being, reach out to someone: whether its someone close to you or a professional at uni.

Hang in there! I can't guarantee it will get better but I know it did for me!
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Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
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(Original post by RiceCakes)
I relate to this so much! Its so hard going from being used to having a large group of friends at home to suddenly feeling like you're an outsider! I've found that the only thing you can do is keep going: go to your lectures, join (and stick at!) societies/sports, go to events. Go to socials hosted by your societies/sports - nights out always bring people closer together!

Re the living situation: at my uni there are events and facebook pages dedicated to sourcing new flatmates for next year - I'd be pretty surprised if yours didn't to!

Please don't beat yourself up about feeling lonely or not having a 'great' time at uni. So many people, especially in the first few years, put on this big show about how great a time they're having. I know loads of people who used to project the image of having the 'best time ever' but it later turned out they were feeling just as out of place as I was. There are definitely other people feeling the same as you.

If you feel its affecting your mental well-being, reach out to someone: whether its someone close to you or a professional at uni.

Hang in there! I can't guarantee it will get better but I know it did for me!
Thanks for this! Helped a lot
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RiceCakes
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for this! Helped a lot
No worries, hope it all works out!
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Anonymous #2
#6
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hope u don't mind me ranting a bit I've been soooo frustrated by this that I've had nightmares where I woke up screaming about all of the "friends" I have. WHY DOES NO ONE VALUE RELATIONSHIPS ANYMORE?! Simple question. And it is sooooo utterly DEPRESSING and makes me weep for the world. Everyone doesn't seem to give a crap about keeping up with other people and just seems to move on with life as if that person never existed. I am a very nice person. I socialise. I enjoy going out etc. But none of my friends or ANY new people I come across ever want to do anything!! I'm not even exaggerating. If I don't suggest a plan I'll never hear from them again. They r very nice people but *****y if u know what I mean. Not in a mean way but just boring as f***. Even when I suggest a plan they all crap out in the end. Then I see all the other people in my feeds with tonnes of other friends (who aren't always my friends) going out eating or days out or even holidays together. Ha!!! It'd be impossible getting my friends to go on holiday together. But everyone else seems to be doing life right. 😭😭😭😭

Noticeably my closer friends always ignore my texts whenever I'm suggesting to do something! I literally develop high blood pressure. IGNORING TEXTS IS RUDE!! 😡😡
I treasure friendships a lot. I am never the one to crap out of it. I'm always up for hanging out or chatting etc. I'm always though on the giving end never the receiving end and I'm so tired of it. I still wishing for a group of friends to come along who I can actually be happy with. How sad is that?

I'm in university for Christ sake. Isn't uni suppose to be time for making life long friends and going out having fun. I'm also in London!!! London!! Of all places there could be fun stuff to do there's no excuse not to. And I'm doing medicine! One of the largest courses and supposed party animals and I feel my year as as dull as soup. I cannot get along with them. What's wrong with them or me? I'm starting to feel like this now because everyone I come across is the same: don't care for close relationships. I can't even find one. Yet some people on my FB gets like 300 likes!!! on a not so special everyday post and I am lucky to get double digits . That in a way indicates how much friends like u and keep up with u. I'm not even doing anything much differently from them but don't get nearly enou likes or acknowledgement.

Now I have read these kinds of threads before and most likely u will give the same answer of find better friends but it begs the question of how???? Literally everywhere I turn I'm confronted by hollow f***ers who I wish I never met bc they all turn out to be just as boring and worthless building on my picture of the human race as growingly disconnected. It makes me even more depressed. I seriously can't be any nicer to people but I just can't build a connection with anyone.
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