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When should you "get over" someones death? watch

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    It is 2 years next sunday since my best friend died. I was very close to her, and i was there when she died because she wanted me to be. Mine and her families wer all very close and it was a massive shock when she died. She had cancer and had been suffering for a year, i had been there everyday and whenever i wasnt around she would ask for me. I didnt deal with her death very well, i was diagnosed with severe depression and suffered for a long time.

    I just wonder when people think you should learn to live with this?

    Is it right after all this time that i still struggle with her death?
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    Takes as long as it takes. Completely different in every situation. 2 years is no time at all really.

    Oh, and "getting over" is different to "learning to live with". You should never do the former.
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    Hi OP.

    First thing I can say is sorry to hear about your friend.

    The answer to your question would be, in my opinion, that you'll never fully get over your friends death, especially when you were there everyday for her. You sound as if you were close to your friend, and that the tragedy of her death hit you badly. It's best to remember her in happy times rather than sad, and try to think positive. Next Sunday will be a big day for you no doubt... remember TSR is here for you and feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat
    .
    Jaydoh
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    Think about them a little every day and all the great times you had with them and never forget them, but accept that they are gone. It takes everyone a different amount of time to be able to do this, I don't think I could specify a time.
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    There's no "should" in something like this.
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    Sillyfencer's right, you're not going to get over it. You'll just learn to live with it.

    Try not to focus on it much, go out with new friends, when you do have to think about her just think about the happy times and be grateful you knew her at all, don't focus on having lost her.
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    To the OP:

    I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. A death is never easy to get over, and there is no correct time that it should take to come to terms with it. Like Jaydoh said, remember you're friend for the happy times you shared together.

    I know it's corny to say but your friend would want you to be happy. You watched her suffer, and she was released of that pain. Now its time to release yourself of yours. By no means forget her, but live your life not just for you, but for her as well.

    All the best

    xx
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    There's no set time for it, healing in these situations is unfortunately a lengthy process.

    I'm sorry for your loss.
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    Like someone's already said, there is no way, a "should" in all this. You're entitled to however long you need and to do it in whatever way's best.

    I think it's really important to try and go about it positively though, in part.
    My best friend lost his Dad 2 years ago, and he's still as fragile now as the day it happened. However, we started to encourage him to write something down every now and then, or whenever he was most upset; a memory of his Dad, anything at all really, whistling when he came down the stairs even. Now, he has a box under his bed, where all those great things, all that love is stored.

    I know that's slightly digressing, but my point is, you're reminding yourself that you're not forgetting them at all, but letting them be a part of your everyday life in the most positive and realistic way that you can, thus accepting it a little more. Small things like that work wonders. Maybe you should try it?

    Anyway, I really hope things look up for you, all the best.

    Becca <3.
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    There's no time, grief can take as long as it does for every person, that's what i was told.
    Bet u miss them </3
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    (Original post by colourwhite)
    Is it right after all this time that i still struggle with her death?
    Of course it is.

    I'm sorry you had to go throught that :hugs:
    Do you have people close to you that you can talk to about it all?
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    not at all, a best friend must be unbelievably hard to deal with and therefore you can take as long as you want.
    just try to stop thinkin about it as much, no doubt it will probably creep into your mind for a long time, but as long as it is no longer getting you down and changing your personality then you are over it. =)
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    (Original post by colourwhite)
    It is 2 years next sunday since my best friend died. I was very close to her, and i was there when she died because she wanted me to be. Mine and her families wer all very close and it was a massive shock when she died. She had cancer and had been suffering for a year, i had been there everyday and whenever i wasnt around she would ask for me. I didnt deal with her death very well, i was diagnosed with severe depression and suffered for a long time.

    I just wonder when people think you should learn to live with this?

    Is it right after all this time that i still struggle with her death?
    Hey, I'm sorry to hear about this , you must have been through so much. I'm 16 and to date I have lost 6 people in my life. My mom, my nana (my mom's mom), my friend, my uncle Rob, my uncle K and a distant cousin. It's not wrong to stll struggle with their death sometimes I cry about good times and what might have been at night. Usually that's when something in my life isn't going well.
    But if you can't stop thinking about it and it's becoming almost an identity to you , you really need to get some proffesional help. But in my opinion you are the only person who can make you learn to live with something like this.

    I really hope that you start feeling better soon, my thoughts are definitely with you.
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    I'm sorry to hear about your friend. There is no set amount of time it takes to get over someone, I believe that you should give it time, and one day you will look back at the times you had with happiness. Your family and friends will help you through it and if you feel you need to let out emotions, then let them out. Also, it is perfectly normal to still struggle with your friend's death - I don't think you should feel like you are dwelling on the past or anything like that. Don't worry, time heals, however long it takes, it will come when it comes =).
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    When it is someone so close then I don;t think there is a set time - I imagien you will be thinking of your friend for eyars to come

    At the end of the day life goes on so you shoudl try and move on best you can and not dwell on it too much.
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    But back to your question - one of my brother's very good friends died suddenly last year, and he still hasn't "got over it", nor will he ever. It's a very different situation to yours because the friend wasn't ill, she just.... died, but to lose someone so young when you're so young yourself really throws your life off kilter. I suppose all I wanted to say was that you'll probably never "get over it", but the more time progresses, the pain becomes less sharp. There's nothing wrong with having grief inside you and expressing it, no matter how many days, weeks, months, years after the event. I hope you have lots of wonderful memories of your friend, and that you hold onto them forever
    xx
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    I dont suppose you ever 'get over' something like that, saying get over makes it seem like you should forget they ever existed and move on. I think some people tend to think that if its a family member who's died then you have the right to grieve for as long as it takes, but when its a friend they expect you to get over it in a few months. But seeing as she was your best friend she was probably like family! Do you still keep in touch with her family? You ought to ask them how they're coping. It shouldnt be awkward to discuss a death so you should chat with her family or mutual friends about happy times with her.
    Also, I think theres only a problem if that after all this time you cant actually function normally and it effects other areas of your life. You should maybe try and get some counselling of some sort, it cant hurt.
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    (Original post by colourwhite)
    It is 2 years next sunday since my best friend died. I was very close to her, and i was there when she died because she wanted me to be. Mine and her families wer all very close and it was a massive shock when she died. She had cancer and had been suffering for a year, i had been there everyday and whenever i wasnt around she would ask for me. I didnt deal with her death very well, i was diagnosed with severe depression and suffered for a long time.

    I just wonder when people think you should learn to live with this?

    Is it right after all this time that i still struggle with her death?
    Sorry to hear what you've gone through, and I can assure you there's no set time. :hugs:
    I've lived through my best friend's death and my father's death - when someone dies it always deeply impacts the people close to them. I won't say I know what you're going through because I don't, it's different for everyone. But I will say that it does get easier with time and there does come a time when you will have to come to terms with what happened. You can't force yourself to be ok with it if you aren't ready though, it doesn't work like that. :no: But you will get there eventually, honestly.
    The death of someone you love isn't something you get over, it's something you get through. Don't give up, you'll get there.
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    (Original post by colourwhite)
    It is 2 years next sunday since my best friend died. I was very close to her, and i was there when she died because she wanted me to be. Mine and her families wer all very close and it was a massive shock when she died. She had cancer and had been suffering for a year, i had been there everyday and whenever i wasnt around she would ask for me. I didnt deal with her death very well, i was diagnosed with severe depression and suffered for a long time.

    I just wonder when people think you should learn to live with this?

    Is it right after all this time that i still struggle with her death?
    Im so sorry for your loss. I am currently trying to live with the death of my uncle, died one year ago on the 12th june from a heart attack in work. Im finding it so difficult to live with. I cant imagine that in a years time it will be that much easier.
    You should learn to live with this in the time frame which is right for you. I have learned to live with my uncles death for the majority of the time but sometimes it still destroys me completly. There is no right or wrong time for it to take to grieve and it is a huge loss. If you want to talk to someone who is going through this as as well then please feel free to PM me.
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    (Original post by colourwhite)

    I just wonder when people think you should learn to live with this?

    Is it right after all this time that i still struggle with her death?
    Its been 12 years since my first cousins death and 11 and 1/2 since my other cousins death. I was particularly close to the second cousin as he was around my age and he was only 4 when he died. I still havent got over his death and I think about him evry day. It will get easier over time, but obviously you'll never forget your friend x
 
 
 
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