Flat Mate's Girlfriend permanently living in our accommodation? Watch

Shaun_C
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Hi All,

So, I've had an issue from the start of this year with one of my flatmates. The issue is that since the start of Uni, his girlfriend has stayed over every night. Although she has her own accommodation, she chooses to permanently live here. The only time when she is not here is when she chooses to go home with my flatmate.

To most, this probably is a problem. But, we are an all guys flat where we just want to have some guy time. But it is impossible as she is always there. I feel I can't make comments that are considered not appropriate when girls are around, which is part of a guys day to day laughter.

It is also a problem when it comes to cleaning. Although she lives here (essentially), she does not clean up after herself at all. This really annoys me as I share a bathroom with my flatmate and his girlfriend. Things like not cleaning the bathroom, cleaning up her long hair across the bath and leaving toilet rolls on the floor when finished, expecting me to pick them up as they know I like a clean living space. She is a guest, but, she treats it as if it is her own place. They are yet to clean the bathroom to date.

Even things like washing are annoying. She decides to wash her stuff using our machine because it doesn't cost her anything. That's fine if she wasn't doing 3 loads on a Sunday that take around 3-4 hours each (washer/dryer combo machine, the machines fault really).

It's incredibly disrespectful to me and my other flatmates. Additionally, I pay a large weekly price to live with a certain number of people, not an addition to that number. I appreciate that people have boyfriends/girlfriends. I have mine over a couple of nights a week. However, she cleans up after herself as she knows I get annoyed, and she also likes clean living spaces anyway.

My question is, what should I do? I don't want to speak to my flatmate about it as there is already tension. I shouldn't have to either. Do I have any legal ground?

My contract states that, "[...] to not take in any Lodger, paying guest or any other person without the consent of the landlord".

Is there any grounds the HMO covers which are being breached? I couldn't find anything.

Just to give some rough context, I won't just snitch on my mate straight away. However, there needs to be a bit of a change. If there were legal grounds to fight the issue, I would speak to him in person first, asking him and his girlfriend just to be a bit more respectful in our shared space. Examples would be, cleaning the bathroom occasionally, not leaving her stuff around the flat, using the washing machine outside of regular times (i.e. the weekend) that we use the machine. I can handle a girl being there all the time, but that won't stop me from talking about guy things, which can sometimes upset certain women. I've already done that multiple times already, thus the above 'tension'.
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AzureCeleste
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I think because she is staying long term it sounds like breach of the contract under the 'any other person part'. To me it sounds like that is any long-term person regardles of wether they are paying or not?
Bring it up with your flatmate
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bones-mccoy
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The least someone can do if they're spending a considerable amount of time in someone else's home is to clean up after themselves, it should really be the bare minimum. I'd also expect them to contribute to the bills if they're showering every day or doing loads of washing as you've said. Considering you don't actually mind her being there and it's just her habits that are bothering you, I would speak to your flatmate about it. I know you've said there's tension but that's only going to get worse the longer it goes on and you contacting the landlord would cause an even bigger issue.

What do your other flatmates think about the situation?
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gordonfreeman_HL
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(Original post by Shaun_C)
Hi All,

So, I've had an issue from the start of this year with one of my flatmates. The issue is that since the start of Uni, his girlfriend has stayed over every night. Although she has her own accommodation, she chooses to permanently live here. The only time when she is not here is when she chooses to go home with my flatmate.

To most, this probably is a problem. But, we are an all guys flat where we just want to have some guy time. But it is impossible as she is always there. I feel I can't make comments that are considered not appropriate when girls are around, which is part of a guys day to day laughter.

It is also a problem when it comes to cleaning. Although she lives here (essentially), she does not clean up after herself at all. This really annoys me as I share a bathroom with my flatmate and his girlfriend. Things like not cleaning the bathroom, cleaning up her long hair across the bath and leaving toilet rolls on the floor when finished, expecting me to pick them up as they know I like a clean living space. She is a guest, but, she treats it as if it is her own place. They are yet to clean the bathroom to date.

Even things like washing are annoying. She decides to wash her stuff using our machine because it doesn't cost her anything. That's fine if she wasn't doing 3 loads on a Sunday that take around 3-4 hours each (washer/dryer combo machine, the machines fault really).

It's incredibly disrespectful to me and my other flatmates. Additionally, I pay a large weekly price to live with a certain number of people, not an addition to that number. I appreciate that people have boyfriends/girlfriends. I have mine over a couple of nights a week. However, she cleans up after herself as she knows I get annoyed, and she also likes clean living spaces anyway.

My question is, what should I do? I don't want to speak to my flatmate about it as there is already tension. I shouldn't have to either. Do I have any legal ground?

My contract states that, "[...] to not take in any Lodger, paying guest or any other person without the consent of the landlord".

Is there any grounds the HMO covers which are being breached? I couldn't find anything.

Just to give some rough context, I won't just snitch on my mate straight away. However, there needs to be a bit of a change. If there were legal grounds to fight the issue, I would speak to him in person first, asking him and his girlfriend just to be a bit more respectful in our shared space. Examples would be, cleaning the bathroom occasionally, not leaving her stuff around the flat, using the washing machine outside of regular times (i.e. the weekend) that we use the machine. I can handle a girl being there all the time, but that won't stop me from talking about guy things, which can sometimes upset certain women. I've already done that multiple times already, thus the above 'tension'.
You have to bring it up to your flat mate. She's clearly freeloading. Either she acts responsible or she doesn't stay there.
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999tigger
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(Original post by Shaun_C)
Hi All,

So, I've had an issue from the start of this year with one of my flatmates. The issue is that since the start of Uni, his girlfriend has stayed over every night. Although she has her own accommodation, she chooses to permanently live here. The only time when she is not here is when she chooses to go home with my flatmate.

To most, this probably is a problem. But, we are an all guys flat where we just want to have some guy time. But it is impossible as she is always there. I feel I can't make comments that are considered not appropriate when girls are around, which is part of a guys day to day laughter.

It is also a problem when it comes to cleaning. Although she lives here (essentially), she does not clean up after herself at all. This really annoys me as I share a bathroom with my flatmate and his girlfriend. Things like not cleaning the bathroom, cleaning up her long hair across the bath and leaving toilet rolls on the floor when finished, expecting me to pick them up as they know I like a clean living space. She is a guest, but, she treats it as if it is her own place. They are yet to clean the bathroom to date.

Even things like washing are annoying. She decides to wash her stuff using our machine because it doesn't cost her anything. That's fine if she wasn't doing 3 loads on a Sunday that take around 3-4 hours each (washer/dryer combo machine, the machines fault really).

It's incredibly disrespectful to me and my other flatmates. Additionally, I pay a large weekly price to live with a certain number of people, not an addition to that number. I appreciate that people have boyfriends/girlfriends. I have mine over a couple of nights a week. However, she cleans up after herself as she knows I get annoyed, and she also likes clean living spaces anyway.

My question is, what should I do? I don't want to speak to my flatmate about it as there is already tension. I shouldn't have to either. Do I have any legal ground?

My contract states that, "[...] to not take in any Lodger, paying guest or any other person without the consent of the landlord".

Is there any grounds the HMO covers which are being breached? I couldn't find anything.

Just to give some rough context, I won't just snitch on my mate straight away. However, there needs to be a bit of a change. If there were legal grounds to fight the issue, I would speak to him in person first, asking him and his girlfriend just to be a bit more respectful in our shared space. Examples would be, cleaning the bathroom occasionally, not leaving her stuff around the flat, using the washing machine outside of regular times (i.e. the weekend) that we use the machine. I can handle a girl being there all the time, but that won't stop me from talking about guy things, which can sometimes upset certain women. I've already done that multiple times already, thus the above 'tension'.
Are you first years?
How many other flatmates and what do they say?
You are going to have to speak to him or the LL, who may say sort it out between yourselves.
Doesnt sound to me as though he cares.
The uni wont care unless its their property although they may offer a mediation service, some unis do.
Also be aware of other flatmates and them willing to be neutral on your side or on his.


You can have a word with the LL who may or may not care but you will be enemies with this guy.
You an talk to flatmates and start asking for her to pay a share of the bills.
If she is doing her ashing at the weekend, stop the cycle, remove her stuff and put your own in if you are waiting.
You either stand up to them or you dont. Not sure what it is you expect the law to be doing?
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barnetlad
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You will have to speak to your flatmate. Just a question of what to tackle first of all, and for me it would be the dirty bathroom.
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dankadank
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shes freeloading...
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HoldThisL
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(Original post by Shaun_C)
My contract states that, "[...] to not take in any Lodger, paying guest or any other person without the consent of the landlord".

Is there any grounds the HMO covers which are being breached? I couldn't find anything.
yes, a tennant cannot have another person on the property for an extended period of time without the consent of the landlord (ie being on the contract) so if the landlord sides with you, she can't stay there as often as she does

additionally, if you make it clear to them that the girl is a nuisance, they are most likely to side with you since it's their property and the flatmate has gone under their nose to bring in the girlfriend without permission

however, the first person to speak to is definitely the flatmate - you have to live with him so you don't want to make it uncomfortable for yourself
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Other_Owl
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Seriously just report it. It happened to me.
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sinfonietta
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How do your other flatmates feel about her presence? If you're all on the same page you could talk to him together.
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mnot
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(Original post by Shaun_C)
Hi All,

So, I've had an issue from the start of this year with one of my flatmates. The issue is that since the start of Uni, his girlfriend has stayed over every night. Although she has her own accommodation, she chooses to permanently live here. The only time when she is not here is when she chooses to go home with my flatmate.

To most, this probably is a problem. But, we are an all guys flat where we just want to have some guy time. But it is impossible as she is always there. I feel I can't make comments that are considered not appropriate when girls are around, which is part of a guys day to day laughter.

It is also a problem when it comes to cleaning. Although she lives here (essentially), she does not clean up after herself at all. This really annoys me as I share a bathroom with my flatmate and his girlfriend. Things like not cleaning the bathroom, cleaning up her long hair across the bath and leaving toilet rolls on the floor when finished, expecting me to pick them up as they know I like a clean living space. She is a guest, but, she treats it as if it is her own place. They are yet to clean the bathroom to date.

Even things like washing are annoying. She decides to wash her stuff using our machine because it doesn't cost her anything. That's fine if she wasn't doing 3 loads on a Sunday that take around 3-4 hours each (washer/dryer combo machine, the machines fault really).

It's incredibly disrespectful to me and my other flatmates. Additionally, I pay a large weekly price to live with a certain number of people, not an addition to that number. I appreciate that people have boyfriends/girlfriends. I have mine over a couple of nights a week. However, she cleans up after herself as she knows I get annoyed, and she also likes clean living spaces anyway.

My question is, what should I do? I don't want to speak to my flatmate about it as there is already tension. I shouldn't have to either. Do I have any legal ground?

My contract states that, "[...] to not take in any Lodger, paying guest or any other person without the consent of the landlord".

Is there any grounds the HMO covers which are being breached? I couldn't find anything.

Just to give some rough context, I won't just snitch on my mate straight away. However, there needs to be a bit of a change. If there were legal grounds to fight the issue, I would speak to him in person first, asking him and his girlfriend just to be a bit more respectful in our shared space. Examples would be, cleaning the bathroom occasionally, not leaving her stuff around the flat, using the washing machine outside of regular times (i.e. the weekend) that we use the machine. I can handle a girl being there all the time, but that won't stop me from talking about guy things, which can sometimes upset certain women. I've already done that multiple times already, thus the above 'tension'.
So,
Yes technically im pretty sure he has breached his agreement about having a lodger.

What should you do? TBH I would ask for a word one-to-one with your flatmate, tell him you feel uncomfortable about the bathroom mess & the situation with washer/dryer. Ask him to please ensure his GF respects the other flatmates.

I would think if he has any respect for you and your flat he will sort it out.
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ThePhoenixLament
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Reading this I felt like it could have been written by one of my housemates! Except the GF in question isn't a student and has moved herself and all her stuff in. House is beyond a tip! So I'm here for the advice too.
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pon1de2replay3
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id say say something shes being really disrespectful
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Shaun_C
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(Original post by 999tigger)
You either stand up to them or you dont. Not sure what it is you expect the law to be doing?
Our contract is very ambiguous to the matter in discussion. All landlords accept HMO legislation.

I'm just not sure how the HMO defines other people staying in student accommodation when it is not there room (i.e. lodger).
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999tigger
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(Original post by Shaun_C)
Our contract is very ambiguous to the matter in discussion. All landlords accept HMO legislation.

I'm just not sure how the HMO defines other people staying in student accommodation when it is not there room (i.e. lodger).
It doesnt.

How many other flatmates are there?

He looks to be in breach of the tenancy agreement but it all ends up in the same place on the one hand you seem unable to talk to him, but on here you look for legal redress? How do you think he will react when you say youve made a complaint to the LL and that he is in breach of the agreement? At some stage you are still going to have to talk to him.
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Pinkisk
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This is so weird.

I've lived in five dorms on two courses. All the guys were exceptionally clean and respectful. All the girls without one single exception were really messy and dirty, but thankfully all with the exception of one were polite. i say its weird because we live in a society that often tells us that its guys that are messy and girls that are clean. My experience has been the complete opposite.

The most disgusting person I have ever had the misfortune of sharing accommodation with was this girl that used to cut her toe nails on the dining table and leave the nails for us to clean up after her. She used to leave her used tampons strewn all over the place in the bathroom, flood the shower every time she used it, defecate and urinate all over the place whenever she got drunk. She would steal tissue paper, the square rough kind, from the uni cafeteria and stack it on the toilet paper holder...and I think use it as toilet paper...she used to steal our stuff too, so we wound up taking everything out of the bathroom and kitchen back with us to our rooms...She never bought soap when we did that. I assume she never washed her hands after going to the loo. It was a nightmare living with her. She was really tall, fat and a proper feminazi. She constantly attacked and bullied people on our floor. Every guy that challenged her was a "sexist" and every girl that didn't like her was a "fascist". We reported her to the the uni three or four times and every time we did she got worse. I was afraid of challenging her in person. So I just kind of accepted the torture for 6 months until we left the accommodation.
Last edited by Pinkisk; 1 month ago
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Shaun_C
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(Original post by 999tigger)
It doesnt.

How many other flatmates are there?

He looks to be in breach of the tenancy agreement but it all ends up in the same place on the one hand you seem unable to talk to him, but on here you look for legal redress? How do you think he will react when you say youve made a complaint to the LL and that he is in breach of the agreement? At some stage you are still going to have to talk to him.
I guess you are right. Thanks for your help.

Flat of 6.
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999tigger
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(Original post by Shaun_C)
I guess you are right. Thanks for your help.

Flat of 6.
And how many of the others have the same view as you of her presence (ignore bathroom) plus how do you know it was her and not one of the other flatmates?

You can tell the LL but he will know its you .
You can offer to go ensuite and he pays less or you let him have bathroom and he pays more.
You need backup of other flatmates.
The washing I would let go for one cycle and otherwise remove plus tell him its not fair the flatmates have to wait for her to do washing, plus she should clean up.

Will this person take you seriously? Saying something to flatmate is illegal or you are taking him to court unless you are full prepared to do so will make you look silly. Tell the LL by all means or have an informal convo. At some stage you need to face up to him and be prepared for all outcomes.
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doodle_333
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First thing you need to do is find out who else agrees with you and decide what you want to change.

Then go to your flatmate with your list of demands eg cleaning expectations, her paying a contribution to bills and when she can use shared appliances. She isn't allowed to live there so if she's gonna do it she needs to be considerate or you can report them to the landlord.
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Mr Aitch
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The key question here is: is your momentary disquiet at shopping her to your Landlord going to be outweighed by a less stressful future in the flat, sans the freeloading bint? :cool:

A
Last edited by Mr Aitch; 1 month ago
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