Am I a loser with no self esteem? Watch

Anonymous #1
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I'm 24 and Jewish. Im half Israeli and half Italian. Graduated 2 years ago.

So here goes..

I joined a university where I was abused in my first year. I faced antisemitic slurs and had to file an official complaint.

After that incident, I understood that the university had a hostile environment towards Jewish students, particularly those with Israeli origins. They were extremely staunch supporters of boycott Israel, Israeli Apartheid, BDS, Palestine Society and the list goes on.

I was 19 when I joined and didnt want to be abused and lonely.

I decided to change my outlook and joined the university political scene, quickly getting into the group of the extreme left students with whom I'm still friends with.

My clique only listens to their point of view. Any disagreement and you are either not welcome, kicked out or a horrible person. They hate anyone who tries to give a 2 sided approach and believe in the 1 side approach only. And tbh, most are in it for popularity, importance and fame. All of them think they are very superior, very important and woke.

I quickly became very popular and was liked by all. People thought I was very attractive, progressive and "different" just like my clique.

I'm actually even dating 1 girl from my clique now and was previously in an FWB situation with another girl from this group.

I never stood up for my community tbh. Hide my roots or rarely talked about it. I never claimed I was half Israeli. I always claimed I'm from Italy.

People at the uni complained it was hard to be Jewish in the university and some Jewish students even complained to higher authorities.
A Jewish society who was having a weekly society meeting was harassed and the some students weren't letting them out of the room.

I just kept these to myself and acted like I didn't care much and stayed within this clique.

I said what my clique said. My own brother who was also at this university, left in his 2nd year because he didnt like the atmosphere.
He also didnt like my clique and is not friends with any of them.

An old friend of mine said they were extremely annoyed with my "fakeness" and called me a loser with no sense of maturity.
Now that I think of it , is it true? Am I really such a big loser? Should I leave this clique and discover my own identity? Or am I right?
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errrr99
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My clique only listens to their point of view. Any disagreement and you are either not welcome, kicked out or a horrible person. They hate anyone who tries to give a 2 sided approach and believe in the 1 side approach only. And tbh, most are in it for popularity, importance and fame. All of them think they are very superior, very important and woke.
...
An old friend of mine said they were extremely annoyed with my "fakeness" and called me a loser with no sense of maturity.
Now that I think of it , is it true? Am I really such a big loser? Should I leave this clique and discover my own identity? Or am I right?
is this a clique or a dictatorship? Who is really in charge?

your bro and your old friend don't like your new attitude(s)...who do you value more, your clique or your brother and old friend?

Who do you want to be? You choose
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Anonymous #2
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That's what happens when you change yourself for the sake of popularity.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by errrr99)
is this a clique or a dictatorship? Who is really in charge?

your bro and your old friend don't like your new attitude(s)...who do you value more, your clique or your brother and old friend?

Who do you want to be? You choose
That's how they are. We only have people who share same views .

Tell me is there an issue in my attitude?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That's what happens when you change yourself for the sake of popularity.
Is this good for me including dating girls in this clique?
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Is this good for me including dating girls in this clique?
No. I'd you are Israeli, be proud of it! Stop self-hating. You're worth more than that
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errrr99
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That's how they are. We only have people who share same views .

Tell me is there an issue in my attitude?
(Original post by Anonymous)
Is this good for me including dating girls in this clique?
great questions but only you can answer the questions honestly (or possibly your brother/old friend)
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
No. I'd you are Israeli, be proud of it! Stop self-hating. You're worth more than that
I find it hard. I ve stayed with these people for like 4 years. If I leave I'll be friendless and lonely.
I have nobody who can tell me what you just said.
Or I guess I had but pushed it away.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by errrr99)
great questions but only you can answer the questions honestly (or possibly your brother/old friend)
What would you do if you were me?
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errrr99
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What would you do if you were me?
my strengths are not necessarily your strengths; my weaknesses are not yours either

a bit of loneliness can be helpful for self-growth and self-discovery, but make sure the timing is right (prepare yourself emotionally and mentally for a few weeks/months beforehand)...also have a plan for your self-growth. Learning is something to do alone and with structure e.g. if you have a course or something really intense to do, that can off-set loneliness.

evaluation of your relationships (including dating ones) is a great idea all the time -- you may be able to "remove" (kindly if possible) people who are not psychologically or emotionally at your level and find people who are more compatible with you...however your clique sounds a bit all-or-nothing which you may find restrictive at some point
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by errrr99)
my strengths are not necessarily your strengths; my weaknesses are not yours either

a bit of loneliness can be helpful for self-growth and self-discovery, but make sure the timing is right (prepare yourself emotionally and mentally for a few weeks/months beforehand)...also have a plan for your self-growth. Learning is something to do alone and with structure e.g. if you have a course or something really intense to do, that can off-set loneliness.

evaluation of your relationships (including dating ones) is a great idea all the time -- you may be able to "remove" (kindly if possible) people who are not psychologically or emotionally at your level and find people who are more compatible with you...however your clique sounds a bit all-or-nothing which you may find restrictive at some point
Thanks.

Do you think I should leave?
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Anonymous #1
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Will leaving the clique be good? For me?
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Will leaving the clique be good? For me?
Thats something for you to answer. Retrospectively speaking, I know the tradeoff decision between being acknowledged and liked by my peers, and being myself. I was literally in the same situation. My advice to you, is to behave like how you behave to your closest family and friends, as diverging from this would just mean you are trying to deceive yourself. And if people doesn't accept you, forget them, they can't do anything to you.

P.S: And from my perspective, I find it very cheap of your friend critising of your "fakeness" and maturity, as he clearly isn't mature enough to understand the internal struggle you face
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thats something for you to answer. Retrospectively speaking, I know the tradeoff decision between being acknowledged and liked by my peers, and being myself. I was literally in the same situation. My advice to you, is to behave like how you behave to your closest family and friends, as diverging from this would just mean you are trying to deceive yourself. And if people doesn't accept you, forget them, they can't do anything to you.

P.S: And from my perspective, I find it very cheap of your friend critising of your "fakeness" and maturity, as he clearly isn't mature enough to understand the internal struggle you face
With my family I'm myself. No problems there. My brother is so much better in dealing with himself. I just find it difficult

Do you think dating girls within this group can inevitably be detrimental?
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
With my family I'm myself. No problems there. My brother is so much better in dealing with himself. I just find it difficult

Do you think dating girls within this group can inevitably be detrimental?
If you are going to date someone, you should stop thinking about what group you or she is in. Are you dating someone for fun or as a sport, or are you actually doing it as you are interested in her. And no, of course it won't be detrimental. If you behave like yourself everything would be fine. Just make sure at the beginning, you try avoid or minimize any cultural quirk you may have as conflicting cultures between two people, may make it difficult to build a relationship
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks.

Do you think I should leave?
you could ask the woman in the clique who you are currently dating what she really thinks about the clique -- that way you do not need to make a decision, you learn to be vulnerable, and you may gain a more authentic friend/lover...but if she instead slanders you to the rest of the clique, then you leave automatically because you'll be banished. That's an exit plan for you
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errrr99
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errrr99 did not mean to post anonymously just now
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
you could ask the woman in the clique who you are currently dating what she really thinks about the clique -- that way you do not need to make a decision, you learn to be vulnerable, and you may gain a more authentic friend/lover...but if she instead slanders you to the rest of the clique, then you leave automatically because you'll be banished. That's an exit plan for you
She has no problems with the clique. Shes not Jewish or from Israel so there's no issue for her anyway.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
If you are going to date someone, you should stop thinking about what group you or she is in. Are you dating someone for fun or as a sport, or are you actually doing it as you are interested in her. And no, of course it won't be detrimental. If you behave like yourself everything would be fine. Just make sure at the beginning, you try avoid or minimize any cultural quirk you may have as conflicting cultures between two people, may make it difficult to build a relationship
I have to think because I'm asking questions on my identity issues and this clique is a reason for it
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errrr99
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(Original post by Anonymous)
She has no problems with the clique. Shes not Jewish or from Israel so there's no issue for her anyway.
from what you've told us, you seem to be in an antisemitic clique. If for any reason you leave your clique, nothing is stopping you from joining the Jewish society...I think you will find people who accept your true identity there
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