Give me feedback for English language paper 1 Q3

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Mori Jin
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#1
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Hello,
Would you please give me feedback because I got English mock next week?
Question: How is the text structured to interest you as a reader?

In the beginning, we are introduced to Alexender Cold, who is the main character in the source. He has been having a "nightmare" and has been "startled" awake. The writer gives very vivid details of the dream, showing us that Alex must be upset by his mum's illness, so much that his sleep is affected. The nightmare creates a sinister and threatening to the source, making us feel sympathetic towards Alex as he is hurt by his mum's illness.
As the source progress, we are introduced to the storm, the setting in the source. The wind has been "lashing" the tree and destroyed the place. The writer gives us clear detail of the effect of storms, showing us the storm is powerful and loud enough to wake Alex up. The storm creates frightened, making us feel terrified and fearful of the storm.
Inline 20-27, we are introduced to Alex's family, who are arguing about mum's condition. The writer narrows down and uses dialogue to show the conversation. It made Alex angry because although they are younger and have even less understanding of the situation than he does.
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nopey123
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Higher Level 3
Remember to mention the end explicitly
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Gilwern
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#3
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Overall a really good response.
Lower level 3
5 out of 8

Positives
You've done what the question asked.
You've summarised the content in three places (beginning / middle / end)
You've shown a clear understanding of the text.

To improve
Make some explicit links between the beginning, middle and end.

How should you do this?

Try to answer questions like these:

Does the atmosphere develop from beginning to middle?
Could the reader's feelings develop from beginning to middle?
Does the tension increase or decrease from beginning to middle?
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Biologyforsnab
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(Original post by Mori Jin)
Hello,
Would you please give me feedback because I got English mock next week?
Question: How is the text structured to interest you as a reader?

In the beginning, we are introduced to Alexender Cold, who is the main character in the source. He has been having a "nightmare" and has been "startled" awake. The writer gives very vivid details of the dream, showing us that Alex must be upset by his mum's illness, so much that his sleep is affected. The nightmare creates a sinister and threatening to the source, making us feel sympathetic towards Alex as he is hurt by his mum's illness.
As the source progress, we are introduced to the storm, the setting in the source. The wind has been "lashing" the tree and destroyed the place. The writer gives us clear detail of the effect of storms, showing us the storm is powerful and loud enough to wake Alex up. The storm creates frightened, making us feel terrified and fearful of the storm.
Inline 20-27, we are introduced to Alex's family, who are arguing about mum's condition. The writer narrows down and uses dialogue to show the conversation. It made Alex angry because although they are younger and have even less understanding of the situation than he does.
Also describe the words specifically and say what they are. For example ‘ the wind has been ‘lashing’ at the trees and causing detrimental damages. The strong verb choice of ‘lashing’ explicitly presents the anger of the wind and creates a tense atmosphere. The wind is portrayed as so powerful and loud, even enough to wake Alex up. This reflects blah blah...’
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Gilwern
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(Original post by Biologyforsnab)
Also describe the words specifically and say what they are. For example ‘ the wind has been ‘lashing’ at the trees and causing detrimental damages. The strong verb choice of ‘lashing’ explicitly presents the anger of the wind and creates a tense atmosphere. The wind is portrayed as so powerful and loud, even enough to wake Alex up. This reflects blah blah...’
Be careful!

Question 3 asks about STRUCTURE, not language.

By zooming in on words like 'lashing' you run the risk of talking too much about language.

The way the original poster has answered the question is actually correct. They have summarised large sections of the text rather than zooming in too closely on language.
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Biologyforsnab
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(Original post by Gilwern)
Be careful!

Question 3 asks about STRUCTURE, not language.

By zooming in on words like 'lashing' you run the risk of talking too much about language.

The way the original poster has answered the question is actually correct. They have summarised large sections of the text rather than zooming in too closely on language.
My bad sorry gcses were a while away, and I didn’t see the structure part.
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_zara_
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mrs whelan this you?
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