My boyfriend is taking drugs but he doesnt know i know

So me and bf have been together about 2 years and i love him so much but in the beginning of our relationship we went on a night out with his friends which was really good till they gave him pills to take.
I hate drugs i always have and always will.
So he goes to take them infront of me which i completely kicked off and told him if he want to do drugs he can find someone else to be with because i was not standing for it.
So all well and good as time goes by but he starts work at a bar where the people he works with are taking keys of cocaine, and this was always a worry but i trusted him because he says he wont do it and if he did he would tell me. So time goes by and not to long ago he came home out of his face pass out on our sofa which i thought was really weird as its never like him and i had a really bad gut feeling, so i did a really bad thing and went onto his phone (hes never had a problem with me going on his phone as i kmow is password and he knows mine) and seen the messages with the people at work saying about them all taking it including him and he need more because he didnt have enough. I was stunned i didnt know what to do or what to say so i left it and put it to the back of my mind but the longer i left it the more it played on my mind.
Not to long ago he got a new job which i was thankful for as he wouldnt be around them all so it might stop and i can just forget about it but no... once he finished one night he stayed behind with a couple of people drinking in the bar area which is all fine but he doesnt come back till 12pm the next day which im already at work and he finished work at 2am.
So i dont know what state hes in but he says nothing happened they just talked till that time and he came home. With this now everything came back and i did the same thing i went onto his phone while he was sleeping (which i know is really bad and i feel really guilty about it) and found he messagjng a guy from work about dealing drugs and telling him to message his phone instead of on fb as we both share a computer and now im stuck i feel betrayed as ive asked him if hes done it but hes lied to my face and now i dont know what to say or how to be around him so comfortably, he knows there is something off with me but i dont know hoe to bring it up or what to say

HELP PLEASE :'(

Reply 1

Surnia

20

Depends on what you want to do. If you want to end it, you don't have to give a reason other than you've not been happy for a while. You could mention passed put on the sofa and being out late otherwise and leave it at that. However, you could go all out, move your stuff and make your final act saying you've seen whats on his phone and you're finished.

If you want to sort it out, you can use the same things; say the pill business bothered you and when you see him passed out or coming in late you worry what is happening. You can't prove he's lying unless you mention the phone, but you can give him an ultimatum to stop behaving like this.

Reply 2

username2393237

21

I would just end the relationship because he’s going to drag you down with him.

Reply 3

Quin22

OP

2

I dont want to end it, I want to help him if he needs the help but I dont know if he needs the help or hes doing it because he enjoys it but I cant being it up because I was in the wrong going through his phone.
I would move out but we both have our name down on the apartment we are living in so if anything it would be him moving out and going home and I'm not from this area I'm only here for university. It's just stressing me out that I dont know how to go about it

Reply 4

username47781

20

Original post by Quin22

I dont want to end it, I want to help him if he needs the help but I dont know if he needs the help or hes doing it because he enjoys it but I cant being it up because I was in the wrong going through his phone.
I would move out but we both have our name down on the apartment we are living in so if anything it would be him moving out and going home and I'm not from this area I'm only here for university. It's just stressing me out that I dont know how to go about it

If he won't help himself and kick the habit then there is nothing you can do, you got two choices, put up with it or get out. It's that simple.

Reply 5

Surnia

20

Original post by Rock Fan

If he won't help himself and kick the habit then there is nothing you can do, you got two choices, put up with it or get out. It's that simple.

This ^^ times 100.

OP, yes, your bf may need help, but he has got to want it. And unless he takes the first step himself towards sorting out his problem, sad to say there is nothing you can do.

Reply 6

Dunnig Kruger

16

Original post by Quin22

I dont want to end it, I want to help him if he needs the help but I dont know if he needs the help or hes doing it because he enjoys it but I cant being it up because I was in the wrong going through his phone.
I would move out but we both have our name down on the apartment we are living in so if anything it would be him moving out and going home and I'm not from this area I'm only here for university. It's just stressing me out that I dont know how to go about it

You can't help him. From his point of view there's nothing to help.
Forget about trying to reform him.

He does it because he enjoys it. There's an extremely high chance he will carry on doing it.
He may promise to stop and never do it again. There's a very high chance he won't stop and he'll just carry on lying and keeping it hidden from you as much as he can.

Best pragmatic solution - based on the balance of probabilities is to BOOT HIM OUT OF YOUR APPARTMENT.
SO FAST HE DOESN'T TOUCH THE SIDES.

And then, if there's room, get a lodger in. Someone tustworthy, reliable that won't give you grief.

There are hundreds or thousands of young men at your uni that will be available and who won't have a coke habit. Make one of them your next boyfriend.

With you current boyfriend, it's not so much the drugs, but the lying, the sneakiness, the keeping things secret from you, the lack of financial responsibility, the lack of self control and discipline, the incompatibility with your views on all these things. All of this adds up to you being far better off in the medium to long term without him. Can you imagine what sort of a husband and father he will be? There's a very small chance he'd be a good one, a far too high a chance he'd be a terrible one

My boyfriend is taking drugs but he doesnt know i know

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