Not enjoying and feeling anxious at University Watch

Andreas_Linder
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Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
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Hi,

So this will be a long text might not be coherent at all since i'm writing "straight from the heart" lol.

So in the end of august i started university in Sweden, in a city about three and a half hours from mine. I was massively pumped and excited about it.

The thing is that up until i started high school i had always been a quite shy guy who was good at school and wasn't exactly in the cool gang. I always had friends and always liked school, but i didn't exactly "thrive".

Then i started high school and became a very social person, went to loads of parties, hung out with a lot of different people and had the best three years of my life.

After that i graduated and had a year out working and quite a lot of my high school friends disappeared, which was both mine and their fault.

So this year was more boring. I worked five days a week and then went out on the weekends, with the same three guys each time. I love those guys but when summer came around i just felt tired of everything being the same, and i just felt like i wanted back to how i felt at high school. Having a lot of different friends, being open and social, going to loads of parties, studying( Just to be clear, i very much looked forward to the studying part as well), joining societes and just "having the time of my life", as everybody talks about.

However, it's not gone like that.

Two things to mention first: 1. I'm still a very social guy 2. I chose to study civil engineering in engineering physics, and that course can have a reputation of being very "nerdy", with a lot of guys who are just kind of boring.

So, it's now been three months. In the beginning(freshers week i guess you call it) i basically spoke with everyone. I didn't exactly know who i wanted to be friends with from the beginning, so i just came to school and was as social as i can with everyone.

However, only after a month i started feeling a bit lonely, feeling like i could talk to pretty much anyone while at campus but as i soon as i leave getting the feeling " So who are my real friends?"

I started getting this feeling more and more and when i went home in october i told my mates that " I've talked to a lot of people but i still don't really know who my friends are and i feel a bit lonely/miss home", but was still positive.

To be honest, after that things have kind of just gone in the same direction. I was home again two weeks later and was seriously anxious about going back again. I've sat at school, talking to everyone and looking super happy outwardly but then gone and called my mum crying saying that i don't know who my friends are. No one will have noticed that i feel like i do because while at school i always talk to everyone still.

I started talking to a school counselor just this week and she said i should try to focus on those people i've talked to the most and realise that it can take time for everything to feel good, seeing as it's a big adjustment. So i've been with the three people i've hung out with the most this week(we even went to Germany on a roadtrip a couple of weeks ago) and it's felt a bit better but it's still very though. I realise it might not make sense that i'm feeling like this since i have friends but i just feel insanely anxious and sad over the situation pretty much all the time. I worry that i'm not better friends with people at this point and have also started thinking that perhaps it's just not my type of people in this course.

Can anyone relate? I know that i'll just have to give it some time and hope it works out but i still feel pretty **** about the entire situation.
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999tigger
Badges: 19
#2
Report 3 weeks ago
#2
(Original post by Andreas_Linder)
Hi,

So this will be a long text might not be coherent at all since i'm writing "straight from the heart" lol.

So in the end of august i started university in Sweden, in a city about three and a half hours from mine. I was massively pumped and excited about it.

The thing is that up until i started high school i had always been a quite shy guy who was good at school and wasn't exactly in the cool gang. I always had friends and always liked school, but i didn't exactly "thrive".

Then i started high school and became a very social person, went to loads of parties, hung out with a lot of different people and had the best three years of my life.

After that i graduated and had a year out working and quite a lot of my high school friends disappeared, which was both mine and their fault.

So this year was more boring. I worked five days a week and then went out on the weekends, with the same three guys each time. I love those guys but when summer came around i just felt tired of everything being the same, and i just felt like i wanted back to how i felt at high school. Having a lot of different friends, being open and social, going to loads of parties, studying( Just to be clear, i very much looked forward to the studying part as well), joining societes and just "having the time of my life", as everybody talks about.

However, it's not gone like that.

Two things to mention first: 1. I'm still a very social guy 2. I chose to study civil engineering in engineering physics, and that course can have a reputation of being very "nerdy", with a lot of guys who are just kind of boring.

So, it's now been three months. In the beginning(freshers week i guess you call it) i basically spoke with everyone. I didn't exactly know who i wanted to be friends with from the beginning, so i just came to school and was as social as i can with everyone.

However, only after a month i started feeling a bit lonely, feeling like i could talk to pretty much anyone while at campus but as i soon as i leave getting the feeling " So who are my real friends?"

I started getting this feeling more and more and when i went home in october i told my mates that " I've talked to a lot of people but i still don't really know who my friends are and i feel a bit lonely/miss home", but was still positive.

To be honest, after that things have kind of just gone in the same direction. I was home again two weeks later and was seriously anxious about going back again. I've sat at school, talking to everyone and looking super happy outwardly but then gone and called my mum crying saying that i don't know who my friends are. No one will have noticed that i feel like i do because while at school i always talk to everyone still.

I started talking to a school counselor just this week and she said i should try to focus on those people i've talked to the most and realise that it can take time for everything to feel good, seeing as it's a big adjustment. So i've been with the three people i've hung out with the most this week(we even went to Germany on a roadtrip a couple of weeks ago) and it's felt a bit better but it's still very though. I realise it might not make sense that i'm feeling like this since i have friends but i just feel insanely anxious and sad over the situation pretty much all the time. I worry that i'm not better friends with people at this point and have also started thinking that perhaps it's just not my type of people in this course.

Can anyone relate? I know that i'll just have to give it some time and hope it works out but i still feel pretty **** about the entire situation.

Sounds like you made lots of acquaintances, but didnt bond and now realise others are ok to talk with but they havent bonded with you either.

1. You need to have a plan to make more friends and become involved. Maybe your social skills arent as good as you think they are and maybe for deeper friendships it requires more effort than just being social? At least you have three friends of sorts rather than no one or enemies.
2. You should also check you are on the right course at the right uni.
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