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    I was and I think it was completely un-necessary.. but then my dad would go too far (and still does punch me, but not in the face or anything and pull my hair, scream in my face..) I resent him especially but also my mother for standing back and allowing it to happen.. I also think it left a lasting impression and a 'warped idea' of things/emotions it is only now as an adult I can see what I have been brought up to beleive is wrong or at least not the norm for most. I suppose the fact I can see this - and dont have behavioural problems and the like is a bonus..

    When I tried to talk about it to my mum her responce was complete denial "your father is the most gentle, non-violent person you could ever meet".. I can see how people loose control also but obviously to repetedly smack is completely wrong in my eyes......sorry to witter but I really can't encourage people enough to think first before using this as punishment for their children. I guess you could use the 'slippery slope' arguement also - where does it stop?
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    (Original post by JayneDoe)
    I was and I think it was completely un-necessary.. but then my dad would go too far (and still does punch me, but not in the face or anything and pull my hair, scream in my face..) I resent him especially but also my mother for standing back and allowing it to happen.. I also think it left a lasting impression and a 'warped idea' of things/emotions it is only now as an adult I can see what I have been brought up to beleive is wrong or at least not the norm for most. I suppose the fact I can see this - and dont have behavioural problems and the like is a bonus..

    When I tried to talk about it to my mum her responce was complete denial "your father is the most gentle, non-violent person you could ever meet".. I can see how people loose control also but obviously to repetedly smack is completely wrong in my eyes......sorry to witter but I really can't encourage people enough to think first before using this as punishment for their children. I guess you could use the 'slippery slope' arguement also - where does it stop?
    *hugs*
    Don't really know what to say - it's out of order from your Dad and abuse via neglect from your Mum.
    How old are you? you could call social services and / or childline for support?


    As the post quoted proves, you *can* got too far. But for the purposes of this thread, I think a "smack" is a tap of the bottom / back of the hand to say "no".

    Like I said earlier - on my kid's I'll warn them verbally several times, then a tap on the hand or whatever.

    OhNO! and SpottyDog - I can see where you're coming from, but I *personally* don't totally agree with your viewpoints. Though they are valid. And if you have the time (and patience (explained right at the bottom) ) to do so, it's great!

    The shopping list is a good idea, but there's such a thing as keeping a child over-occupied I think. Though would work on a 6 year old. For a 3 or 4 year old, I'd prefer to do a "if you behave, you can have a comic" or something. The child will be bored, but will learn to deal with it for the sake of getting something at the other end.

    If kids don't know how to handle being bored because parents keep them constantly occupied with after school's clubs and other "activities", then there is a risk that when they're slightly older, they'll go "hmmmm..... I have nothing to do. This isn't right" and although there's a chance they'll do something useful / creative, they may do other things because they haven't associated telling off / a "fear" of a consequence of doing it.

    Then again, our law system's slowly stopping punishment of people anyways, but - again - that's a different thread!

    I think different methods work for different people and different children... I don't care what you say about parenting... I think part of it is the child... I know people who are really well behaved, but their sibling's gone off the rails, dispite the parents disciplining them the same and everything.


    The time / patience thing: explaining to a child / waiting for tantrums to stop may not be totally possible.... Nannying / childminding you get paid for. And (especially with child-minding) you do not have the child 24/7 and hand them back to the parents. Plus it's illegal to hit a kid you're looking after for someone else.
    Being a parent you do not get paid, and spend more time with the children. Sometimes you may be in a rush, or have several things to do. Simply telling a child off / moving them time after time after time / waiting for their tantrum to end may not be possible. Whereas the preferred options ARE the 3 in the previous statement, a quick tap on the back of the hand with a sharp "No!" may be more effective if you're pushed for time. As long as you also explain why you do it, so they don't think it's the norm.

    A quick tap on the backside never did me any harm. Personally, I think repeated verbal warnings wouldn't have done anything simply because I knew there was no real consciquence. After a smack, a verbal warning was all I needed. Not because I knew I'd automatically get a smack (most the time my parents wouldn't smack at all), but because I knew the risk of one was there if I carried on. Not because it hurt (it didn't) but because I knew I'd upset / annoyed my parents. I knew hitting people was wrong. But I knew the difference from "hitting people" and a "constructive tap" to say no to a child. But perhaps I'm an exception? I don't know.... Like I said every adult and every child is different!
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    Never an easy one this one because of what's happening in the outside world.

    You've got the "Woolly liberals who'd let terrorists live in 5-star hotels" at one extreme and the "Hang 'em, flog 'em, round 'em up, kick 'em out" brigade at the other end with the rest of us somewhere in between.

    My impression is that the state seems to be at the "woolly liberal" end and public opinion (on the back of the "knife-wielding hoody furore" debate) somewhat towards the other.

    I would have a problem with an outright ban on smacking because part of me feels that the state has to an extent taken away society's ability to police itself - think of the news reports of people defending either their property or community being hauled infront of a court while the person they were apprehending gets of free inspite of having a criminal record that would crash most printers.

    On the other hand, I think that with our population being more mobile, we don't have the close family links that we used to have. My grandparents never hit me, which was one of the reasons why I liked going there - it was a safe haven from being hit or shouted at at home. (Lucky for me they only lived down the road.)

    Also, children react differently to corporal punishment. While it doesn't seem to have affected my younger brother, it - amongst other things broke the back of my relationship with my parents. My siblings are much closer to them than I am.

    I guess the question we need to ask is "what works?" When is it appropriate to use physical force to restrain or discipline a child? What other methods are there that work that don't involve smacking?

    It makes me think back to what Rio Ferdinand said about the 2002 World Cup QF against Brazil - saying that England needed a real rollocking from the manager but it never came, and as a result there was no fire in England's second half performance and they went out. Some kids will respond positively to smacking or a rollocking like that. Others will be destroyed by it.

    As we are living ever more hectic lives and lifestyles, parents and those looking after children may feel that they don't have the time to look into "what works?", it's more of a case of "what can I do to stop this little toe-rag from misbehaving so that I have 5 minutes peace?"
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    (Original post by Somebody)
    OhNO! and SpottyDog - I can see where you're coming from, but I *personally* don't totally agree with your viewpoints. Though they are valid. And if you have the time (and patience (explained right at the bottom) ) to do so, it's great!
    Thank you.

    (Original post by Somebody)
    The shopping list is a good idea, but there's such a thing as keeping a child over-occupied I think. Though would work on a 6 year old. For a 3 or 4 year old, I'd prefer to do a "if you behave, you can have a comic" or something. The child will be bored, but will learn to deal with it for the sake of getting something at the other end.
    I will always give a child SOMETHING to do in the supermarket. For younger children, I'll give them something to eat/drink (and obviously put the wrappers through at the end. XD), or something to play with. Preschool/Reception I give lists to. Above that, I start doing things like maths and stuff as we go around (How much does that cost? How many apples are there? etc etc) and that extends the older they get to more complex things.

    I refuse to simply -drag- a child around a supermarker without giving them SOMETHING to do.

    (Original post by Somebody)
    If kids don't know how to handle being bored because parents keep them constantly occupied with after school's clubs and other "activities", then there is a risk that when they're slightly older, they'll go "hmmmm..... I have nothing to do. This isn't right" and although there's a chance they'll do something useful / creative, they may do other things because they haven't associated telling off / a "fear" of a consequence of doing it.
    Interestingly enough, all my nieces and nephews have learnt/are learning to stimulate themselves. It's extremely interesting to watch my 18 month old niece play on her own. She can often play for a good 45 minutes with no adult interaction at all. Personally, I feel that's a great quality for a child to have. Not to lead to them being ignored, but the ability to entertain themsevles.
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    independent play is very important, and I think there is a problem of well-intentioned parents over-stimulating their young children to the point where they can't entertain themselves without an adult guiding the play.

    however, I don't think this had anything to do with what I'm talking about, which is trying to entertain a child in a situation which is going to be obviously very dull for them, and where their 'making their own entertainment' is going to be a nuisance - it's done to make the carer's job easier, if anything. for the same reason I'd give a young child something to do on a long car trip, I'd give them something to do on a shopping trip.
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    do u think bare bum smackng is wrong?
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    Nah I was smaked on the bare bum lol it wouldn't have hurt much over clothes but I don't think smacking is essential anyway, just ignore and don't talk to them if they misbehave thats quite hard for a child a parent not talking to them, unless they are damaging your property or something.
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    I love a good spank!
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    Things change. It was quite the 'norm', a while back.
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    My Dad had a novel way, he didn't smack a lot-but made sure if i disobeyed i had a VERY VERY sore little bottom!. He layed me across his lap and rubbed rough sandpaper on my bare bottom very hard for about 30 seconds, it felt a bit rough at first but after a few seconds my bum felt like it was on fire!!. It hurt and was so sore i couldn't sit down for a week!. But i obeyed him and cuddled him if he said NO!! (i loved him a lot).
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    (Original post by Ari19)
    My Dad had a novel way, he didn't smack a lot-but made sure if i disobeyed i had a VERY VERY sore little bottom!. He layed me across his lap and rubbed rough sandpaper on my bare bottom very hard for about 30 seconds, it felt a bit rough at first but after a few seconds my bum felt like it was on fire!!. It hurt and was so sore i couldn't sit down for a week!. But i obeyed him and cuddled him if he said NO!! (i loved him a lot).
    Welcome to the forums but try not to revive old threads especially those a year old!
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    I got smacked all the time, i worry that it's where I got my fetish from. I was a naughty girl.
    I doubt I'd do it to my kids though.
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    Yes, I was smacked. But on my leg, I didn't care about them smacking my rear.

    Why would it make you resent your parents?
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    Parents are not really very good at doing it. Smacked bottoms has always been a controversial subject - some people think it is the best and some the worst but I've never heard of anyone disagreeing with your feeling of resentment. It just is a useless punishment, isn't it?
 
 
 
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