The Student Room Group

Flatemate moving my stuff out of kitchen drawer, am I in the wrong?

I'm a year older than this guy, I took a year off before going to uni and I lived in a house share.

When I moved into the halls and went to put stuff into the kitchen, I just put my stuff wherever there was free space and I notcied other people followed suit. For example, I put my spices and pasta in a free cupboard and then I notcied someone else put their tea, coffee and jam next to my stuff which I thought nothing of since it's a shared kitchen. I put my pots and pans in one cupboard and someone put their pans next to mine etc..
In fact I was happy to see other people were utilising the cupboard space rather than having this immature "This is MY cupboard" attitude, which I hate.

I've heard some halls have allocated cupboard spaces and locks etc but the kitchen here isn't organised like that at all, all the cupboards have huge varitations in sizes which doesn't really lend itself to each person taking their own cupboard as it would be unfair.

Anyway, I recently bought a set of cutlery;one fork, one knife and one spoon. And 2 chopping knives. This is all the cutlery I have. I went to put them in the kitchen and automatically put them in the cutlery drawer. As there was a lot of mis-macthed cutlery in there and I could see that there was a cutlery organiser that was provided for us by the accomodation, I assumed this was the communal cutlery drawer. There were no other free drawers for me to put my cutlery in.

When I went to get my cutlery I was confused to see it was all missing, then I looked up and each piece of cutlery had been taken out and individually placed in a line on the worktop.
I was baffled, I placed them back into the cutlery drawer but this time in the free space at the front of the drawer so as to not get in the way of the other stuff.
But now my cutlery has been taken out 4 times, and I've had to wash it everytime it's taken out because it's being placed into the worktop which is filthy. I've figured out who it is and I'm going to confront him soon.

But after looking through the kitchen, I could see that there was cutlery in all random places, some people keeping it in a cup, in a tuperware under the sink etc. I'm not going to do this. When I lived in a house share we kept everyone's cutlery in the cutlery drawer, everyone's plates and bowls in the crockery cupboard, everyone's pans in the same cupboard, etc. It's an efficient use of space, this is how adults live.

This person has taken this entire cutlery drawer to himself, he has about 5 forks and knives, 3 pizza cutters, spatulas etc. Where as I only have what I listed. I am not taking up his space may I add, whenever my cutlery is moved out of the front of the drawer it's not to make room for his stuff, it's still free. He basically just has a problem with my stuff being in the same drawer as his stuff.

I can understand wanting your own food cupboard, although I couldn't give less of a **** if people put their food next to mine. As long as they're not eating my food it's not my problem. I would have liked to have my own food cupboard, sure, but that's not how the kitchen is set up.

I'd like to clarify again, this drawer that this guy thinks that he can have to himself is clearly intended to be a cutlery drawer as the accomodation provided an organiser for us. I don't see why he thinks he can just claim this drawer as his own just because he put his stuff in there first? Again, my stuff is not in the way of his, it's not even in the organiser. I'm still letting him have the entire organiser to himself.

The way I see it, if you have a problem with your stuff being near other people's stuff, don't put it in a COMMUNAL kitchen; keep it in your private room. I think most people agree that University isn't just about academia, it's about learning how to live in the real world.

But before I confront this guy, and although I'm a normally a shy girl I have absolutely no anxieties about ripping into him, do you think I'm in the wrong here? Am I breaking student etiquette by thinking I can share communal spaces?
I know it sounds like I'm validation seeking here, but genuinely, I'm so baffled about this guy's attitude that I want to hear what other people think.
(edited 4 years ago)

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Reply 1
Use your cupboard since you have so little cutlery, he clearly wants the drawer for his stuff. Maybe he uses more space than you think sometimes or he doesn’t like your cutlery and wants it away from his.

I moved out of my shared flat and into a studio so I could avoid these kitchen issues.
(edited 4 years ago)
Reply 2
I don’t think you’re in the wrong. My attitude would be exactly the same as yours - down to thinking this man is immature.

If it’s the first time he’s lived out of home he might not understand how things work in real sharehousing but it’s still a selfish and silly thing to get pissy about!
Reply 3
Original post by Bio 7
Use your cupboard since you have so little cutlery, he clearly wants the drawer for his stuff. Maybe he uses more space than you think sometimes or he doesn’t like your cutlery and wants it away from his.

I moved out of my shared flat and into a studio so I could avoid these kitchen issues.


I don't have my own cupboard, I thought I made that clear. Every other thing I have in that kitchen is in a cupboard that I share with someone else. He's already using an entire cutlery organiser, and I don't give a **** if he doesn't like my cutlery? That's his problem, it's not his drawer, but it is my cutlery and he has no right to move it. We're both paying the same price to live in this flat and I'm just as entitled to use the cutlery drawer as he is.
Reply 4
Original post by nospace
I don't have my own cupboard, I thought I made that clear. Every other thing I have in that kitchen is in a cupboard that I share with someone else. He's already using an entire cutlery organiser, and I don't give a **** if he doesn't like my cutlery? That's his problem, it's not his drawer, but it is my cutlery and he has no right to move it. We're both paying the same price to live in this flat and I'm just as entitled to use the cutlery drawer as he is.


But you already have space next to your pans or in your pans to leave your cutlery.
Removing your stuff so many times is incredibly passive aggressive and tw&tish. Don’t confront/argue/rip into him. Talk to him calmly and hopefully you’ll be able to resolve the issue.
You could raise the ante by taking out all of his cutlery and glueing it to the ceiling, use differing amounts of glue so that it's random when they fall down.
Nothing is allocated though. If you want your own drawers, then get a private flat. I think he needs to grow up.
Maybe you should all have a bit of a meeting and plan how to sort split kitchen space. I know house meetings can seem a bit cringey at times, but they have helped me sort out situations similar to yours.
Original post by StriderHort
You could raise the ante by taking out all of his cutlery and glueing it to the ceiling, use differing amounts of glue so that it's random when they fall down.

Ensure the knives are pointed down
Original post by nospace
I'm a year older than this guy, I took a year off before going to uni and I lived in a house share.

When I moved into the halls and went to put stuff into the kitchen, I just put my stuff wherever there was free space and I notcied other people followed suit. For example, I put my spices and pasta in a free cupboard and then I notcied someone else put their tea, coffee and jam next to my stuff which I thought nothing of since it's a shared kitchen. I put my pots and pans in one cupboard and someone put their pans next to mine etc..
In fact I was happy to see other people were utilising the cupboard space rather than having this immature "This is MY cupboard" attitude, which I hate.

I've heard some halls have allocated cupboard spaces and locks etc but the kitchen here isn't organised like that at all, all the cupboards have huge varitations in sizes which doesn't really lend itself to each person taking their own cupboard as it would be unfair.

Anyway, I recently bought a set of cutlery;one fork, one knife and one spoon. And 2 chopping knives. This is all the cutlery I have. I went to put them in the kitchen and automatically put them in the cutlery drawer. As there was a lot of mis-macthed cutlery in there and I could see that there was a cutlery organiser that was provided for us by the accomodation, I assumed this was the communal cutlery drawer. There were no other free drawers for me to put my cutlery in.

When I went to get my cutlery I was confused to see it was all missing, then I looked up and each piece of cutlery had been taken out and individually placed in a line on the worktop.
I was baffled, I placed them back into the cutlery drawer but this time in the free space at the front of the drawer so as to not get in the way of the other stuff.
But now my cutlery has been taken out 4 times, and I've had to wash it everytime it's taken out because it's being placed into the worktop which is filthy. I've figured out who it is and I'm going to confront him soon.

But after looking through the kitchen, I could see that there was cutlery in all random places, some people keeping it in a cup, in a tuperware under the sink etc. I'm not going to do this. When I lived in a house share we kept everyone's cutlery in the cutlery drawer, everyone's plates and bowls in the crockery cupboard, everyone's pans in the same cupboard, etc. It's an efficient use of space, this is how adults live.

This person has taken this entire cutlery drawer to himself, he has about 5 forks and knives, 3 pizza cutters, spatulas etc. Where as I only have what I listed. I am not taking up his space may I add, whenever my cutlery is moved out of the front of the drawer it's not to make room for his stuff, it's still free. He basically just has a problem with my stuff being in the same drawer as his stuff.

I can understand wanting your own food cupboard, although I couldn't give less of a **** if people put their food next to mine. As long as they're not eating my food it's not my problem. I would have liked to have my own food cupboard, sure, but that's not how the kitchen is set up.

I'd like to clarify again, this drawer that this guy thinks that he can have to himself is clearly intended to be a cutlery drawer as the accomodation provided an organiser for us. I don't see why he thinks he can just claim this drawer as his own just because he put his stuff in there first? Again, my stuff is not in the way of his, it's not even in the organiser. I'm still letting him have the entire organiser to himself.

The way I see it, if you have a problem with your stuff being near other people's stuff, don't put it in a COMMUNAL kitchen; keep it in your private room. I think most people agree that University isn't just about academia, it's about learning how to live in the real world.

But before I confront this guy, and although I'm a normally a shy girl I have absolutely no anxieties about ripping into him, do you think I'm in the wrong here? Am I breaking student etiquette by thinking I can share communal spaces?
I know it sounds like I'm validation seeking here, but genuinely, I'm so baffled about this guy's attitude that I want to hear what other people think.

You could try coating all of his cutlery in your um special womanly juices and see if that gets a reaction. If not try the other hole.
Reply 11
Okay, I won't rip into him. I'll just ask him why he's doing it and say that I'm gonna keep the cutlery in that drawer. I will say, the only reason I haven't spoken to him about it yet is because I didn't know who was doing it until yesterday and I haven't ran into him yet. But I'll agree to disagree with you on it being childish to want your stuff completely separate from other people's. And I don't see how it's immature to want my cutlery in a cutlery drawer? I'm not gonna be a pushover and put a pile of cutlery in a cupboard.
(edited 4 years ago)
Reply 12
Original post by hopeful_pharm
Maybe you should all have a bit of a meeting and plan how to sort split kitchen space. I know house meetings can seem a bit cringey at times, but they have helped me sort out situations similar to yours.

Yes this is something I've wanted to do but have avoided it because it does feel cringey haha. I just wish people weren't so fussy about their stuff being next to other people's so we wouldn't have this issue in the first place.
Original post by RoyalSheepy
Ensure the knives are pointed down

I dunno...I can see the appeal, but I think I prefer leaving it to chaos :tongue:

You could also get a pair of needle nose pliers and discreetly bend out a couple of the teeth on the pizza cutter, ensuring it snares and rips off the toppings of whatever pizza it's used on.
Reply 14
Original post by YaliaV
Nothing is allocated though. If you want your own drawers, then get a private flat. I think he needs to grow up.

My thoughts exactly. Or if he has such a problem with his stuff literally just being next to other people's he can just put his stuff in his room, the rooms here are big enough to do that.
Reply 15
Original post by buttermesilly
You could try coating all of his cutlery in your um special womanly juices and see if that gets a reaction. If not try the other hole.


I think that would be quite painful regardless of which hole I used. Especially the pizza cutter.
Reply 16
I should have said, my flatmates are hardly ever around, haven't even met two of them. Otherwise I would have had a discussion.
That’s what people should do, but students aren’t generally that organised.

Original post by nospace
My thoughts exactly. Or if he has such a problem with his stuff literally just being next to other people's he can just put his stuff in his room, the rooms here are big enough to do that.


I think he has control issues or something. I would be annoyed too, but try not to be accusatory or raise your voice. It isn’t worth the hassle and you still have to live together.
(edited 4 years ago)
Reply 18
I'll definetly try to have a calm discussion with him, I've been hanging around in the kitchen a lot waiting for him to come in so I can chat but haven't seen him yet. I don't like the passive aggressive moving of stuff.

Yes fair enough, if there was a separate cutlery drawer I would use it to make things easier but there's only one. I'm trying to make things easy by not putting the cutlery in the organiser so it won't get mixed with his, if you could see the drawer my cutlery is totally separate from his and it would be very difficult to get it mixed up.
No personally speaking I dont think you are in the wrong.
I think the only way forward is to have a conversation with him and try and ascertain why he is doing it, there may be a perfectly good reason, you dont know about.

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