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    According to a friend, I look 'fine' but I need to be more confident and outgoing...

    Why can I not believe this? Why is it, that I think she's lying? I've got thick glasses, I'm skinny as a stick and yet, apparently, I just lack confidence. =|

    Is it just that I'm insecure? Is it because I just think too much?

    There's this girl that I simply can't stop thinking about now that my friend has brought this up - but I'm just too much of a pansy to actually attempt to ask her out.

    Apparently, in school, I'm quiet - I tend to avoid our Sixth Form Room because I think I just have a strong form of Avoidancy disorder...

    How can I fix this? How can I just be normal?
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    There is no quick fix, like for nearly every problem in life.
    So if you want to be more outgoing, you will have to work hard at it, which means going out of your comfort zone and doing things you wouldn't normally do.
    On the other hand if you don't want to change, there are some girls who like the shy, quite type of guy - in my experience the majority go for more confident guys though.

    Try just randomly talking to strangers, at school, on the bus, try talking more the cashiers at the supermarket... slowly build up your social competence.
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    (Original post by Adarah)
    There is no quick fix, like for nearly every problem in life.
    So if you want to be more outgoing, you will have to work hard at it, which means going out of your comfort zone and doing things you wouldn't normally do.
    On the other hand if you don't want to change, there are some girls who like the shy, quite type of guy - in my experience the majority go for more confident guys though.

    Try just randomly talking to strangers, at school, on the bus, try talking more the cashiers at the supermarket... slowly build up your social competence.

    Yeh... agree 100%
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    (Original post by Adarah)
    There is no quick fix, like for nearly every problem in life.
    So if you want to be more outgoing, you will have to work hard at it, which means going out of your comfort zone and doing things you wouldn't normally do.
    On the other hand if you don't want to change, there are some girls who like the shy, quite type of guy - in my experience the majority go for more confident guys though.

    Try just randomly talking to strangers, at school, on the bus, try talking more the cashiers at the supermarket... slowly build up your social competence.
    :yep:
    I'm still very shy, but over the past few months I've tried to talk a bit more to people. So now I try to make conversation with shop assistants.
    My nan has dementia so we have careers who look after her aswell as myself and my mother. Before I just used to say "hi" and thats it, but now I attempt to make a conversation with them.
    Last week I offered to help an elderly woman carry her bag down a set of steps at cardiff train station, and got a conversation from that too lol.

    Its just a case of talking to people who you wouldn't usually. Don't worry if you thing you sound silly, you probably won't see them again.
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    When I was younger I felt very self conscious about how I looked, as I'm sure most people do. What I did find though is that personality definitely overpowers looks. Once I had found some friends who I really got on with I came out of my 'shy shell' and started making more of an effort when I went out or to talk to people I didn't know. The best part about this is that if you look confident (even if you don't feel it), people will do all the work for you.
    Eg, shoulders back, nice strong posture, a confident walk (long ish strides) with a slight smile on your face. Soon you'll find people asking you for directions out of a crowd of people (one time I had 6 different people ask me in one day) and this will make you feel more confident and will enable you to speak to strangers more easily.

    The fact of the matter is that the more people that like you, the better you look to them. You could be on par with Anne Widicombe or Andrew Lloyd Webber, but as long as you stay true to yourself, but a more confident version of yourself then you shall be adored!

    So, go walk into that form room because you have just as much right to be there as the others and make it part of your everyday life. Good luck!
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    (Original post by kat2pult)
    You could be on par with Anne Widicombe or Andrew Lloyd Webber
    Andrew Lloyd Webber is an adorable little toad. No dissing.
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    What Adarah said.
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    Look, you're in no way, shape or form ugly if you have a good hygiene; that's the main key.

    Once you seize the way in which to have good hygiene then you can be very confident and then you can not give a blimmin crap about what other people think.

    Seriously, if you become your best, there is absolutely no reason to lack confidence since the people that still think you're not worth are merely worth your time themselves.
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    every one looks good to certain people, some ppl dont find brad pitt hot. so there is someone out there who will find you attractive, so dont worry about tht.
    as for lack in confidence, its becuz you yourself dont think you look good, and your probably very scared of judgement. you dont walk thru the common room ad your scared of what people may think about you.
    get out with friends and start gettin to know people. when ppl see what your like and they start to know you, they will judge you less, and you will become more confident as you know more people
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    (Original post by mushoo)
    every one looks good to certain people, some ppl dont find brad pitt hot.
    It's true - he probably has the personality of a fish.

    I don't really find anyone attractive though if I don't know them, or like their personality. *hint hint*
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    (Original post by kat2pult)
    It's true - he probably has the personality of a fish.

    I don't really find anyone attractive though if I don't know them, or like their personality. *hint hint*
    Exactly. If i ever fancy someone, it's because of their personality and some (hygienic traits) looks. If a person is the stunning; yet has no personality, I will say no. Same goes if the person has a potential to look better/be more hygienic, yet doesn't do it out of sheer laziness.

    I hope this helps, cheer up :yep:.

    ~Ramadulla.
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    Brad Pitt comes across as a charming everyman actually.
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    Perhaps you can just build it up over time. Find things that you are good at and concentrate on those to build your confidence. I am certain that there are physical and personality-based traits you have which many people will find attractive. Perhaps it is an issue of self consciousness? I know a lot of people who find it hard to socialise are that way because they are self conscious or, as you put it, maybe they think to much.

    Basically, I would advise you to play to your strengths. There is no harm in getting to know the girl before you ask her out. Remember, if you don't love yourself then no one will, so I would really encourage you to start thinking up all the many good things about you!
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    you just have to break through the fear/mental barrier
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    Ditto to what everyone has said.
    And about the girl, take it slowly (don't force yourself to really really awkwardly ask her for a date as that will backfire). Get someone in your social group to invite her and a couple of friends out some time, that way you can get to know her in your own time, and also practise chatting to other new people.
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    I think she was trying to be nice and that's why she said it like that.
    But there's nothing wrong with you, you just have to build up some confidence over time.
    Don't expect to wake up one day and have all the confidence in the work, but do stuff that makes you happy, stuff your good at
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    Both are important. Id be lying if I said otherwise.

    I have to be attracted to the person (Their views, sense of humour, ideals)
    And the body must be hot enough to make me want to kiss them all over (and more...:p: )
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    I would say there are two sides to it.

    Someone can be attractive enough to get off with, yet not the personality to go into a relationship with.
    Whereas someone can have a personality to have a relationship with and not be nearly as attractive, but the personality will make them more attractive to you
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    According to a friend, I look 'fine' but I need to be more confident and outgoing...

    Why can I not believe this? Why is it, that I think she's lying? I've got thick glasses, I'm skinny as a stick and yet, apparently, I just lack confidence. =|

    Is it just that I'm insecure? Is it because I just think too much?

    There's this girl that I simply can't stop thinking about now that my friend has brought this up - but I'm just too much of a pansy to actually attempt to ask her out.

    Apparently, in school, I'm quiet - I tend to avoid our Sixth Form Room because I think I just have a strong form of Avoidancy disorder...

    How can I fix this? How can I just be normal?
    I'm guessing you're a bloke then? You sound just like me. I'm tall and very thin, and wear horn-rimmed glasses. I've been told by older girls/women how attractive I am, and how nice my eyes are, and all that - how I could pull anyone I wanted. However, I've never had a girlfriend and never shared more than a friendly hug with a girl.

    I reckon you'll think she's lying because it's 'too good to be true.' You're thinking, how can this be true if I've never had any attention, but she's right, it's nost often confidance.

    And, you're not a pansy for not being able to talk to a girl. I can sing in front of 1,500 people with no trouble, but find it really hard offering a girl I like so much as a cup of coffee. All I can say is ignore it. Just go and ask her if she fancies a coffee at weekend, and take it from there. Once you've got talking and laughing and joking, it's really easy to carry on - it's just initiating it that's the problem.

    Go for it!
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    Sure, looks are important, but personality is absolutely paramount.
 
 
 
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