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staying friends after a relationship watch

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    (Original post by Howells)
    Not really, I don't find my friends attractive nor do I want to go out with them
    (Original post by Antonia87)
    No. How many friends a) are ex partners and b) are still attracted to their ex partner?
    Plenty of people seem to get jealous when their partner has an extremely close friend that they have known for several years though. It's a given that future friendships could develop into something.
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    (Original post by piglet29)
    have you told your boyfriend how his friendship with his ex makes you feel?
    Oh yes, I broke up with him because of it at one point! We got back together because he was adamant that there were no feelings whatsoever. I would never ask him to end his friendship with her, all I ask is that he doesnt rub it in my face and make it too obvious. But it almost feels as if I have to compete with her to prove I might be just as pretty and just as intelligent as her. It really, really, really sucks.
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    (Original post by Antonia87)
    Oh yes, I broke up with him because of it at one point! We got back together because he was adamant that there were no feelings whatsoever. I would never ask him to end his friendship with her, all I ask is that he doesnt rub it in his face and make it too obvious. But it almost feels as if I have to compete with to prove I might be just as pretty and just as intelligent as her. It really, really, really sucks.

    i know how you feel, i've been in the same situation before =(
    in the end i just ended it because i couldnt cope with the constant pressure of trying to prove myself.
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    I was with my ex for 6 months, and we spent about 2 weeks with no contact after we split, but now, 2 years on, we are really good friends, so it is definately possible.
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    my best mate used to be my girlfriend... for 18 months.
    i broke up with her, so i don't know how hard it was from the other side.
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    (Original post by Pheonixx)
    my best mate used to be my girlfriend... for 18 months.
    i broke up with her, so i don't know how hard it was from the other side.
    Would you ever get back with her though?
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    (Original post by Antonia87)
    Would you ever get back with her though?
    never ever.
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    do you think its possible to get back with someone after being in a relationship, then going to being best mates?
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    My ex and I always promised to stay best mates but then our relationship ended rather nastily... I wish I had acted a bit more maturely now because we were extremely close and even if together certainly wasn't working anymore, I still miss his company. We talk, but its strained and not how it used to be. I think it is possible to be friends, but as you said mixed signals make it hard! One of you needs to be firm: THERE WILL NEVER BE ANYTHING BETWEEN US EVER EVER AGAIN. Harsh, but it's best to have to boundaries established!
    • #1
    #1

    i just got dumped after 5 years..and very cruelly. i feel almost suicidal.
    he wants to be friends.
    but i cant see it happening. its too painful for me. right now anyway
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i just got dumped after 5 years..and very cruelly. i feel almost suicidal.
    he wants to be friends.
    but i cant see it happening. its too painful for me. right now anyway
    I would avoid talking to him for a while so your thoughts can settle.
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    (Original post by piglet29)
    what if there is still attraction...from both people =S

    you can break up and still be attracted with each other months/years down the line.

    if there is still attraction, thats pretty bad! you know something stupid would happen at one point. lol


    anyways if it was a nasty break up then its pretty hard to stay 'friends' unless it settles out.
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    It definitely can work, me and my ex were together over 3 years and, although the few weeks after we broke up were a little bit shakey, we're probably as good friends now as we were before we started going out. We've known each other nearly 5 years so it would've been weird to cut each other out of our lives completely. We've both moved on and neither of us would want to be together again, so it worked out pretty well in the end
    • #2
    #2

    I thought I figured this out - that yes you can stay friends after a relationship - But I have actually been thinking about this a lot recently during work (which can be rather boring) and working out (60 minutes on an exercise bike will cause anyone to become a philosopher, I swear)

    I recently had a brief, but really quite enjoyable liason with a future housemate. We had known each other a short while and I found her quite cute and interesting :p: And despite a few people telling me that I either shouldnt or warning me against it, I did anyway, haha! Anyhow, I thought she was enjoying it too (There were issues due to her past and beliefs, but nothing that we could not have worked around) and then suddenly she tells me that was confused and only saw me as a friend after all... (Which is probrably quite untruthful - the reason being that we werent actually very close as friends beforehand, so she didnt really know all too much about my personality, meaning it was physical...but she seemed to really enjoy the times we were intimate, and I didnt change physically in the space of a month, so what gives? She could have at least said that she didnt find me attractive after all. I was pretty sure we had that level of openess.)

    But I digress... On top of this, she also did something in the last few days of our relationship that was thoughtless and disrespectful (more in the view of my friends than me, as I know the whole story- very out of character for her, but as I said, I knew the reasons for it, and she is a very sweet and caring girl, so I forgave her for it. Mainly for her sake I might add - I was worried that she would feel terrible about it over the summer and get really down for the three months I wouldnt see her. Part of me really wanted this, but im basically a good soul with a black streak :p: My pride is still a bit damaged however.
    This was just basically salt in the wound.

    Thats the back story. Initially I would say it would be possible to be friends after this (And we do have a lot in common anyhow) But I have my own reasons for questioning it.

    1) I still have some feelings for her. Not the kind that would make me stand outside her window and recite poetry to her (Although I have lightheartedly sent poetry to her I came up with before, much to the disgust of my male friends :p: ) This has happened before. Although I was not living with them...
    I think its just a general feeling of fondness. She very cute and loving and basically good. But to add to this I also find her attractive physically and she has a fun, sexually adventurous streak which is so hard to find. Being with bed with her was relaxing, sexy and fun from the word go, which is unusual.
    Add to this that we see the world in the same way, we just react differently. Im a mass of passions and emotions (albeit well-hidden) whereas she thinks with her head. (Sometimes too much!) I guess im trying to say that I could see myself being with her, if that makes sense? However....

    2) After how it ended, Im not sure I would want to.
    3) My friends would think I was crazy after what happened. This doesnt matter all too much to me, but you start to question what you are doing if everyone else is...
    4) She doesnt like me back *in that way* anymore.


    Is it possible to just be friends in this scenario? I used to think yes, but...
    Like I said, we are living in the same house. I dont want to hang around with her too much because im well aware that I could start to like her again. (which would be pretty bad if she doesnt feel the same way...) But we get on really well anyway and share a lot of the same interests (Basically if we stay friends, we will be pretty much like we were as a couple, minus the kissing and the being in bed naked together (Such a shame :p:) if that makes sense?

    I might just say to hell with it, try to stay friends (even if I do find I still like her) and just go out to have fun and enjoy myself (Read friends, other girls and other interests) I hate repressing feelings tho'
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    I went out with someone I work with so pretty much see him everyday. It was awkward for about 6 month where we didn't really wanna speak to each other but now we get on great again
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i just got dumped after 5 years..and very cruelly. i feel almost suicidal.
    he wants to be friends.
    but i cant see it happening. its too painful for me. right now anyway
    He wants to be friends and he dumped you in a cruel way?

    No dice.
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    (Original post by piglet29)
    do you think its possible to get back with someone after being in a relationship, then going to being best mates?
    What? couple...single...couple?

    Yeah it is.

    But it would be messy... assuming it wasnt already, in which case you have little to lose :p:
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    My ex and I were going to stay friends, but I thought she changed a lot after we split up for a start, and I also didn't want my current girlfriend to worry or get annoyed if we still talked.
    However, I think if my current girlfriend and I split up, we'd be more likely to stay friends because we do actually have quite a lot in common and she's the sort of person I'd want to be friends with for a very long time indeed
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by piglet29)
    does anyone think its possible to stay good friends with someone you've been in a relationship with, after you split up? or is it pointless?


    WELL.
    I am having a ****ting problem with it...
    Me and my ex were together near enough a year... first love thing.
    When we first broke up... we were like best friends. =/
    He gives me mixed signals...and acts like we are together and i am like
    =/
    I broke up with him but.
    He tried to use me.
    He lied and really hurt me.
    He tried to be friends.
    WE tried to be friends.
    I got drunk at a party and tried to kiss him (LONG story but i was upset cos i have alot of other problems atm.)
    He followed me to town... and kept a photo on facebook of me and him together in a couple pose and tagged it with me in it.. I made his facebook for him ages ago for a laugh and he never ONCE touched it til like a week ago. Surely you'd delete the photo.
    And he followed me to town from a thing I wrote on facebook.. and went upstairs where I work where it is baby items and photo stuff for CREDIT. Come on...
    And he just thinks we're friends and its seriously weird.
    At first I could deal with it...
    But he's being weird and he's going to a party night before mine and hes going to mine next week
    The thing is... he makes out I'm the desperate one who NEEDS him. And yeh I've asked for him back but in the end I wasn't happy and it wouldn't have worked over summer.

    I guess yeh I still get on with him.. but it's odd.

    I can't face it. It's freakin weird. You can do it if you can face them meeting someone new.
    I cannot.
    After next week, I will never have to see him again and I will then go to uni thank goodness.
    =/
    Sorry.
    Random thingy over.
    But I guess it can work.. maybe..
    • #3
    #3

    and also he still shows attraction which freaks me and out and leads me on.
    anon cos he goes on here.
 
 
 
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