Fallen for a friend (but not a good idea).

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 months ago
#1
Hi, I suppose this is more to get it off my chest then anything.

I went through a pretty bad breakup nearly two years ago. I split up with my partner of five years. It was a bad relationship I didn't really want to be in for the last few years, and was made to stay and lost so much confidence, and was given no support with my life and own ambitions. This last summer I went through a pretty bad time mentally and managed to pick myself up and reapplied to uni.

I haven't been with anyone for two years and had no intentions of doing so. Probably because I wasn't willing to go through another bad experience. I also lack a lot of confidence both in myself and my own sexual ability. This causes me a lot of insecurities and I feel inferior to others. Even when someone mentions their ex, I can't help but feel like I'll still be judged and looked down on.

Yet I became friendly with a girl from my class. She's the same age as me (24) and the complete opposite of what my ex was. Although she is not from the UK I find her an amazing person. I suppose many would say she isn't that attractive but I find her breathtaking. I caught her looking at me a bit and asking me to message me in our class group chat. We struck up a conversation and I've never felt a stronger connection or more at ease with anyone.

We spoke nearly everyday and I tried to get to know her more. Before making an approach I tested the waters, asking about her as a person and on her social media accounts but there was no hint at a boyfriend, so I asked her out for a drink and she agreed. I felt like things were really on the up for me.

However today she let slip about having a boyfriend back home. She told me how she one day had enough of life and traveled across the world to be with him again. I feel like yet again the whole world has come crashing down on me, and all my insecurities have taken over.

I know I should cut ties immediately as she has a boyfriend but i feel so strongly about her. I know my insecurities and feelings are pathetic but I can't help it. I don't want to cut her out of my life though (and don't want awkwardness for the next few months) but it's hard to be around her feeling this way.

The only thing I can think of is to struggle through til her birthday in February, where we had plans. Then cut her out of my life completely. It will be hard for me but I can see it as the only alternative. Then at the end of the academic year before we leave I can text her and explain why and how I feel, so at least I know i've told her and as little damage caused as possible.

If anyone has any thoughts on this please feel free to comment, otherwise I suppose this is just to vent. I don't know what to do and feel heartbroken again.



Tl;dr Went through a bad breakup. Picked myself up and met a girl who seemed interested in me. Never felt so strongly about anyone but after a few dates she let slip she has a boyfriend back home. I feel too strongly to still see her and can only think about cutting her out of my life and explain why at end of the year.
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Oxford Mum
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#2
Report 4 months ago
#2
If she has a boyfriend and she has been upfront and told you, she is not available.

If it’s hard to keep on with her as a friend, concentrate on finding someone else.
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AadamG
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#3
Report 4 months ago
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi, I suppose this is more to get it off my chest then anything.
So, yous shot your shot... you made the basket. Only one problem. The point didn't count.
Basically. you asked her out, she said yeh. But she has a boyfriend.

So what do you do now? You grab the ball and shoot again. There's always more fish in the see brother
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ANM775
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#4
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#4
(Original post by Oxford Mum)
If she has a boyfriend and she has been upfront and told you, she is not available.

If it’s hard to keep on with her as a friend, concentrate on finding someone else.
If she is going on dates with him she is making herself available tho

perhaps OP she has decided she wants nothing more to do with you romantically, perhaps she does want you but the guilt of having a hidden bf got to her so she told you, perhaps she's open to seeing weather or not you'd put up with being a cuck

very hard to tell without being there........

but if she does not like you romantically then yeah, cut her off. the sooner the better.....
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Rock Fan
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#5
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#5
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi, I suppose this is more to get it off my chest then anything.

I went through a pretty bad breakup nearly two years ago. I split up with my partner of five years. It was a bad relationship I didn't really want to be in for the last few years, and was made to stay and lost so much confidence, and was given no support with my life and own ambitions. This last summer I went through a pretty bad time mentally and managed to pick myself up and reapplied to uni.

I haven't been with anyone for two years and had no intentions of doing so. Probably because I wasn't willing to go through another bad experience. I also lack a lot of confidence both in myself and my own sexual ability. This causes me a lot of insecurities and I feel inferior to others. Even when someone mentions their ex, I can't help but feel like I'll still be judged and looked down on.

Yet I became friendly with a girl from my class. She's the same age as me (24) and the complete opposite of what my ex was. Although she is not from the UK I find her an amazing person. I suppose many would say she isn't that attractive but I find her breathtaking. I caught her looking at me a bit and asking me to message me in our class group chat. We struck up a conversation and I've never felt a stronger connection or more at ease with anyone.

We spoke nearly everyday and I tried to get to know her more. Before making an approach I tested the waters, asking about her as a person and on her social media accounts but there was no hint at a boyfriend, so I asked her out for a drink and she agreed. I felt like things were really on the up for me.

However today she let slip about having a boyfriend back home. She told me how she one day had enough of life and traveled across the world to be with him again. I feel like yet again the whole world has come crashing down on me, and all my insecurities have taken over.

I know I should cut ties immediately as she has a boyfriend but i feel so strongly about her. I know my insecurities and feelings are pathetic but I can't help it. I don't want to cut her out of my life though (and don't want awkwardness for the next few months) but it's hard to be around her feeling this way.

The only thing I can think of is to struggle through til her birthday in February, where we had plans. Then cut her out of my life completely. It will be hard for me but I can see it as the only alternative. Then at the end of the academic year before we leave I can text her and explain why and how I feel, so at least I know i've told her and as little damage caused as possible.

If anyone has any thoughts on this please feel free to comment, otherwise I suppose this is just to vent. I don't know what to do and feel heartbroken again.



Tl;dr Went through a bad breakup. Picked myself up and met a girl who seemed interested in me. Never felt so strongly about anyone but after a few dates she let slip she has a boyfriend back home. I feel too strongly to still see her and can only think about cutting her out of my life and explain why at end of the year.
She has a boyfriend, nothing you can do other than be friends.
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Oxford Mum
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#6
Report 4 months ago
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(Original post by ANM775)
If she is going on dates with him she is making herself available tho

perhaps OP she has decided she wants nothing more to do with you romantically, perhaps she does want you but the guilt of having a hidden bf got to her so she told you, perhaps she's open to seeing weather or not you'd put up with being a cuck

very hard to tell without being there........

but if she does not like you romantically then yeah, cut her off. the sooner the better.....
But are they dates? I go out with people as friends and have no romantic intentions towards them.
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