I've just started talking to a guy Watch

query64
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I'm 16 and I've never had a relationship before or even really spoken to anyone in that way. I met this guy online on my quick add so I replied to his story one day and we started talking. We've face timed twice now and we have a lot in common but I'm worrying I'm spending too much time talking to him. I'm in the middle of my A-levels and I'm very academic like love school and am always on top of my work, but I haven't spent any time revising or doing work for the past few days because I've wanted to talk to this guy. I am not behind but I also don't know how to say no to calling if I do genuinely want to call.

I have also never had a relationship before so am really stressed about meeting him, first kiss, first time etc. I've had absolutely no experience whereas he has. (he has an ex, had sex when he was 13 etc.) But also he said something last night about how "the first time is really painful for the girl" something I had even considered yet (like I've just met this guy) I'm worried he's almost expecting it considering he's had a relationship before which I'm fairly sure was intimate. I also don't know whether I like hi or are just excited because I'm talking to a guy.

I'm just very anxious about the whole situation and need some advice on first relationships, like meeting for the first time, first kisses, first time. IM SO SCARED OMG.
Last edited by query64; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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Not gonna comment on the rest, because relationships really aren't my forte, but a girl's first time should not really hurt- or hurt much at all- as long as you're sufficiently prepped for it. Don't let him take things faster than you're comfortable with.
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Rt6f
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As someone who was in your position a few years ago I would tell my younger self to just focus on my studies. Yes boys are exciting but missing an your university place for a relationship was the worst mistake I ever made because I was busy dating and having fun instad of studying. The relationship is now over and I am now working my butt off to enter a higher university for my masters but my Alevel grades have held me back more than I expected. You would be suprised how many internships factor in Alevel grades for choosing their interns. I did not fail but got Bs and Cs when I was expecting As.
You will have plenty of time to date and have sex in university.

Sex should not hurt if your partner is properely stimulating your body and using foreplay. I would also say to make sure you are ready to kiss or have sex. Just because he has experience does not mean you should rush yourself to make someone else happy. You might regret it.
Last edited by Rt6f; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #2
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I’m probably not the best person to be giving advice on the intimate side of things (eek) but otherwise I’ll chip in.

You’re talking to this guy and you like him. If he likes you back, he should understand that you’ve got to revise and study, A-levels are bloody tough! Do as much self-study in school, if you can, which would mean more time speaking with him afterwards. Or tell him, you’ve got work to do and you’ll speak to him later. Unless you plan on studying every night, don’t worry that he thinks you don’t talk enough. Plus, you’ve said yourself you’re an academic person, tell him you’re studying and then put your phone away for a while, or disconnect from WiFi or something so you’re not getting distracted. This way, you’ll finish revision quicker too!
It’s cool that you’ve face timed, and I know you’re not stupid but when you do meet up with him, meet up with friends.

All that first stuff, I’m in the same boat. But I’ve kinda got the gist from a few of my friends. First kiss- pretty rubbish, you’re probably not going to think much of it once it’s done. This isn’t the same for everyone, obviously, so you can still get excited. Don’t worry about not having experience, if he’s into you, it shouldn’t matter. And when it gets round to it, it’s your first time, so it’s going to hurt a little. But let’s put it this way, if sex hurt women so much, we wouldn’t keep doing it. Also, we may eventually push babies out of there, so...idk? Think of that maybe? It’s natural to be anxious with a person you’ve never met! And if something makes you uncomfortable, say so! Start off being honest with him, so you don’t regret things in the future. If he turns out to be an arse, you don’t need him! Haha, hope some of this helped. You’ll be grand! 😄
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(Original post by query64)
he ... had sex when he was 13 etc.
I'd stay away from someone like this but it's your call
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Surnia
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'd stay away from someone like this but it's your call
Agreed. There's no way to know if he is being honest or lying about the sex, but either way it's odd to bring it into the conversation this early. Plus the bit about it being painful first time makes him sound like he's preparing you for bad sex while he does what he wants.

How old is this guy meant to be, anyway? And do you really have a lot in common or are you giving away information that he is picking up on?

Best advice for your first relationship is to put it off for now and concentrate on your studies. It shouldn't be something that makes you scared and uncomfortable. Get some more life experience, learn how to be more relaxed talking to boys, and how to cut off anything you don't want to listen to or do.
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query64
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m probably not the best person to be giving advice on the intimate side of things (eek) but otherwise I’ll chip in.

You’re talking to this guy and you like him. If he likes you back, he should understand that you’ve got to revise and study, A-levels are bloody tough! Do as much self-study in school, if you can, which would mean more time speaking with him afterwards. Or tell him, you’ve got work to do and you’ll speak to him later. Unless you plan on studying every night, don’t worry that he thinks you don’t talk enough. Plus, you’ve said yourself you’re an academic person, tell him you’re studying and then put your phone away for a while, or disconnect from WiFi or something so you’re not getting distracted. This way, you’ll finish revision quicker too!
It’s cool that you’ve face timed, and I know you’re not stupid but when you do meet up with him, meet up with friends.

All that first stuff, I’m in the same boat. But I’ve kinda got the gist from a few of my friends. First kiss- pretty rubbish, you’re probably not going to think much of it once it’s done. This isn’t the same for everyone, obviously, so you can still get excited. Don’t worry about not having experience, if he’s into you, it shouldn’t matter. And when it gets round to it, it’s your first time, so it’s going to hurt a little. But let’s put it this way, if sex hurt women so much, we wouldn’t keep doing it. Also, we may eventually push babies out of there, so...idk? Think of that maybe? It’s natural to be anxious with a person you’ve never met! And if something makes you uncomfortable, say so! Start off being honest with him, so you don’t regret things in the future. If he turns out to be an arse, you don’t need him! Haha, hope some of this helped. You’ll be grand! 😄
Thanks so much, this was really helpful, It’s just loads of things telling me maybe I’m not ready for a relationship but at the same time maybe it’s just him? I wouldn’t know 😂 this was really great advice.
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query64
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(Original post by Surnia)
Agreed. There's no way to know if he is being honest or lying about the sex, but either way it's odd to bring it into the conversation this early. Plus the bit about it being painful first time makes him sound like he's preparing you for bad sex while he does what he wants.

How old is this guy meant to be, anyway? And do you really have a lot in common or are you giving away information that he is picking up on?

Best advice for your first relationship is to put it off for now and concentrate on your studies. It shouldn't be something that makes you scared and uncomfortable. Get some more life experience, learn how to be more relaxed talking to boys, and how to cut off anything you don't want to listen to or do.
Thanks so much, I think Ima try to let it be a bit for now I do need to focus on my studies I am not sure if I genuinely like him or am just wanting a relationship ?!
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query64
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Yeah I agree, I think I’ll focus on hopefully getting into med school (which I don’t see happening any time soon 😂)
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