I was horrible to my sister at a young age. How do I reconnect with her? Watch

Anonymous #1
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Me and my sister do not get along very well. We have loving parents who are/try to be actively involved in our lives and help us wherever they can. I, however, feel extremely guilty over how I treated my sister as a child and feel as if I have potentially ruined our relationship.

Some examples that spring to mind. One day I was crying for no reason at all, I was about 8 and felt extremely unhappy for some reason. My sister (who was perhaps four) comes into the room all concerned and runs off to get my mom. I told my mother that my sister had told me "I was the worst brother in the world". She got told off and cried.

The second time that springs to mind is at a shopping mall, she got lost and I saw her standing a wee while away looking flustered and confused. I didn't tell my mother who was next to me at the time. I just waited until my mom realized she wasn't there. My mom figured out what had happened and chastised me for it.

All of this happened while I was very young, under 13 years old. I, to this day feel absolutely awful as to how I treated her on those occasions. It is these specific isolated incidents that make me sick to my stomach. That being said I wasn't a bully, called her names or was nasty to her growing up. Most of the time we got on fairly well. It wasn't a hostile relationship.

As we grew older however in our teens there was definitely tension. We started to drift apart and did not have a brother/sister connection as most of my friends do. It was a very snappy and tense environment. If we were doing the dishes it would always be a competition to see who could make the other do the dirtier work kind of thing. We also argued over the PS3 and sometimes we ended up fighting. Either she kicks me in the balls or I hit her and she tells my parents. No matter what, she always ended up playing video games when I was either in agony or grounded. We rarely talked and if we did, we ended up arguing.

It was only when I got a girlfriend, and saw how well she got on with her brother that I started to realize how much I'd messed up. My girlfriend at the time and her brother were best friends, they talked all the time, laughed, had in jokes and all that. It made me realize how stagnant my relationship with my sister had become, and that it needed to be fixed. By this stage I was 18, with my sister being 3-4 years younger.

At this stage I attempted to be the older brother. I offered to help with small things of hers, I did the dishes without making it a competition, I let her play the PS3 without arguing, I asked her how her day was going and attempted to make conversation. This wasn't met with a great deal of success. She was still quite standoffish, disrespectful and dismissive. At times she could be outright rude. To me she acted as if she were a different person.

I talked to my parents about it. They knew I was trying to make an effort to get along with her and talked to her about being nicer but it didn't do too much good at the time.

I am now 22. Things are better between us, she is less standoffish and dismissive. There is still some tension every now and then but we do talk and still live in the same household. It is not hostile by any means but things are still not ideal and we are not close by any means. There is still that feeling of guilt that I completely ruined what could have been a wonderful bond by being such a nasty little child and breaking her trust at an early age.

I expect to be messaged by some people telling me what a nasty and spiteful person I am but please understand I was a child. That is not who I am now and I want to make amends.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to what steps I could take to salvage the situation or improve the relationship? Whether you have been in a similar situation or just have some solid advice it would be greatly appreciated. I think it's important that me and my sister have a better bond, both for my parents sake and my own.

tl;dr: Was a horrible brother to my sister as a child and broke her trust. Have attempted to reconnect over the past few years with low success, looking for advice on how to build that connection.
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gbwel00
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Well, I haven't been in this situation before but I got a few suggestions. so I read through your post and I see that you've attempted to reconnect, there isn't no more tension but she's still a little spiteful to you.

I'd say start with the small things like take her out, get her food, cinema etc. suggest to your parents that you have family diners or something like that where you can all talk about the situation and try to reconnect with your sister. The final thing ill say is to talk to her and ask how you can improve your relationship what you can do to change things.

I apologise if my advice doesn't work or if you have already tried these, if I find other ways to improve then i'll update you
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ANM775
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Stop dancing around the issue with your sister and address the big elephant in the room with her, which is you were a terrible brother when you were younger. I suggest you sit down, apologise and have a real conversation about it ...and make it clear you regret it and want to make things right.

I suspect things will probably improve somewhat with her after this............
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gbwel00
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(Original post by ANM775)
Stop dancing around the issue with your sister and address the big elephant in the room with her, which is you were a terrible brother when you were younger. I suggest you sit down, apologise and have a real conversation about it ...and make it clear you regret it and want to make things right.

I suspect things will probably improve somewhat with her after this............
your advice is better than mine aha
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ANM775
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(Original post by gbwel00)
your advice is better than mine aha
I thought Your advice was decent also, I'm sure OP appreciates it
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