Is it bad I lied about my sexual history? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
I am a 24yr old virgin, and some people at work are always questioning what type of guy i like, idk down to the details but i like what i like tbh and know it when i see it. But a few have asked me if i was a virgin and I lied and said no, i feel like i'm not being honest about myself but at the end of the day i don't want them to gossip around at work, so everyone knows and paints this frigid, innocent, unexperienced picture of me... it just hasn't happened that's it. I have just always been associated with guys who just want sex and i just want someone to like me for me or interested to get to know me before i have sex with them. it's just how it is at the moment, thing is i still like this guy at work and he's the one who asked me and i lied but i feel like he views me as a sister so i don't think it's a problem, but i feel like i lied because i'm embarassed and ashamed and the simple fact that i don't want people making assumptions of me when they don't know me. fml really.
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YaliaV
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They shouldn’t really be asking questions like that in the first place.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by YaliaV)
They shouldn’t really be asking questions like that in the first place.
idk but everyones pretty much my age group so they are comfortable i guess
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ساره
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You can tell them next time that you don’t want to say it if it’s brought up idk
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ساره)
You can tell them next time that you don’t want to say it if it’s brought up idk
yeah but then that's obvious, i'm just saying that was lying the wrong thing to do
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I am a 24yr old virgin, and some people at work are always questioning what type of guy i like, idk down to the details but i like what i like tbh and know it when i see it. But a few have asked me if i was a virgin and I lied and said no, i feel like i'm not being honest about myself but at the end of the day i don't want them to gossip around at work, so everyone knows and paints this frigid, innocent, unexperienced picture of me... it just hasn't happened that's it. I have just always been associated with guys who just want sex and i just want someone to like me for me or interested to get to know me before i have sex with them. it's just how it is at the moment, thing is i still like this guy at work and he's the one who asked me and i lied but i feel like he views me as a sister so i don't think it's a problem, but i feel like i lied because i'm embarassed and ashamed and the simple fact that i don't want people making assumptions of me when they don't know me. fml really.
Rule #1 for me in anything is to never lie no matter what. You can hide the truth, by all means go ahead but lying causes a dissonance between you and reality. Not only is this is bad for your mental health but it also casts self-doubt over the authenticity of your moral fabrics. I think if you weren't blindsided by the insecurity of looking innocent and unexperienced that you would've opened a cognitive possibility for you to use humour or wit in order to manoeuvre your way around the question. And it is bad that you lied specifically to the guy you like!

Never be ashamed by anything that pertains to you and the values/principles that you live by. No matter what they are or how generally socially awkward in the typical sense they may seem.
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ساره
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Rule #1 for me in anything is to never lie no matter what. You can hide the truth, by all means go ahead but lying causes a dissonance between you and reality. Not only is this is bad for your mental health but it also casts self-doubt over the authenticity of your moral fabrics. I think if you weren't blindsided by the insecurity of looking innocent and unexperienced that you would've opened a cognitive possibility for you to use humour or wit in order to manoeuvre your way around the question. And it is bad that you lied specifically to the guy you like!

Never be ashamed by anything that pertains to you and the values/principles that you live by. No matter what they are or how generally socially awkward in the typical sense they may seem.
I agree with this
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Rule #1 for me in anything is to never lie no matter what. You can hide the truth, by all means go ahead but lying causes a dissonance between you and reality. Not only is this is bad for your mental health but it also casts self-doubt over the authenticity of your moral fabrics. I think if you weren't blindsided by the insecurity of looking innocent and unexperienced that you would've opened a cognitive possibility for you to use humour or wit in order to manoeuvre your way around the question. And it is bad that you lied specifically to the guy you like!

Never be ashamed by anything that pertains to you and the values/principles that you live by. No matter what they are or how generally socially awkward in the typical sense they may seem.
tbh i change my mind, i don't think it's bad I lied, if anything ever happened which it won't i'd just say the gossip in this workplace circulates (which is true) and sometimes when you reveal things about yourself, people can twist and turn it (which they have before). Honestly it's private to me and if i were to get intimate with anyone at work i'd be honest and explain why i never told the truth.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
tbh i change my mind, i don't think it's bad I lied, if anything ever happened which it won't i'd just say the gossip in this workplace circulates (which is true) and sometimes when you reveal things about yourself, people can twist and turn it (which they have before). Honestly it's private to me and if i were to get intimate with anyone at work i'd be honest and explain why i never told the truth.
So you're planning to cover up a lie with another lie and create a web of lies basically. There are other methods to deal with this, I think you chose the easiest and most unethical one.
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ساره
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(Original post by Anonymous)
tbh i change my mind, i don't think it's bad I lied, if anything ever happened which it won't i'd just say the gossip in this workplace circulates (which is true) and sometimes when you reveal things about yourself, people can twist and turn it (which they have before). Honestly it's private to me and if i were to get intimate with anyone at work i'd be honest and explain why i never told the truth.
Instead of telling a Lie you can just keep on deflecting their questions so that they get the hint. Personally I would do that.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So you're planning to cover up a lie with another lie and create a web of lies basically. There are other methods to deal with this, I think you chose the easiest and most unethical one.
what other lie??? Theres been drama at work where a guy lied about sleeping with someone at work and it's not true and it's a he said she said and i don't want that happening to me. nothing unethichal not telling people i work with i'm a virgin,, feels like you're actually forcing me to tell everyone.
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Anonymous #1
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i'm not telling people i'm not, just when he asked, i panicked.
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Anonymous #3
#13
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I am a 24yr old virgin, and some people at work are always questioning what type of guy i like, idk down to the details but i like what i like tbh and know it when i see it. But a few have asked me if i was a virgin and I lied and said no, i feel like i'm not being honest about myself but at the end of the day i don't want them to gossip around at work, so everyone knows and paints this frigid, innocent, unexperienced picture of me... it just hasn't happened that's it. I have just always been associated with guys who just want sex and i just want someone to like me for me or interested to get to know me before i have sex with them. it's just how it is at the moment, thing is i still like this guy at work and he's the one who asked me and i lied but i feel like he views me as a sister so i don't think it's a problem, but i feel like i lied because i'm embarassed and ashamed and the simple fact that i don't want people making assumptions of me when they don't know me. fml really.
I am a 24 year old guy and would personally like it if we were getting to know each other and found out you were a virgin, I would find it kind of attractive.

Would definitely make me want to get to know you better! You sound really different anyway, which is really cool. I like the sound of your personality x
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I am a 24 year old guy and would personally like it if we were getting to know each other and found out you were a virgin, I would find it kind of attractive.

Would definitely make me want to get to know you better! You sound really different anyway, which is really cool. I like the sound of your personality x
i appreciate you saying that but now i feel like i should just die in a hole, like i'm ashamed to be a virgin at this age and i'm i can't hack being gossiped about at work or being asked why or people leaving me out of conversations because i haven't. Honestly idk why it hasn't happened for me, maybe there's something wrong with me and i don't want to open up to people at work because they say horrible things and i just feel soo alone in my head and just physically alone. I'm sorry for even bothering writing on here, it was a mistake i feel like ****.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
what other lie??? Theres been drama at work where a guy lied about sleeping with someone at work and it's not true and it's a he said she said and i don't want that happening to me. nothing unethichal not telling people i work with i'm a virgin,, feels like you're actually forcing me to tell everyone.
It’s fine you seem like you have a knack for the dramatic flare and overthinking. I’m not forcing you, I just prefer honesty in all situations.

There are ZERO problems with being a virgin, to each his own. I honestly think that you should ZERO care about being alone and introspective. When you lose your virginity it will be to someone who you actually have a connection with and it will be 100x better and worth it. You just have to wait for your time to come.

But, regardless of that, all in all, life is not a movie, it’s a serious journey and I don’t think you should ever lie but you can actually tell people straight up that you think their questions are invasive to your privacy instead of lying and beating around the bush and then regretting it and feeling like sh**. I understand that you panicked but perhaps the switch for ‘lying’ in order to get out of the situation for you is too easy to flick! I am not one to judge you but I’m talking out of personal experience, when I took to honesty as a life rule everything around me changed and I became much happier. There’s a certain guilt that comes after lying and manipulation which feels nasty...
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Apachecow
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#16
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In this situation I think you were 100% right to lie. None of their business and by being honest it would just become a 'thing'.

The advice above is good if you are getting into a relationship with a person, but not in this context. It's not as black and white in real life (with a partner I would also suggest honesty).
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i appreciate you saying that but now i feel like i should just die in a hole, like i'm ashamed to be a virgin at this age and i'm i can't hack being gossiped about at work or being asked why or people leaving me out of conversations because i haven't. Honestly idk why it hasn't happened for me, maybe there's something wrong with me and i don't want to open up to people at work because they say horrible things and i just feel soo alone in my head and just physically alone. I'm sorry for even bothering writing on here, it was a mistake i feel like ****.
PM me @HumblyBumbly - you shouldn't feel like that at all! Don't feel like ****! Wow that's crazy! You shouldn't just die in a hole or be ashamed! x
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Anonymous #1
#18
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It’s fine you seem like you have a knack for the dramatic flare and overthinking. I’m not forcing you, I just prefer honesty in all situations.

There are ZERO problems with being a virgin, to each his own. I honestly think that you should ZERO care about being alone and introspective. When you lose your virginity it will be to someone who you actually have a connection with and it will be 100x better and worth it. You just have to wait for your time to come.

But, regardless of that, all in all, life is not a movie, it’s a serious journey and I don’t think you should ever lie but you can actually tell people straight up that you think their questions are invasive to your privacy instead of lying and beating around the bush and then regretting it and feeling like sh**. I understand that you panicked but perhaps the switch for ‘lying’ in order to get out of the situation for you is too easy to flick! I am not one to judge you but I’m talking out of personal experience, when I took to honesty as a life rule everything around me changed and I became much happier. There’s a certain guilt that comes after lying and manipulation which feels nasty...
I'm not manipulating anyone, that's a bit of a stretch, I was caught of guard with the question, thought fast about the consequence of being honest and just said no because I didn't want everyone knowing, especially others at the table listening when he asked and for it to be thing at work of discussion, had i had said mind your business it'd would have been out of character and then clearly having something to hide. I don't see how i'm being "unethical", as I just lied to keep something personal to myself. I'm not in a relationship with him and I don't think I ever will be, but if it ever came to that i'd be honest. I'm glad that taking to honesty about everything worked for you but for me protecting my personal business and for just wanting a peace of mind at work whilst i work is just the rash decision i made.

I know you said you're not judging but your whole response was judgemental, instead of perhaps thinking why I did say no and this was more of a case of deciding to share something personal with a work friend and risk being the topic of gossip for weeks or be defensive towards them and look like i have something to hide and hurt their feelings in the process. I said no and the topic ended then.

yes maybe i have a knack for the dramatic flare and yes i definetely overthink but it doesn't mean that there's no truth to what i'm saying about my feelings, you don't have to be rude about it by mentioning that. I think your response was just based on your own personal experiences and your outlook now but not based on this situation.
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londonmyst
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No.
It's bad that a coworker was bad mannered and unprofessional enough to ask you such a question in the first place.
I hope no guys you have to work alongside have asked you during working hours with the cctv recording plus customers and other staff members watching.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm not manipulating anyone, that's a bit of a stretch, I was caught of guard with the question, thought fast about the consequence of being honest and just said no because I didn't want everyone knowing, especially others at the table listening when he asked and for it to be thing at work of discussion, had i had said mind your business it'd would have been out of character and then clearly having something to hide. I don't see how i'm being "unethical", as I just lied to keep something personal to myself. I'm not in a relationship with him and I don't think I ever will be, but if it ever came to that i'd be honest. I'm glad that taking to honesty about everything worked for you but for me protecting my personal business and for just wanting a peace of mind at work whilst i work is just the rash decision i made.

I know you said you're not judging but your whole response was judgemental, instead of perhaps thinking why I did say no and this was more of a case of deciding to share something personal with a work friend and risk being the topic of gossip for weeks or be defensive towards them and look like i have something to hide and hurt their feelings in the process. I said no and the topic ended then.

yes maybe i have a knack for the dramatic flare and yes i definetely overthink but it doesn't mean that there's no truth to what i'm saying about my feelings, you don't have to be rude about it by mentioning that. I think your response was just based on your own personal experiences and your outlook now but not based on this situation.
I agree with you - you didn't do anything unethical and I don't think anyone should judge you. Whoever wrote that is just plain rude.
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