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I'm crying atm and just want to vent my feelings/ thoughts

I feel lost. Like I am optimistic resilient caring women but I feel like I don't receive the same love and care and when I do it's so short lived.
I have been through tragedies and regarding my studies I know how to cope with those. For me it's the emotional romantic / platonic relationships I am struggling with.
platonic- I had many friends who I cared and loved but when in time of need they would not be there for me, despite only being a 2 to 3h max train journey ride to see me they'd never make an effort to see me.. just a simple hi hru message once a couple of months. I told another friend of mine who is a true friend and she said to block the f friends you'll feel better so I did... and tbh I do somehow feel better.
There was one dude despite not checkin on me for several years has been there for me during my lows. I have sent him a VM about how I am feeling and what his true intentions are... he hasnt replied yet.

I think the main pain I have inside is one is my sister left the family unannounced and I have never met her since. and tbh I probably never will she didnt even care about me or the family. this makes me hard to trust anyone. Another one is that I met a guy in which he became my bf. this was before I experienced all the above.. we broke up about 3 months ago. anyways yeah I could tell he was physically and emotionally attached to me. by his hugs, kisses, checking up on me etc. in bed we never had sex and I never gave him benefits he always made love to my body.. 2 months I didnt meet in person as I thought maybe its lust but he still kept on touch consistently. but then after meeting again I called him and he told me to never bother him again I am going to marry someone and he blocked me. I loved this guy alot and never got closure.
I still remember in the past he said I love u many times in the past but never met my family and kinda kept me as a secret.
idk I am just really hurt emotionally and I am trying to stay strong

Reply 1

GreenBell

Hey
I’m really sorry to read you’re going through all this. Just remember that it will pass. You might be feeling like **** right now but it’ll pass I promise you.
If you need someone to talk to, I’m here.