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Opposite Attraction
Basically I'm just feeling a bit upset about the attitude my parents have about my new boyfriend and am wondering what other people felt.
Basically, I've been with my new guy for 2 weeks, and I'm crazy about him, and I know he's crazy about me. He's 22 and I'm 18, and he is completely not my usual type. I'm going to Warwick in September, while he works as a labourer, has a bit of a reputation for being a bad boy and has very few qualifications. He's got a criminal past, which he was very honest about which i respect and has had a difficult family upbringing and has to deal with alot and has many responsibilities which he shouldn't have to worry about now.
When i first met him at the pub after being introduced by a mutual friend we just clicked, but i still thought that cos we were so different the date would be a disaster.
However, it wasn't, and i love his company. I'm fed up of guys (who would be more my usual type) not calling back or being blatently after one thing only, but he makes me feel special and loved, makes me laugh loads and treats me like a princess.
Of course I'm worried about how different we are, especially as my parents completely disapprove because we are 'streets, even worlds apart', which i see, but he makes me happy. They just think i'm trying to rebel against the norm and what im expected to be like, but i'm not, it just so happens that the most unlikely guy has turned out to be the one that makes me the happiest.
I'm just wondering, can opposites attract and be happy, even when our lives are so different, and whether the relationship has got much chance of working. I'm crazy about him but am completely aware that in september i'm going away which is about 3 hours away. the last thing i want to do is hurt him cos he's lovely but am i being stupid getting involved with a guy so different?
sorry this is such a long post, please give any advice or thoughts you like xxx
Basically, I've been with my new guy for 2 weeks, and I'm crazy about him, and I know he's crazy about me. He's 22 and I'm 18, and he is completely not my usual type. I'm going to Warwick in September, while he works as a labourer, has a bit of a reputation for being a bad boy and has very few qualifications. He's got a criminal past, which he was very honest about which i respect and has had a difficult family upbringing and has to deal with alot and has many responsibilities which he shouldn't have to worry about now.
When i first met him at the pub after being introduced by a mutual friend we just clicked, but i still thought that cos we were so different the date would be a disaster.
However, it wasn't, and i love his company. I'm fed up of guys (who would be more my usual type) not calling back or being blatently after one thing only, but he makes me feel special and loved, makes me laugh loads and treats me like a princess.
Of course I'm worried about how different we are, especially as my parents completely disapprove because we are 'streets, even worlds apart', which i see, but he makes me happy. They just think i'm trying to rebel against the norm and what im expected to be like, but i'm not, it just so happens that the most unlikely guy has turned out to be the one that makes me the happiest.
I'm just wondering, can opposites attract and be happy, even when our lives are so different, and whether the relationship has got much chance of working. I'm crazy about him but am completely aware that in september i'm going away which is about 3 hours away. the last thing i want to do is hurt him cos he's lovely but am i being stupid getting involved with a guy so different?
sorry this is such a long post, please give any advice or thoughts you like xxx
no my last gf was a chav 2bf to her and i am like antichav!
cant believe i went out with her but she was lovely and we were happy for a bit!
just give it a go!
actually just membered why we broke up: me going to uni in sept!
hope this helps!
cant believe i went out with her but she was lovely and we were happy for a bit!
just give it a go!
actually just membered why we broke up: me going to uni in sept!
hope this helps!
No I don't think it's stupid. Like you said, opposites attract and can do very well.
As for the guy's past, I'd say as long as he's learnt his lessons and doesnt do those things that he did in the past he'd be okay. As for the qualification thing, he could always take up some college courses, I believe education up to GCSE is free.
As for your parents, I think it shouldn't matter what they think, it's your life after all.
xx
As for the guy's past, I'd say as long as he's learnt his lessons and doesnt do those things that he did in the past he'd be okay. As for the qualification thing, he could always take up some college courses, I believe education up to GCSE is free.
As for your parents, I think it shouldn't matter what they think, it's your life after all.
xx
I've been in a very similar situation. I'm a middle class girl from an academic background (my mother was at Cambridge), I had good prospects and I was doing well at school. He had left school at 16, was working a menial 9-5 and spent his evenings with his "boys", getting drunk/stoned and acting like a 'bad boy'.
When we had been together two weeks, I could have said exactly the same as you. He was loving, gentle, sweet and caring. He treated me like an empress and made me feel really special. We also met in a pub and clicked instantly.
However, as the relationship wore on I started to see the differenced between us. His priority in life was his own satisfaction and pleasure. He would not do anything to take care of his future and his entire mentality was "if it doesn't make me happy NOW, it can **** right off". He became possessive and difficult. Everything had to be on his terms.
Your relationship may turn out well. You might be very happy together for a long time, however:
You can't know after 2 weeks. IMO, you can't really know after two years. People change, for better and worse, and people are also very good at presenting themselves in the way they think their other half will like. My ex was the person I wanted him to be until he knew he had me snared, and then he relaxed and became a total pig.
You also need to be sure that you have compatible values and prioreties. For example, if you tell him you are going off to university, or maybe staying on to do a masters, you don't want him to kick off about how students are are just a bunch of freeloaders who live off the state - "at least I pay taxes, blah blah". Also, imagine if you had kids. Would he be happy with them going out with their mates and a bottle of cider at 13 while you wanted them to stay in and do their homework?
Opposites can attract, but you need to give it time and be prepared to be disillusioned and hurt.
When we had been together two weeks, I could have said exactly the same as you. He was loving, gentle, sweet and caring. He treated me like an empress and made me feel really special. We also met in a pub and clicked instantly.
However, as the relationship wore on I started to see the differenced between us. His priority in life was his own satisfaction and pleasure. He would not do anything to take care of his future and his entire mentality was "if it doesn't make me happy NOW, it can **** right off". He became possessive and difficult. Everything had to be on his terms.
Your relationship may turn out well. You might be very happy together for a long time, however:
You can't know after 2 weeks. IMO, you can't really know after two years. People change, for better and worse, and people are also very good at presenting themselves in the way they think their other half will like. My ex was the person I wanted him to be until he knew he had me snared, and then he relaxed and became a total pig.
You also need to be sure that you have compatible values and prioreties. For example, if you tell him you are going off to university, or maybe staying on to do a masters, you don't want him to kick off about how students are are just a bunch of freeloaders who live off the state - "at least I pay taxes, blah blah". Also, imagine if you had kids. Would he be happy with them going out with their mates and a bottle of cider at 13 while you wanted them to stay in and do their homework?
Opposites can attract, but you need to give it time and be prepared to be disillusioned and hurt.
Schmokie Dragon
I've been in a very similar situation. I'm a middle class girl from an academic background (my mother was at Cambridge), I had good prospects and I was doing well at school. He had left school at 16, was working a menial 9-5 and spent his evenings with his "boys", getting drunk/stoned and acting like a 'bad boy'.
When we had been together two weeks, I could have said exactly the same as you. He was loving, gentle, sweet and caring. He treated me like an empress and made me feel really special. We also met in a pub and clicked instantly.
However, as the relationship wore on I started to see the differenced between us. His priority in life was his own satisfaction and pleasure. He would not do anything to take care of his future and his entire mentality was "if it doesn't make me happy NOW, it can **** right off". He became possessive and difficult. Everything had to be on his terms.
Your relationship may turn out well. You might be very happy together for a long time, however:
You can't know after 2 weeks. IMO, you can't really know after two years. People change, for better and worse, and people are also very good at presenting themselves in the way they think their other half will like. My ex was the person I wanted him to be until he knew he had me snared, and then he relaxed and became a total pig.
You also need to be sure that you have compatible values and prioreties. For example, if you tell him you are going off to university, or maybe staying on to do a masters, you don't want him to kick off about how students are are just a bunch of freeloaders who live off the state - "at least I pay taxes, blah blah". Also, imagine if you had kids. Would he be happy with them going out with their mates and a bottle of cider at 13 while you wanted them to stay in and do their homework?
Opposites can attract, but you need to give it time and be prepared to be disillusioned and hurt.
When we had been together two weeks, I could have said exactly the same as you. He was loving, gentle, sweet and caring. He treated me like an empress and made me feel really special. We also met in a pub and clicked instantly.
However, as the relationship wore on I started to see the differenced between us. His priority in life was his own satisfaction and pleasure. He would not do anything to take care of his future and his entire mentality was "if it doesn't make me happy NOW, it can **** right off". He became possessive and difficult. Everything had to be on his terms.
Your relationship may turn out well. You might be very happy together for a long time, however:
You can't know after 2 weeks. IMO, you can't really know after two years. People change, for better and worse, and people are also very good at presenting themselves in the way they think their other half will like. My ex was the person I wanted him to be until he knew he had me snared, and then he relaxed and became a total pig.
You also need to be sure that you have compatible values and prioreties. For example, if you tell him you are going off to university, or maybe staying on to do a masters, you don't want him to kick off about how students are are just a bunch of freeloaders who live off the state - "at least I pay taxes, blah blah". Also, imagine if you had kids. Would he be happy with them going out with their mates and a bottle of cider at 13 while you wanted them to stay in and do their homework?
Opposites can attract, but you need to give it time and be prepared to be disillusioned and hurt.
thanks, your post makes total sense, especially about how he may change and my priorities.
My degree is a 4 year one which involves next summer and my 3rd year in france, which he is completely ok with as feels my education is more important than him as it will set me up for a successful life. i do worry about the ways in which we are different atm and what it would be like if we stayed together - his drinking, smoking, getting stoned. however, from the friend who introduced us i have heard alot about how much he has changed and got his life back on track, such as getting a decent job and his GCSE's.
anyway, thanks for the post!
Opposites do attract - both my "serious" partners i've had in the past were not like me at all really. One of them lasted a year and a half, the other, well about 3months - i ended it asfter seeing sense! If you both liked the same things and had similar personalities surely things would get boring? Just make it clear to him that you don't wanting messing around see as you call him "one of the lads"
my boyfriend is the complete opposite to me. we've both just got very different personalities, as opposed to different backgrounds. but i couldn't love him more and we are incredibly happy together 
so i guess in relation to your post, you should always give opposites a chance. i agree with thegman89 in that it would get boring if you were into the same things. i've learnt so many new things from my boyfriend. good luck
so i guess in relation to your post, you should always give opposites a chance. i agree with thegman89 in that it would get boring if you were into the same things. i've learnt so many new things from my boyfriend. good luck
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