The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

Hey people
Feeling kinda low at the moment... I won't go into specifics as I posted here not long ago complaining but ugh... it feels like we're not communicating as well as we usually do, and there doesn't seem to be anything 'up' with him, its just like I'm forcing conversation when he doesn't want to talk...
Now i'm fretting that I'm coming off as really self-involved by talking about myself too much, but when I ask him questions about himself it feels so awkward and he doesn't just start it himself. Bah.

Hey, i get this even though I'm not in a LDR. Its just if im at college all day and hes at work all day theres not actually much we've done to talk about. Whereas face to face you talk about random crap, it doesn't come across the same over the phone or msn sometimes. Don't fret at all!

Hi guys, not looked at this thread before but wondered if you could give me some advice, and reassurance providing it's not leading to false hope.

At the beginning of October I started seeing someone in their third year, who will be graduating in June. He lives in Malaysia, which is quite literally the other side of the globe. So far I am dealing with the Christmas holiday fairly well even though communication is quite infrequent (he doesn't have access to the internet much as he travels). I am basically getting worried on a daily basis that he will break up with me when he graduates. He is moving to London, which isn't that far from our Uni (Cambridge), but at the same time it's not close either and still a big hassle.

When is the best time to ask him if he thinks there's a possibility of us carrying on as a LDR after he graduates? I know it's early days, but basically, I don't want to make a large emotional investment to only find I get dumped in June, or over the holidays shortly after. I was thinking maybe asking him in March just before the Easter holidays, just so I've got the holidays to help get over him if we do have to break up. I'm not trying to 'trap him' into going out with me, but I'm still craving some kind of indication as to whether he might be interested in carrying it on after June or not.

It's a bit of a worry, as his bases will be Malaysia and London (he's going to Uni in London), and mine will be South Wales and Cambridge .

Any advice on how to keep him? I send him a lot of facebook messages telling him I miss him, which he has said he likes, but I can't tell if I'm smoothering him and seeming clingy. (Thing is, I think I am. If I like someone, I want constant contact with them, even if they can't reply to me straight away).

Tips much appreciated. I would really like to make this work but can't force him.

Please quote me if you repond.

I'm the exactly that way at first! I think you should wait a little longer before you approach the subject though. Yes, it will cause you to become more emotionally involved without reassurance, but it will cause the same thing to happen to him (granted he has a heart, because you sound like a really sweet guy). He might be feeling similar anxiety, who began the relationship? I mean, he's probably thinking about you being at uni, which is a very "active" social environment.

I hope you have good luck, and feel free to drop a pm if you're feeling a bit anxious...I've been through a very similar situation before.

It also frustrates me that I can't call him because he's so far away. He comes on facebook chat or MSN about once a week or so but that's about it. Wish I could phone him. Not sure I should be this attached because it's only been 2 and a bit months.

Thanks for your help, has made me feel a little better. I'm not sure who started the relationship exactly, but I would say it was probably him that initiated it. But saying that, I know a lot of people who have initiated relationships and then dumped their partners. What worries me is that he's also said he is the one that usually does the dumping in his relationships. I am confident that he likes me, but not entirely sure if he likes me on the same level I like him, or whether he's one of those people that is able to cope with the idea of a short-term relationship that has a finite length.

He's also staying in the bedroom of his ex-boyfriend over New Year in Berlin, which niggles me. Am confident he won't cheat but in many respects that doesn't seem the point. I would just prefer it was me with him. He's asked me to go on holiday with him at Easter, but it isn't as big a step as it sounds because he literally travels all over the world all of the time.

Just worried he's going to be the one who decides we shouldn't carry it on passed uni. Though we're both quite masculine, he is probably the 'man' in the relationship, and it's usually the men that get bored quicker or want change. Pantsness of the shire.

Love can happen quickly, and you're perfectly within your right to like him a "little too much" than is deemed by society. To be honest, I don't feel like "actual love" gets very much representation in media, etc. It's natural to feel the way you do, and I know it's hard to be brave, but maybe you should tell him how you feel. He may be feeling the same way, and then you can more confidently (at least) go ahead in the relationship feeling a bit more secure. What's he like? It might make advice a little easier.

I'm not entirely sure if I love him but it's probably going to get there soon. Though I know he quite likes me, I'm not really sure he feels that strongly. I think about him all the time every day, but not entirely convinced he does the same. I can't easily explain it, but I feel that while I am thinking about him, he's probably busy doing something or socialising or just generally not thinking about me as much as I am about him.

Would probably wait for him to say he loved me first. He's the confident one and he doesn't really have a problem with saying things if he wants. He's also incredibly secure which doesn't make me feel that great. But then he's incredibly good looking and muscular whereas I'm slim and hardly even toned. So he gets a lot of attention. Which is poo. Especially when he's visiting a RECENT ex who he himself said 'if I hadn't met you i'd probably still be doing stuff with him'. They only broke up because his ex was going to Berlin for the year. My bf isn't specifically going to visit just him as there's a whole group of them out there, but I still am not keen on him sharing a room even if he's on the floor. Part of me thinks is there absolutely NOWHERE else in the flat that he can sleep? I wouldn't normally worry, but he ex is fitter than me, and also a very nice person with an attractive personality, AND they only broke up in June. Poo. Help. lol-ish.

I'm not entirely sure if I love him but it's probably going to get there soon. Though I know he quite likes me, I'm not really sure he feels that strongly. I think about him all the time every day, but not entirely convinced he does the same. I can't easily explain it, but I feel that while I am thinking about him, he's probably busy doing something or socialising or just generally not thinking about me as much as I am about him.

Would probably wait for him to say he loved me first. He's the confident one and he doesn't really have a problem with saying things if he wants. He's also incredibly secure which doesn't make me feel that great. But then he's incredibly good looking and muscular whereas I'm slim and hardly even toned. So he gets a lot of attention. Which is poo. Especially when he's visiting a RECENT ex who he himself said 'if I hadn't met you i'd probably still be doing stuff with him'. They only broke up because his ex was going to Berlin for the year. My bf isn't specifically going to visit just him as there's a whole group of them out there, but I still am not keen on him sharing a room even if he's on the floor. Part of me thinks is there absolutely NOWHERE else in the flat that he can sleep? I wouldn't normally worry, but he ex is fitter than me, and also a very nice person with an attractive personality, AND they only broke up in June. Poo. Help. lol-ish.

Hi is anyone else in an LDR during uni holidays?
I get to see my Boyfriend everyday at uni, but now I won't see him for 4 weeks, I know its not long really, but I miss him so much already , and it's only been 2 days! Any advice?

Hi is anyone else in an LDR during uni holidays?
I get to see my Boyfriend everyday at uni, but now I won't see him for 4 weeks, I know its not long really, but I miss him so much already , and it's only been 2 days! Any advice?

please keep annon cause i know people on here and this sounds a bit silly...

but anyway basically me and BF been in LDR for nearly 5 months, but when we got togetaher i was about a stone lighter. But there have been huge gaps between seeing him lol (7 weeks and 5 weeks) and i have been away / wroking and am aware i have put on a bit of weight, although everyone else says you cannot notice it. But do you think i BF who had'nt seen their g/f for a while would notice? he's not the shallow type, but i still worry he'l be like "woahhhh fatty!" lol. even though he would never actually say that, you know what i mean. Anyone else worry about this?? I try to lose weight and control my wieght but i get so hungry .

Lol. Anyone else ever feel like this?

I can see where you're coming from. My boyfriend is coming home tomorrow after being away for 5 weeks and part of me is worried something in me will have changed and he won't like me as much anymore.
But deep down I know that because he loves me it won't matter. I think if your boyfriend does really love you, a stone in weight won't matter in the slightest. You know what boys are like, he might not even notice.
And if he isn't the shallow type I definitely don't think you have anything to be worried about
Just take it as it comes, when you see him don't bring it up and if he does say something then challenge him because that's not fair.
I'm sure it'll be fine though, really. He loves you and I honestly think that'll make it okay