Friend cancels plans last minute all the time Watch

Anonymous #1
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Hi guys so I have a friend and when we make an arrange to go watch a film or something, he will literally pull out at the very last minute. Like 30 mins before we had to meet and this happens very often like 2/3 plans go this way. Tbh now i’m getting pretty annoyed, this guy is an friend from high school who I don’t really see everyday, but do you think I should just cut them off because I get ready and sometimes cancel other plans and stuff just to be pulled out on last min. When I confront them about this they just play it off as a joke.

They don’t even have the manors to message me and tell me, I have to message them as ask if it’s still on and generally get ignored up until like 30 mins before. Tbh if I wouldn’t message first, I would probably even up at the place waiting and they just wouldn’t turn up.

Should I just cut them off because I got other friends at University tbh?
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DiddyDecAlt
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Cut him off, if he doesn't even have the decency to let you know then he isn't worth keeping around.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by DiddyDecAlt)
Cut him off, if he doesn't even have the decency to let you know then he isn't worth keeping around.
Thanks just wanted to make sure I wasn’t being over dramatic
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artful_lounger
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Have you asked them why they tend to cancel things very last minute, as opposed to further in advance?

I suffer from depression and anxiety and often end up cancelling things at or near the last minute because I've been mentally preparing myself for the few days running up to it, but find as the time comes up sometimes my anxiety will overwhelm me, or I'll I spiral into a depressive episode, and I am thus unable to go out. While I try and maintain commitments whenever possible, sometimes it just becomes too much, and I have no other option but to cancel. It's not a case of being callous with respect to my friends' time and commitments, and the feelings of guilt afterwards often make any anxious or depressive states last that much longer.

As such I'd encourage you to discuss it with them a bit more, and if they brush it off as a joke, try and gently press the matter. It may be they are dealing with some stuff currently you aren't aware of, which may make their absences and cancellations more understandable.

That said, you aren't obligated to continue making time for them, and sometimes if there is no reason (or sometimes even if there is) it's best for your own benefit to just go your own way. I would suggest that you leave the door open for them, in that case (unless there are other issues at play), but perhaps stop putting in as much yourself and let them make the effort to arrange things and meet you on your level of engagement.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by artful_lounger)
Have you asked them why they tend to cancel things very last minute, as opposed to further in advance?

I suffer from depression and anxiety and often end up cancelling things at or near the last minute because I've been mentally preparing myself for the few days running up to it, but find as the time comes up sometimes my anxiety will overwhelm me, or I'll I spiral into a depressive episode, and I am thus unable to go out. While I try and maintain commitments whenever possible, sometimes it just becomes too much, and I have no other option but to cancel. It's not a case of being callous with respect to my friends' time and commitments, and the feelings of guilt afterwards often make any anxious or depressive states last that much longer.

As such I'd encourage you to discuss it with them a bit more, and if they brush it off as a joke, try and gently press the matter. It may be they are dealing with some stuff currently you aren't aware of, which may make their absences and cancellations more understandable.

That said, you aren't obligated to continue making time for them, and sometimes if there is no reason (or sometimes even if there is) it's best for your own benefit to just go your own way. I would suggest that you leave the door open for them, in that case (unless there are other issues at play), but perhaps stop putting in as much yourself and let them make the effort to arrange things and meet you on your level of engagement.
His excuses range from I broke my leg (Yes this was actually an excuse) which was told to me about 20 mins before we were meant to meet and he done this a few days prior. I have to do sometimes at university so I can’t make it.

From the way he does act he is very extroverted and one of the last people I would think to have anxiety. He is just lazy tbh
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artful_lounger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
His excuses range from I broke my leg (Yes this was actually an excuse) which was told to me about 20 mins before we were meant to meet and he done this a few days prior. I have to do sometimes at university so I can’t make it.

From the way he does act he is very extroverted and one of the last people I would think to have anxiety. He is just lazy tbh
People with mental health issues often put on a persona externally to mask those, and so can performatively appear more extroverted to distract from underlying issues. Don't assume only introverted, shy people experience mental health issues, including depression or anxiety.

That aside, it seems somewhat absurd that you are blaming him for not immediately telling you after breaking his leg that it had happened - he probably had to go to hospital, get X-Rays, a cast, and was probably swimming in painkillers for a day or so after that anyway. Quite frankly after experiencing a major medical trauma, it would be perfectly understandable to just forget some social engagements that you had planned.

You seem rather judgmental even of this legitimate reason to not meet you, which suggests you are really just looking for an excuse to no longer engage with this person. Just drop the pretense and stop being friends with him if you don't want to anymore. You aren't obligated to remain friends with anyone, and you really don't seem very invested in this friendship other than as a target for negativity. Honestly with the whole bit about you being mad that he broke his leg and didn't immediately tell you, it seems like he may be better off without such a self-centered friend anyway.
Last edited by artful_lounger; 1 week ago
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