had a rough couple of days. bf is being unsupportive, and called me a whore Watch

ساره
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#41
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this seems kinda toxic from looking at the other threads u posted. idk man it’s up to you to decide what you feel is the best thing to do!!!
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-Eirlys-
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#42
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(Original post by Ciel.)
the past few days ive been having really bad mood swings. spent a couple of days away from home, maybe 4, 5. binge drinking, partying, overdoing it a little with benzos and other stuff. my bf's so furious with me.

but i needed space. all he said to me today was "get out of my sight, you whore". i have some pretty obvious marks on me, so i couldn't even deny it. but i just couldn't think clearly. i felt like a different person. and i still feel a bit ike that. plus the drugs/alcohol combo. i barely even remember doing it. i know i need to get tested, becaue i'm noe sure if they even used protection. i just feel like they took advantage me me due to me being so out of it.i want himto knw the full story. but he won't talk to me. i just don't know how to get through to him?
Honestly, it sounds like you're a mess right now. You can't possibly date someone and have a happy and healthy relationship when you're being so self destructive. It sounds like he's fed up of dealing with your behaviour and rightly so. The only way for you to get through to him would be to get some help and stop this type of behaviour. Usually people stay single whilst working through psychological issues and date when they feel strong enough and are more emotionally stable. See a doctor.
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Anonymous #2
#43
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I'm going through a real rough patch but even so by drinking, taking drugs and going to party it doesn't seem responsible to be involved in when in a poor state of emotional well being and I do believe in personal responsibility and I can understand why her boyfriend called you a whore but still no matter what your partner does you should always respect them, love and care for them despite what choices they make and so for that he really should apologise because that is really bad.

It sounds like it was possible that you was raped? It would be a good idea to consider reporting it if you want to otherwise if it was cheating then its actually on your boyfriend not to be judgmental and to understand that there might be a problem in the relationship and so to talk things out so that the relationship can improve.

If my girlfriend ever does anything bad I try to find out about her anxieties and worries and what is making her feel insecure regardless of the subject so that I can try to find something to make things better. If my girlfriend ever cheats on me then I will find out why and try to fill any gaps in the relationship that she might be feeling so that she feels confident in the relationship.

You've been on this forum a while and in a way it feels like you're part of the website and not just another regular user. I hope this helps in some way as its not nice to see someone 'I know' go through this.

I really hope you're okay but pm if you need to talk.
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Ciel.
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#44
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(Original post by davesantana)
i mean you are a whore.
/yawns
(Original post by Obolinda)
I'm sorry about that
thanks

(Original post by YaliaV)
That’s why it’s so unhealthy. Do you have any close family members or friends?
eh my mum's alright, but it's not something i'd ever talk to her about. i'm incapable of keeping any long term close friends. i know it sounds harsh, but i just get bored with people too easily.

(Original post by Anonymous)
You need professional help. 'high levels of self awareness' are only step 1, they don't take you where you need to be. Guidance does. You can't guide yourself if you're drunk and on drugs. Your self awareness is unbearable and being numbed. Contact the NHS and just try it, you have nothing to lose.
i meant that 'therapy' doesn't work on people who are highly self aware. besides, i'd never talk to them about my problems. tried therapy once. no thanks.
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Hope5677
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#45
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If you don't remember like you say i think you were sexually assaulted. Is there a close friend or family member you can talk to...i don't think anyone can say anything useful over the internet. I think you should call the police and tell them what happened to you. Definitely go get tested like you said but stds don't immediately show up i believe. Also take the emergency pill to make sure you don't get pregnant. Im really sorry this happened to you . It's not your fault this happened. Drug and alcohol addiction is a plague. You can't overcome it yourself. You need to go to rehab. Go to your local GP they can help direct you on how to get help with the addiction and usage.

I know you love your boyfriend but it's time to end the relationship until you get better and have more control. You can't be a good girlfriend in this state. You need to take time for yourself
Last edited by Hope5677; 1 week ago
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AngryRedhead
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#46
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(Original post by Ciel.)
not because i'm a guy. but because i'm me, i guess. eh, i suppose it doesn't matter. he probably won't believe me, no matter what i say to him.


yeah, it's flawed, but it's mainly because of me, not the relationship itself.


i don't want to. i'd rather die than be by myself. i need to be in a relationship. i feel lost otherwise. i know it's ****ed up but i feel like a teenager still, despite being in my twenties, i can't cope with adult life on my own.
I would say you got raped tbh; even if he doesn’t believe it
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Ciel.
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#47
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(Original post by ساره)
this seems kinda toxic from looking at the other threads u posted. idk man it’s up to you to decide what you feel is the best thing to do!!!
what do you mean? that i'm toxic? or?
(Original post by -Eirlys-)
Honestly, it sounds like you're a mess right now. You can't possibly date someone and have a happy and healthy relationship when you're being so self destructive. It sounds like he's fed up of dealing with your behaviour and rightly so. The only way for you to get through to him would be to get some help and stop this type of behaviour. Usually people stay single whilst working through psychological issues and date when they feel strong enough and are more emotionally stable. See a doctor.
normally our relationship is much better. so yes, it's possible, because my mood swings/depression, they're' nothing new. it's all been going on for years. it's impossible to "cure" my problems with therapy. why is that so hard to understand?
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm going through a real rough patch but even so by drinking, taking drugs and going to party it doesn't seem responsible to be involved in when in a poor state of emotional well being and I do believe in personal responsibility and I can understand why her boyfriend called you a whore but still no matter what your partner does you should always respect them, love and care for them despite what choices they make and so for that he really should apologise because that is really bad.

It sounds like it was possible that you was raped? It would be a good idea to consider reporting it if you want to otherwise if it was cheating then its actually on your boyfriend not to be judgmental and to understand that there might be a problem in the relationship and so to talk things out so that the relationship can improve.

If my girlfriend ever does anything bad I try to find out about her anxieties and worries and what is making her feel insecure regardless of the subject so that I can try to find something to make things better. If my girlfriend ever cheats on me then I will find out why and try to fill any gaps in the relationship that she might be feeling so that she feels confident in the relationship.

You've been on this forum a while and in a way it feels like you're part of the website and not just another regular user. I hope this helps in some way as its not nice to see someone 'I know' go through this.

I really hope you're okay but pm if you need to talk.
no, i don't want to call it rape. i just feel a little used, but that's all. and thanks..
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strictlylover
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#48
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your problem isn't incurable, it's just that it's too much effort to change and sort yourself out, wouldn't that be fair to say?
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Hope5677
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(Original post by strictlylover)
your problem isn't incurable, it's just that it's too much effort to change and sort yourself out, wouldn't that be fair to say?
Why are you judging her? Did you read her post?..when someone is down it's not an opportunity to kick them further . Shame on you. . she can't just change and sort herself out by herself...she needs to get proper help.
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Ciel.
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#50
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(Original post by Hope5677)
If you don't remember like you say i think you were sexually assaulted. Is there a close friend or family member you can talk to...i don't think anyone can say anything useful over the internet. I think you should call the police and tell them what happened to you. Definitely go get tested like you said but stds don't immediately show up i believe. Also take the emergency pill to make sure you don't get pregnant. Im really sorry this happened to you . It's not your fault this happened. Drug and alcohol addiction is a plague. You can't overcome it yourself. You need to go to rehab. Go to your local GP they can help direct you on how to get help with the addiction and usage.

I know you love your boyfriend but it's time to end the relationship until you get better and have more control. You can't be a good girlfriend in this state. You need to take time for yourself
you guys don't know me in real life. when i'm drunk i can be very provocative etc, even if i don't remember it afterwards. so i've no intention of making any rape accusations, that's serious stuff. maybe i begged them for it, **** knows. i'm not a woman... and not a drug addict, either. but thanks for trying to help without being judgemental.
(Original post by AngryRedhead)
I would say you got raped tbh; even if he doesn’t believe it
idk, i doubt it.
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strictlylover
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(Original post by Hope5677)
Why are you judging her? Did you read her post?..when someone is down it's not an opportunity to kick them further . Shame on you. . she can't just change and sort herself out by herself...she needs to get proper help.
Him.
And I'm not judging but he's posted countless times along the same themes and I think he's self destructive and likes the attention. And 'proper help' was what I suggested in the first place. But it takes effort.
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sinfonietta
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#52
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Not aimed at any one user specifically but: if someone says they weren't raped then don't continue to try and convince them otherwise. While you might feel you're being helpful what you are saying can be extremely damaging to that person's mental state.
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ساره
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(Original post by Ciel.)
what do you mean? that i'm toxic? or?
No what I basically meant is toxic for each other but at the same time none of us know you like that so... Hope it goes well for u!!
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Ciel.
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#54
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(Original post by strictlylover)
your problem isn't incurable, it's just that it's too much effort to change and sort yourself out, wouldn't that be fair to say?
no. ptsd is incurable, and that's the core source of all my problems. happy?
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strictlylover
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(Original post by Ciel.)
no. ptsd is incurable, and that's the core source of all my problems. happy?
I'm sorry you're suffering with that, but it is treatable and there is help available. You just have to want it.
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Hope5677
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Sorry thought you were a girl lol....

How are you doing ciel?
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-Eirlys-
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(Original post by Ciel.)
normally our relationship is much better. so yes, it's possible, because my mood swings/depression, they're' nothing new. it's all been going on for years. it's impossible to "cure" my problems with therapy. why is that so hard to understand?
It's not impossible - you tried once. It usually involves more time and includes medication to work at the problem from all angles. And you're "too self aware"? I'm a psych student and my counsellor described me as emotionally intelligent - that didn't stop therapy being helpful. You can't show up to therapy with the mentality it's either not going to work or you hope the counsellor will somehow fix everything for you. And if the therapy doesn't work, it's usually because the therapist isn't right for you... so you try it with a new one.

If you actually want your relationship to actually work out, you're going to have to put in the work, otherwise nothing will change and you might even lose your boyfriend. Obviously you want some sort of help and support, otherwise you wouldn't have made this post.

It's really hard, but no-one else will help you other than yourself. People, doctors, therapists can guide the way and give you the skills, but it's up to you to actually take their advice and put it into action, otherwise you're just stuck in a repetitive cycle you'll struggle to get out of.
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mgi
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#58
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(Original post by Ciel.)
i'm trying to but it's awkward, because we live together.
You must have some deeper issues which you haven't really confronted. Why? And why did he call you a whore? What are you really wanting from your life?
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Ciel.
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#59
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(Original post by ساره)
No what I basically meant is toxic for each other but at the same time none of us know you like that so... Hope it goes well for u!!
ah, i see. thanks.


(Original post by -Eirlys-)
It's not impossible - you tried once. It usually involves more time and includes medication to work at the problem from all angles. And you're "too self aware"? I'm a psych student and my counsellor described me as emotionally intelligent - that didn't stop therapy being helpful. You can't show up to therapy with the mentality it's either not going to work or you hope the counsellor will somehow fix everything for you. And if the therapy doesn't work, it's usually because the therapist isn't right for you... so you try it with a new one.

If you actually want your relationship to actually work out, you're going to have to put in the work, otherwise nothing will change and you might even lose your boyfriend. Obviously you want some sort of help and support, otherwise you wouldn't have made this post.

It's really hard, but no-one else will help you other than yourself. People, doctors, therapists can guide the way and give you the skills, but it's up to you to actually take their advice and put it into action, otherwise you're just stuck in a repetitive cycle you'll struggle to get out of.
medication? for ptsd? nope. surely you can't mean antidepressants. that stuff nearly drove me mad once. it made me psychotic. like i said, i don't want therapy. therapy involves talking about the cause (or at least processing it), and i don't want to do that, not now, not ever! it's pointless, all i want is to forget about it, not dig deeper into it. thinking about it, having to relive it, makes everything a million times worse for me. i feel so much better when i don't.
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm sorry to hear about what you've gone through.

Being taken advantage of is synonymous with rape. I think it's important that you focus on you rather than your partner's response.

You may want to talk to somebody, or not, and that's okay. I've linked below an NHS link to find local talking services and also a support centre if it's part of what you desire to do:
https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/hel...-you/live-chat
https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/fi...apies-service/

All the best to you.
i appreciate your concern, but i don't consider what happened 'rape'! it's highly possibly that i encouraged the whole thing, because that's how i get when i'm drunk.
(Original post by mgi)
You must have some deeper issues which you haven't really confronted. Why? And why did he call you a whore? What are you really wanting from your life?
because 'confronting' them will not solve anything. oh, and it was because i came home covered in hickeys and bite marks.
i want to be a famous artist..
(Original post by Hope5677)
Sorry thought you were a girl lol....

How are you doing ciel?
it's okay.. a lot of people do (it confuses them when i mention my bf)
(Original post by strictlylover)
I'm sorry you're suffering with that, but it is treatable and there is help available. You just have to want it.
no, it's not always treatable...
Last edited by Ciel.; 1 week ago
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Reality Check
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Ciel - how is your art going at the moment? Have you got a few pieces on the go?
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