Girlfriend is begging me not to tell anyone about abuse. Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
Been living with my girlfriend for a year now, and for the past few it’s been quite difficult. She has been showing absolutely no interest in me and getting quite violent and angry a lot of the time over small things - when she gets like this she’ll usually scream, throw things across the room, hit me, kick me, try and strangle me, tear things off walls. It’s been horrible. I should say I never reciprocate these actions. She also keeps telling me to leave, “**** off”, and that she hates me, I’m an awful person etc. I really try to show her as much love and affection as I can, it despite this she’s obviously not happy.

Recently things have changed. The other day she started being very cuddly/lovey. I didn’t understand where this came from as she isn’t been this way for months. She tells me she’s sorry about the violence and begged me not to tell anyone. Then started asking me to hit her so that “you can’t tell anyone because you’ve done it to me too.” She also said she’s been acting like this because she “wants to grow as her own person.” But when I said that’s understandable and maybe I should get my own place she told me not to.
I get the feeling she’s only being like this because she doesn’t want me telling people. But it’s nice to have the relationship back to the way it used to be (we’ll, a bit). I’m constantly wondering when this lovey act will be dropped and things will go back to the way they used to be.

She tells me she’ll change and it won’t happen again... but I have heard that before. Every time I go to leave she begs me not to and cries.

What do you guys think? (Sorry for the huge post!)
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Sinnoh
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#2
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Wow, how manipulative of her
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DiddyDecAlt
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#3
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You need to get out of that relationship and contact the police.
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Anonymous #2
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break!!! up!!! with!!! her!!! honestly bro she’s an abuser, this is her trying to manipulate you. please please RUN. this isn’t going to get better i swear to you. you sound incredibly patient and understanding you could get a girl who isn’t emotionally and physically abusive. pleas. run.
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sinfonietta
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It's up to you whether or not you tell people, of course. She's only worried about what others think of her.

If I were you I'd leave the relationship. I got aggressive (verbally) with an ex when my mental health was at its worst. He stuck by me, but after a year and a half of this I was the one to end it. He deserved a partner who wouldn't make him the enemy whenever something went wrong. And I needed to be single to learn how to manage my issues by myself.
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davesantana
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#6
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man getting patterned up by a girl.

all serious thats a toxic af relationship just leave and dont look back
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999tigger
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#7
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#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
Been living with my girlfriend for a year now, and for the past few it’s been quite difficult. She has been showing absolutely no interest in me and getting quite violent and angry a lot of the time over small things - when she gets like this she’ll usually scream, throw things across the room, hit me, kick me, try and strangle me, tear things off walls. It’s been horrible. I should say I never reciprocate these actions. She also keeps telling me to leave, “**** off”, and that she hates me, I’m an awful person etc. I really try to show her as much love and affection as I can, it despite this she’s obviously not happy.

Recently things have changed. The other day she started being very cuddly/lovey. I didn’t understand where this came from as she isn’t been this way for months. She tells me she’s sorry about the violence and begged me not to tell anyone. Then started asking me to hit her so that “you can’t tell anyone because you’ve done it to me too.” She also said she’s been acting like this because she “wants to grow as her own person.” But when I said that’s understandable and maybe I should get my own place she told me not to.
I get the feeling she’s only being like this because she doesn’t want me telling people. But it’s nice to have the relationship back to the way it used to be (we’ll, a bit). I’m constantly wondering when this lovey act will be dropped and things will go back to the way they used to be.

She tells me she’ll change and it won’t happen again... but I have heard that before. Every time I go to leave she begs me not to and cries.

What do you guys think? (Sorry for the huge post!)
She sounds pretty messed up? What do you want? How old are you both? Imo life is too short and you should be looking to get out and find someone more normalised. Up to you whether you tell anyone. I believe there is a specialist charity, which I will try and look up if you need it.
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Anonymous #3
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she sounds very mentally ill
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Anonymous #4
#9
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Been living with my girlfriend for a year now, and for the past few it’s been quite difficult. She has been showing absolutely no interest in me and getting quite violent and angry a lot of the time over small things - when she gets like this she’ll usually scream, throw things across the room, hit me, kick me, try and strangle me, tear things off walls. It’s been horrible. I should say I never reciprocate these actions. She also keeps telling me to leave, “**** off”, and that she hates me, I’m an awful person etc. I really try to show her as much love and affection as I can, it despite this she’s obviously not happy.

Recently things have changed. The other day she started being very cuddly/lovey. I didn’t understand where this came from as she isn’t been this way for months. She tells me she’s sorry about the violence and begged me not to tell anyone. Then started asking me to hit her so that “you can’t tell anyone because you’ve done it to me too.” She also said she’s been acting like this because she “wants to grow as her own person.” But when I said that’s understandable and maybe I should get my own place she told me not to.
I get the feeling she’s only being like this because she doesn’t want me telling people. But it’s nice to have the relationship back to the way it used to be (we’ll, a bit). I’m constantly wondering when this lovey act will be dropped and things will go back to the way they used to be.

She tells me she’ll change and it won’t happen again... but I have heard that before. Every time I go to leave she begs me not to and cries.

What do you guys think? (Sorry for the huge post!)
This is not love. If I were you I would be brave enough to leave, for both of your sakes. She is dependant on you and that is not a loving relationship. She wants you to stay for all the wrong reasons. It sounds like something is missing in her life and she is expecting you to stay and fill the emptiness. Do not feel guilty about putting yourself first, your own emotional health and well being. She needs to do the same and figure out what it is that is making her dependant on you rather than being dependant on herself, and why she thinks that's acceptable behaviour towards you or any other human being. It is controlling and manipulative. You are deprioritizing your own needs, it is a toxic relationship.
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holly6901
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that's not a healthy relationship run for the hills
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 999tigger)
She sounds pretty messed up? What do you want? How old are you both? Imo life is too short and you should be looking to get out and find someone more normalised. Up to you whether you tell anyone. I believe there is a specialist charity, which I will try and look up if you need it.
I’m 21 and she’s 19. I’m currently studying an access course to study psychology at uni next year, she’s wanting to get into an HNC in art. I have gone to leave in the past, she cries and pleads with me not to. It makes it quite hard to leave! But I don’t know if I should just wait things out for a few months until I go off to uni. And see how things are then. I don’t know why I’m staying with her, maybe I think we’re in love. But looking at it from a different persons perspective it just seems completely messed up.
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holly6901
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m 21 and she’s 19. I’m currently studying an access course to study psychology at uni next year, she’s wanting to get into an HNC in art. I have gone to leave in the past, she cries and pleads with me not to. It makes it quite hard to leave! But I don’t know if I should just wait things out for a few months until I go off to uni. And see how things are then. I don’t know why I’m staying with her, maybe I think we’re in love. But looking at it from a different persons perspective it just seems completely messed up.
I know it seems hard I understand what it's like but you need to leave. I'm happy to offer support to you.
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BlueIndigoViolet
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In a distant place I know, but when you say things like

"She has been showing absolutely no interest in me and getting quite violent and angry a lot of the time over small things - when she gets like this she’ll usually scream, throw things across the room, hit me, kick me, try and strangle me, tear things off walls."

hard to imagine why you're still with her, sounds incredibly slippery and absolutely not worth your time, hope you get someone you deserve
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m 21 and she’s 19. I’m currently studying an access course to study psychology at uni next year, she’s wanting to get into an HNC in art. I have gone to leave in the past, she cries and pleads with me not to. It makes it quite hard to leave! But I don’t know if I should just wait things out for a few months until I go off to uni. And see how things are then. I don’t know why I’m staying with her, maybe I think we’re in love. But looking at it from a different persons perspective it just seems completely messed up.
I'm afraid to tell you that it isn't live. It is co dependency and habit. When we love somebody else, it's because our own 'cup' so to speak, is already full and we are giving from our over flow. She is treating you like this because her 'cup' is not full and so she is taking from yours, also leaving yours unfilled. Projecting her negativity onto you making you unhappy also. Don't wait, you will feel like a weight has been lifted once you leave her. Do not feel guilty. You need to reinstate boundaries in your own life, you are allowed to leave, you are allowed to say no to things and you certainly do not need to give a reason. You are the only one able to live your life, and create your own happiness. You should never put up with, or chase anything. What will be will be.
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999tigger
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#15
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m 21 and she’s 19. I’m currently studying an access course to study psychology at uni next year, she’s wanting to get into an HNC in art. I have gone to leave in the past, she cries and pleads with me not to. It makes it quite hard to leave! But I don’t know if I should just wait things out for a few months until I go off to uni. And see how things are then. I don’t know why I’m staying with her, maybe I think we’re in love. But looking at it from a different persons perspective it just seems completely messed up.

There are 2.

1. https://www.mankind.org.uk/
CALL 01823 334244
Confidential helpline for male victims of domestic abuse and domestic violence
Weekdays 10am to 4pm


2. http://www.mensadviceline.org.uk/
Call freephone 0808 801 0327 Monday-Friday 9am-5pm or email [email protected]
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NotNotBatman
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You are being emotionally manipulated along with physically abused. Leave her and do not stay in touch.

Whether or not you tell someone is ultimately your decision.
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mgi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Been living with my girlfriend for a year now, and for the past few it’s been quite difficult. She has been showing absolutely no interest in me and getting quite violent and angry a lot of the time over small things - when she gets like this she’ll usually scream, throw things across the room, hit me, kick me, try and strangle me, tear things off walls. It’s been horrible. I should say I never reciprocate these actions. She also keeps telling me to leave, “**** off”, and that she hates me, I’m an awful person etc. I really try to show her as much love and affection as I can, it despite this she’s obviously not happy.

Recently things have changed. The other day she started being very cuddly/lovey. I didn’t understand where this came from as she isn’t been this way for months. She tells me she’s sorry about the violence and begged me not to tell anyone. Then started asking me to hit her so that “you can’t tell anyone because you’ve done it to me too.” She also said she’s been acting like this because she “wants to grow as her own person.” But when I said that’s understandable and maybe I should get my own place she told me not to.
I get the feeling she’s only being like this because she doesn’t want me telling people. But it’s nice to have the relationship back to the way it used to be (we’ll, a bit). I’m constantly wondering when this lovey act will be dropped and things will go back to the way they used to be.

She tells me she’ll change and it won’t happen again... but I have heard that before. Every time I go to leave she begs me not to and cries.

What do you guys think? (Sorry for the huge post!)
Leave and let her sort out her own issues. Don't be manipulated.
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imo__o
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Leave!!! It will only get worst. It won’t suddenly become better and she won’t change. By staying, you’re putting yourself in danger of physical and mental abuse that could lead to severe mental illness. You don’t have to tell anyone if you’re not comfortable with saying to people. You can make up some other excuse but like boy LEAVE!
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