My boyfriend comes from a poor family Watch

Anonymous #1
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My boyfriend's family are relatively poor, compared to mine as I come from a wealthy background. My boyfriend has a good, stable job though and has always worked hard to get what he wants.

This disparity has never been an issue until recently. We are currently planning our marriage, and with me being the bride my family will cover the costs for most of the wedding functions. His family keep telling us to keep it simple, and they're not really used to attending functions as they have a small family and don't really mingle so much with others, so they don't get an awful lot of invites to things. For us it's the complete opposite as we always have extravagant functions in our family and I'm always used to attending lavish events.

Whenever I've shown him pictures from events he's always blown away by how fancy it all is. So my family would want that for me, and I do want it myself as my wedding day is important to me. However, my boyfriend has come from a very simple, laid back family and they don't believe much in celebrations, let alone having such grand celebrations. I have decided to scale back on a few things, but I'm just fed up of hearing him tell me how he doesn't want this and that because it's not important to him. It's kind of ruining the build up to it all.

I'm also worried that because they don't really go to parties they won't know how to cope with it all. His mum is already so nervous, and we're having to do all the planning, not her. I don't know if it sounds silly, but I just wish he came from a bit more money so he could understand what it's like to be able to afford these things and to just go for it. They are always having to count their pennies.

I feel like I'm torn between my own desires, those of my family, and then his. Does this sound silly, or am I right to feel this way?
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Rock Fan
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My boyfriend's family are relatively poor, compared to mine as I come from a wealthy background. My boyfriend has a good, stable job though and has always worked hard to get what he wants.

This disparity has never been an issue until recently. We are currently planning our marriage, and with me being the bride my family will cover the costs for most of the wedding functions. His family keep telling us to keep it simple, and they're not really used to attending functions as they have a small family and don't really mingle so much with others, so they don't get an awful lot of invites to things. For us it's the complete opposite as we always have extravagant functions in our family and I'm always used to attending lavish events.

Whenever I've shown him pictures from events he's always blown away by how fancy it all is. So my family would want that for me, and I do want it myself as my wedding day is important to me. However, my boyfriend has come from a very simple, laid back family and they don't believe much in celebrations, let alone having such grand celebrations. I have decided to scale back on a few things, but I'm just fed up of hearing him tell me how he doesn't want this and that because it's not important to him. It's kind of ruining the build up to it all.

I'm also worried that because they don't really go to parties they won't know how to cope with it all. His mum is already so nervous, and we're having to do all the planning, not her. I don't know if it sounds silly, but I just wish he came from a bit more money so he could understand what it's like to be able to afford these things and to just go for it. They are always having to count their pennies.

I feel like I'm torn between my own desires, those of my family, and then his. Does this sound silly, or am I right to feel this way?
Why does it matter if he comes from a poor family, if he is the one for you then it shouldn't matter. If not do him a favour and finish it and find a wealthy man.
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Dunya
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Sounds Asian.

Him being poor isn’t the issue, if you can’t compromise for the wedding imagine the marriage.
Last edited by Dunya; 1 week ago
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Reality Check
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This is a very familiar post. Right down to the detail.
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onyi anita
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You're definitely not wrong for feeling that way. it's just how you feel but if you've known him to always be not so wealthy, having a simple wedding has probably always been inevitable.

I guess if you want it to be flashy, unfortunately, its going to have to come from your side but maybe the basic stuff and the essentials he can plan and pay for.

But you should be able to have the best wedding for you even if that means you or your parents have to go that extra mile -it'd be sad if you were disappointed on your wedding day.

But I do think its a bit unrealistic to expect him to meet your standards- especially if he's not the richest. But he should definitely be supportive and contribute the minimum without a doubt! You should only pay for the luxuries he can do the necessities.
Hope it helps x
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Anonymous #2
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Eww dump his poor ass you need to be dating rich guys so you live a healthy nice lifestyle when you're older.
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Dunya
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Eww dump his poor ass you need to be dating rich guys so you live a healthy nice lifestyle when you're older.
Bet everyone wants to be your friend, personality to die for xx
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squeakysquirrel
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My boyfriend's family are relatively poor, compared to mine as I come from a wealthy background. My boyfriend has a good, stable job though and has always worked hard to get what he wants.

This disparity has never been an issue until recently. We are currently planning our marriage, and with me being the bride my family will cover the costs for most of the wedding functions. His family keep telling us to keep it simple, and they're not really used to attending functions as they have a small family and don't really mingle so much with others, so they don't get an awful lot of invites to things. For us it's the complete opposite as we always have extravagant functions in our family and I'm always used to attending lavish events.

Whenever I've shown him pictures from events he's always blown away by how fancy it all is. So my family would want that for me, and I do want it myself as my wedding day is important to me. However, my boyfriend has come from a very simple, laid back family and they don't believe much in celebrations, let alone having such grand celebrations. I have decided to scale back on a few things, but I'm just fed up of hearing him tell me how he doesn't want this and that because it's not important to him. It's kind of ruining the build up to it all.

I'm also worried that because they don't really go to parties they won't know how to cope with it all. His mum is already so nervous, and we're having to do all the planning, not her. I don't know if it sounds silly, but I just wish he came from a bit more money so he could understand what it's like to be able to afford these things and to just go for it. They are always having to count their pennies.

I feel like I'm torn between my own desires, those of my family, and then his. Does this sound silly, or am I right to feel this way?
My niece got married a couple of years ago. Cost around 50k I reckon. Total waste of money for one day.

I got married last year for second time. Total cost 3000 quid. Lovely day

Wasting money on one day is stupid. Don't embarras his parents
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karl pilkington
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When he does the speech maybe he will be too nervous? I have been to big weddings where the groom's family is poor and they get nervous and it is super awkward.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Rock Fan)
Why does it matter if he comes from a poor family, if he is the one for you then it shouldn't matter. If not do him a favour and finish it and find a wealthy man.
I love him and I'm not leaving him. The point is that he makes me feel bad for wanting nice things, things that I'm used to
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Rock Fan
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I love him and I'm not leaving him. The point is that he makes me feel bad for wanting nice things, things that I'm used to
:rolleyes: either put up with it or leave simple.
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AngryRedhead
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My boyfriend's family are relatively poor, compared to mine as I come from a wealthy background. My boyfriend has a good, stable job though and has always worked hard to get what he wants.

This disparity has never been an issue until recently. We are currently planning our marriage, and with me being the bride my family will cover the costs for most of the wedding functions. His family keep telling us to keep it simple, and they're not really used to attending functions as they have a small family and don't really mingle so much with others, so they don't get an awful lot of invites to things. For us it's the complete opposite as we always have extravagant functions in our family and I'm always used to attending lavish events.

Whenever I've shown him pictures from events he's always blown away by how fancy it all is. So my family would want that for me, and I do want it myself as my wedding day is important to me. However, my boyfriend has come from a very simple, laid back family and they don't believe much in celebrations, let alone having such grand celebrations. I have decided to scale back on a few things, but I'm just fed up of hearing him tell me how he doesn't want this and that because it's not important to him. It's kind of ruining the build up to it all.

I'm also worried that because they don't really go to parties they won't know how to cope with it all. His mum is already so nervous, and we're having to do all the planning, not her. I don't know if it sounds silly, but I just wish he came from a bit more money so he could understand what it's like to be able to afford these things and to just go for it. They are always having to count their pennies.

I feel like I'm torn between my own desires, those of my family, and then his. Does this sound silly, or am I right to feel this way?
Spending more than a few grand on a wedding is mostly a waste of money that would be better served elsewhere
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squeakysquirrel
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I love him and I'm not leaving him. The point is that he makes me feel bad for wanting nice things, things that I'm used to
Thing is ... You haven't made the money ... your parents have and They have ruined you by spoiling you. This is my relatives all over. Not used to scaling down.

You need to stop being so vacuous. He has less money. His parents are poorer. Get real or move on
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