Struggling to cope with debts and my life at the moment

Have you spoken to your mum? She might be able to help. You might want to look into seeing your GP too. You have options and you're not alone.

contact Citizens Advice Centre. you can speak to a debt specialist and also a benefit specialist who might be able to explain why you're not eligible for Universal Credit. can you at least get Job Seekers Allowance?

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/about-us/contact-us/contact-us/chat-service-money-and-debt/

Yeah, my Mum knows im in financial trouble, probably not to the extent I am, but she knows I'm not well, and not in good spirits. She worries about me, be her and my younger brother both struggle financially too, and they've explicitly told me they can't help me with money. Makes me angry, but it isn't their fault, its just the way it is. I don't come from a wealthy family, otherwise I'd likely never have had to borrow money, or even struggle to pay my bills.

I haven't seen a GP about my mental health in a long time, I'm supposed to take medication, but I've lost all hope in that too. Can't remember the last time I popped an anti-depressant. Probably not helping myself, but a pill isn't going to take away my debt, its going to temporarily mask my mood, but deep down the problems are still there. I even had a GP tell me in the past, the medication won't be effective, especially with all the problems going on in the background. She was right, but from that point onward I thought whats the point.

I've had counselling many times too, and I always struggled to find the right person, most have been useless, the only one that stood out was a psychotherapist I found in private practise, this was about 4 years ago, and I was paying her £40ph.

Sorry if I seem pessimistic I'm just struggling at the moment. Soon I'll be home with my mum, which is great because I am not on the streets, but its a small seaside town with no real economy, I have 2 friends to speak of, and one is abroad until feb. Its so boring as well. Since, I currently live in a city. It will be a welcomed relief not to worry about things, but I'll soon be bored.

Don't worry, life will get better for you.
At least you have a mother willing to assist you.
I'm working three jobs, work weekends, start work before 6am every day and live off less than £30 a week after rent & bills.
I live alone in London and have got over £31k of credit card debt.

The ex I walked out on five years ago stalks me and has covered his office in scantily clad mermaid images of me to make me look stupid.
Some of my coworkers are groping pervs.
Thank goodness for karma.

You said you rent a private 2 bed flat. Maybe you can try to sublet the rooms? Have a flatmate or something to help you out.

Don't despair. It will work out in the end. We all go through hard times in life but we have to keep our head high

Have you been looking for a new job?

Yeah, my Mum knows im in financial trouble, probably not to the extent I am, but she knows I'm not well, and not in good spirits. She worries about me, be her and my younger brother both struggle financially too, and they've explicitly told me they can't help me with money. Makes me angry, but it isn't their fault, its just the way it is. I don't come from a wealthy family, otherwise I'd likely never have had to borrow money, or even struggle to pay my bills.

I haven't seen a GP about my mental health in a long time, I'm supposed to take medication, but I've lost all hope in that too. Can't remember the last time I popped an anti-depressant. Probably not helping myself, but a pill isn't going to take away my debt, its going to temporarily mask my mood, but deep down the problems are still there. I even had a GP tell me in the past, the medication won't be effective, especially with all the problems going on in the background. She was right, but from that point onward I thought whats the point.

I've had counselling many times too, and I always struggled to find the right person, most have been useless, the only one that stood out was a psychotherapist I found in private practise, this was about 4 years ago, and I was paying her £40ph.

Sorry if I seem pessimistic I'm just struggling at the moment. Soon I'll be home with my mum, which is great because I am not on the streets, but its a small seaside town with no real economy, I have 2 friends to speak of, and one is abroad until feb. Its so boring as well. Since, I currently live in a city. It will be a welcomed relief not to worry about things, but I'll soon be bored.

tbf if you look at OPs posts they have always worked their ass off and they have always job searched when needed and never been too 'proud'. If I remember rightly they also got screwed by their ex financially, basically supporting her for a long time while she did nothing but rack up debt. Now she s left him and doesn't appear to be paying rent when OP isn't able to leave the housing contract, not exactly fair. OP also stated they have a diagnosed mental health condition so it's not a case of 'just stopping' the negative talk and honestly in the position they're in anyone would be feeling pretty damn negative.

OP- Your situation sucks, there's no two ways about it. Is there any way to get your ex to make some rent contributions? It's not fair she gets to walk away when you're stuck in a contract you can't pay for. Do you have any ideas how much selling your furniture for when you move back with your mum might net you? I sold all my stuff as I moved abroad and we got about 1000£ for it and didn't have particularly expensive stuff. That might help with the priority debt at least.

Being stuck money wise sucks. Im in a different position and nowhere near as bad but I basically put nearly all my money in a closed savings account and now a load of stuff is happening at once and I don't have the cash flow. Money issues feel shameful and they're super distressing. All you can do is try and take any steps forward you can. Speak to an expert about how to manage your debts and see what they say. Don't despair, when you were working you were making progress with them and you will find another job and do that again.

Finally, get yourself to a GP and start taking your meds again. Yeah with your situation you probs won't feel good even with them but that doesn't mean they're not taking the edge off the despair and low mood. You need people looking out for you right now so be honest with your doctor and loved ones and tell them what you need. They may not be able to give you money but they may be able to support you emotionally and help make sure you're accessing all the help available to you.

edited to add: really don't blame yourself for your relationship ending, you were firefighting there for a long time and if your partner felt anything but insanely loved with what you were doing for her, she's an idiot

Thank you for this. I really needed this to be said to pick me up. For so long, it just feels like people judge those in my situation. A lot of it is because people haven't experienced hardship on this scale - whereby, you basically can't afford your council tax, your rent, and you are a stones throw away from homelessness.

You are correct, if people actually read my posts like you seem to have, they will see a pattern to my posting. I've suffered from mental health for as long as I can remember. At first, I was happy in the relationship, then I'd discovered she weren't paying priority bills, I stupidly ended up staying (mainly out of love - we do daft things for it!), and ended up been in more debt. Having to actually borrow money myself, because she was not working either at the time. I ended up on a slippery slope. There is no mistake here, that money pretty much caused a lot of the stress, which I was placed under, as did her lying to me, I never fully trusted her after this. The stress, lack of trust really affected our intimacy, and that was the beginning of the end.

I eventually found a better paying job in the July, after the months of arguing, and having broke up once or twice before. I'd even setup an account with PayPlan on a DMP. Then, she left me in the August a month later. That deeply affected my mental health, as at such a pivotal time I needed supporting. I was suffering from a mental health crises at the time as well, and, having no family in this area I struggled and buckled under pressures.

I tried to hold it all together in my job. Despite having my probation extended. I was then told it was getting further extended, and told this in confidence, between me and my immediate boss, but I had to be quiet as it wasn't made official yet. There was no paper trail, but thats another story. I ended up having a breakdown in the office, because this "mysterious probation meeting" was been pushed forward continually, which triggered a whole host of other things. I ended up ringing in sick on a few occasions, this was after been in the job 3 months. Bad I know, but I was really really not coping. I knew I was on my way out of the organisation and there was nothing I could do.

They let me go on the 1st of October, stating "after much deliberation, its been a hard decision, but we feel it would not be fair on you to keep you on another 3 weeks". They cited not meeting targets, and briefly touched on my sicknesses. But I don't know which reason it really was. It did feel a bit of a cop out, and I am a bit angry about it to be honest. They knew of my mental health issues, as I disclosed it to Occ Health when offered the role.

At the time of my sacking, I felt liberated from the stress, and I had 'some' money to tie me over. I thought I'd be able to claim Universal Credit for my housing, and to keep my afloat so I wasn't worried at all. My work-coach seemed reassuring about the fact, I seemed well educated, I'd find a job easily, and the system wasn't as bad as people made out. I got given an advanced loan while I waited for my first payment.

I then got paid by my employer £800 (inc holiday pay), and a further £250 from an health insurance claim, and my DLA. So I ended up with about £1200, which went towards my upcoming rent payment, my council tax, my outgoings, food.

Roll on following month, I was told that I would be awarded £0 - as they deducted this from what I got off my employer. I also noticed, they wouldn't cover my housing in full. This was because I am under 35, not in social housing, a single person, and would be paid the minimum housing association payment (shared) of £55 a week (about £200 pm).
By this point it was November, and I was pretty outraged that the government can't cover my rent, while I look for work. Its almost like they do this to push you into poverty. About a few days later, they told me they are closing my claim, as a result of the fact that they assessed my earnings last year, and I wasn't entitled to benefits (benefit cap). As I asked the lady on the phone why it was relevant that they needed my financial info from last year, she said "oh its to do with the benefit cap, don't worry it won't affect anything". Which turned out to be complete rubbish.

I ended up having to ring my Mum and tell her I'm moving home. I have just had to spend about £150 clearing my house, because the council won't come and collect stuff for free, I had to pay, to have all this furniture taken, which by the way she left.

All my bins are full, and I'm having to leave things. I had no support whatsoever, and I fear fines, and council coming for me for council tax.

I'm moving today, back to my Mums at age 29, unemployed, to sleep on her living room floor. That's the kind of hardship I'm facing. I've gone from been a productive member of society, to pretty much bottom of the barrel, and to look at me you wouldn't think. Other than the fact I haven't shaved, or had a haircut in a long time. My self esteem has taken a hit, and I'm pretty dismal about it all.

Whats worse is, how she's been since our split. She barely speaks to me, and wiped her hands of me. She didn't give a damn about our Cats, which I had to give away to a shelter, despite been a 'cat lover' our entire relationship. I told her she had the option of seeing them before they went, she declined. She's an entirely different person than who I knew.

The only one with a heart, and any compassion in our relationship was me, I spent 6 years with her. Six years too long.



Sorry just needed to get it off my chest.

don't worry, I wish there was some advice we could give to fix the situation

honestly it sounds like this girl was poison to your life and has left you with a mountain of problems and swanned off happily, it sucks - is there any way to get money off her? can you contact her parents? The only consolation is that I think long term you will be better off without her...

Get yourself to ground 0 now, even if that's your mum's floor. Make a list of everything you need to do/fix and prioritise. Give yourself a couple of tasks a day until you've formulated a plan and ask people around for help doing so. Give yourself days off and look after yourself. It'll take time but you can get this back on track and this time YOU'LL be in control of your life.

Yeah, I'm trying not to worry. For now, I am back at Mums, hoping to get things together in the coming weeks. Just got moved back in, and got my stuff in the house. A bit boring here, less to do. So I'm trying to occupy my mind.

Yeah, I mean when we first met at University our relationship was less serious, we obviously fell in love, but by the time I realised about the hiding debts, I had been going out with her for 2 years, so it was harder to split ties.

Erm, she probably will not oblige to giving me money, but she is actively avoiding paying her arrears, and in some cases, I am been contacted by loan companies as I'm guarantor (stupid I know), and also, she kept pestering me to sort the council arrears, because they keep 'bothering' her. She brought this all on herself, by ignoring her problems. Her parents literally ignore me - and couldn't care less. I don't think they know about the depth of her debts, but they would likely defend her.

Yeah I will be better off with out her, I'll be pretty lonely. I have extremely low self esteem, and I find it difficult to be on my own, because I don't like my own company, and I don't love myself. Ties in with mental health.

I'm going to take a few days to just relax before I sit down to tackle my debts. Feel like so much has happened, and I haven't really had time to adjust.

I'll get there. Thank you for your support.

she is literally the worst
I hope things improve for you soon