I didn’t let him have sex and now he’s not speaking to me Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#1
So I’m in first year at uni and I met this guy and we got on well to begin with. He invited me to come over for movie nights and it was harmless, we just spoke, had a laugh and a cuddle. Two days later he invited me over again but this time during the movie he randomly kissed me and then within like two minutes he’s half naked and trying to take my top off. I stop him and things get really awkward. In the moment I kind of said ‘you do this a lot don’t you’ so it just made it even more awkward. We just laid there in silence then he fell asleep and I tried to sneak out and he woke up and asked where I was going and I said I was leaving since he fell asleep there wasn’t any point in me sticking around and I didn’t want to wake him up. So I left and he hasn’t spoken to me since and I didn’t want things to be awkward between us since we’re in the same society so I messaged him to kind of explain why I acted the way I did. Said how it’s because of my religion as well and also because I take things slow and I know he’s seen it but hasn’t actually opened it because I can see he was active like five minutes ago but I sent it like an hour ago. I know I shouldn’t care but I do because I thought he was interested in getting to know me properly and not just sleep with me so now I just feel so uncomfortable and awkward. I’m worried about seeing him at the next society meeting.
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AnxiousAtypical
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So I’m in first year at uni and I met this guy and we got on well to begin with. He invited me to come over for movie nights and it was harmless, we just spoke, had a laugh and a cuddle. Two days later he invited me over again but this time during the movie he randomly kissed me and then within like two minutes he’s half naked and trying to take my top off. I stop him and things get really awkward. In the moment I kind of said ‘you do this a lot don’t you’ so it just made it even more awkward. We just laid there in silence then he fell asleep and I tried to sneak out and he woke up and asked where I was going and I said I was leaving since he fell asleep there wasn’t any point in me sticking around and I didn’t want to wake him up. So I left and he hasn’t spoken to me since and I didn’t want things to be awkward between us since we’re in the same society so I messaged him to kind of explain why I acted the way I did. Said how it’s because of my religion as well and also because I take things slow and I know he’s seen it but hasn’t actually opened it because I can see he was active like five minutes ago but I sent it like an hour ago. I know I shouldn’t care but I do because I thought he was interested in getting to know me properly and not just sleep with me so now I just feel so uncomfortable and awkward. I’m worried about seeing him at the next society meeting.
Stick to your studies not looking for lads to bang
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Karisa96
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Theres nothing wrong with that. In fact I rather admire you for saying no.
When the time is right you will know, dont get talked into doing something you may regret.
Good luck. X
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londonmyst
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You're well rid of him.
Don't apologise or make excuses.
It sounds like you are looking for a monogamous relationship while he just wants sex.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Popsiclez)
You probably should've just said no rather than add a snide remark. And try to sneak out without telling him. And you say you had been doing movie nights and gotten on well with each other before hand.

How long do you want him to wait exactly? Be explicit about the parameters of the relationship in the beginning otherwise assumptions will be made.
We had only been hanging out for two days. Surely most would see that as too early?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Karisa96)
Theres nothing wrong with that. In fact I rather admire you for saying no.
When the time is right you will know, dont get talked into doing something you may regret.
Good luck. X
Thank you x
I just feel kind of weird now because I’m just thinking that the only reason he approached me was to have sex with me. Like he didn’t care to get to know me as a person
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by AnxiousAtypical)
Stick to your studies not looking for lads to bang
I’m not looking for lads to bang. I thought he just wanted to hang out and get to know each other more. I didn’t expect anything sexual to come out of it especially since we had only been hanging out for two days
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J Papi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m not looking for lads to bang. I thought he just wanted to hang out and get to know each other more. I didn’t expect anything sexual to come out of it especially since we had only been hanging out for two days
Freshers are like sharks
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Karisa96
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you x
I just feel kind of weird now because I’m just thinking that the only reason he approached me was to have sex with me. Like he didn’t care to get to know me as a person
That could be right Hun.
Alot of guys think we are alright for a one night stand and nothing else. Sinicle I know but never the less the truth.
You can always pm me if you want a chat. X
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Karisa96)
That could be right Hun.
Alot of guys think we are alright for a one night stand and nothing else. Sinicle I know but never the less the truth.
You can always pm me if you want a chat. X
I really appreciate it, I will take you up on that offer if I need to x
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Karisa96
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I really appreciate it, I will take you up on that offer if I need to x
Okay Hun that's fine. X
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Apachecow
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I suspect he's embarrassed he misread the signs. Try not to make it into a big thing. He knows where he stands and respected you saying no. You did add a bit of insult to injury leaving, but that's your choice.

Don't necessarily expect a reply. I'm sure things can go back to normal between you.
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Greywolftwo
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(Original post by Karisa96)
That could be right Hun.
Alot of guys think we are alright for a one night stand and nothing else. Sinicle I know but never the less the truth.
You can always pm me if you want a chat. X
Are a lot of guys really into one night stands? I must be quite the traditional lad then
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you x
I just feel kind of weird now because I’m just thinking that the only reason he approached me was to have sex with me. Like he didn’t care to get to know me as a person
Yes, some men are like that. Just after another notch on their bedpost.

You happened to run in to one of them.

2nd date is too early for him to make a move and go into a sulk when you turned him down.
Someone with more class or wisdom or actual experience in relationships with women would have been cool about you turning him down. The appropriate thing for him to do was to make a tentative move to test the waters and back off when you didn't reciprocate.Then he should have gone back to "getting to know you mode" and then made another move on another date (not necessarily the next one, maybe the one after).

Would it be fair to say that a man with more patience and persistence would have gotten to make love with you? Assuming you carried on getting on OK, and appeared to be compatible enough?

And as for sticking to your studies and not looking for a boyfriend - that is sound advice for someone lacking in ambition. There's no reason why you can't do really well in your studies AND find love at uni.
The development of your social skills at uni is at least as important as the academic knowledge or degree that you will gain.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Apachecow)
I suspect he's embarrassed he misread the signs. Try not to make it into a big thing. He knows where he stands and respected you saying no. You did add a bit of insult to injury leaving, but that's your choice.

Don't necessarily expect a reply. I'm sure things can go back to normal between you.
That’s why I messaged him, I didn’t want to insult him in any way but when it happened I was caught off guard and I guess this other side of me came out that wanted to protect myself. But there’s nothing I can do now I guess.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
Yes, some men are like that. Just after another notch on their bedpost.

You happened to run in to one of them.

2nd date is too early for him to make a move and go into a sulk when you turned him down.
Someone with more class or wisdom or actual experience in relationships with women would have been cool about you turning him down. The appropriate thing for him to do was to make a tentative move to test the waters and back off when you didn't reciprocate.Then he should have gone back to "getting to know you mode" and then made another move on another date (not necessarily the next one, maybe the one after).

Would it be fair to say that a man with more patience and persistence would have gotten to make love with you? Assuming you carried on getting on OK, and appeared to be compatible enough?

And as for sticking to your studies and not looking for a boyfriend - that is sound advice for someone lacking in ambition. There's no reason why you can't do really well in your studies AND find love at uni.
The development of your social skills at uni is at least as important as the academic knowledge or degree that you will gain.
The thing is I want to save myself for marriage. I want it to only be with one person and that’s just my own personal opinion, not everyone needs to agree with it. I guess I just want some understanding and see if the other person would be willing to wait until I’m ready and form just an emotional connection with me.
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Greywolftwo
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The thing is I want to save myself for marriage. I want it to only be with one person and that’s just my own personal opinion, not everyone needs to agree with it. I guess I just want some understanding and see if the other person would be willing to wait until I’m ready and form just an emotional connection with me.
I’d say that’s very sensible, you don’t have to have sex with someone but you can still have a boyfriend without having sex. Is this religious at all?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Greywolftwo)
I’d say that’s very sensible, you don’t have to have sex with someone but you can still have a boyfriend without having sex. Is this religious at all?
Yes, I’m a catholic. But I feel like I’d feel the same way even if I wasn’t religious.
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aLittleBookWorm
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Good on you for saying no tbh, if he doesn't want to talk to you now then you're better off without him tbh
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Vinny C
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Had the same problem with my son... we're over it now.
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