Turn on thread page Beta
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by OhNO!)
    well, firstly, I wouldn't go into a supermarket with a six-year-old without some plan to keep them relatively engaged and interested. I used to nanny for a six-year-old, and when I'd take her to the supermarket or the shops - she had her own little trolley that came with a play set she had, and I would give her her own shopping list that was illustrated with stickers and pictures and as a reward for helping me she'd get a little present of a magazine or something. this generally eliminated any tantrums.

    if a child was having a tantrum in a shop, I would most certainly pick them up and take them back into the car or outside, for them to calm down where they can't cause any havoc. I would then try to work out the reason for their tantrum. we had a phrase, HALT, "hungry, angry, lonely, tired" which sums up the majority of the reasons for children's tantrums.

    then I'd take them back into the shop, to apologise to whoever had to tidy up after them. I'd also expect them to do a few extra chores around the house to "pay for" any damaged cereal boxes and I'd have to talk to them about how we act in public.

    I would hope that a six-year-old would be getting past the tantrum stage, though. I'd have to think for the future as to why they were acting so disrespectfully.
    When your job is to nanny that's basically all that you have to worry about - normal parents don't regularly have the time to make up tasks to occupy their children whilst carrying out jobs that need to be done and the child must learn to behave during. IMHO, giving a child an exciting task to do whilst carrying out a mundane task gives them the impression that they need never be bored again.

    I've said all I need to in this thread - think it's been established that although smacking may not be the only option, in some situations it is the most efficient and effective way to curb bad behaviour.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    In my opinion, and I was smacked too, if a parent does it out of anger it is wrong, but if they do it out of anger because the child has angered them, i.e. by being naughty, it is not, but it does need a VERY valid reason, and yes I'll probably smack my children too. Only if they do deserve it, not for silly reasons.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by OhNO!)
    ok, so it's a five-year-old?
    I don't think anyone reasonable would be advocating hitting older children (and I certainly am not). If a twelve year old is throwing tantrums, then you've got issues.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by OhNO!)
    well, firstly, I wouldn't go into a supermarket with a six-year-old without some plan to keep them relatively engaged and interested. I used to nanny for a six-year-old, and when I'd take her to the supermarket or the shops - she had her own little trolley that came with a play set she had, and I would give her her own shopping list that was illustrated with stickers and pictures and as a reward for helping me she'd get a little present of a magazine or something. this generally eliminated any tantrums.

    if a child was having a tantrum in a shop, I would most certainly pick them up and take them back into the car or outside, for them to calm down where they can't cause any havoc. I would then try to work out the reason for their tantrum. we had a phrase, HALT, "hungry, angry, lonely, tired" which sums up the majority of the reasons for children's tantrums.

    then I'd take them back into the shop, to apologise to whoever had to tidy up after them. I'd also expect them to do a few extra chores around the house to "pay for" any damaged cereal boxes and I'd have to talk to them about how we act in public.

    I would hope that a six-year-old would be getting past the tantrum stage, though. I'd have to think for the future as to why they were acting so disrespectfully.

    I really love this post and agree almost competly with it, especially about the shopping list etc. BUT I'm not sure that taking them back to the car and waiting for them to calm down in wholly pratical and whilst in theory sounds like the idea solution; it may not be akways possible for a busy mother/ father/ whoever to wait for them to calm down, especially if they have 101 other things to do that day. Also say you were almost done with your shopping, leaving it and going back to the car may not always be possible.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Between my brothers and sister, they have raised 4 beautifully behaved children and not one has ever been smacked. I don't believe it's an effective form of punishment at all.

    As for not being able to make up shopping lists - My mum used to do it for my brother and sister. All it needs is a small whiteboard, some cut-out pictures of various foodstuffs and a bit of velcro. That takes an hour tops, and then it's as simple as writing your own shopping list.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by OhNO!)
    ok, so it's a five-year-old? well, I would still expect them to do extra chores around the house in order to help 'pay' for a new television. I would not try to use anything logical on a five-year-old child, or any age child, in the heat of the moment, I would remove them immediately from the situation and calm them down. logical consequences would still come later. I'd also try to involve them in the various aspects of replacing the television, so they child could see the longer ranging consequences in replacing the television.

    the focus of my response to that situation would not be replacing the television though, it would be why the child had done it in the first place and how to deal with that.
    children misbehave to gain attention. If attention is given, it's pandering to their needs. I know you personally won't agree with this but children are not there to be reasoned with - reasoning is a fancy word for pandering to - if you give a child leaway it will take it and argue for more. I have seen my 6 year old brother do this in the past. Discipline and force are needed - sitting him down and talking to him about what he has done and asking for his "reasons" of which there are usually none really, doesn't cut it.

    (seriously, last post lol, promise)
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by QI Elf)
    I really love this post and agree almost competly with it, especially about the shopping list etc. BUT I'm not sure that taking them back to the car and waiting for them to calm down in wholly pratical and whilst in theory sounds like the idea solution; it may not be akways possible for a busy mother/ father/ whoever to wait for them to calm down, especially if they have 101 other things to do that day. Also say you were almost done with your shopping, leaving it and going back to the car may not always be possible.
    I can't imagine staying in a supermarket with a child having a tantrum, no matter how busy I was. like spotty dog, I have stood outside tescos for about 20 minutes with a four year old having a tantrum.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by OhNO!)
    I can't imagine staying in a supermarket with a child having a tantrum, no matter how busy I was. like spotty dog, I have stood outside tescos for about 20 minutes with a four year old having a tantrum.
    Many, many times.

    Put simply, no matter what you do, any intervention is just going to make the average temper tantrum worse. The best thing anyone can possibly do is pick the child up, remove the child from the situation, place them somewhere they can't seriously hurt themselves (hence I often use the back of the car) and totally ignore them until the situation has passed.

    I have also been known to simply 'walk away' from a child, as far as the end of the aisle. It's often all it takes to get a child back on their feet, away from their source of temper and calmed down.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Last post from me too, as this really isn't going anywhere. Spotty Dog i've said this before, giving examples of people who weren't touched and turning out to be good does not prove anything because i can find people who were beaten and are now doing just as well, i'm talking about correlation. (I may as well start copy and pasting my replies).

    Here's an article about smacking children (don't take it seriously).
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Danielle89)
    children misbehave to gain attention. If attention is given, it's pandering to their needs. I know you personally won't agree with this but children are not there to be reasoned with - reasoning is a fancy word for pandering to - if you give a child leaway it will take it and argue for more. I have seen my 6 year old brother do this in the past. Discipline and force are needed - sitting him down and talking to him about what he has done and asking for his "reasons" of which there are usually none really, doesn't cut it.

    (seriously, last post lol, promise)
    I would never argue with a child, or give in to them having a tantrum. I wouldn't try to reason with a five-year-old in the middle of a full-blown screaming tantrum either - what's the point? nothing's going to get through to them. I completely agree that children aren't there to be reasoned with, I can't abide people getting into arguments with their children. It's completely fruitless arguing with a five-year-old.

    there are always reasons for a tantrum, usually because a child is bored, or frustrated. of course it's beneficial to work out why your child is having a tantrum, in order to avoid having them in the future. if my child wanted attention from me, then I would have to teach them how to express themselves in the future without smashing up my television.

    if you just smack them and leave it at at that, next time they're bored or frustrated, they're going to react in exactly the same way because your punishment didn't equip them with the tools to figure out how to express themselves better.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by hannah_dru)
    I wasn't happy when my mum did it and I wouldn't do it to my own kids. I don't resent her for it though. I guess it depends on the parent and their morals.

    Maybe because of it I react more aggressively when provoked but maybe its just my hair and temper
    I wonder that, about the aggression thing, I can be a bit ott when I'm annoyed, and I wonder if that's cause I was smacked when I was little... I did resent it too, I know I did. I wouldn't do it to my kids.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    When I was young my dad wasn't around much, but he was scary when he was.

    I know now he's a push over, but he terrified the pants off of me when I was small.

    My mum, however, was a pushover, but when I toed the line I knew about it.

    By the time I was three all my mum had to do was say to me 'do you want a smack?' and I'd instantly stop doing whatever it was that was bad.

    My older brother, however, never needed to be hit, because my mum would send him to his room and that would be the end of it. I'd just play with my toys if I was sent to my room.

    I suppose it all depends on the individual child. My brother was as quiet as a mouse, while I was Suicidal Child, and in and out of hospital 18 times before I was 6.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    If I was a little gob****e I probably deserved to be smacked, in fairness.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by OhNO!)
    I would never punish a toddler for being inquisitive. this is part and parcel of being a toddler, and something I would greatly encourage within the boundaries of safety.

    In the instance you suggested, well, firstly I wouldn't not have plug covers in a house with a young child. I also wouldn't respond by sitting a child on a "naughty step" at any point. I would pick the child up, move them away from the plug socket and use re-direction to get them involved with another activity. I'd keep doing this as many times as was necessary, until I bought some plug covers.



    I don't believe in punishment full stop. I believe in discipline, it has to teach a lesson and teach the child what to do next time.
    Firstly - no-one ever said anything about repressing inquisitiveness within the boundaries of safety - the example being used here is very definitely unsafe! And secondly, I think this sounds like a wholly impractical and ineffective way of dealing with the problem - if you just distract the child and don't ever let him/her know that sticking your fingers in plug sockets is bad, how will the kid ever learn? It'll just continue to keep doing it and you will have to waste all your time running around trying to avert its attention. By all means, don't smack the child if that's not what you believed in - but at least a firm "NO" to let it know that it's doing something wrong, would surely be in order? If I was a two year old who, every time I stuck my fingers in a plug socket, my mum grabbed me and gave me a really fun activity to do, I'd probably start doing that whenever I was bored!
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Not Invented Yet)
    Firstly - no-one ever said anything about repressing inquisitiveness within the boundaries of safety - the example being used here is very definitely unsafe! And secondly, I think this sounds like a wholly impractical and ineffective way of dealing with the problem - if you just distract the child and don't ever let him/her know that sticking your fingers in plug sockets is bad, how will the kid ever learn? It'll just continue to keep doing it and you will have to waste all your time running around trying to avert its attention. By all means, don't smack the child if that's not what you believed in - but at least a firm "NO" to let it know that it's doing something wrong, would surely be in order? If I was a two year old who, every time I stuck my fingers in a plug socket, my mum grabbed me and gave me a really fun activity to do, I'd probably start doing that whenever I was bored!
    I know, I was just clarifying that I think that it's a positive thing for a two-year-old to be inquisitive, and that I would never punish a toddler for doing what comes naturally to them. a toddler trying to stick their fingers into a plug socket isn't doing anything "wrong", persay.

    it's not impractical or ineffective - it works. although it does take more time and effort than simply hitting the child. you can't relay the fact that 'if you stick your fingers into that socket it'll hurt and be dangerous' effectively to a two-year-old, it won't understand. the child will learn that plug sockets are dangerous and not to be played with, when they properly understand what this means, which is not at two years old.

    until then, all you can do is firstly, toddlerproof your house with plug covers, and secondly use re-direction to get them involved with something safer. it's not so complicated or difficult, and it's certainly preferable in my eyes to raising my hand to a small child, frightening it and hurting it. I never want to hit a child, and luckily I don't have to. know better, do better.

    "you will have to waste all your time running around trying to avert its attention"

    this is how you spend all of your time anyway when caring for a toddler.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    do u think differently of smacking in a public place?
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by peachy)
    I was smacked on my bum as a child if I did something wrong, and I really don't resent them for it. I've turned out to be a respectful, well mannered and well behaved person, so it must have done me good.

    The thing is though, there's a fine line between smacking a child when they've done something very wrong and beating them. And in no way is beating them gonna do them any good. I've never had a problem with being smacked, I guess times have changed though now.
    Times have definitely changed.. I was only smacked once as a child and after that I never had another tantrum. Our society has "evolved" though and deemed it wrong, though I don't see anything wrong with lightly disciplining your child.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    I wasn't smacked and I've turned out to be an evil *******. Seriously, when I walk in the park plants wilt around me. I kill baby animals just by looking at them.

    Therefore smacking MUST be forced on parents BY LAW. :yep:

    In seriousness parents should be able to do what they like. Smacking is not child abuse, if you say it is then you belittle child abuse, probably don't even have a clue what child abuse is.

    There isn't a thin line between smacking and abuse. If you were a parent you know that it's black and white.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I'm glad they did, it made me stop myself, and develop self discipline.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by The_Bear)
    In seriousness parents should be able to do what they like. Smacking is not child abuse, if you say it is then you belittle child abuse, probably don't even have a clue what child abuse is.

    There isn't a thin line between smacking and abuse. If you were a parent you know that it's black and white.
    who is "you"? the only people to have brought up 'smacking as child abuse' on this thread, have been proponents of smacking desperate to create a straw man to attack.
 
 
 
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: May 26, 2018
Poll
Black Friday: Yay or Nay?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.