I don't know what to do anymore Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
I need a job and have been applying for a 1 year and 4 months now. I recently started applying for voluntary positions but even those roles I am getting rejected from and these days barely anyone is even getting back in touch.

I've reformed my CV a good few times over and there have been times where I've panicked applied but there are a few good jobs which have perfect conditions and I make really strong applications but don't even make it to interview. In fact they don't even get back in touch.

I know damn well it's my CV since I'm not getting to interviews but it is also my lack of confidence so it is somewhat obvious what I need to do but I'm losing motivation to even be alive despite having a place at my dream uni doing the course that I want to do. Technically I'm studying with the Open Uni in February so I'm not at uni just yet.

I'm doing Physics so naturally people assume that scientists can get nearly any job done and I held that belief for myself too but what happens when you can't get a job? That is slicing my confidence along with going to 2 interviews and realising that I probably won't get a job because of my inability to get though group interviews and that I don't have enough energy to get there and be energetic and enthusiastic.

Sorry for the long read, just don't know what else to do or even what I'm asking for.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I need a job and have been applying for a 1 year and 4 months now. I recently started applying for voluntary positions but even those roles I am getting rejected from and these days barely anyone is even getting back in touch.

I've reformed my CV a good few times over and there have been times where I've panicked applied but there are a few good jobs which have perfect conditions and I make really strong applications but don't even make it to interview. In fact they don't even get back in touch.

I know damn well it's my CV since I'm not getting to interviews but it is also my lack of confidence so it is somewhat obvious what I need to do but I'm losing motivation to even be alive despite having a place at my dream uni doing the course that I want to do. Technically I'm studying with the Open Uni in February so I'm not at uni just yet.

I'm doing Physics so naturally people assume that scientists can get nearly any job done and I held that belief for myself too but what happens when you can't get a job? That is slicing my confidence along with going to 2 interviews and realising that I probably won't get a job because of my inability to get though group interviews and that I don't have enough energy to get there and be energetic and enthusiastic.

Sorry for the long read, just don't know what else to do or even what I'm asking for.
If it's your CV then work on your CV more. Have you had others critique it or are you just going off your own edits?

Why do you have low confidence? Why do you feel you don't have enough energy at group interviews? What part of group interviews do you struggle with?
Don't give up just yet, getting a job isn't easy as you know. And given you've not started uni yet, I'm assuming you're still very young (18?). Getting a job as a graduate is hard enough, as someone who's not even got a degree, the fact you've been applying for so long shows at the least, you have determination and commitment, and that will get you very far in life, even if it doesn't feel like it now. Do you need the job? If not, then focus on your degree and don't let this stress bog you down.
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London legal
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#3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I need a job and have been applying for a 1 year and 4 months now. I recently started applying for voluntary positions but even those roles I am getting rejected from and these days barely anyone is even getting back in touch.

I've reformed my CV a good few times over and there have been times where I've panicked applied but there are a few good jobs which have perfect conditions and I make really strong applications but don't even make it to interview. In fact they don't even get back in touch.

I know damn well it's my CV since I'm not getting to interviews but it is also my lack of confidence so it is somewhat obvious what I need to do but I'm losing motivation to even be alive despite having a place at my dream uni doing the course that I want to do. Technically I'm studying with the Open Uni in February so I'm not at uni just yet.

I'm doing Physics so naturally people assume that scientists can get nearly any job done and I held that belief for myself too but what happens when you can't get a job? That is slicing my confidence along with going to 2 interviews and realising that I probably won't get a job because of my inability to get though group interviews and that I don't have enough energy to get there and be energetic and enthusiastic.

Sorry for the long read, just don't know what else to do or even what I'm asking for.
It's rough but do not give up!

What type of jobs are you applying for anyway?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
If it's your CV then work on your CV more. Have you had others critique it or are you just going off your own edits?

Why do you have low confidence? Why do you feel you don't have enough energy at group interviews? What part of group interviews do you struggle with?
Don't give up just yet, getting a job isn't easy as you know. And given you've not started uni yet, I'm assuming you're still very young (18?). Getting a job as a graduate is hard enough, as someone who's not even got a degree, the fact you've been applying for so long shows at the least, you have determination and commitment, and that will get you very far in life, even if it doesn't feel like it now. Do you need the job? If not, then focus on your degree and don't let this stress bog you down.
I'm going off my own edits, I guess?

My mum is very critical at everything I do and I haven't been able to find a way of positively coping with it. In fact that is my family still see me as a little boy despite being 22 years old in a weeks time.

I don't have enough energy because I'm not eating enough because my teeth are damaged and I don't have the confidence to tell her that I need to go to the dentist - she'll want to know because I'll be paying for the bus to get there. From the interviews I found it to be very cutthroat and that just isn't me and I don't want to be nasty in order to get the job.

I need a job because of additional costs that aren't covered by tuition fee loans and because I want to build up muscle strength so I can start doing bike rides. I want to do fundraising for BHF and a part of that would be walking/running/cycling. Simply put I have enough energy to go to shops and back but by the time I get back I'm knackered and I never used to be like this. I'm not sure it is my diet because I do eat healthier foods these days, I just don't get a lot of exercise.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by London legal)
It's rough but do not give up!

What type of jobs are you applying for anyway?
I've applied for data entry, office admin, receptionist, retail jobs at most major retailers, some stockroom assistant roles at retailers and warehouse operative roles.
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Anonymous #1
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Thank you for the support guys, its nice to have people to talk to that are supportive.
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Muttley79
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm going off my own edits, I guess?

My mum is very critical at everything I do and I haven't been able to find a way of positively coping with it. In fact that is my family still see me as a little boy despite being 22 years old in a weeks time.

I don't have enough energy because I'm not eating enough because my teeth are damaged and I don't have the confidence to tell her that I need to go to the dentist - she'll want to know because I'll be paying for the bus to get there. From the interviews I found it to be very cutthroat and that just isn't me and I don't want to be nasty in order to get the job.

I need a job because of additional costs that aren't covered by tuition fee loans and because I want to build up muscle strength so I can start doing bike rides. I want to do fundraising for BHF and a part of that would be walking/running/cycling. Simply put I have enough energy to go to shops and back but by the time I get back I'm knackered and I never used to be like this. I'm not sure it is my diet because I do eat healthier foods these days, I just don't get a lot of exercise.
Have you signed up to the Job centre? They will help with your CV.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Muttley79)
Have you signed up to the Job centre? They will help with your CV.
Yeah I've been on JSA for 12 months roughly. They haven't really helped me with my CV.
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Sammylou40
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It sounds like your mum isn’t really giving you the right support
Whatever your age you should be able to say you need the dentist and you certainly don’t have to tell her even at 22.
Why do you have to ask for bus fare? Does she take your money?
I think you should go back to the job centre and ask for specific help. They will assist you especially if you’re on job seekers. I’m surprised they haven’t since they’re obsessed with getting you into any kind of work. They have lots of courses on offer to help you. If you’re not confident enough to sit down and ask outright then you should write it down. When you go in you’ll have a list to work from which makes it easier for you and you won’t forget anything
If I were you I’d try some charity shops if you’re looking to volunteer. It’s a start. You can do a little bit of everything and that will help your confidence
If you’re struggling with most things in general then go and have a chat with your gp.
Speak to your local council to see if they offer any exercise groups that you can join. Ours has lots of free things to do. Mainly different walking groups at different levels. You can meet some new people and again this will help your confidence
If you persevere it will work for you eventually. It’s tough nowadays but you just need to keep trying
With some proper support you’ll get there.

Ps. My sons are older than you and they will always be my little boys. However, they’re adults and need to be treated as such. If your mum is treating you like a child you have to put a stop to it. It won’t do any good in the long run
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm going off my own edits, I guess?

My mum is very critical at everything I do and I haven't been able to find a way of positively coping with it. In fact that is my family still see me as a little boy despite being 22 years old in a weeks time.

I don't have enough energy because I'm not eating enough because my teeth are damaged and I don't have the confidence to tell her that I need to go to the dentist - she'll want to know because I'll be paying for the bus to get there. From the interviews I found it to be very cutthroat and that just isn't me and I don't want to be nasty in order to get the job.

I need a job because of additional costs that aren't covered by tuition fee loans and because I want to build up muscle strength so I can start doing bike rides. I want to do fundraising for BHF and a part of that would be walking/running/cycling. Simply put I have enough energy to go to shops and back but by the time I get back I'm knackered and I never used to be like this. I'm not sure it is my diet because I do eat healthier foods these days, I just don't get a lot of exercise.
'I'm going off my own edits, I guess?' --> this is an issue. You may not always see the errors in your work. You need a fresh pair of eyes, and perhaps some very critical eyes. I'm only saying this because I want you to do well, and you need to hear it...you may think your CV is good, but it might actually be complete garbage. My friend thought his CV was good until I critiqued it. Sometimes one critique can help you see all your mistakes and can make a world of a difference, as it did for my friend, and for me (in other things).

Well, if you need permission from your mom to go to the dentist, then is it surprising you're treated like a kid? Just tell her you're going because you have issues with your teeth and go. Prove you're independence. Aside from that, regarding your confidence, nobodies words defines what you are or what you're capable of. I know it's hard hearing it from your own mother (believe me, I've been there most of my life, still am tbh), but her opinions of you are just words, they are not something which defines you. Let her have her opinions.

You're probably not getting enough kcal. For now, whilst you're still yet to see the dentist, try to mix milk with oats, honey, ice cream and bananas in a blender. Drink that, it should help energise you.

Regarding interviews, have you ever practiced interview work? What do you mean by cuthroat? How are your teamwork skills (and be honest)?

Are these additional costs necessities for your course or are they just towards things you wish to do?
Also, your fatigue is probably from not eating enough, but you should speak to your GP in case you've got some deficiency of some sort, like anaemia. Have you lost weight?
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Anonymous #2
#11
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(Original post by Sammylou40)
It sounds like your mum isn’t really giving you the right support
Whatever your age you should be able to say you need the dentist and you certainly don’t have to tell her even at 22.
Why do you have to ask for bus fare? Does she take your money?
I think you should go back to the job centre and ask for specific help. They will assist you especially if you’re on job seekers. I’m surprised they haven’t since they’re obsessed with getting you into any kind of work. They have lots of courses on offer to help you. If you’re not confident enough to sit down and ask outright then you should write it down. When you go in you’ll have a list to work from which makes it easier for you and you won’t forget anything
If I were you I’d try some charity shops if you’re looking to volunteer. It’s a start. You can do a little bit of everything and that will help your confidence
If you’re struggling with most things in general then go and have a chat with your gp.
Speak to your local council to see if they offer any exercise groups that you can join. Ours has lots of free things to do. Mainly different walking groups at different levels. You can meet some new people and again this will help your confidence
If you persevere it will work for you eventually. It’s tough nowadays but you just need to keep trying
With some proper support you’ll get there.

Ps. My sons are older than you and they will always be my little boys. However, they’re adults and need to be treated as such. If your mum is treating you like a child you have to put a stop to it. It won’t do any good in the long run
The practical and blunt approach to your advice is the best I've seen so far on TSR. I respect that.
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Muttley79
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah I've been on JSA for 12 months roughly. They haven't really helped me with my CV.
Have you asked for help with it? They are usually very focused n getting people off JSA and into work.
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Sammylou40
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The practical and blunt approach to your advice is the best I've seen so far on TSR. I respect that.
I always try to be kind and fair but there’s no point pussyfooting around
But thank you
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Sammylou40)
It sounds like your mum isn’t really giving you the right support
Whatever your age you should be able to say you need the dentist and you certainly don’t have to tell her even at 22.
Why do you have to ask for bus fare? Does she take your money?
I think you should go back to the job centre and ask for specific help. They will assist you especially if you’re on job seekers. I’m surprised they haven’t since they’re obsessed with getting you into any kind of work. They have lots of courses on offer to help you. If you’re not confident enough to sit down and ask outright then you should write it down. When you go in you’ll have a list to work from which makes it easier for you and you won’t forget anything
If I were you I’d try some charity shops if you’re looking to volunteer. It’s a start. You can do a little bit of everything and that will help your confidence
If you’re struggling with most things in general then go and have a chat with your gp.
Speak to your local council to see if they offer any exercise groups that you can join. Ours has lots of free things to do. Mainly different walking groups at different levels. You can meet some new people and again this will help your confidence
If you persevere it will work for you eventually. It’s tough nowadays but you just need to keep trying
With some proper support you’ll get there.

Ps. My sons are older than you and they will always be my little boys. However, they’re adults and need to be treated as such. If your mum is treating you like a child you have to put a stop to it. It won’t do any good in the long run
Yeah she doesn't support me like I would want her to which more or less leaves me on my own.

I don't ask her for bus fare I just have to let her know what I'm spending my money on.

The job center have offered me those course but I'm already studying with the open uni so I'm not interested in those courses and I wouldn't be able to take them on anyway because I'm already on a course.

I tried Octavia and BHF and haven't heard anything back since I applied which was about 2 weeks ago and I actually genuinely want to do volunteering because I want to give back to the community and not to help myself out so that can be quite hard to accept.

I know deep down I need to put a stop to it and by letting people do this to me I am worsening it myself.

I'll check with my local council to see whats available. Thank you Sammy I've seen you around on here and you give great advice
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Sammylou40
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah she doesn't support me like I would want her to which more or less leaves me on my own.

I don't ask her for bus fare I just have to let her know what I'm spending my money on.

The job center have offered me those course but I'm already studying with the open uni so I'm not interested in those courses and I wouldn't be able to take them on anyway because I'm already on a course.

I tried Octavia and BHF and haven't heard anything back since I applied which was about 2 weeks ago and I actually genuinely want to do volunteering because I want to give back to the community and not to help myself out so that can be quite hard to accept.

I know deep down I need to put a stop to it and by letting people do this to me I am worsening it myself.

I'll check with my local council to see whats available. Thank you Sammy I've seen you around on here and you give great advice
Thank you

You need to stop telling your mum what you’re spending. It’s a bit much, unless you’re also asking her for money. Even then I wouldn’t dream of asking mine where their money has gone! Mind you, they’d put me right if I did.
Perseverance is the key and I understand how tough it is. Please have a chat with your gp. Especially as you seem to be struggling physically and mentally. You need a thorough check.
If you need to talk you can pm me anytime and I’ll get to you as soon as I can
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Anonymous #1
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'I'm going off my own edits, I guess?' --> this is an issue. You may not always see the errors in your work. You need a fresh pair of eyes, and perhaps some very critical eyes. I'm only saying this because I want you to do well, and you need to hear it...you may think your CV is good, but it might actually be complete garbage. My friend thought his CV was good until I critiqued it. Sometimes one critique can help you see all your mistakes and can make a world of a difference, as it did for my friend, and for me (in other things).

Well, if you need permission from your mom to go to the dentist, then is it surprising you're treated like a kid? Just tell her you're going because you have issues with your teeth and go. Prove you're independence. Aside from that, regarding your confidence, nobodies words defines what you are or what you're capable of. I know it's hard hearing it from your own mother (believe me, I've been there most of my life, still am tbh), but her opinions of you are just words, they are not something which defines you. Let her have her opinions.

You're probably not getting enough kcal. For now, whilst you're still yet to see the dentist, try to mix milk with oats, honey, ice cream and bananas in a blender. Drink that, it should help energise you.

Regarding interviews, have you ever practiced interview work? What do you mean by cuthroat? How are your teamwork skills (and be honest)?

Are these additional costs necessities for your course or are they just towards things you wish to do?
Also, your fatigue is probably from not eating enough, but you should speak to your GP in case you've got some deficiency of some sort, like anaemia. Have you lost weight?

I definitely don't think my CV is good, if it was I would be getting more interviews.

I have started to realise that anyone's opinions of me do not define who I am, its just hard to hear that from my own mum.

I have been trying to calculate my minimum calories that I should be getting when not exercising and I don't think I'm even getting that. I don't have a blender but I did want to try weetabix with a chopped banana and honey.

I am not someone who can focus appropriately in a non professional setting so trying to do some roleplay would not help me. By cut throat I mean its every man for himself and I literally get ignored and forgotten about and it doesn't help that I have a lack of confidence. Its hard to judge my team work skills because I haven't had to work in groups and with other people that much but I can function in a team and try to help manage a team so that each individual's abilities are getting the best use out of them.

After looking at the additional costs I have sort of realised that I probably don't need to worry about just yet as it appears to require advanced knowledge from a future module, though its stated to be starting early next year.

I think its best take people's advice and see my GP so I will probably do so, I just feel guilty for going having to go there since I'm not looking after myself properly.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Muttley79)
Have you asked for help with it? They are usually very focused n getting people off JSA and into work.
Yes an NCS officer helped me earlier in the year, I will look at creating a CV and then emailing it to her to see what she can do for me.

They've been focused in getting me onto apprenticeships that don't interest me and have nothing to do with what I will do at uni.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Sammylou40)
Thank you

You need to stop telling your mum what you’re spending. It’s a bit much, unless you’re also asking her for money. Even then I wouldn’t dream of asking mine where their money has gone! Mind you, they’d put me right if I did.
Perseverance is the key and I understand how tough it is. Please have a chat with your gp. Especially as you seem to be struggling physically and mentally. You need a thorough check.
If you need to talk you can pm me anytime and I’ll get to you as soon as I can
I know but she gets angry and starts threatening to kick me out if I'm not transparent about money. I know its tough and the key is to keep persevering since in the end I will achieve all my life goals if I keep fighting to get a job.

Thank you, I appreciate any and all help I can get
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Sammylou40
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I know but she gets angry and starts threatening to kick me out if I'm not transparent about money. I know its tough and the key is to keep persevering since in the end I will achieve all my life goals if I keep fighting to get a job.

Thank you, I appreciate any and all help I can get
Don’t be blackmailed. There’s a difference in being open about money and having to disclose minutiae like bus fare.
You need to go to the dentist and your gp ASAP.
Go and if needs be tell her. You can do it kindly but don’t be put off. Stand firm. Unless mum wants to support you all your life then you have to start asserting your independence. I know it’ll be hard but start with the little things one at a time
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Sammylou40)
Don’t be blackmailed. There’s a difference in being open about money and having to disclose minutiae like bus fare.
You need to go to the dentist and your gp ASAP.
Go and if needs be tell her. You can do it kindly but don’t be put off. Stand firm. Unless mum wants to support you all your life then you have to start asserting your independence. I know it’ll be hard but start with the little things one at a time
I definitely agree with everything you've been saying. I'm going to assert my independence a lot more now and get her to realise that I am an adult and don't need to be babied anymore.
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