Can't get my bf to orgasm Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
#1
We have yet to have sex bc we wanted to wait and personal reasons etc. He gets boners pretty easily so lack of arousal isn't the problem. I can't give him a handjob because I struggle to move my hand that quickly for that long, I literally get an arm ache after a min. I've given him a blow job once and that took a while. Most of the time I attempt to give a bj I give up after a while because I know it's not gonna work. He said to move my hand quickly and suck quickly but I can't do both so fast at once.

When he masturbates himself it can take a long time. He says he stopped watching porn about half a year ago and used to move his hand slowly for that.

Any tips? I feel like such a bad gf
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jetblackmazda
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(Original post by Anonymous)
We have yet to have sex bc we wanted to wait and personal reasons etc. He gets boners pretty easily so lack of arousal isn't the problem. I can't give him a handjob because I struggle to move my hand that quickly for that long, I literally get an arm ache after a min. I've given him a blow job once and that took a while. Most of the time I attempt to give a bj I give up after a while because I know it's not gonna work. He said to move my hand quickly and suck quickly but I can't do both so fast at once.

When he masturbates himself it can take a long time. He says he stopped watching porn about half a year ago and used to move his hand slowly for that.

Any tips? I feel like such a bad gf
hi there
would you like more sexual fun are was it a joint decision , do you feel like you are a bad g/f or is this because he puts you down and u do feel this way
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ProbablyPallas
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(Original post by Anonymous)
We have yet to have sex bc we wanted to wait and personal reasons etc. He gets boners pretty easily so lack of arousal isn't the problem. I can't give him a handjob because I struggle to move my hand that quickly for that long, I literally get an arm ache after a min. I've given him a blow job once and that took a while. Most of the time I attempt to give a bj I give up after a while because I know it's not gonna work. He said to move my hand quickly and suck quickly but I can't do both so fast at once.

When he masturbates himself it can take a long time. He says he stopped watching porn about half a year ago and used to move his hand slowly for that.

Any tips? I feel like such a bad gf
It's not your fault that HE can't climax. You need to discuss how you can get him there and he needs to respect that you're not a robot. Does he get you to climax?

If he had a porn addiction beforehand, it's going to take him a while. He won't have stopped watching it either. Fast isn't always the best, and it doesn't have to be like 3 seconds and it's over.
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by ProbablyPallas)
It's not your fault that HE can't climax. You need to discuss how you can get him there and he needs to respect that you're not a robot. Does he get you to climax?

If he had a porn addiction beforehand, it's going to take him a while. He won't have stopped watching it either. Fast isn't always the best, and it doesn't have to be like 3 seconds and it's over.
You say that, and yet, if she were doing things differently, he would orgasm.

If a car is unable to get to 70 mph on the motorway is it the fault of the car or the driver?
What if the driver is very much a learner and hasn't been getting it out of first gear?

Learning about being a good driver is similar to learning about being good at sex. It takes some knowledge and then it's down to practise and experience. Or you can just learn by trial and error. Or you can give up.

Also in this case, he will know how to give himself an orgasm. He may well not know how to teach the OP to give him an orgasm. He's not a trained sexual instructor, after all.

The OP should use Google to discover a variety of things and changes to her technique that she should try. And then go ahead and try them.
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ProbablyPallas
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
You say that, and yet, if she were doing things differently, he would orgasm.

If a car is unable to get to 70 mph on the motorway is it the fault of the car or the driver?
What if the driver is very much a learner and hasn't been getting it out of first gear?

Learning about being a good driver is similar to learning about being good at sex. It takes some knowledge and then it's down to practise and experience. Or you can just learn by trial and error. Or you can give up.

Also in this case, he will know how to give himself an orgasm. He may well not know how to teach the OP to give him an orgasm. He's not a trained sexual instructor, after all.

The OP should use Google to discover a variety of things and changes to her technique that she should try. And then go ahead and try them.
It's not her fault that he can't communicate, which seems to be the issue. If he can't teach her, that's not her fault. Your car allegory is textbook and not applicable to real relationships.
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by ProbablyPallas)
It's not her fault that he can't communicate, which seems to be the issue. If he can't teach her, that's not her fault. Your car allegory is textbook and not applicable to real relationships.
No it's not her fault he can't communicate to her how to make him orgasm.
Neither is it is his fault. He - like the vast majority of men - has been too busy in his life so far to take the time out to learn how to become a sexual instructor.

My car analogy may well be one that is in text books, but that's not where I got it from. I just thought of an area where you need to learn certain practical skills to do it properly. And driving is one of them. Pleasing your partner to the point of making them orgasm is another. My analogy is highly applicable to the scenario of this thread.

The OP's boyfriend will have same basic biology and nerve clusters as all healthy young men. If he can make himself orgasm then she can do it too.
Last edited by Dunnig Kruger; 3 weeks ago
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ProbablyPallas
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
No it's not her fault he can't communicate to her how to make him orgasm.
Neither is it is his fault. He - like the vast majority of men - has been too busy in his life so far to take the time out to learn how to become a sexual teacher.

My car analogy may well be one that is in text books, but that's not where I got it from. I just thought of an area where you need to learn certain practical skills to do it properly. And driving is one of them. Pleasing your partner to the point of making them orgasm is another. My analogy is highly applicable to the scenario of this thread.

The OP's boyfriend will have same basic biology and nerve clusters as all healthy young men. If he can make himself orgasm then she can do it too.
Again, it's not her responsibility to push herself to such extemes for his satisfaction. The issue here isn't to do with teaching or being busy or whatever, it's about effective communication in relationships.
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by ProbablyPallas)
Again, it's not her responsibility to push herself to such extemes for his satisfaction. The issue here isn't to do with teaching or being busy or whatever, it's about effective communication in relationships.
It's up to her if she takes on the responsibility or not.

From the opening post it's clear that she very much wants to be the best girlfriend that she can be - in bed - for her boyfriend. Because she's a naturally loving and caring normal human being.

This is not about effective communication at all between the boyfriend and the girlfriend because there's a very high chance the boyfriend doesn't know what to say himself to help his girlfriend help him to orgasm.

This works in a vice versa way. I have learnt a lot more about how to help my girlfriends achieve orgasm through trial and error and doing Google research and trying things than I have from talking to them. None of them have been trained sexual instructors, so that's fair enough.
If all I'd ever done is to talk to girlfriends about how to please them I'd be a relatively hopelessly poor lover. Because none of them had a good understanding of how a man can please them.
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ProbablyPallas
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
It's up to her if she takes on the responsibility or not.

From the opening post it's clear that she very much wants to be the best girlfriend that she can be - in bed - for her boyfriend. Because she's a naturally loving and caring normal human being.

This is not about effective communication at all between the boyfriend and the girlfriend because there's a very high chance the boyfriend doesn't know what to say himself to help his girlfriend help him to orgasm.

This works in a vice versa way. I have learnt a lot more about how to help my girlfriends achieve orgasm through trial and error and doing Google research and trying things than I have from talking to them. None of them have been trained sexual instructors, so that's fair enough.
If all I'd ever done is to talk to girlfriends about how to please them I'd be a relatively hopelessly poor lover. Because none of them had a good understanding of how a man can please them.
Google doesn't know what specifically makes your partner feel good. You should be able to ask and experiment *together*. I don't understand why you think you need to be a "trained sexual instructor" to explain what you like and don't like. It's about exploring your bodies together. If my fiancé said "Google said this should make you feel good" and started doing something I'd be pretty upset because half of the enjoyment is exploring different things TOGETHER.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
We have yet to have sex bc we wanted to wait and personal reasons etc. He gets boners pretty easily so lack of arousal isn't the problem. I can't give him a handjob because I struggle to move my hand that quickly for that long, I literally get an arm ache after a min. I've given him a blow job once and that took a while. Most of the time I attempt to give a bj I give up after a while because I know it's not gonna work. He said to move my hand quickly and suck quickly but I can't do both so fast at once.

When he masturbates himself it can take a long time. He says he stopped watching porn about half a year ago and used to move his hand slowly for that.

Any tips? I feel like such a bad gf
I think he can't orgasm because he is too stressed, find out what he is worried about. I remember being super stressed about exam and like no matter how much orals i got from him, i would never orgasm and it wasn't his fault, it was me. If that's not the case, then start with a really good foreplay, tease him etc. Since you can't move your mouth fast, you can ask him to hump against your mouth fast as he likes it, it doesn't have to be one way
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Dunnig Kruger
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Google doesn't know - it's just a search engine. However Google will provide links to people that can explain or demonstrate effectively what they OP should be trying. As well as a lot of links to people that haven't got a clue.

That will give the OP the theory. A list of things she should try (as well as a load of uninformed nonsense that she should filter out over time).

Then of course she go ahead and try them with her boyfriend as well as using her judgement and his feedback on what's working best.

It's up to her how she introduces them to her boyfriend. She could just go ahead and try them. Or she could say "I've seen this on this website, what do you think? Shall we give it a try?"

And for sure she could go ahead and just use trial and error and exploration with her boyfriend.
However she's looking for tips. I can't under the rules of this forum provide sexual tips, but I can give very broad and general advice on where to get tips from and how to tell if the tips are any good or not (use a bit of common sense and go ahead and try them, of course).

You seem to be struggling with the concept that any male or female may not know how someone else can make them orgasm?
Or that if they know, they may not be able to articulate it in a way that is easy enough for their partner to follow.


And I don't buy the lack of orgasms on stress - except in the most extreme of cases. There's no indication that this is an extreme case. Blaming the lack of orgasm from him on stress is, going back to the car analogy: blaming it on the car and not the driver.
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