Am I right to be so cross?

Ok. heres the situation.

Today (and I really don't think my partner realises) is our anniversary. 2 and a half years.

In secret, I had planned a picnic to our local park. I've spent a fair bit of money on food, wine etc.

Now, about a month ago we discover that partner's brother is home from his high-flying American life, and the family want to get together for golf/BBQ for today.

Trying not to raise too much panic in myself, I build around the conversation and ask partner, "So what time do you think you'll be home?"
"Oh, about half 7. Golf in the morning, a lunchtime BBQ and a chill out afternoon."

Relief washes over me; I can still put my plans into place. So I do.

Now we go over for a chat with his family (as we often do) and the subject comes up again - We're now about a week away.) Once again, plans are confirmed the way I understand them. The course is booked for 9:30 for 9 holes; Home by 12:30-ish, BBQ about 1 and home (here) for about 7:30.

Now, partner calls me two days before to say that BBQ has changed to mid-afternoon to allow the other brother's girlfriend to attend, so he'll be home about 8:30. Mild panic, but it's still doable. By this point, almost everything is brought.

I came home from work, with the rest of the food today, and rang him as a friendly 'chat'. Turns out he won't be home till about 9:30 - After Top Gear. Understandably (I hope), I'm pretty cross at this point. There's no way now my plans can be put in place.

Now, he's just text me to say that he's staying at his parents tonight because he doesn't want to leave his family. I am fuming. Not only are all my plans ruined (oh good, now I'm crying), but I can't even spend part of this day with my partner because he left at 8am before I was up (without even waking me). And, he seems to be TOTALLY oblivious.

Do I have a right to be this ****ing cross with him?! GRAH.

Reply 1

Mr. Mortell

11

Does he know you celebrate "half" year anniversarys? I wouldn't consider that "normal".

Also, his brother lives in America? So how often does he get to see him?

Reply 2

Ethereal

19

How is it an annivesary if there is a half year involved? By definition, annivesaries are every YEAR on a specific date.

Reply 3

GodspeedGehenna

3

So your pissed at your boyfriend for missing the plans that you have made in secret? Do you expect him to be psychic?

It's a "half" anniversary anyway, who celebrates a half year?

Reply 4

VengefulSpoon

You'd have a right to be cross, if you actually reminded him that it was your extremely specific anniversary. Maybe rounder ones such as 2,3 years. But this really isn't something most people would try to remember. Just relax, and when he gets home, surprise him with the picnic.

Reply 5

3105

It's two and a half years which is quite a random place to celebrate an anniversary. I'm not surprised he didn't acknowledge it, and I don't think you have any right to be angry with him.

Reply 6

Spotty Dog

OP

15

Mr. Mortell

Does he know you celebrate "half" year anniversarys? I wouldn't consider that "normal".

we celebrate every 6 months, and have done for the last two and a half years, with something special and do -something- on almost every anniversary - So far we've only missed one because I was in hospital.

Reply 7

AlexanderGPM

I can understand why you would be angry with him. However, I think that you should have told him that you had something lined up for him so, even if he had many family commitments, he could have said that I am not available on X day at Y o'clock. Despite this, I really do feel for you. I thought your boyfriend was perhaps a bit tactless, but he could never have known if you didn't drop a hint or something. I'm not blaming you or anything, it's just I don't feel it is right getting very angry at him, considering he was completely oblivious to the situation =(.

Reply 8

Howells

Aw dear

I would be really annoyed too, at the fact he forgot and the way that he's leaving you in the dark about his plans and constantly changing them.
It's difficult because it's a family situation though I suppose.
The only thing you can do is talk to him about - well, by talk, I mean shout at him for forgetting your anniversary! I would kill my girlfriend if she did that, though I know she never would ha :smile:

(Sorry that probably didn't help!)

Reply 9

Pheonixx

15

not really
points to think about
2.5 years is not a well known anniversary, its not normal year checkpoint anniversary
he didnt know you had made plans
he had a BBQ in the late afternoon and possibly drinking? ...meaning he wouldnt have been hungry if he had come home anyway
he let you know he wouldnt be home, come on! he didnt think anything special was happening and still let you know (to be expected for any decent man i know, but still.)
his brothers been away from home, possible for quite a while? you can understand wanting to spend as much time as possible with him.

i can understand why you're angry...yes you do have a reason but you cant really take you anger out of him.

Reply 10

Charlybob

10

Yeah don't really think there's any reason to be annoyed at him. Obviously it's going to be annoying, but it's not his fault.

Yeah most people do something on the first six month, and possibly 18 month, but I don't think I've heard of anyone doing anything at 30 months.

If you'd told him you had something you wanted to do, then yeah you'd have reason to be pissed, but you didn't, it was secret, so he didn't really any reason to think anything of the day.

Reply 11

Absurd

16

I can understand why you're angry, but I think you're overreacting. Had you told him your secret plans or even hinted that you had 'anniversary' plans for the evening, I'm certain the outcome would've been quite different.

Reply 12

Talya

16

Did you tell him you had something planned and it was important he was on time? Or was he unaware of your plans?

Reply 13

emilina

17

if you celebrate every six months, and you really do go and do something not just say happy aniversary, then yea i would say that you have a right to be angry

but tbh, he didnt know about what you planned. yea, i would be fuming too, but you can't really blame him when he didn't know about it, its not like he deliberately went out of his way to avoid going.

did you remind him at any point that it was your two and a half year anniv.?

Reply 14

Electric_Dreams

9

Perhaps you should have reminded him?

Reply 15

Ataloss

13

I agree with everyone else - celebrating 6 monthly anniversaries is a little bit OTT.

It therefore isn't surprising given that he had likely forgotten and that you hadn't reminded him that he spends the day with family whilst his brother is back from the USA.

The only reason I would have thought you might have had the right to be cross over was, given that you have been together for 2.5 years, - were you not invited to the family celebration?

Reply 16

Spotty Dog

OP

15

Pheonixx

not really
points to think about
2.5 years is not a well known anniversary, its not normal year checkpoint anniversary
he didnt know you had made plans
he had a BBQ in the late afternoon and possibly drinking? ...meaning he wouldnt have been hungry if he had come home anyway
he let you know he wouldnt be home, come on! he didnt think anything special was happening and still let you know (to be expected for any decent man i know, but still.)
his brothers been away from home, possible for quite a while? you can understand wanting to spend as much time as possible with him.

i can understand why you're angry...yes you do have a reason but you cant really take you anger out of him.

Thing is, is IS a normal 'checkpoint' for us - As I've said, we pace by 6 months, not years.

He doesn't normally drink (he's on medication), so he can't use that.

*sighs* I'm just more cross that I've had NO time with him today - I even asked if he could come and pick me up when I finished work so I could come over and see his family an stuff and I got a blunt 'no - I've got no fuel' (Even though he then offered me £10 fuel money if I drove over in my dads car - Which wasn't here at the time - to compensate - Why couldn't he just put the £10 in his car?!)

Reply 17

emilina

17

Ataloss

I agree with everyone else - celebrating 6 monthly anniversaries is a little bit OTT.

It therefore isn't surprising given that he had likely forgotten and that you hadn't reminded him that he spends the day with family whilst his brother is back from the USA.

The only reason I would have thought you might have had the right to be cross over was, given that you have been together for 2.5 years, - were you not invited to the family celebration?