Flatemate moving my stuff out of kitchen drawer, am I in the wrong? Watch

nospace
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I'm a year older than this guy, I took a year off before going to uni and I lived in a house share.

When I moved into the halls and went to put stuff into the kitchen, I just put my stuff wherever there was free space and I notcied other people followed suit. For example, I put my spices and pasta in a free cupboard and then I notcied someone else put their tea, coffee and jam next to my stuff which I thought nothing of since it's a shared kitchen. I put my pots and pans in one cupboard and someone put their pans next to mine etc..
In fact I was happy to see other people were utilising the cupboard space rather than having this immature "This is MY cupboard" attitude, which I hate.

I've heard some halls have allocated cupboard spaces and locks etc but the kitchen here isn't organised like that at all, all the cupboards have huge varitations in sizes which doesn't really lend itself to each person taking their own cupboard as it would be unfair.

Anyway, I recently bought a set of cutlery;one fork, one knife and one spoon. And 2 chopping knives. This is all the cutlery I have. I went to put them in the kitchen and automatically put them in the cutlery drawer. As there was a lot of mis-macthed cutlery in there and I could see that there was a cutlery organiser that was provided for us by the accomodation, I assumed this was the communal cutlery drawer. There were no other free drawers for me to put my cutlery in.

When I went to get my cutlery I was confused to see it was all missing, then I looked up and each piece of cutlery had been taken out and individually placed in a line on the worktop.
I was baffled, I placed them back into the cutlery drawer but this time in the free space at the front of the drawer so as to not get in the way of the other stuff.
But now my cutlery has been taken out 4 times, and I've had to wash it everytime it's taken out because it's being placed into the worktop which is filthy. I've figured out who it is and I'm going to confront him soon.

But after looking through the kitchen, I could see that there was cutlery in all random places, some people keeping it in a cup, in a tuperware under the sink etc. I'm not going to do this. When I lived in a house share we kept everyone's cutlery in the cutlery drawer, everyone's plates and bowls in the crockery cupboard, everyone's pans in the same cupboard, etc. It's an efficient use of space, this is how adults live.

This person has taken this entire cutlery drawer to himself, he has about 5 forks and knives, 3 pizza cutters, spatulas etc. Where as I only have what I listed. I am not taking up his space may I add, whenever my cutlery is moved out of the front of the drawer it's not to make room for his stuff, it's still free. He basically just has a problem with my stuff being in the same drawer as his stuff.

I can understand wanting your own food cupboard, although I couldn't give less of a **** if people put their food next to mine. As long as they're not eating my food it's not my problem. I would have liked to have my own food cupboard, sure, but that's not how the kitchen is set up.

I'd like to clarify again, this drawer that this guy thinks that he can have to himself is clearly intended to be a cutlery drawer as the accomodation provided an organiser for us. I don't see why he thinks he can just claim this drawer as his own just because he put his stuff in there first? Again, my stuff is not in the way of his, it's not even in the organiser. I'm still letting him have the entire organiser to himself.

The way I see it, if you have a problem with your stuff being near other people's stuff, don't put it in a COMMUNAL kitchen; keep it in your private room. I think most people agree that University isn't just about academia, it's about learning how to live in the real world.

But before I confront this guy, and although I'm a normally a shy girl I have absolutely no anxieties about ripping into him, do you think I'm in the wrong here? Am I breaking student etiquette by thinking I can share communal spaces?
I know it sounds like I'm validation seeking here, but genuinely, I'm so baffled about this guy's attitude that I want to hear what other people think.
Last edited by nospace; 3 weeks ago
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Bio 7
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Use your cupboard since you have so little cutlery, he clearly wants the drawer for his stuff. Maybe he uses more space than you think sometimes or he doesn’t like your cutlery and wants it away from his.

I moved out of my shared flat and into a studio so I could avoid these kitchen issues.
Last edited by Bio 7; 3 weeks ago
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Ellim
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I don’t think you’re in the wrong. My attitude would be exactly the same as yours - down to thinking this man is immature.

If it’s the first time he’s lived out of home he might not understand how things work in real sharehousing but it’s still a selfish and silly thing to get pissy about!
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nospace
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(Original post by Bio 7)
Use your cupboard since you have so little cutlery, he clearly wants the drawer for his stuff. Maybe he uses more space than you think sometimes or he doesn’t like your cutlery and wants it away from his.

I moved out of my shared flat and into a studio so I could avoid these kitchen issues.
I don't have my own cupboard, I thought I made that clear. Every other thing I have in that kitchen is in a cupboard that I share with someone else. He's already using an entire cutlery organiser, and I don't give a **** if he doesn't like my cutlery? That's his problem, it's not his drawer, but it is my cutlery and he has no right to move it. We're both paying the same price to live in this flat and I'm just as entitled to use the cutlery drawer as he is.
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Bio 7
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(Original post by nospace)
I don't have my own cupboard, I thought I made that clear. Every other thing I have in that kitchen is in a cupboard that I share with someone else. He's already using an entire cutlery organiser, and I don't give a **** if he doesn't like my cutlery? That's his problem, it's not his drawer, but it is my cutlery and he has no right to move it. We're both paying the same price to live in this flat and I'm just as entitled to use the cutlery drawer as he is.
But you already have space next to your pans or in your pans to leave your cutlery.
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YaliaV
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Removing your stuff so many times is incredibly passive aggressive and tw&tish. Don’t confront/argue/rip into him. Talk to him calmly and hopefully you’ll be able to resolve the issue.
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Acsel
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You're not in the wrong for using the space if it's the one and only space available. However I disagree with the notion that having a space just for your stuff is childish. Not everyone wants to mix their stuff in with strangers and just because you are happy with it doesn't mean everyone else will be. In my first year shared halls, everyone got 2 cupboards and a drawer. In my shared houses after that, everyone just naturally took an equal amount of cupboard space but kept their stuff separate.

The real issue here is that you're both being passive aggressive about it (put stuff in the drawer, take stuff out of the drawer) rather than having a conversation. Being intentionally confrontational about it won't help either, nor will coming across with "this is how adults live, stop being childish". If you want to be an adult about it, ask (not confront) why there's a problem with putting your cuttlery in the drawer since it's the only space.

I agree that it's pretty immature of them to constantly be taking your stuff out of their drawer. But I think it's equally immature to make such a big deal out of it in the first place. As is saying "I refuse to store my 5 pieces of cuttlery anywhere else, I want them in the drawer". You're not in the wrong, but you're not really handling it in the best way you could be either.
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StriderHort
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You could raise the ante by taking out all of his cutlery and glueing it to the ceiling, use differing amounts of glue so that it's random when they fall down.
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YaliaV
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(Original post by Acsel)
You're not in the wrong for using the space if it's the one and only space available. However I disagree with the notion that having a space for your stuff is childish. Not everyone wants to mix their stuff in with strangers and just because you are happy with it doesn't mean everyone else will be.

The real issue here is that you're both being passive aggressive about it (put stuff in the drawer, take stuff out of the drawer) rather than having a conversation. Being intentionally confrontational about it won't help either, nor will coming across with "this is how adults live, stop being childish". If you want to be an adult about it, ask (not confront) why there's a problem with putting your cuttlery in the drawer since it's the only space.

I agree that it's pretty immature of them to constantly be taking your stuff out of their drawer. But I think it's equally immature to make such a big deal out of it in the first place. As is saying "I refuse to store my 5 pieces of cuttlery anywhere else, I want them in the drawer". You're not in the wrong, but you're not really handling it in the best way you could be either.
Nothing is allocated though. If you want your own drawers, then get a private flat. I think he needs to grow up.
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hopeful_pharm
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Maybe you should all have a bit of a meeting and plan how to sort split kitchen space. I know house meetings can seem a bit cringey at times, but they have helped me sort out situations similar to yours.
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RoyalSheepy
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(Original post by StriderHort)
You could raise the ante by taking out all of his cutlery and glueing it to the ceiling, use differing amounts of glue so that it's random when they fall down.
Ensure the knives are pointed down
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buttermesilly
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(Original post by nospace)
I'm a year older than this guy, I took a year off before going to uni and I lived in a house share.

When I moved into the halls and went to put stuff into the kitchen, I just put my stuff wherever there was free space and I notcied other people followed suit. For example, I put my spices and pasta in a free cupboard and then I notcied someone else put their tea, coffee and jam next to my stuff which I thought nothing of since it's a shared kitchen. I put my pots and pans in one cupboard and someone put their pans next to mine etc..
In fact I was happy to see other people were utilising the cupboard space rather than having this immature "This is MY cupboard" attitude, which I hate.

I've heard some halls have allocated cupboard spaces and locks etc but the kitchen here isn't organised like that at all, all the cupboards have huge varitations in sizes which doesn't really lend itself to each person taking their own cupboard as it would be unfair.

Anyway, I recently bought a set of cutlery;one fork, one knife and one spoon. And 2 chopping knives. This is all the cutlery I have. I went to put them in the kitchen and automatically put them in the cutlery drawer. As there was a lot of mis-macthed cutlery in there and I could see that there was a cutlery organiser that was provided for us by the accomodation, I assumed this was the communal cutlery drawer. There were no other free drawers for me to put my cutlery in.

When I went to get my cutlery I was confused to see it was all missing, then I looked up and each piece of cutlery had been taken out and individually placed in a line on the worktop.
I was baffled, I placed them back into the cutlery drawer but this time in the free space at the front of the drawer so as to not get in the way of the other stuff.
But now my cutlery has been taken out 4 times, and I've had to wash it everytime it's taken out because it's being placed into the worktop which is filthy. I've figured out who it is and I'm going to confront him soon.

But after looking through the kitchen, I could see that there was cutlery in all random places, some people keeping it in a cup, in a tuperware under the sink etc. I'm not going to do this. When I lived in a house share we kept everyone's cutlery in the cutlery drawer, everyone's plates and bowls in the crockery cupboard, everyone's pans in the same cupboard, etc. It's an efficient use of space, this is how adults live.

This person has taken this entire cutlery drawer to himself, he has about 5 forks and knives, 3 pizza cutters, spatulas etc. Where as I only have what I listed. I am not taking up his space may I add, whenever my cutlery is moved out of the front of the drawer it's not to make room for his stuff, it's still free. He basically just has a problem with my stuff being in the same drawer as his stuff.

I can understand wanting your own food cupboard, although I couldn't give less of a **** if people put their food next to mine. As long as they're not eating my food it's not my problem. I would have liked to have my own food cupboard, sure, but that's not how the kitchen is set up.

I'd like to clarify again, this drawer that this guy thinks that he can have to himself is clearly intended to be a cutlery drawer as the accomodation provided an organiser for us. I don't see why he thinks he can just claim this drawer as his own just because he put his stuff in there first? Again, my stuff is not in the way of his, it's not even in the organiser. I'm still letting him have the entire organiser to himself.

The way I see it, if you have a problem with your stuff being near other people's stuff, don't put it in a COMMUNAL kitchen; keep it in your private room. I think most people agree that University isn't just about academia, it's about learning how to live in the real world.

But before I confront this guy, and although I'm a normally a shy girl I have absolutely no anxieties about ripping into him, do you think I'm in the wrong here? Am I breaking student etiquette by thinking I can share communal spaces?
I know it sounds like I'm validation seeking here, but genuinely, I'm so baffled about this guy's attitude that I want to hear what other people think.
You could try coating all of his cutlery in your um special womanly juices and see if that gets a reaction. If not try the other hole.
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nospace
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(Original post by Acsel)
You're not in the wrong for using the space if it's the one and only space available. However I disagree with the notion that having a space just for your stuff is childish. Not everyone wants to mix their stuff in with strangers and just because you are happy with it doesn't mean everyone else will be. In my first year shared halls, everyone got 2 cupboards and a drawer. In my shared houses after that, everyone just naturally took an equal amount of cupboard space but kept their stuff separate.

The real issue here is that you're both being passive aggressive about it (put stuff in the drawer, take stuff out of the drawer) rather than having a conversation. Being intentionally confrontational about it won't help either, nor will coming across with "this is how adults live, stop being childish". If you want to be an adult about it, ask (not confront) why there's a problem with putting your cuttlery in the drawer since it's the only space.

I agree that it's pretty immature of them to constantly be taking your stuff out of their drawer. But I think it's equally immature to make such a big deal out of it in the first place. As is saying "I refuse to store my 5 pieces of cuttlery anywhere else, I want them in the drawer". You're not in the wrong, but you're not really handling it in the best way you could be either.
Okay, I won't rip into him. I'll just ask him why he's doing it and say that I'm gonna keep the cutlery in that drawer. I will say, the only reason I haven't spoken to him about it yet is because I didn't know who was doing it until yesterday and I haven't ran into him yet. But I'll agree to disagree with you on it being childish to want your stuff completely separate from other people's. And I don't see how it's immature to want my cutlery in a cutlery drawer? I'm not gonna be a pushover and put a pile of cutlery in a cupboard.
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nospace
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(Original post by hopeful_pharm)
Maybe you should all have a bit of a meeting and plan how to sort split kitchen space. I know house meetings can seem a bit cringey at times, but they have helped me sort out situations similar to yours.
Yes this is something I've wanted to do but have avoided it because it does feel cringey haha. I just wish people weren't so fussy about their stuff being next to other people's so we wouldn't have this issue in the first place.
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StriderHort
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(Original post by RoyalSheepy)
Ensure the knives are pointed down
I dunno...I can see the appeal, but I think I prefer leaving it to chaos

You could also get a pair of needle nose pliers and discreetly bend out a couple of the teeth on the pizza cutter, ensuring it snares and rips off the toppings of whatever pizza it's used on.
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nospace
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(Original post by YaliaV)
Nothing is allocated though. If you want your own drawers, then get a private flat. I think he needs to grow up.
My thoughts exactly. Or if he has such a problem with his stuff literally just being next to other people's he can just put his stuff in his room, the rooms here are big enough to do that.
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Acsel
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(Original post by YaliaV)
Nothing is allocated though. If you want your own drawers, then get a private flat. I think he needs to grow up.
Or you have a discussion with your flatmates about who is going to put what where, to prevent one person from taking over all the space in the first place.
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nospace
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(Original post by buttermesilly)
You could try coating all of his cutlery in your um special womanly juices and see if that gets a reaction. If not try the other hole.
I think that would be quite painful regardless of which hole I used. Especially the pizza cutter.
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nospace
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(Original post by Acsel)
Or you have a discussion with your flatmates about who is going to put what where, to prevent one person from taking over all the space in the first place.
I should have said, my flatmates are hardly ever around, haven't even met two of them. Otherwise I would have had a discussion.
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Acsel
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(Original post by nospace)
Okay, I won't rip into him. I'll just ask him why he's doing it and say that I'm gonna keep the cutlery in that drawer. I will say, the only reason I haven't spoken to him about it yet is because I didn't know who was doing it until yesterday and I haven't ran into him yet. But I'll agree to disagree with you on it being childish to want your stuff completely separate from other people's.
Ultimately if you want a resolution to this, you're going to have far more luck having a discussion so that's definitely the way to go.

Absolutely fine to disagree. Neither approach is correct, it's just important to understand that not everyone will think the same way you do. In first year, my flatmates were disgusting and I outright wouldn't have wanted to keep my stuff in the same space as theirs anyway. In final year, my flatmate is far more clean and I'd have no qualms sharing. But we still use separate drawers, because we have the space and it's far easier to find something if it's not mixed in with a bunch of other cuttlery.
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