hiding pregnancy and abortion at home

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#1
hi i know this is a bit intense to put on this website but don't know where else to go
i live with my mum and have just found out im pregnant, and arranged to have it terminated in a few days. It's been long enough that i'm having severe symptoms, morning sickness all day long, nausea/no appetite, fatigue, deep depression. I have to hide it because im from a conservative family and relationships are forbidden, let alone sex, accidental pregnancy and the biggest 'sin' to my family, abortion. They have tried to disown me before for a relationship, i spent a year fixing my relationship with them. So they cannot find out. I'm really struggling to hide the symptoms at home, before i knew i was pregnant i thought i was having digestive problems and shared lots of details with my mum. i've had to pretend everything is normal again. she's a midwife and will be all over it.
My body is so exhausted i need to nap in the day and not go anywhere but she constantly comes to my room sniffing around and asking why i'm not doing things. I cannot stand smells and most food.

I'm terrified about how to hide when i get the termination, in case the pain is severe or there are complications like fever or infection. That will be impossible to hide and I'll be thrown out. I have no friends or anywhere else to go. I'm considering booking a hotel elsewhere and pretending i have some job interview in a new city (jobseeking atm) so i can take care of myself in peace after the Dr appointment.

Any tips/advice from anyone about dealing with this till it blows over?
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Anonymous #1
#2
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
hi i know this is a bit intense to put on this website but don't know where else to go
i live with my mum and have just found out im pregnant, and arranged to have it terminated in a few days. It's been long enough that i'm having severe symptoms, morning sickness all day long, nausea/no appetite, fatigue, deep depression. I have to hide it because im from a conservative family and relationships are forbidden, let alone sex, accidental pregnancy and the biggest 'sin' to my family, abortion. They have tried to disown me before for a relationship, i spent a year fixing my relationship with them. So they cannot find out. I'm really struggling to hide the symptoms at home, before i knew i was pregnant i thought i was having digestive problems and shared lots of details with my mum. i've had to pretend everything is normal again. she's a midwife and will be all over it.
My body is so exhausted i need to nap in the day and not go anywhere but she constantly comes to my room sniffing around and asking why i'm not doing things. I cannot stand smells and most food.

I'm terrified about how to hide when i get the termination, in case the pain is severe or there are complications like fever or infection. That will be impossible to hide and I'll be thrown out. I have no friends or anywhere else to go. I'm considering booking a hotel elsewhere and pretending i have some job interview in a new city (jobseeking atm) so i can take care of myself in peace after the Dr appointment.

Any tips/advice from anyone about dealing with this till it blows over?
I'm also struggling psychologically because i never wanted this to happen and im so disappointed and ashamed of myself i cry all day every day and cannot believe i will be doing this
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cantabesq
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#3
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Hi.
First off, I want you to know everything will be better eventually. Regardless of how bad things seem now, they will improve.
Knowing that, we can address your immediate situation. Pretending to go to a hotel is a good idea if you want to avoid your parents. However, if you are under 18 you will not be able to get a room and this will therefore be impossible.
Your worries about the effects of the abortion are understandable - I can't imagine how afraid you must feel right now. However, the NHS website says abortions are generally 'very safe', with infections occuring '1 in 10' - easily treated with antibiotics - and fever occuring hardly ever.
The psychological effects of abortions and your entire process are completely warranted, but I do suggest you make an appointment with your GP. You can do this anonymously. They can help you in many, many, ways and refer you to necessary services.
Most importantly, don't do this alone. Letting a GP or teacher know is useful as they are almost always bound to anonymity; they can't tell your family. Telling a friend is helpful purely because a journey like this is too heavy for one person.
I do hope you are ok and feel free to message me whenever.
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Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
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(Original post by cantabesq)
Hi.
First off, I want you to know everything will be better eventually. Regardless of how bad things seem now, they will improve.
Knowing that, we can address your immediate situation. Pretending to go to a hotel is a good idea if you want to avoid your parents. However, if you are under 18 you will not be able to get a room and this will therefore be impossible.
Your worries about the effects of the abortion are understandable - I can't imagine how afraid you must feel right now. However, the NHS website says abortions are generally 'very safe', with infections occuring '1 in 10' - easily treated with antibiotics - and fever occuring hardly ever.
The psychological effects of abortions and your entire process are completely warranted, but I do suggest you make an appointment with your GP. You can do this anonymously. They can help you in many, many, ways and refer you to necessary services.
Most importantly, don't do this alone. Letting a GP or teacher know is useful as they are almost always bound to anonymity; they can't tell your family. Telling a friend is helpful purely because a journey like this is too heavy for one person.
I do hope you are ok and feel free to message me whenever.
Thanks for the reply, I'm 22 not 18 (old enough to do what i want i know, but stuck at home until i find work). I don't have any friends at all to tell and no teachers cause i graduated. Have you experienced this before or know someone who has if you don't mind me asking?
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ANM775
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for the reply, I'm 22 not 18 (old enough to do what i want i know, but stuck at home until i find work). I don't have any friends at all to tell and no teachers cause i graduated. Have you experienced this before or know someone who has if you don't mind me asking?
Your parents seriously expect to not engage in relationships at age 22 and have banned you?

what is their reasoning for this?
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cantabesq
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#6
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for the reply, I'm 22 not 18 (old enough to do what i want i know, but stuck at home until i find work). I don't have any friends at all to tell and no teachers cause i graduated. Have you experienced this before or know someone who has if you don't mind me asking?
No but both parents are doctors and have mentioned situations like this (needing covert procedures, issues arising from 'conservative' families).
I feel so bad you are 22 and still under the control of your parents - I think that's a situation that never improves and directly causes worsened health in the future, so I would advocate for you distancing yourself from them if possible. However, I understand principle and reality are different and you may not be able to.
How are you feeling today?
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username5021692
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#7
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What exactly is wrong with being disowned by a family like this? But most importantly, do you actually want this abortion? Like if you had a place to stay and money, would you still go through with it?
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21ForEva
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(Original post by cantabesq)
Hi.
First off, I want you to know everything will be better eventually. Regardless of how bad things seem now, they will improve.
Knowing that, we can address your immediate situation. Pretending to go to a hotel is a good idea if you want to avoid your parents. However, if you are under 18 you will not be able to get a room and this will therefore be impossible.
Your worries about the effects of the abortion are understandable - I can't imagine how afraid you must feel right now. However, the NHS website says abortions are generally 'very safe', with infections occuring '1 in 10' - easily treated with antibiotics - and fever occuring hardly ever.
The psychological effects of abortions and your entire process are completely warranted, but I do suggest you make an appointment with your GP. You can do this anonymously. They can help you in many, many, ways and refer you to necessary services.
Most importantly, don't do this alone. Letting a GP or teacher know is useful as they are almost always bound to anonymity; they can't tell your family. Telling a friend is helpful purely because a journey like this is too heavy for one person.
I do hope you are ok and feel free to message me whenever.
Don’t they have any of those houses for victimised women going through domestic violence, underage pregnancy etc etc in the UK?

Also sorry that you have to go through this. My younger sibling is 22 - I would never want her to go through something like this. Just know that u have online support like this forum. And as others have said, see a GP. Or even get a therapist or go to self help groups for women in your situation. It’s a shame that your mum is a midwife because it seems like she’ll be able to decode the signs you’re showing and assume you’re Pregnant. Hopefully after the abortion, these symptoms will go away quickly and things will be back to ... well as normal as they can be so your family don’t find out.
Last edited by 21ForEva; 1 year ago
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Anonymous #1
#9
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
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(Original post by aciana)
What exactly is wrong with being disowned by a family like this? But most importantly, do you actually want this abortion? Like if you had a place to stay and money, would you still go through with it?
Despite their conservative attitude to relationships they have given me lots of support with other things and are kind/caring people in general..i would miss the good things. yes i would go through with it, it's a terrible time to have a baby
(Original post by ANM775)
Your parents seriously expect to not engage in relationships at age 22 and have banned you?

what is their reasoning for this?
cultural/religious reasons, mostly no-sex-before-marriage and no marrying outside of the religion. That kind of eliminates any casual relationships because they 'could all lead to those things'

(Original post by cantabesq)
No but both parents are doctors and have mentioned situations like this (needing covert procedures, issues arising from 'conservative' families).
I feel so bad you are 22 and still under the control of your parents - I think that's a situation that never improves and directly causes worsened health in the future, so I would advocate for you distancing yourself from them if possible. However, I understand principle and reality are different and you may not be able to.
How are you feeling today?
I see, i wasn't aware it was so common that people have to hide things from their families.. Yes it's difficult to cut them off, at the end of the day family is family, and they are good to me in many other ways. Not 'evil conservative parents', that would make things more simple. Thanks for asking, I'm ok i guess, procedure is tomorrow so just a bit nervous but also relieved..
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cantabesq
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#10
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#10
(Original post by Anonymous)
Despite their conservative attitude to relationships they have given me lots of support with other things and are kind/caring people in general..i would miss the good things. yes i would go through with it, it's a terrible time to have a baby

cultural/religious reasons, mostly no-sex-before-marriage and no marrying outside of the religion. That kind of eliminates any casual relationships because they 'could all lead to those things'


I see, i wasn't aware it was so common that people have to hide things from their families.. Yes it's difficult to cut them off, at the end of the day family is family, and they are good to me in many other ways. Not 'evil conservative parents', that would make things more simple. Thanks for asking, I'm ok i guess, procedure is tomorrow so just a bit nervous but also relieved..
I'm sure it's more common than you would believe.
The worst part of this is your parents do not seem to be hateful people, just entrenched in their culture/values. Their attitudes towards pregnancy etc. are not rational, but not necessarily hateful.
I hope the procedure goes as well as possible and make sure you are aware of the likely effects of said procedure, if they do not inform you adequately at the clinic.
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Anonymous #1
#11
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
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(Original post by cantabesq)
I'm sure it's more common than you would believe.
The worst part of this is your parents do not seem to be hateful people, just entrenched in their culture/values. Their attitudes towards pregnancy etc. are not rational, but not necessarily hateful.
I hope the procedure goes as well as possible and make sure you are aware of the likely effects of said procedure, if they do not inform you adequately at the clinic.
Thank you so much
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nexttime
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#12
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#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
hi i know this is a bit intense to put on this website but don't know where else to go
i live with my mum and have just found out im pregnant, and arranged to have it terminated in a few days. It's been long enough that i'm having severe symptoms, morning sickness all day long, nausea/no appetite, fatigue, deep depression. I have to hide it because im from a conservative family and relationships are forbidden, let alone sex, accidental pregnancy and the biggest 'sin' to my family, abortion. They have tried to disown me before for a relationship, i spent a year fixing my relationship with them. So they cannot find out. I'm really struggling to hide the symptoms at home, before i knew i was pregnant i thought i was having digestive problems and shared lots of details with my mum. i've had to pretend everything is normal again. she's a midwife and will be all over it.
My body is so exhausted i need to nap in the day and not go anywhere but she constantly comes to my room sniffing around and asking why i'm not doing things. I cannot stand smells and most food.

I'm terrified about how to hide when i get the termination, in case the pain is severe or there are complications like fever or infection. That will be impossible to hide and I'll be thrown out. I have no friends or anywhere else to go. I'm considering booking a hotel elsewhere and pretending i have some job interview in a new city (jobseeking atm) so i can take care of myself in peace after the Dr appointment.

Any tips/advice from anyone about dealing with this till it blows over?
Your mum is a midwife ok, but digestive illness and gynae issues are super common in young women. She'd have to be super suspicious to put 'you're not eating = pregnant'. Could be gastroenteritis. Could be IBS. Could be gluten intolerant/coeliac - that's all the rage right? Many women don't even get morning sickness, its hardly a universal. Even vaginal bleeding and pain - could be heavy period. Could be endometriosis. Again, a jump to pregnancy/abortion would be completely irrational.

Just don't mention you've been secretly seeing medical people. Unless that was normal for you, that would set off all the alarm bells.

Make sure you're more careful next time, and good luck!
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Anonymous #2
#13
Report 7 months ago
#13
(Original post by Anonymous)
hi i know this is a bit intense to put on this website but don't know where else to go
i live with my mum and have just found out im pregnant, and arranged to have it terminated in a few days. It's been long enough that i'm having severe symptoms, morning sickness all day long, nausea/no appetite, fatigue, deep depression. I have to hide it because im from a conservative family and relationships are forbidden, let alone sex, accidental pregnancy and the biggest 'sin' to my family, abortion. They have tried to disown me before for a relationship, i spent a year fixing my relationship with them. So they cannot find out. I'm really struggling to hide the symptoms at home, before i knew i was pregnant i thought i was having digestive problems and shared lots of details with my mum. i've had to pretend everything is normal again. she's a midwife and will be all over it.
My body is so exhausted i need to nap in the day and not go anywhere but she constantly comes to my room sniffing around and asking why i'm not doing things. I cannot stand smells and most food.

I'm terrified about how to hide when i get the termination, in case the pain is severe or there are complications like fever or infection. That will be impossible to hide and I'll be thrown out. I have no friends or anywhere else to go. I'm considering booking a hotel elsewhere and pretending i have some job interview in a new city (jobseeking atm) so i can take care of myself in peace after the Dr appointment.

Any tips/advice from anyone about dealing with this till it blows over?
hi i’m 16 and might have to go through the same thing, i’m in a secret relationship atm and have been having unprotected sex. my bf always pulls out but is always freaking about pre c u m. it has only been 3 days since we last had sex but i am ovulating so we are both overthinking/what if. my period is due in 2 weeks so i will be taking a test on the day it’s due, and if it is positive i will be going for a medical abortion (pills). but i’m not sure how i will hide going to the hospital from my mum for this and the side effects, eh bleeding, pain. do i have to have an adult come with me for the abortion as i am 16? but sex is legal in my country at this age so i hope not (northern ireland) i could blame it on my period as i wont be far along at all. but please give me advice lol and if i am overreacting
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Chopinnocturne31
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(Original post by Anonymous)
hi i’m 16 and might have to go through the same thing, i’m in a secret relationship atm and have been having unprotected sex. my bf always pulls out but is always freaking about pre c u m. it has only been 3 days since we last had sex but i am ovulating so we are both overthinking/what if. my period is due in 2 weeks so i will be taking a test on the day it’s due, and if it is positive i will be going for a medical abortion (pills). but i’m not sure how i will hide going to the hospital from my mum for this and the side effects, eh bleeding, pain. do i have to have an adult come with me for the abortion as i am 16? but sex is legal in my country at this age so i hope not (northern ireland) i could blame it on my period as i wont be far along at all. but please give me advice lol and if i am overreacting
Firstly, you should never be having unprotected sex to prevent the risk of both STDs and pregnancy. In future, always use a condom. If it has only been 3 days, you should go and get the morning after pill immediately from your local pharmacist. However, this does not eliminate the risk, especially as you should have had the morning after pill earlier, so you still need to take a pregnancy test when your period is due.

I don’t think you need an adult to come with you, but it would be a good idea to have someone with you, for example a friend or your boyfriend. I would also suggest you and your boyfriend both get screened for any STDs. Never have unprotected sex in future, no matter what stage of your cycle you are in. Sperm can live for up to 7 days in your body so it is not at all an effective way of preventing pregnancy, not to mention, your cycle might be slightly different in a certain month, especially since you’re only 16.
Last edited by Chopinnocturne31; 7 months ago
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Chopinnocturne31)
Firstly, you should never be having unprotected sex to prevent the risk of both STDs and pregnancy. In future, always use a condom. If it has only been 3 days, you should go and get the morning after pill immediately from your local pharmacist. However, this does not eliminate the risk, especially as you should have had the morning after pill earlier, so you still need to take a pregnancy test when your period is due.

I don’t think you need an adult to come with you, but it would be a good idea to have someone with you, for example a friend or your boyfriend. I would also suggest you and your boyfriend both get screened for any STDs. Never have unprotected sex in future, no matter what stage of your cycle you are in. Sperm can live for up to 7 days in your body so it is not at al an effective way of preventing pregnancy, not to mention, your cycle might be slightly different in a certain month, especially since you’re only 16.
i don’t have enough money for a plan b pill and there is no free family planning centre near me, he didn’t c u m so i’m not worried about that only the pre c u m and if that will cause pregnancy? i’ve taken a plan b pill beofre which was 2 days after
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Chopinnocturne31
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i don’t have enough money for a plan b pill and there is no free family planning centre near me, he didn’t c u m so i’m not worried about that only the pre c u m and if that will cause pregnancy? i’ve taken a plan b pill beofre which was 2 days after
Can’t you tell your parents you’re going out for lunch with someone and need some money? Precum can absolutely get you pregnant and pulling out is not an effective contraceptive at all. You should be using condoms from now on with your boyfriend.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Chopinnocturne31)
Can’t you tell your parents you’re going out for lunch with someone and need some money? Precum can absolutely get you pregnant and pulling out is not an effective contraceptive at all. You should be using condoms from now on with your boyfriend.
i live with one parent and i get collected from school everyday and get given lunches, i also have a tracker on my phone so she knows where i am and if i am late out of school. i think i’m just going to wait until i can take a test and cross that bridge when it comes to it, i will try and hunt around my house for money but i doubt it
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Apachecow
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(Original post by Anonymous)
he didn’t c u m so i’m not worried about that only the pre c u m and if that will cause pregnancy?
Risk is low. One source suggests that pull out method (if done perfectly) is 96% effective, so pre-c u m a tiny risk. The problem is when people get carried away and then the effectiveness drops significantly. If this is all you can manage as contraception make sure he doesn't finish inside you, and if he does take the morning after pill. This is still not ideal or recommended.

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/le...od-pulling-out
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Anonymous #2
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Report 7 months ago
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(Original post by Apachecow)
Risk is low. One source suggests that pull out method (if done perfectly) is 96% effective, so pre-c u m a tiny risk. The problem is when people get carried away and then the effectiveness drops significantly. If this is all you can manage as contraception make sure he doesn't finish inside you, and if he does take the morning after pill. This is still not ideal or recommended.

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/le...od-pulling-out
he pulled out and didn’t even get to c u m because we got interrupted, so he left in agony i guess lol. but he is freaking out more than me rn bc i’ve experienced this before and had to take plan b. my period is due on the 16th of october so i’m trying to stay calm until then
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
hi i’m 16 and might have to go through the same thing, i’m in a secret relationship atm and have been having unprotected sex. my bf always pulls out but is always freaking about pre c u m. it has only been 3 days since we last had sex but i am ovulating so we are both overthinking/what if. my period is due in 2 weeks so i will be taking a test on the day it’s due, and if it is positive i will be going for a medical abortion (pills). but i’m not sure how i will hide going to the hospital from my mum for this and the side effects, eh bleeding, pain. do i have to have an adult come with me for the abortion as i am 16? but sex is legal in my country at this age so i hope not (northern ireland) i could blame it on my period as i wont be far along at all. but please give me advice lol and if i am overreacting
Please don’t take the pill and have an abortion if you are pregnant. There’s always an option of adoption, government support, charities...please consider other options. If you are pregnant with a child please give them a chance in life. There’s no point hiding it from your parent if you are, they might be unhappy at first — but in the long run honesty is always the best way to go.
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