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staying friends after a relationship watch

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    I really dont think exes should be friends, it causes a lot of problems. My boyfriend is very good friends with an ex and I dont like it at all but I tolerate it. I do NOT trust it however. They had something once, whats to stop it happening again? In my opinion, whats left in the past should stay in the past.
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    (Original post by *Lou*)
    Ohh that reminds me so much of my ex !! :rolleyes:
    did he say that to you after you split up?
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    Yes it's perfectly possible, especially as some people just grow apart and there's no resentment. It pretty much always won't happen straight away but after a couple of weeks or months being friends is perfectly normal, you just have to be a bit grown up about it all
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    (Original post by Antonia87)
    I really dont think exes should be friends, it causes a lot of problems. My boyfriend is very good friends with an ex and I dont like it at all but I tolerate it. I do NOT trust it however. They had something once, whats to stop it happening again? In my opinion, whats left in the past should stay in the past.
    Yeh, I agree from that point of view because I'd hate to go out with someone who's still close with an ex. Then again, the OP is referring to when the exes still like each other and are not moving on. If in the future either one them get close with someone, then the relationship dynamic has to change between exes - I don't really think it's fair otherwise
    It's a difficult point!
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    I'm friends with one of my ex's, but as we were friends beforehand, we just went back to how we were lol.
    My other ex however, its been less than 2 weeks since we split, but I think we've only said a couple of words to each other by msn. I emailed her a few days ago cos I wanted some closure to it (where I stand with her now), but she hasn't replied. I'm probably going to send her a happy birthday email at the start of august though, as I do want to stay friends with her.
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    (Original post by Howells)
    Yeh, I agree from that point of view because I'd hate to go out with someone who's still close with an ex. Then again, the OP is referring to when the exes still like each other and are not moving on. If in the future either one them get close with someone, then the relationship dynamic has to change between exes - I don't really think it's fair otherwise
    It's a difficult point!
    Well I always assumed that exes only stay friends because they still have feelings for each other.
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    well, we were friends beforehand, so dyou think it will be easier to go back to being friends?
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    (Original post by Antonia87)
    Well I always assumed that exes only stay friends because they still have feelings for each other.
    thats a good point
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    I would say my best friend is my ex. But we broke up over a year ago and it wasn't until about 6-8months after we began talking an now get on really well. We still find each other attractive & admit that it would be good if we were going out but we have such busy lifestyles we are better being friends.
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    Friendship can work only when both party members accept that it's over with. Great... the above post sort of nulled my point
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    (Original post by piglet29)
    did he say that to you after you split up?
    Yes - like all the time. I didn't even know if we're together or broken up. We were going to same Uni, and 2 months before the Uni ended he said that it's better if we break up, because we will not be able to see each other when the semester is over (we are living really far away).. and the one week later he was calling/texing me about how much he misses me and loves me and all that crap.. and then a week later he was again all "depressed" saying "no no no, it's better if we stay appart". I looked exactly like --->:confused: this !!!

    However eventually, I got over him (I had enough of all those mixed signals) and now we're just friends.
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    (Original post by princess_sue)
    I would say my best friend is my ex. But we broke up over a year ago and it wasn't until about 6-8months after we began talking an now get on really well. We still find each other attractive & admit that it would be good if we were going out but we have such busy lifestyles we are better being friends.
    Considering that you still find each other attractive and exchange memories could you understand if a future partner found your ex threatening?
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    (Original post by Antonia87)
    Considering that you still find each other attractive and exchange memories could you understand if a future partner found your ex threatening?
    Wouldn't the future partner be afraid of all friendships in that case?
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    (Original post by Sanity Panda)
    Wouldn't the future partner be afraid of all friendships in that case?
    Not really, I don't find my friends attractive nor do I want to go out with them
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    Well, the lady I was seeing decided to tell me she just wanted to be friends. I made sure it was amicable, but I should have given her a good *******ing and gotten some closure, but I came to realise how much she'd messed me about and I just didn't wanna see her. It didn't help that I couldn't really properly get away from her, given that some of my closest friends are her closest friends as well. I still feel rather a lot of resentment after a good couple of months, especially since she decided to kick me in the proverbial love eggs when I actually did make an effort with her, and then have the audacity to ask me if I had a good time that night...

    I've tried and tried, but sometimes I just think it isn't possible to remain good friends. It's just as well we've left uni now; I don't have to see her again and part of me thinks it would be best if I didn't, even if I do still like her as a friend.

    Hah, what a depressing reply. You can get back to your optimistic "HELL YEAHHH!" replies now
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    (Original post by Antonia87)
    Considering that you still find each other attractive and exchange memories could you understand if a future partner found your ex threatening?
    my current partner has often been jealous of my relationship with my ex. But we don't want to get back together, and me and my current partner have bought a house so we don't have many issues any more. He knows that I talk to my ex, and that we get on, but he is number 1.
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    (Original post by piglet29)
    does anyone think its possible to stay good friends with someone you've been in a relationship with, after you split up? or is it pointless?
    Yes and No. Depending on how and why you broke up, and how close you were before. An ex of mine and I broke up on realy really bad terms, but we weren't all that close before we started dating, and therefore we were never really just friends. Therefore, afterwards, we had to either become friends, or just remain on bad terms. After much strife, we became friends, as we both made the effort to bridge the gap and each accept responsibility, and ultimately (the main thing) we accepted that we'd never be together in the same way again. In fact, I'd say I'm closer to him than almost anyone now.

    I'd say that you can still be friends with someone after you've broken up with them, but only if you can accept that things wont go back to the way they were. Because they wont. In some ways, friendships with exes are sometimes stronger than any other, because you have to make that extra effort.

    Sorry, that was a rant
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    (Original post by Sanity Panda)
    Wouldn't the future partner be afraid of all friendships in that case?
    No. How many friends a) are ex partners and b) are still attracted to their ex partner?
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    (Original post by Howells)
    Yeh, I agree from that point of view because I'd hate to go out with someone who's still close with an ex. Then again, the OP is referring to when the exes still like each other and are not moving on. If in the future either one them get close with someone, then the relationship dynamic has to change between exes - I don't really think it's fair otherwise
    It's a difficult point!
    It doesnt help me either that my boyfriend's ex is a 5'10'', platinum blonde, size 8, Masters student at Imperial College. So I end up comparing myself to her all the time
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    (Original post by Antonia87)
    It doesnt help me either that my boyfriend's ex is a 5'10'', platinum blonde, size 8, Masters student at Imperial College. So I end up comparing myself to her all the time
    have you told your boyfriend how his friendship with his ex makes you feel?
 
 
 
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