Is there any way I can make myself like normal sex? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
#1
Im female and Ive never understood how kissing and plain intercourse turns people on as to me theres no real psychology behind it, just 2 people who find each other attractive. It would be good if someone could explain it to me as id love to have a normal sex drive.

Instead im turned on by stuff that no one i meet will likely be into. My last bf called me frigid as i just wasnt interested in sex/kissing etc. I went to have my hormones checked at the gp they were normal. The thing is i was way too embarrased to tell him what really turned me on as i didnt want him telling others. Now we have broke up im glad i didnt.

The real thing that turns me on is light bdsm and the thought of being vulnerable. When my bf once said jokingly ‘do you want a strap’ it really turned me on but i couldnt bring myself to tell him. Even if i did he wasnt into that stuff as he once said that he never understood beds/thought it was weird. So i thought there was no point even bringing it up. Also oddly back massages do it for me too, not sure why. If a guy i have a crush on mentions my back it turns me on a bit : / Its odd but this is why i keep it to myself.

I firstly wanted to know what percentage of men would be turned on by similar things to be, being honest?

Also is there a way i can bring myself to be turned on by kissing and normal sex?
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Anonymous #2
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Quite a few men would find that a turn on, I assure you.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Quite a few men would find that a turn on, I assure you.
I don’t know how many would though Im clueless as to whether it would be about 2% or 10%, most men just seem to be interested in intercourse and kissing.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don’t know how many would though Im clueless as to whether it would be about 2% or 10%, most men just seem to be interested in intercourse and kissing.
Most men are interested in controlling a woman during sex.
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JTfoxlove
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I assume you're over the age of 18.

There's not such thing as a 'normal sex' drive or 'normal sexuality'. Plenty of people having 'normal sex' are fantasising about light BDSM and other kinks.

Generally just talk to your partner have a kink chat to see what you're both into or want to explore.

Sounds like you have a bit of kink shame that you need to get over and need to build your confidence to ask for what you want.

There's nothing wrong with you, you just need to be more open with your next sexual partner and embrace the things that turn you on.
Last edited by JTfoxlove; 1 week ago
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Dunnig Kruger
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For the back massage thing, at a huge guess, 90% of men like having their backs massaged.
Of them, one would hope that over 50% of them would be generous enough to massage their girlfriends backs in return for having their backs massaged. Not necessarily in the same love making session, but in return for previous ones too.

So you could work on the area where you are compatible with largest proportion of men. And take things from there.

For the light bondage stuff, there's probably a high enough proportion of men that could go with that. Especially if you were the one tied up and not them.

Anyway, you can broach the back massage subject without any fear of embarrassment whatsoever.
And for the right kind of mature guy, you can mention your other preferences and desires to and he will take it in his stride and do his best to make your wishes come true.

You could treat revealing your sexual preferences as a test. If he responds in a mature, caring, calm, understanding, open-minded way then he's a keeper. If he responds in a childish, over-reacting, selfish, narrow minded way then get rid of him.

A really good lover would - for example - start with the back massage as an essential part of foreplay with you. Then move onto to the light bdsm. Then over time introduce other routes to turning you on and satisfying you, once you'd gotten to the stage where you fully trusted him.
Last edited by Dunnig Kruger; 1 week ago
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