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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for the advice 22KT22 and tea-cakes, I'm going to talk to my partner about it soon I think. When I'm the one always visiting him - which includes canceling social plans with friends over weekends, spending copious amounts of money on train fares, getting on a packed train on a Friday evening after a long, tiring day of university - and then when I'm told he can't visit me for the first time ever because he's 'a bit sick' (I've visited him twice while sick), I just get the feeling he's taking it for granted.

    It's strange how LDRs work very well if both sides are regularly communicating their issues to work through them, but I never realised how difficult it is to bring them up. I just get scared that if I express my disappointment in him and bring up an issue, he's going to take it the wrong way and break up with me, or something along those lines.

    Ah well, sorry for moaning anonymously; I would get involved with my actual username and all but my partner regularly skims through TSR and it wouldn't be nice to see this post here. Unfortunately I have no one else/no where else to talk to regarding the above issue, so...

    And three thumbs up for the people who have LDRs going strong
    This is something me and my boyfriend were discussing last night on the phone! We both agreed that things that would easily blow over in a normal relationship doesn't always feel like it will in an LDR, simply because of the distance; neither of you are there to reassure the person and things can always be taken the wrong way over the phone/internet/msn. I don't know if this is how you feel, and me and Ads haven't (thank god) had anything massive to worry about with each other, it was merely an observation. Either way, you should tell him how you feel, as little things can easily spiral out of control, and in an LDR you need to feel confident in how he feels about you for it to feel like it's worth it. I now it can be difficult saying things but you'll both feel better after you've said it xx
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    Hellooo
    I'm starting to get really down about my LDR, we've been together for a year and a half and have a distance of about 230 miles between us. I love him, a lot, and honestly couldn't imagine not being with him - when I think about not having him it actually hurts (apologies for the cheese there :p:).
    I am pretty sure he feels the same way. Our relationship was very intense for the first couple of months but its settled down nicely and when we're together it's as good as it's always been. However, we're not able to see each other as much as we'd like ('cause train companies are *****es and like to charge £68 per return journey ), but we do try and see each other at least once a month.
    We've always been able to deal with this as both of us are in it for the long run and know that it being an LDR will only really be until I go to uni next year. We are always talking on MSN, we talk on the phone a lot and if we're not online or on the phone we're texting each other :p:. As our relationship started out online it's been easier for us than I thought it would be.
    But recently... I don't know, somethings just been lacking when we speak. He doesn't text me unless prompted and the texts are a lot less affectionate than before. He's stopped phoning me on his way to work (which he used to do every other day) and I don't know.. its just weird.
    I suffer from depression and it is definitely worse during the winter months, and this year, now, it is especially bad. This is just adding to it, and though I keep telling myself its probably nothing, as I know he's under a lot of stress right now (money worries, his sleep pattern's a bit messed up atm, not liking his job etc) and obviously I can't expect him to be as intense as it was in the beginning. But I'm really stressing out and even as I type this, I'm crying. I'm considering speaking to him about it but its hard as the hours we're in work clash.

    I just want to know it's going to be okay, and to hear from people who understand, as I've tried talking to my mum but she's just like 'awww don't be silly!' and maybe I am being silly but it's so crap to feel like this.

    Sorry for the long rambling post :p:, its nice to get things out
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    (Original post by apassingfeeling)
    Hellooo
    I'm starting to get really down about my LDR, we've been together for a year and a half and have a distance of about 230 miles between us. I love him, a lot, and honestly couldn't imagine not being with him - when I think about not having him it actually hurts (apologies for the cheese there :p:).
    I am pretty sure he feels the same way. Our relationship was very intense for the first couple of months but its settled down nicely and when we're together it's as good as it's always been. However, we're not able to see each other as much as we'd like ('cause train companies are *****es and like to charge £68 per return journey ), but we do try and see each other at least once a month.
    We've always been able to deal with this as both of us are in it for the long run and know that it being an LDR will only really be until I go to uni next year. We are always talking on MSN, we talk on the phone a lot and if we're not online or on the phone we're texting each other :p:. As our relationship started out online it's been easier for us than I thought it would be.
    But recently... I don't know, somethings just been lacking when we speak. He doesn't text me unless prompted and the texts are a lot less affectionate than before. He's stopped phoning me on his way to work (which he used to do every other day) and I don't know.. its just weird.
    I suffer from depression and it is definitely worse during the winter months, and this year, now, it is especially bad. This is just adding to it, and though I keep telling myself its probably nothing, as I know he's under a lot of stress right now (money worries, his sleep pattern's a bit messed up atm, not liking his job etc) and obviously I can't expect him to be as intense as it was in the beginning. But I'm really stressing out and even as I type this, I'm crying. I'm considering speaking to him about it but its hard as the hours we're in work clash.

    I just want to know it's going to be okay, and to hear from people who understand, as I've tried talking to my mum but she's just like 'awww don't be silly!' and maybe I am being silly but it's so crap to feel like this.

    Sorry for the long rambling post :p:, its nice to get things out
    don't worry! this thread is purely for rambling and crying while doing it. :hugs: give him a bit more time, explain to him that you understand that he is stressed, but that his lack of affection is giving you a lot to worry about. if he understands how his behavior could legitimately affect you and promises to change it, great! if he doesn't, i would wait a bit longer anyway, but if it appeared to be dragging on i would let him go. :yep:
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    (Original post by curryADD)
    don't worry! this thread is purely for rambling and crying while doing it. :hugs: give him a bit more time, explain to him that you understand that he is stressed, but that his lack of affection is giving you a lot to worry about. if he understands how his behavior could legitimately affect you and promises to change it, great! if he doesn't, i would wait a bit longer anyway, but if it appeared to be dragging on i would let him go. :yep:
    :hugs: thank you
    I think I will just wait it out, I don't want to make him feel too.. whats the word... clinged on to :p:, by texting him loads and asking him whats up when the chances are (like my darling mother said ) he has no idea that there's anything wrong as "he's just a man"! I'm hoping that this depressing month of cold and rain will just pass quickly (although I do want my Christmas holidays to drag out a bit ) and that he sorts his sleeping out soon because I think that's making him feel worse than he needs to be.
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    Hi, I've not posted in this thread before either.
    I'm off to uni next year, as well as my boyfriend, but in different parts of the country, and we're 250 miles apart, approx 4-5 hours on the train.
    We've spoken about uni, and both have said that splitting up isn't even an answer, as we both want to be with each other no matter what, and have said at the end of the day, it's only a distance that a train journey away can take us
    I've looked at the thread and it seems to be good communication and regular visits are the key things. Communication will never be a problem as we talk everyday, and the visiting costs about £65, so budgetting for that and forward planning would mean we could see each other as much as we could afford too/were able too.
    I know it's going to be hard, but I think if we both want it so much, it will work But, i was wondering if I could have some advice on a few things:
    What sorts of things should I expect from a LDR?
    What advice could you give for a LDR?
    And, any other important/useful advice you could give me please.
    Thanks x
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    (Original post by juicyfruit)
    Hi, I've not posted in this thread before either.
    I'm off to uni next year, as well as my boyfriend, but in different parts of the country, and we're 250 miles apart, approx 4-5 hours on the train.
    We've spoken about uni, and both have said that splitting up isn't even an answer, as we both want to be with each other no matter what, and have said at the end of the day, it's only a distance that a train journey away can take us
    I've looked at the thread and it seems to be good communication and regular visits are the key things. Communication will never be a problem as we talk everyday, and the visiting costs about £65, so budgetting for that and forward planning would mean we could see each other as much as we could afford too/were able too.
    I know it's going to be hard, but I think if we both want it so much, it will work But, i was wondering if I could have some advice on a few things:
    What sorts of things should I expect from a LDR?
    What advice could you give for a LDR?
    And, any other important/useful advice you could give me please.
    Thanks x

    When I started mine, even though I knew it was going to be really hard, it hit me so badly. It was much harder than I thought. But I made sure that I knew the next time I'd see my boyfriend. I booked 2 sets of train tickets before he'd even left so that we both knew when we'd be seeing each other next.

    My advice would be to communicate as much as you can. Everyone likes a different amount of communication. Some people in this thread only chat to their partners every few days or sometimes longer but me and my boyfriend like to talk twice a day and we text in between. I like to ring him when I'm getting into bed as then we can chat about our day and fill each other in. This way we both feel really involved in each others lives and if something happens we're there for each other.
    A good thing about an LDR, I find, is that it brings you together more emotionally. You no longer have that physical side to things so chatting becomes more important and phone calls tend to be filled with more emotion. I feel so much closer to my boyfriend than I've ever felt before and we've been together for 18months.

    Over summer, I spent every moment I could with my boyfriend and we stayed over with each other nearly every single night. It makes it harder when they do eventually go but at the same time it's better to make the most of the time you have when you have it.
    You appreciate other so much more when you do see each other. All the texts and phone calls you have become accustomed to mean so much more when they're gone as that's what is making your relationship.

    If you both love each other and can see a future together, then the 3 years you are apart for university is nothing in the scheme of things. You do get used to it I have my moments when I miss him so much I can hardly function or I feel really lonely. Last night for example, my parents had gone out and so had my brother. I hadn't seen anyone all day and felt so lonely. But my boyfriend rang me up and we just chatted and I felt so much better. We promised each other we'd be there for one another when we needed it, no matter when. And I think that's important.

    You can make it work if you want it. But basically, communication is key. And you can take some positive things from an LDR, you'll become closer and appreciate each other more. So its now all bad really.

    Sorry for the long post. I hope it works out for you
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    (Original post by lucyhol1012)
    When I started mine, even though I knew it was going to be really hard, it hit me so badly. It was much harder than I thought. But I made sure that I knew the next time I'd see my boyfriend. I booked 2 sets of train tickets before he'd even left so that we both knew when we'd be seeing each other next.

    My advice would be to communicate as much as you can. Everyone likes a different amount of communication. Some people in this thread only chat to their partners every few days or sometimes longer but me and my boyfriend like to talk twice a day and we text in between. I like to ring him when I'm getting into bed as then we can chat about our day and fill each other in. This way we both feel really involved in each others lives and if something happens we're there for each other.
    A good thing about an LDR, I find, is that it brings you together more emotionally. You no longer have that physical side to things so chatting becomes more important and phone calls tend to be filled with more emotion. I feel so much closer to my boyfriend than I've ever felt before and we've been together for 18months.

    Over summer, I spent every moment I could with my boyfriend and we stayed over with each other nearly every single night. It makes it harder when they do eventually go but at the same time it's better to make the most of the time you have when you have it.
    You appreciate other so much more when you do see each other. All the texts and phone calls you have become accustomed to mean so much more when they're gone as that's what is making your relationship.

    If you both love each other and can see a future together, then the 3 years you are apart for university is nothing in the scheme of things. You do get used to it I have my moments when I miss him so much I can hardly function or I feel really lonely. Last night for example, my parents had gone out and so had my brother. I hadn't seen anyone all day and felt so lonely. But my boyfriend rang me up and we just chatted and I felt so much better. We promised each other we'd be there for one another when we needed it, no matter when. And I think that's important.

    You can make it work if you want it. But basically, communication is key. And you can take some positive things from an LDR, you'll become closer and appreciate each other more. So its now all bad really.

    Sorry for the long post. I hope it works out for you
    Thank you for taking time to reply to my post!
    Yes, I keep hearing that communication is the key, and to be honest, in our relationship, communication is probably one of the strongest things we have. I'm like you in a sense, as I speak to my boyfriend more then once throughout the day. We go to different schools, so realistically I only see him between 2 and 4 times a week, so the not seeing each other everyday makes it a little easier, as we already have the communication element there from not seeing each other all the time anyway.
    I know it'll be hard, but I really do see a future with him, and him with me, so it'll be worth it i'm sure.
    I had the idea of sending handwritten letters as well as the usual phone calls/texts/emails, thought it would be more personal Feel like we've already started preparing ourselves and what we can do to make the distance seem shorter!
    Do you find that by having bought tickets and arranged dates to see each other makes it easier? It seems by having something to look forward to would make it more special and knowing you can count down the days to see them, would make the time go quicker. Likewise, we've both thought about arranging visits home at the same times if we can, so to save money and see each other as we live quite close to each other.
    All of these little ideas and plans seem to make what I thought was extremely daunting at first, now by talking it through to my boyfriend, has made us feel closer just by doing that already!
    Do you think it gets easier as the time goes on? Seen as once you settle into uni, being away from everyone, do you get used too it slightly better?
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    (Original post by juicyfruit)
    Thank you for taking time to reply to my post!
    Yes, I keep hearing that communication is the key, and to be honest, in our relationship, communication is probably one of the strongest things we have. I'm like you in a sense, as I speak to my boyfriend more then once throughout the day. We go to different schools, so realistically I only see him between 2 and 4 times a week, so the not seeing each other everyday makes it a little easier, as we already have the communication element there from not seeing each other all the time anyway.
    I know it'll be hard, but I really do see a future with him, and him with me, so it'll be worth it i'm sure.
    I had the idea of sending handwritten letters as well as the usual phone calls/texts/emails, thought it would be more personal Feel like we've already started preparing ourselves and what we can do to make the distance seem shorter!
    Do you find that by having bought tickets and arranged dates to see each other makes it easier? It seems by having something to look forward to would make it more special and knowing you can count down the days to see them, would make the time go quicker. Likewise, we've both thought about arranging visits home at the same times if we can, so to save money and see each other as we live quite close to each other.
    All of these little ideas and plans seem to make what I thought was extremely daunting at first, now by talking it through to my boyfriend, has made us feel closer just by doing that already!
    Do you think it gets easier as the time goes on? Seen as once you settle into uni, being away from everyone, do you get used too it slightly better?
    No. Not one tiny bit, in my opinion. Though as my guy and I reckon, any time it starts getting easier, we know that things are going wrong.

    Things to expect from an LDR: They're hard. The distance, with my relationship, isn't an issue in the sense of us splitting up; there's no question of that in either of our minds, at all. But it's wearing, and it's painful. Wise, wise people who advised me when ?I first got into an LDR told me that nobody wants an LDR, but it's a case of having whatever little you can get, instead of not having them at all. You can stand the separation, but only because you couldn't stand not being with them.

    Sorry, that's quite negative; normally I'm like yeh LDRs are okay, we're coping fine, but this last week is going to drag and the separation is really starting to get to my boy and I.
    LDRs have upsides, definitely. The thrill you get when they meet you off the train... the constant amazement when you're with them that they're actually there, that they're pysical, not just a voice on the end of a phone, or an image on your screen...I never get over that, and I hope evenwhen my LDR is over, I'll hold that in my heart forever, and neve forget to appreciate it.

    The leaving, in my opinion though, gets worse. Th original sepaeration is heartbreaking but you're full of positivity..but it gets wearing, that each tiem you're reunited, you're split up again. Each day I realise that I love him more and more [sorry, cheese!] and so each time we're separated from each other...
    my boy's found that he can't even stop to watch my train go out anymore, soon as I'm sat, he leaves the platform; when I drop him off at the train station, I watch him go trhoughh the barrier and I turn and walk away, without looking back. We just can't bear to.

    But everyone reacts differently, it depends how close you are, what your communication is like etc etc. Expect it to be very different, and make sure you can communicate with your partner. About little things like what you had for dinner, but also about big things. If you're getting jealous, or beginninbg to doubt how much they love you or anything, tell them. Talk about it, otherwise your brain will start developing little conspiracies etc etc, when really nothings changed.

    Good luck. Ultimately, they're rewarding...and in all honesty, the pros and cons really don't matter one bit; I couldn't not be with my boy, so at the end of the day, it's the only option available to us.
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    (Original post by fredscarecrow)
    No. Not one tiny bit, in my opinion. Though as my guy and I reckon, any time it starts getting easier, we know that things are going wrong.

    Things to expect from an LDR: They're hard. The distance, with my relationship, isn't an issue in the sense of us splitting up; there's no question of that in either of our minds, at all. But it's wearing, and it's painful. Wise, wise people who advised me when ?I first got into an LDR told me that nobody wants an LDR, but it's a case of having whatever little you can get, instead of not having them at all. You can stand the separation, but only because you couldn't stand not being with them.

    Sorry, that's quite negative; normally I'm like yeh LDRs are okay, we're coping fine, but this last week is going to drag and the separation is really starting to get to my boy and I.
    LDRs have upsides, definitely. The thrill you get when they meet you off the train... the constant amazement when you're with them that they're actually there, that they're pysical, not just a voice on the end of a phone, or an image on your screen...I never get over that, and I hope evenwhen my LDR is over, I'll hold that in my heart forever, and neve forget to appreciate it.

    The leaving, in my opinion though, gets worse. Th original sepaeration is heartbreaking but you're full of positivity..but it gets wearing, that each tiem you're reunited, you're split up again. Each day I realise that I love him more and more [sorry, cheese!] and so each time we're separated from each other...
    my boy's found that he can't even stop to watch my train go out anymore, soon as I'm sat, he leaves the platform; when I drop him off at the train station, I watch him go trhoughh the barrier and I turn and walk away, without looking back. We just can't bear to.

    But everyone reacts differently, it depends how close you are, what your communication is like etc etc. Expect it to be very different, and make sure you can communicate with your partner. About little things like what you had for dinner, but also about big things. If you're getting jealous, or beginninbg to doubt how much they love you or anything, tell them. Talk about it, otherwise your brain will start developing little conspiracies etc etc, when really nothings changed.

    Good luck. Ultimately, they're rewarding...and in all honesty, the pros and cons really don't matter one bit; I couldn't not be with my boy, so at the end of the day, it's the only option available to us.
    I can absolutely see your point on that, I really can. I guess when you think about it, it really doesn't get easier. But I really agree that, if it means staying together, it is so worth it, it's better then not having them at all.

    How do you get around the financial issue of train costs whilst on a student budget? I'm really good at budgeting and do it already even though I'm not even at uni yet. I thought about saving up in the summer for tickets in advance, and then putting aside some money each week or month towards the train fares, and buying the tickets in advance if they come up cheaper. Would i be right in thinking that would be a good way to budget for it?

    I definately feel like I can talk to my boy about whatever is wrong, he can always tell if there's something bothering me, even if we're only talking on the phone. So, I don't feel that would be to much of an issue either, but definately sounds like a good idea to talk about the problem before it developed into something worse.

    Thank you for your advice!
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    My boy and I aren't very good at budgeting :o: if I'm honest.
    I know some people have a collectve kitty..like a bank account that you both feed money into now and then which can serve as either an emergency fund [because there will be times when you're not supposed to see each other for say...6 weeks, and you get 4 weeks through and you just have to see them] or it could be used for whoever is making the journey uses the money form that pot..that way both of you are paying for the journeys.

    Otherwise, if you have a job or whatever, perhaps put aside £15 [or whatever] a week, purely for travel expenses?
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    (Original post by juicyfruit)
    I can absolutely see your point on that, I really can. I guess when you think about it, it really doesn't get easier. But I really agree that, if it means staying together, it is so worth it, it's better then not having them at all.

    How do you get around the financial issue of train costs whilst on a student budget? I'm really good at budgeting and do it already even though I'm not even at uni yet. I thought about saving up in the summer for tickets in advance, and then putting aside some money each week or month towards the train fares, and buying the tickets in advance if they come up cheaper. Would i be right in thinking that would be a good way to budget for it?

    I definately feel like I can talk to my boy about whatever is wrong, he can always tell if there's something bothering me, even if we're only talking on the phone. So, I don't feel that would be to much of an issue either, but definately sounds like a good idea to talk about the problem before it developed into something worse.

    Thank you for your advice!

    Yeah I agree, it doesn't get easier. However, I'm in a 5 week stint of not seeing my boyfriend. It's the longest we've gone. The first week was horrific for me, everything made me upset but now its 10 days till he's home and I know its not long till I'll see him so its kind of easier. Plus he's being so so perfect at the moment

    I have a student railcard. They cost £24 and take 30% off the journey. I travel from Preston up to St.Andrews and it only costs me £47 for an open return. I have a set date to go out and can return any time within the month.
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    (Original post by fredscarecrow)
    My boy and I aren't very good at budgeting :o: if I'm honest.
    I know some people have a collectve kitty..like a bank account that you both feed money into now and then which can serve as either an emergency fund [because there will be times when you're not supposed to see each other for say...6 weeks, and you get 4 weeks through and you just have to see them] or it could be used for whoever is making the journey uses the money form that pot..that way both of you are paying for the journeys.

    Otherwise, if you have a job or whatever, perhaps put aside £15 [or whatever] a week, purely for travel expenses?
    Hmm for us, i think the idea of putting money into the account would end more trouble then it's worth, as I know one of us would end up putting in more or something, then the other would feel guilty lol!
    For me, I like the idea of putting money aside each week, and yes I would definitely be getting a part time job for a few hours in the week, definitely will need one!
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    (Original post by lucyhol1012)
    Yeah I agree, it doesn't get easier. However, I'm in a 5 week stint of not seeing my boyfriend. It's the longest we've gone. The first week was horrific for me, everything made me upset but now its 10 days till he's home and I know its not long till I'll see him so its kind of easier. Plus he's being so so perfect at the moment

    I have a student railcard. They cost £24 and take 30% off the journey. I travel from Preston up to St.Andrews and it only costs me £47 for an open return. I have a set date to go out and can return any time within the month.
    Ohh :hugs:
    I think for me, we'd probably be able to see each other every 3 or 4 weeks financially, hopefully more, but that's what seems most likely.
    I have a student railcard already, they're really good value, I've already saved over the amount I actually paid for one already!
    Oh that's good, so you can get tickets which mean you can travel back on a non issued date, that would be really good! I will definitely look into that
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    (Original post by lucyhol1012)
    Yeah I agree, it doesn't get easier. However, I'm in a 5 week stint of not seeing my boyfriend. It's the longest we've gone. The first week was horrific for me, everything made me upset but now its 10 days till he's home and I know its not long till I'll see him so its kind of easier. Plus he's being so so perfect at the moment

    I have a student railcard. They cost £24 and take 30% off the journey. I travel from Preston up to St.Andrews and it only costs me £47 for an open return. I have a set date to go out and can return any time within the month.
    Ohh :hugs:

    I think for me, we'd probably be able to see each other every 3 weeks, or at least once per month financially, hopefully more, but that's what seems most likely.
    I have a student railcard already, they're really good value, I've already saved over the amount I actually paid for one already!
    Oh that's good, so you can get tickets which mean you can travel back on a non issued date, that would be really good! I will definitely look into that Thanks!
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    (Original post by juicyfruit)
    Ohh :hugs:

    I think for me, we'd probably be able to see each other every 3 weeks, or at least once per month financially, hopefully more, but that's what seems most likely.
    I have a student railcard already, they're really good value, I've already saved over the amount I actually paid for one already!
    Oh that's good, so you can get tickets which mean you can travel back on a non issued date, that would be really good! I will definitely look into that Thanks!

    When he first went, we had 2 weeks apart and then I spent a weekend with him. Then it was 3 weeks apart and it was my half term so I went to stay for 9 days and then I had just a week to wait and he was home for reading week. But that ended on the 16th of November and he's home on the 17th. So yeah the longest time. But I find that the last week of your period of not seeing your partner is easier, mainly because of the fact you know its only a week till their home and you can busy yourself getting ready to see them and stuff

    The key is to keep yourself busy and make sure you have lots to tell him when you speak on the phone.

    As for your question before about having arranged dates. Yes. It makes it so much easier. It really gives you something to look forward to and something that you can enjoy the idea of and plan for.
    Me and my boyfriend have had a holiday for this Christmas booked since August and it's something that we've both been able to look forward to since he left.
    I think it's important that when you say goodbye, you both know when you'll be seeing each other next. That for me makes it easier as I know exactly when he'll be home or when I'll see him
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    (Original post by juicyfruit)
    Hi, I've not posted in this thread before either.
    I'm off to uni next year, as well as my boyfriend, but in different parts of the country, and we're 250 miles apart, approx 4-5 hours on the train.
    We've spoken about uni, and both have said that splitting up isn't even an answer, as we both want to be with each other no matter what, and have said at the end of the day, it's only a distance that a train journey away can take us
    I've looked at the thread and it seems to be good communication and regular visits are the key things. Communication will never be a problem as we talk everyday, and the visiting costs about £65, so budgetting for that and forward planning would mean we could see each other as much as we could afford too/were able too.
    I know it's going to be hard, but I think if we both want it so much, it will work But, i was wondering if I could have some advice on a few things:
    What sorts of things should I expect from a LDR?
    What advice could you give for a LDR?
    And, any other important/useful advice you could give me please.
    Thanks x
    My boy and i are a bit further apart than you are, we try to see each other every 3 weeks or so but that varies according to how rich/poor we are and studies. Always know when you're next gonna see him, so you have something to look forward to and you can count down the days! I would advise getting a 16-25 railcard for a start!! Thats a third off all rail fares, i save about £20 every time I go to see my boy, and book as early in advance as poss cos thats cheaper too.

    Only having been LDRing for about 3 months, so a bit of a noob really but i have learnt that somtimes you can't talk to each other 24/7 and thats something you have to accept. But its also means sacrifice, some you dont go out and you have a chat with the boy instead, and you have to know its worth it all. Sometimes you feel like crap cos you can't talk to him, he's busy out and you just think oh whats the point but then you just deal with it and you talk to him again and its ok Also space and trust is seriously important. You need to give him his space, (and vice versa) and don't start jumping to conclusions if you like see a picture on facebook with him and another girl, you just have to trust him. Also tell each other how much you mean every day, a bit of reassurance is always needed when times are hard.

    Also writing letters is one of the nicest things that LDRs allow, you can read them whenever you feel a bit Also keep a t-shirt or hoodie of his that he has worn, something that smells of him you can keep with you, it really helps

    There will always be times when you doubt whether it is working or not, but equally there will be ones where you think helll yeah we can do this, as cheesy as it sounds you just have to pull through and know in your heart that its all worth it.

    This was a bit long, somebody may have already said this stuff but hope it was a bit helpful!

    xxxxx
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    (Original post by juicyfruit)
    Hi, I've not posted in this thread before either.
    I'm off to uni next year, as well as my boyfriend, but in different parts of the country, and we're 250 miles apart, approx 4-5 hours on the train.
    We've spoken about uni, and both have said that splitting up isn't even an answer, as we both want to be with each other no matter what, and have said at the end of the day, it's only a distance that a train journey away can take us
    I've looked at the thread and it seems to be good communication and regular visits are the key things. Communication will never be a problem as we talk everyday, and the visiting costs about £65, so budgetting for that and forward planning would mean we could see each other as much as we could afford too/were able too.
    I know it's going to be hard, but I think if we both want it so much, it will work But, i was wondering if I could have some advice on a few things:
    What sorts of things should I expect from a LDR?
    What advice could you give for a LDR?
    And, any other important/useful advice you could give me please.
    Thanks x

    What sorts of things should I expect from a LDR?
    - Personally... I didn't realise just how hard it can be sometimes. I've been in an LDR for a year and a half and its absolutely amazing when we're together (and visiting costs me about £65 too, it sucks! Although if you're going south - north like I am, http://www.nationalexpresseastcoast.com/birthday is doing a £5 fares special which will help me a lot!) but when we're not... my emotions get all over the place, especially after its been a while - I go from just plain sad to depressed to envious and finally angry about all the couples I see in college who get to be together every single day and especially about those who have petty arguments as they don't realise what they've got and how I would just kill to be able to see my boyfriend for even an hour every day like they do.
    - You absolutely need to make sure that you keep in contact regularly, if you don't I doubt an LDR will last that long. It can be so frustrating only keeping in contact via MSN and texts as there is so much that can be left up to interpretation. For example, in the past when one of us has been a bit down or just merely busy, replies on MSN can be a bit 'short' or whatever and I used to read so much into it and beat myself up over why he'd not be as talkative as usual, but to be honest there are so many factors as to why stuff like that can be different than usual. I never thought i'd be one of those girls who are like 'oh my God he only left one kiss at the end of a text message, why? ' but i'm sorry to say that sometimes I am like that, and I annoy myself :p:
    - You have to be completely secure in your love for one another, and trust each other completely. Without that, it will be so easy for your relationship to fall apart. My bf has recently started a new job and I've been to where he works and I know there's some good looking girls that work there. I get jealous quite easily (which is bad but i'm working on it!) but its not worth it, there will always be pretty girls around and as long as there's not a problem when youre together (like as long as he's not eyeing up/flirting with other girls when you're with him) just remind yourself you have nothing to worry about. At the end of the day, he's with you and that's all that matters. Plus, I also tell myself that it's no different to when I see someone that's attractive and have that fleeting moment where I think 'he's hot!'. Doesn't mean a thing and it's over in about 2 seconds!


    What advice could you give for a LDR?
    Stick at it.
    There have been times when I've thought 'This is so hard and I don't think I can do it anymore) and I know my bf has thought the same in the past. It is hard, but if you truly love each other and you want to be together, you will find a way to make it work.

    Good luck!



    P.S ... I posted yesterday about there being a lack of ... 'something' when my boyfriend and I talk, and that he was being less affectionate than usual, but when I got home last night I had an offline message on MSN saying 'I love you so much xxx ' and it still makes me smile. So also make sure your boyfriend knows how much he means to you!
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    (Original post by fredscarecrow)
    My boy and I aren't very good at budgeting :o: if I'm honest.
    I know some people have a collectve kitty..like a bank account that you both feed money into now and then which can serve as either an emergency fund [because there will be times when you're not supposed to see each other for say...6 weeks, and you get 4 weeks through and you just have to see them] or it could be used for whoever is making the journey uses the money form that pot..that way both of you are paying for the journeys.

    Otherwise, if you have a job or whatever, perhaps put aside £15 [or whatever] a week, purely for travel expenses?
    I have no idea why I haven't thought of this before and it quite astounds me how simple this idea is haha... i've always been like 'oh i have no money to go and see him ' but I get enough every month from my job to at least make one trip every month, so I don't know why I haven't thought of it before. Thank you!
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    (Original post by apassingfeeling)
    What sorts of things should I expect from a LDR?
    - Personally... I didn't realise just how hard it can be sometimes. I've been in an LDR for a year and a half and its absolutely amazing when we're together (and visiting costs me about £65 too, it sucks! Although if you're going south - north like I am, http://www.nationalexpresseastcoast.com/birthday is doing a £5 fares special which will help me a lot!) but when we're not... my emotions get all over the place, especially after its been a while - I go from just plain sad to depressed to envious and finally angry about all the couples I see in college who get to be together every single day and especially about those who have petty arguments as they don't realise what they've got and how I would just kill to be able to see my boyfriend for even an hour every day like they do.
    - You absolutely need to make sure that you keep in contact regularly, if you don't I doubt an LDR will last that long. It can be so frustrating only keeping in contact via MSN and texts as there is so much that can be left up to interpretation. For example, in the past when one of us has been a bit down or just merely busy, replies on MSN can be a bit 'short' or whatever and I used to read so much into it and beat myself up over why he'd not be as talkative as usual, but to be honest there are so many factors as to why stuff like that can be different than usual. I never thought i'd be one of those girls who are like 'oh my God he only left one kiss at the end of a text message, why? ' but i'm sorry to say that sometimes I am like that, and I annoy myself :p:
    - You have to be completely secure in your love for one another, and trust each other completely. Without that, it will be so easy for your relationship to fall apart. My bf has recently started a new job and I've been to where he works and I know there's some good looking girls that work there. I get jealous quite easily (which is bad but i'm working on it!) but its not worth it, there will always be pretty girls around and as long as there's not a problem when youre together (like as long as he's not eyeing up/flirting with other girls when you're with him) just remind yourself you have nothing to worry about. At the end of the day, he's with you and that's all that matters. Plus, I also tell myself that it's no different to when I see someone that's attractive and have that fleeting moment where I think 'he's hot!'. Doesn't mean a thing and it's over in about 2 seconds!


    What advice could you give for a LDR?
    Stick at it.
    There have been times when I've thought 'This is so hard and I don't think I can do it anymore) and I know my bf has thought the same in the past. It is hard, but if you truly love each other and you want to be together, you will find a way to make it work.

    Good luck!



    P.S ... I posted yesterday about there being a lack of ... 'something' when my boyfriend and I talk, and that he was being less affectionate than usual, but when I got home last night I had an offline message on MSN saying 'I love you so much xxx ' and it still makes me smile. So also make sure your boyfriend knows how much he means to you!

    £65? wow. is your boyfriend at uni then? and if so where?
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    (Original post by pinkaliengoo)
    £65? wow. is your boyfriend at uni then? and if so where?
    He graduated about two weeks ago He went to Teesside, and he still lives in Middlesbrough now. He's said that he wants to move next year though and he did say it'll be to wherever I go to uni. I'm hoping to be going to Sheffield next year and I looked today and even if he's still in Middlesbrough there's a train that goes from Sheffield to there and takes like 25 minutes (and should most definitely be cheaper than £65!!)... v.pleased

    Edit: Oh I just saw that you are at Sheffield haha
 
 
 
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