The Student Room Group
Uni students - Complete our survey >>
Uni students - Complete our survey >>
Uni students - Complete our survey >>

Slept with flat mate

I go to university and have got in a really bad situation where Ive slept with a flat mate multiple times over a couple months only thing is she has a bf so of course this whole situation is really quite toxic and wrong. It mainly seems to happen after drinking however I actually like the person and she says that she is going to break up with him but the thing is she has been saying that for a while now. She says it's going to Finnished very soon but do I really wana go down that road or should I protect my heart before things get worse. I feel quite lost with everything and I feel like the longer this goes in the worse effect it will have on general mental health. Really want some advice because I honestly can't believe any of this has happened and quite frankly don't know if I like this girl enough given if someone did the same to me it would break me apart. Advice would be great thanks. Also side note things are not really awkward between us or the flat and we actually get on really well I just can't tell if I'm in a spiral which leads to some really bad crap

Scroll to see replies

Original post by Anonymous
I go to university and have got in a really bad situation where Ive slept with a flat mate multiple times over a couple months only thing is she has a bf so of course this whole situation is really quite toxic and wrong. It mainly seems to happen after drinking however I actually like the person and she says that she is going to break up with him but the thing is she has been saying that for a while now. She says it's going to Finnished very soon but do I really wana go down that road or should I protect my heart before things get worse. I feel quite lost with everything and I feel like the longer this goes in the worse effect it will have on general mental health. Really want some advice because I honestly can't believe any of this has happened and quite frankly don't know if I like this girl enough given if someone did the same to me it would break me apart. Advice would be great thanks. Also side note things are not really awkward between us or the flat and we actually get on really well I just can't tell if I'm in a spiral which leads to some really bad crap


Put yourself in the boyfriends shoes, how would you feel if this was happening to you. Stop sleeping with her, she's clearly not gonna break up wth her boyfriend, to be honest he is the one I feel sorry for in this.
Reply 2
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by Rock Fan
Put yourself in the boyfriends shoes, how would you feel if this was happening to you. Stop sleeping with her, she's clearly not gonna break up wth her boyfriend, to be honest he is the one I feel sorry for in this.

I mean 100% he has it worse and I hate myself for letting it happen I just don't know what to do, I mean yeah I have to I'm just and idiot drunk and so is she
Original post by Anonymous
I mean 100% he has it worse and I hate myself for letting it happen I just don't know what to do, I mean yeah I have to I'm just and idiot drunk and so is she


Stay away from her, drink is no excuse
Stop blaming alcohol for your own bad choices. Why do you want to start a relationship with her? She clearly can’t be trusted and she would probably end up cheating on you. She’s not going to leave her boyfriend anyway. End it and find someone else.
(edited 4 years ago)
Reply 5
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
I feel like I knew this I just can't talk to anyone about it so Thanks for telling me , probably the worse thing I've ever done I just need to accept I've been living with my head in the ****ing clouds, hopefully I can sort my life out and move on from everything
just pray that her bf isn't bigger than you and isn't a hothead otherwise you're f*cked
Reply 7
Avatar for mgi
mgi
20
Original post by Ray_Shadows
just pray that her bf isn't bigger than you and isn't a hothead otherwise you're f*cked

she clearly hasn't told her bf and also she decided to f. k someone else. So the bf should be more upset with her than him!
Original post by Anonymous
I mean 100% he has it worse and I hate myself for letting it happen I just don't know what to do, I mean yeah I have to I'm just and idiot drunk and so is she


It's understandable that you allow it to happen when you're drunk, wrong but understandable.

But for her to do it? not understandable at all and you don't want a girl with bad morals
If she can break his heart, she can break yours.
Original post by Anonymous
I go to university and have got in a really bad situation where Ive slept with a flat mate multiple times over a couple months only thing is she has a bf so of course this whole situation is really quite toxic and wrong. It mainly seems to happen after drinking however I actually like the person and she says that she is going to break up with him but the thing is she has been saying that for a while now. She says it's going to Finnished very soon but do I really wana go down that road or should I protect my heart before things get worse. I feel quite lost with everything and I feel like the longer this goes in the worse effect it will have on general mental health. Really want some advice because I honestly can't believe any of this has happened and quite frankly don't know if I like this girl enough given if someone did the same to me it would break me apart. Advice would be great thanks. Also side note things are not really awkward between us or the flat and we actually get on really well I just can't tell if I'm in a spiral which leads to some really bad crap


If they do it with you, they will do it to you. There is no guarantee that she will not cheat on you in the future if its a thing that she is doing to her current boyfriend. I would just stay away from that girl if I were you.
Reply 11
Avatar for mgi
mgi
20
Original post by Anonymous
If they do it with you, they will do it to you. There is no guarantee that she will not cheat on you in the future if its a thing that she is doing to her current boyfriend. I would just stay away from that girl if I were you.

There is no guarantee that the love of your life would not cheat on you either! Life does not have those sort of certainties.
Original post by mgi
There is no guarantee that the love of your life would not cheat on you either! Life does not have those sort of certainties.

True but you can reduce the risk by not getting emotionally invested in someone you already know to be a cheater
Get out of the flat if you can and move somewhere else if you can. This girl is toxic and knows exactly what she is doing, but apparently has no remorse about it. Do you want such a girl in your life? And even if you became her boyfriend, you would always be looking over your shoulder, wondering if she is cheating on you. Plus have you thought about STDs? Who knows she may even be sleeping with other men besides you two.
If she cheats with you she'll cheat on you, simple.
Reply 15
Avatar for mgi
mgi
20
Original post by WoodlandSorcerer
If she cheats with you she'll cheat on you, simple.

this is not a logical inevitability!
Original post by mgi
this is not a logical inevitability!

I'd say it's a strong possibility. I don't see why anyone would get into a relationship (presumably hoping for it to be long-term) with someone who they know is a cheater..?
Reply 17
Avatar for mgi
mgi
20
Original post by WoodlandSorcerer
I'd say it's a strong possibility. I don't see why anyone would get into a relationship (presumably hoping for it to be long-term) with someone who they know is a cheater..?

Ok. Well i can see why! They find the person extremely attractive in a variety of ways including sexually and don't care about their faults!
And why do wives stay with partners who are also known and admitted to have cheaters? Why do some girls stay with psycholigically or physical abusive guys? Why are some girls attracted to 'bad boys'? Why do some people just want sex and don't care how much you cheat as long as protection is used?
Not everything is simple!
Original post by mgi
Ok. Well i can see why! They find the person extremely attractive in a variety of ways including sexually and don't care about their faults!
And why do wives stay with partners who are also known and admitted to have cheaters? Why do some girls stay with psycholigically or physical abusive guys? Why are some girls attracted to 'bad boys'? Why do some people just want sex and don't care how much you cheat as long as protection is used?
Not everything is simple!

I was talking about a relationship, not just sex. Very few people would be fine with their partner cheating.
Original post by Anonymous
I go to university and have got in a really bad situation where Ive slept with a flat mate multiple times over a couple months only thing is she has a bf so of course this whole situation is really quite toxic and wrong. It mainly seems to happen after drinking however I actually like the person and she says that she is going to break up with him but the thing is she has been saying that for a while now. She says it's going to Finnished very soon but do I really wana go down that road or should I protect my heart before things get worse. I feel quite lost with everything and I feel like the longer this goes in the worse effect it will have on general mental health. Really want some advice because I honestly can't believe any of this has happened and quite frankly don't know if I like this girl enough given if someone did the same to me it would break me apart. Advice would be great thanks. Also side note things are not really awkward between us or the flat and we actually get on really well I just can't tell if I'm in a spiral which leads to some really bad crap


Like I mean the only advice I can give you, is to do whatever you think is best for you. no matter how many people tell you on the internet its a bad thing to do, if you want to keep doing it you will.

I would say to leave it go, if she wanted to be with you then she would be. she is literally having her cake and eating it too.

get on tinder, move on, show her what she's missing

i hope in some ways this helps x

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you