I see my boyfriend as a brother Watch

AJayeBird
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#1
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Okay, a bit of background:

I've liked this one guy for about two years now. We started off as good friends around the first year and near the second year he just... hated me. I'm not sure why, but he would insult me and throw things at me (Usually carrots, apples, and milk)

This year, however, he has started to be my friend again. I was ecstatic to say the very least. Something was definitely different though. He started to give me little notes in the hallways saying he liked me and asking me to come to his locker. He would occasionally hug me and even asked me to a school dance!

I was still happy and even took him to the movies! I really thought I liked him, I mean, he was my first crush. But, as we got to know each other I lost that spark I great when he smiled at me or held my hand.

I'd get rather reluctant to walk out of school with him or even see him smile at me every time he saw me. And I mean EVERY TIME. We could walk past each other 15,000,000 times and each time he would grin at me widely, it was a bit unsettling.

I realised that as much as I like him, I just want to be friends. But, apparently, he told people we were dating. WHICH WE WERE MOST DEFINITELY NOT!

I don't know what to do, I've told all my friends and family about him. They all knew about my silly little crush on him and I've told them everything that has been going on between us. I've even met his family.

Does this normally happen? Should I just let things play out and hope I'll like him again?

I think I've dug myself to deep of a hole to get out of and I'm honestly regretting everything.

Please help!
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flauplow
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If you're not happy with the way things are then there's no point in letting it 'play out'. You can't force love. If it doesn't happen - it doesn't happen. You should be clear about what you want/need with people. I took Wendelin Van Draanen's words in the film Flipped to heart; “Sometimes a little discomfort in the beginning can save a whole lot of pain down the road.” So, I would suggest figuring out what you want and then clearing things out with him and others - of course, be kind and genuine as you do so.

Hope that helps you a bit.
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sinfonietta
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Once the spark is gone it's gone. Don't lead him on in the vain hope that it'll come back. You need to let him know that you don't see him in that way.
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ageshallnot
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Well, that's better than the other way round...
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Wired_1800
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(Original post by AJayeBird)
Okay, a bit of background:

I've liked this one guy for about two years now. We started off as good friends around the first year and near the second year he just... hated me. I'm not sure why, but he would insult me and throw things at me (Usually carrots, apples, and milk)

This year, however, he has started to be my friend again. I was ecstatic to say the very least. Something was definitely different though. He started to give me little notes in the hallways saying he liked me and asking me to come to his locker. He would occasionally hug me and even asked me to a school dance!

I was still happy and even took him to the movies! I really thought I liked him, I mean, he was my first crush. But, as we got to know each other I lost that spark I great when he smiled at me or held my hand.

I'd get rather reluctant to walk out of school with him or even see him smile at me every time he saw me. And I mean EVERY TIME. We could walk past each other 15,000,000 times and each time he would grin at me widely, it was a bit unsettling.

I realised that as much as I like him, I just want to be friends. But, apparently, he told people we were dating. WHICH WE WERE MOST DEFINITELY NOT!

I don't know what to do, I've told all my friends and family about him. They all knew about my silly little crush on him and I've told them everything that has been going on between us. I've even met his family.

Does this normally happen? Should I just let things play out and hope I'll like him again?

I think I've dug myself to deep of a hole to get out of and I'm honestly regretting everything.

Please help!
Just let me down gently. No need to keep him in this state for months then break it off.

I’d suggest you tell him that you don't want anything too serious and then continue to be his friend. This way he does not get damaged mentally.
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AJayeBird
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(Original post by flauplow)
If you're not happy with the way things are then there's no point in letting it 'play out'. You can't force love. If it doesn't happen - it doesn't happen. You should be clear about what you want/need with people. I took Wendelin Van Draanen's words in the film Flipped to heart; “Sometimes a little discomfort in the beginning can save a whole lot of pain down the road.” So, I would suggest figuring out what you want and then clearing things out with him and others - of course, be kind and genuine as you do so.

Hope that helps you a bit.
That helps me a lot! Thank you so much for the advice. Do you know any talking points I could use? I'm extremely nervousr about this..
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Xarao
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(Original post by AJayeBird)
That helps me a lot! Thank you so much for the advice. Do you know any talking points I could use? I'm extremely nervousr about this..
How dramatic can you be? You're not "stuck" at all, you chose not to end it and continue to not do so.
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AJayeBird
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(Original post by Xarao)
How dramatic can you be? You're not "stuck" at all, you chose not to end it and continue to not do so.
I am completely and utterly stuck because I've been practically head over heels for this guy for so long and everyone who has ever met me knows his name. We've been on plenty of dates and each time we've had loads of fun. We hold hands, we pass notes, we text almost non stop. He just seems to move in the relationship a lot faster than I do. It took him a span of two days to go from hating me, to being my friend, to asking me to the dance. It took me just until a few days ago to realise that I wasn't ready to be in a relationship with him. I didn't see him in that way anymore, and I'd rather just be his friend.

I'm "stuck" because I've met his family and they were so excited about me. I'm "stuck" because the guy is still SO important to me! And I'm "stuck" because never in my wildest dreams do I ever want to hurt him.
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Xarao
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(Original post by AJayeBird)
I am completely and utterly stuck because I've been practically head over heels for this guy for so long and everyone who has ever met me knows his name. We've been on plenty of dates and each time we've had loads of fun. We hold hands, we pass notes, we text almost non stop. He just seems to move in the relationship a lot faster than I do. It took him a span of two days to go from hating me, to being my friend, to asking me to the dance. It took me just until a few days ago to realise that I wasn't ready to be in a relationship with him. I didn't see him in that way anymore, and I'd rather just be his friend.

I'm "stuck" because I've met his family and they were so excited about me. I'm "stuck" because the guy is still SO important to me! And I'm "stuck" because never in my wildest dreams do I ever want to hurt him.
Okay, so if you don't want to speak the truth now, you'll hurt him even more later. But if that's not enough, enjoy your continued misery while you pretend your happy, also enjoy sacrificing your own happiness for whatever you call this.
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Popsicle_pirate
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You're not stuck, you just need to have an honest conversation with him about your feelings. If people ask you about him just say you decided you were better off as friends...
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SpaceOdds
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(Original post by AJayeBird)
Okay, a bit of background:

I've liked this one guy for about two years now. We started off as good friends around the first year and near the second year he just... hated me. I'm not sure why, but he would insult me and throw things at me (Usually carrots, apples, and milk)

This year, however, he has started to be my friend again. I was ecstatic to say the very least. Something was definitely different though. He started to give me little notes in the hallways saying he liked me and asking me to come to his locker. He would occasionally hug me and even asked me to a school dance!

I was still happy and even took him to the movies! I really thought I liked him, I mean, he was my first crush. But, as we got to know each other I lost that spark I great when he smiled at me or held my hand.

I'd get rather reluctant to walk out of school with him or even see him smile at me every time he saw me. And I mean EVERY TIME. We could walk past each other 15,000,000 times and each time he would grin at me widely, it was a bit unsettling.

I realised that as much as I like him, I just want to be friends. But, apparently, he told people we were dating. WHICH WE WERE MOST DEFINITELY NOT!

I don't know what to do, I've told all my friends and family about him. They all knew about my silly little crush on him and I've told them everything that has been going on between us. I've even met his family.

Does this normally happen? Should I just let things play out and hope I'll like him again?

I think I've dug myself to deep of a hole to get out of and I'm honestly regretting everything.

Please help!
Wow. You two guys really need a good sincere talk
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bones-mccoy
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The worst thing you could do in this situation is ignore the nagging feeling that something is wrong and continue to lead him on. Put yourself in his shoes - wouldn't you want to know if the person you had feelings for and were dating actually saw you as more of a sibling? It's going to be an awkward conversation either way but keep things light and simple, tell him you don't think it's going to work or see him as more of a friend or that you're not ready for a relationship at this point in time. It doesn't have to be as dramatic and heartbreaking as you're making it out to be.
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flauplow
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(Original post by AJayeBird)
That helps me a lot! Thank you so much for the advice. Do you know any talking points I could use? I'm extremely nervousr about this..
It's going to be a rather serious conversation between you two, so I can't brush it off as easy. I don't think you're leading him on per se, you've just figured out your feelings and now you have to be honest and clear things out.

I don't necessarily know of any talking points but you should be clear with your side of things and explain it carefully, clearly and honestly. He may be upset, but there really isn't any other way. He will eventually move on as well. The best way to do this, for both of you, is for you to have a gentle but decisive talk. You'll be fine, it may sound intimidating but as I've quoted before, it gets better.
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Plantagenet Crown
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Poor guy’s been brotherzoned.
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